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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is being horny tons of times a day normal?
Q. Hello. Just wondering if being horny tons of times is normal. Ever since i turned 13 I've been getting horny urges. They were laxed originally but as i got to about 18 they started to become very abundant. My estimate (because i don't keep track...
A. 23 May 2014: If you mean that you have spontaneous erections 3 to 5 times a day, that's normal, in fact it is even less than average, maybe, for someone your age.
If instead you masturbated every time, 3 / 5 times a day , I'd tell you to slow down. Mast... (read in full...)
I'm engaged but don't want to get married or have kids! Do I break things off?
Q. I've been engaged for a couple of months now. My boyfriend and I had talked about marriage vaguely before, and, as I love him to bits, I had always been positive towards it. It didn't feel like a serious discussion, so I hadn't really thought about ...
A. 23 May 2014: Good point Fatherly Advice .
Tbh, it sounds like what you want " forever " is the security of having beside you someone who loves you and adores you... but that you could also ditch without too many formalities, at the drop of a hat,if the mood... (read in full...)
My husband's father insists of making dinner for us every week! How do we deal with the problems with that?
Q. So here goes... My husband's father is a very large man whose in poor health. My mother in law and husband treat the time with him as precious. He could go at any time from a heart attack. We can see his health declining every week. He can ...
A. 23 May 2014: Ok, let's try more different approaches :
1 ) Compassion. It is my favourite one, and don't think I don't feel your pain, I am squeamish about hygiene and a bit particular about my food ...but, the man is a goner, OP ! His days are numb... (read in full...)
We had a great relationship, but there's his ex, the porn, the depression -- did I do something wrong?
Q. I have never used a site like this before but I really need clear level headed advice on this, I feel so blocked up I cannot tell what I feel anymore.. I am going to try to make this very short.. basically in 2011 I got with my boyfriend, I tho...
A. 23 May 2014: I, instead, am usually rather quick with the " dump him, move on " advice, but it's not knee jerk at all , at least in my case. It comes from experience, observation, reflection and rational evaluation, which brought me to the conclusion which ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend drinking too much?
Q. I have a question about my girfriend. I think for a woman she drinks quite a bit. I am not a big drinker, may be that's why for me it seems like a lot. She ussualy goes between 7-10 drinks a week. She doesn't drink every day, but when she is out w...
A. 23 May 2014: From a medical standpoint, women should not exceed 7 drinks in a week and never exceed 3 drinks in a single day - women start developping health related problems linked to alcohool consumption from a lower intake level than men ( liver disease, ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to express his love for me? He and his family withdrew the marriage proposal because of my health!
Q. Hi Agony aunts there, I met a guy a month ago through matrimonial site for marriage alliance.he is 6 years elder to me,both our families met and we both liked each other.After our meet he pinged me in Facebook and we were having short conversa...
A. 22 May 2014: And he's perfectly right to cross a boundary and not declare his love for you, what would it be the point ? To waste your time, and make you fall even deeper when he knows this is going absolutely nowhere ? In fact if he were a decent guy, he'd ... (read in full...)
Any rocker girl band love song ideas?
Q. I need help with a small problem. My boyfriend and I have a cute little thing going where we tell each other to look up cute love songs and then add them to a playlist we have on Grooveshark. He has to look up songs by guy bands and I have to look ...
A. 22 May 2014: If it does not have to be contemporary, I 'd go with " Landslide " in the Dixie Chicks ' version. ( The original was Stevie Nicks's, I think ).... (read in full...)
We got close at a bad time . But I do still really want to be friends with him. What should I do?
Q. I'm do down I don't know what to do For the first time in 8 months my ex friend acknowledged me by saying morning and at a friends party shook my hand The problem was we got close at a bad time - he was splitting with a girl who made him miserab...
A. 22 May 2014: I think that what you should do and what you CAN do for once coincide, i.e. there's nothing much you can do other than keeping your cool, being on your best behhaviour, not chasing after him, and being always civil , polite, even smiling if you ... (read in full...)
