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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How do I get my girlfriend to be less selfish in bed?
Q. Hello all, My girlfriend and I have a good relationship and have been dating for about a year and a half. However, things in the bedroom have taken a turn for the worse. Saying that things have fallen flat would be an understatement. ...
A. 22 June 2014: Two plus two does not quite make four here... I am not saying she is consciously telling you lies in order to avoid being intimate with you , it may be that this is the way she rationalizes why she is