I told her I liked her and pushed too hard, but I still want to sort things out
Q. Hi, bit of a long complicated situation. So a while back I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and she was super cool about it but told me that she didn't feel the same way. We still remained friends but I always felt I ...
A. 22 May 2014: Edit : It should read :" probably she wanted to feel... she did not have to make your crush HER problem ".... (read in full...)
I told her I liked her and pushed too hard, but I still want to sort things out
Q. Hi, bit of a long complicated situation. So a while back I told one of my friends that I liked her as more than a friend and she was super cool about it but told me that she didn't feel the same way. We still remained friends but I always felt I ...
A. 22 May 2014: Let it go. What do you want to sort out ? basically, there was nothing to sort out to begin with.
The long and the short of it, is that you had a crush on this girl, and she did not feel the same and she got another bf. Which, you ,und... (read in full...)
How can I get him to let his guard down?
Q. Long story short as possible. I could really use some advice/encouraging words. My boyfriend (ex, I should say) have been together 4 years. Things towards the end started to go bad. We've basically been on and off the last 4 months. One minute we're ...
A. 22 May 2014: That you were / are / are going to be used for sex may be the WRONG assumption on our side, but from what you wrote us, I must say it sounds like a very logical assumption.
You say you can still feel the love / passion when you get toge... (read in full...)
Second thoughts about lending my son money
Q. My son had been saving for a new car, in the past I have paid for his cars and spent a lot of money on them for him since he passed his test about 7 years ago. This time he has been saving for his own but we saw a very nice car and I did say I will ...
A. 22 May 2014: I would lend him the money instead and you know why ? Because you knew about the background and the freaky gf etc., yet you volunteered anyway to help him out with a loan. You promised him something, and now you should deliver. I think it's a ... (read in full...)
Can we move from FWB to something more?
Q. This question is probably directed more towards the guys. I am pretty sure I already know my answer but I need a second opinion. Here it goes. I've known this guy for about 3 years now. We have been more of a friends with benefits situation since ...
A. 21 May 2014: I think too that if he had wanted to upgrade you to something more than FWB, he had 3 years to do it , plenty of time. I think he's happy with the status quo and does not want to change it. That things after 3 years feel a bit intimate, and you ... (read in full...)
I have anger issues with my boyfriend and would like help in dealing with them
Q. Hello, im 18 years old. my boyfriend is 19 and we've been dating for about 4 years. (on and off) we've been through pretty much a lot, things i never imagined he would hurt me doing. and well I've been trying to work on my anger issues. i get ...
A. 21 May 2014: It does sound like you are controlling. I mean, I understand that , since you've got kids together, you need to know where he's at, in case ( knock on wood ) something happens to the kids, but... he is not exactly hiding himself is he ? why sould ... (read in full...)
Should I try again with my ex? We have 2 daughters and have been apart for 4 years.
Q. My question is whether it is a good idea to try have a relationship with an ex again when there is children involved? My ex wants to get back together after 4 years apart, and even though I would like to try, I have a fear it would affect our...
A. 20 May 2014: You have so much doubt because deep down you know it is a very bad idea.
You fought constantly, regularly, it was a tough relationship all along , for all its duration. Sure the two unplanned pregnancies did not help , but when people do not get ... (read in full...)
Does it really happen that people can't keep their hands off each other?
Q. Can this really happen? You know in films where a couple can't keep their hands off each other and they basically attack each other. Does anyone have this? Is it real or is it just for the drama? Most the time form what I can remember the sex I've ...
A. 20 May 2014: It's not just in the movies, it does happen IRL. Mind you, I am not saying that it also lasts forever ( it tapers down in time , the novelty wears off ), or that's a sign of great compatibility or great love, it's mostly a sign, as Chigirl says, ... (read in full...)
My siblings had bad relationships so I'm not allowed to date
Q. My dad won't let me date because of my siblings' past relationships! I have four sisters and one brother who are all in their late 20's and 30's. Their relationships would sink and my parents would baby them! I don't know what to do. I'm almost 18 ...
A. 20 May 2014: I am afraid this is one of those " who's born first, the egg or the chicken " situations.
Maybe your parents have been too overprotective in the past ( which I can't quite blame them for, of course it's not fair that you should pay for your sist... (read in full...)
I am seriously questioning myself as a man
Q. I am a 46 year old married male who has been married for 24 years to the same way too beautiful wife, I have a type 1 diabetic since age 3 and I have been physically disabled after getting hurt on the job and needing dual knee replacements and a ...
A. 19 May 2014: Ahem Mods do you realize that you let this poster post a porn link with very graphic images ?..
Not talking for myself , I've seen worse :), but there are also underage teen readers / posters on this site... and anyway DC is a G rated site I th... (read in full...)
Should I feel bad for moving on first?
Q. There's this girl that I liked at my college. We were friends for a good few months. We went out together, partied together, did crazy stuff and just all around enjoyed each other's company. We even entrusted each other with some pretty embarrassing ...
A. 18 May 2014: No no no, you are just looking for excuses to reconnect with her, restart all the drama again, and feel like crap again.
You did the right thing. You needed to move on and to get over your unrequited crush, and you did the only thing that , as y... (read in full...)
How come my ex never feels sorry?
Q. My ex and I were long distance. He's a social butterfly and he's loud and I know how he acts around people. I know he couldn't put up with the loneliness if I wasn't there with him, so I used to ask him to let me know if he had feelings for someone ...
A. 18 May 2014: I agree with YouWish, there are no nice breakups. Except maybe if both the parties are so sick and tired of each other , so anxious to get their freedom back at the same time, that they both exhale a sigh of relief in parting ways, but it ... (read in full...)
Went out to dinner with 2 colleagues, were they a little rude..?
Q. Need some opinions. I recently went out for lunch with 2 colleagues who are Asian, one 31 one 53, me early 40s, we get along well and I like them both, Im white. We went to food court and one of the women headed right for an asian restau...
A. 18 May 2014: Their not always speaking English was rude. Although I'd give them the benefit of doubt, slipping back in your native tongue in front of non speakers does not generally mean that you WANT to exclude them or badmouth them behind their backs, it's ... (read in full...)
I gave my crush a note explaining my feelings and he created a big scene in front of our friends by reading it aloud and humiliating me
Q. hey, having a bit of an issue. so, i've been friends with a guy for ages now, and recently, i developed feelings for him. so, i gave him a note explaining my feelings, because i'm not good at talking about these things face to face. a few day...
A. 18 May 2014: First, don't feel humiliated- humiliated about what ? You have all the right to have feelings and to express them as you see fit, it's not that YOU have done anything wrong. And these feelings have been expressed in a letter, i.e. in a personal, ... (read in full...)
How do I know how much to worry during this first pregnancy?
Q. Hi. Looking for some advice. Im a first time mum...so naturally everything is new to me. Im 30 weeks pregnant today. The past 4/5 days my baby hasnt been moving alot at all ... not i know babys movements do change but things just dont feel right ...
A. 18 May 2014: Ooops! Sorry OP, my apologies. Silly me.Wrong poster, that was obviously an answer for another question.
Anyway, - since we are at it ,I'll answer yours too :
I think it's all normal, from 29 / 30 weeks on your baby is becoming bigger and taki... (read in full...)
How do I know how much to worry during this first pregnancy?
Q. Hi. Looking for some advice. Im a first time mum...so naturally everything is new to me. Im 30 weeks pregnant today. The past 4/5 days my baby hasnt been moving alot at all ... not i know babys movements do change but things just dont feel right ...
A. 18 May 2014: Ah so it was sort of long distance... I think that may be the reason. Long distance is a lot of effort and expenses, I am not saying he did not like you, but just " like " often is not enough for people to pursue a LDR,if it's not something really ... (read in full...)
How do I ignore the judgmental and stupid comments she makes and how do I get past it?
Q. I've been with my bf for over four years. I know his mom very well too. Over the course of our relationship I found that she is really difficult to talk or relate to. Overall she is a nice lady but ALL (and I mean ALL) she talks about is Gucci this ...
A. 17 May 2014: Don't be there as much :). And when you are there, keep being polite and patient, hide the inward eye roll, smile coldly and politely and immediately change subject. Steer the conversation to something else ,it can't be anything ponderous I guess, ... (read in full...)
Moving back home has changed the relationship with my Mother
Q. Hi, I apologise for what might be an essay-length post in advance. In 2011 I left home to attend university and spent two years living away. Without overemphasising its importance too much, this was an enjoyable and changing experience for m...
A. 16 May 2014: It's hard to say without knowing your mom and the general circumstances . Who knows. Maybe your mom is having a bad menopause. Or a nervous breakdown. Maybe she has personal troubles and worries, in her financial or love life, that she won't ... (read in full...)
Should I walk away from these friendships or try to save them?
Q. This is more of a friends question than relationship advice but I hope you can help. I introduced my married female friend to my single male friend on a casual night out before Christmas (along with other people I might add). Fast forward 2 weeks ...
A. 16 May 2014: It's not clear to me if you are so mad at them on moral grounds ( you can't stomach cheaters, .. you are also friends with the woman's husband ... ) or simply because now they go out together without inviting you.
In the first case , I can only... (read in full...)
What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or bi curious
Q. What is the deal with people who say all women are bisexual or at least bi curious? Then they say there are studies to back it up. Maybe so, but studies still cannot speak for every woman in the world. Or men for that matter. It's total bul...
A. 16 May 2014: I don't know about all the studies on woman bisexuality- there were many - but I know of one by Boise State University which puts the figure of women somewhat attracted to their own sex at 60 % . And another from Utah State Universay that says- I ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend showers with his friend?
Q. My boyfriend was telling me about a drunken night the other weekend, and told me he ended up showering with his (guy) friend. Then he told me that he'd also showered with a different (guy) friend on a couple occasions. I was confused, and as...
A. 16 May 2014: I admit that I haven't ever given much thought to the issue and I do not know if sharing the same shower is more risque'/ uncomfortable for two males, but as a woman, I can't see what the big deal is.
A couple of times I happened to have to s... (read in full...)
He spends most of his time on the phone to her when I am with him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years, I found out he'd cheated on me 3 times during the first 10 months of our relationship both physical and emotional cheating. He 'realised his mistake' and I took him back. Our relationship ...
A. 16 May 2014: I realize I am not being of much help in this situation because I have alreday spoken my mind and I can't but confirm it :
Forget about spending all his time on the phone with a female " friend ", he is already disrespecting you crassly by just... (read in full...)
I want to stay friends with 'the other woman' but she says she hates me
Q. I am a separated male who still is friendly with my wife, we have 2 beautiful teenage girls and we remain very close after 6 years of separation. We still share family vacations and days out as a family and even the bed 1 - 2 times a month. I live...
A. 16 May 2014: I know you wanted advice on how to win your lover back, but the only sensible advice, and the only practical way, would be " Easy. Get a divorce, become single and available, and probably she will forgive you " is also the only one that you are ... (read in full...)
Married to a man but confused about my sexuality!
Q. I've never felt as troubled as recently. I'm married for about more than a year and a half to a loving man. He's one of the greatest thing ever happened to me. He loves me, makes me smile and always gets me the best things. I think i love him...
A. 15 May 2014: But you are married. So the problem is not as much lesbian vs. heterosexual, - as it is being a cheater vs. being faithful.
It would not be that different if you were lusting after a young male, rather than after a young woman.
Cheating... (read in full...)
I want to stay friends with 'the other woman' but she says she hates me
Q. I am a separated male who still is friendly with my wife, we have 2 beautiful teenage girls and we remain very close after 6 years of separation. We still share family vacations and days out as a family and even the bed 1 - 2 times a month. I live...
A. 15 May 2014: Something does not add up here.
" .. which is why I went to live somewhere else and we separate ". " Which is why ", being your boring ,stale sex life.
That would imply that your wife knows that you find your sex life boring and stale ( althou... (read in full...)
I said he wasn't making much effort so now I'm judgemental
Q. Im in a bit of a dilemma. I met a guy online for the first time Saturday. We got in really well talking. He was late and texted me on the way. Then he turned up and hadn't shaved or had his hair cut or ironed his shirt. Hes a nice looking guy so he ...
A. 15 May 2014: I only agree 50 % with most of the ladies.
I.e. I agree that you did not handle this too well, and that you were really too heavy-handed for a first date. You should not presume that you can take a perfect stranger to task if his looks / habi... (read in full...)
He found a smudge on the wall .........
Q. I have been living with my partner for 10 years. We have 2 kids. My name is not on anything because I am trying to up my credit score (bad credit). He is an ocd neat freak. I am messy. The house isn't a nightmare, but it's not pristine either. He ...
A. 14 May 2014: There 's always two sides to a story and if we have to take at face value what you say, the man is a monster and a bully . Imagine, threatening to kick out the mother of his kids because he found a smudge on the wall ( btw, how do you even GET a ... (read in full...)
He spends most of his time on the phone to her when I am with him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years, I found out he'd cheated on me 3 times during the first 10 months of our relationship both physical and emotional cheating. He 'realised his mistake' and I took him back. Our relationship ...
A. 14 May 2014: I would dump him just for being so rude to spend all his time on the phone when he is with you, period. Even if he wasn't talking to a sexy coworker but just to his male buddy. Because he is not treating you right, and is not even interested in ... (read in full...)
My gut tells me I should leave him alone.
Q. I have a few questions about friendship, and where you draw the line. My situation: A couple of years ago, I started a new job where I met a lot of new people. However, only one person seemed interested in talking to me. At first, I thought he was...
A. 14 May 2014: This IS a nobrainer- make new friends. As a matter of fact, you just needs acquaintances to spend some time / shoot the breeze with , for not counting on your husband as your sole companion, which makes sense , but you do have your husband for the ... (read in full...)
What to say to this inquisitive but kind work colleague?
Q. a woman at my workplace similar age to me (35-40) may at times asks me what I think of my colleagues, she has only been working at my workplace a few months and I dont know her well and dont work everyday with her, but I do li...
A. 14 May 2014: I think you are handling it well. " She is OK ".. " I don't know X that well ".. " so far, so good ".. and any other variations of something bland and non-committal. AND, change subject right away. Don't worry, it's not rude not having a specific ... (read in full...)
How do I react to my daughter dating a non-Jew?
Q. I have a daughter who is in a relationship with an atheist man. In order to be with him and out of our disapproving sight she moved far away. Now she wants to reconcile with us and come back home. We are willing to reconcile with her, but not if she ...
A. 14 May 2014: I suspect that the problem is not that the guy is an atheist, either palatable or unpalatable, the problem is that he is a non-Jew.
I also suspect that most responders do not realize how difficult it is for these parents. " Religion " does not ... (read in full...)
People think I'm her sugar daddy
Q. I'm 32 and have been dating a girl for 18 months. She is 11 yrs younger then I am and even though its been a year and a half both our families still don't think our relationship will last. I love her. And I hate to say that in the beginning I didn't...
A. 13 May 2014: Age gaps can work, meaning that some times they work and some times they don't ,for the reasons Cerberus touched upon. 11 years is not that huge of an age difference, then again you got together when she was 19 and she's 21 now.. and she's all ... (read in full...)
Post Break-Up Blues....
Q. Hi all So I met this guy through my friend and we started hanging out a lot. Anyway, so I really liked him as a friend and I had just come out of a painful breakup so I was strictly not looking for anything. He started liking me and started to...
A. 13 May 2014: I am not " judging " at all . I am giving my meditated opinion that some behaviours , actions or ideas are better and more functional than others, and will serve you much better to navigate the maze of uman relationships. Of course , it ... (read in full...)
Post Break-Up Blues....
Q. Hi all So I met this guy through my friend and we started hanging out a lot. Anyway, so I really liked him as a friend and I had just come out of a painful breakup so I was strictly not looking for anything. He started liking me and started to...
A. 13 May 2014: You should put it off your mind, it's really not so important. Dating is a trial and error process, you tried, it did not work, that's the long and the short of it. It happens.
AND, though, you should learn more effective, assertive ways to d... (read in full...)
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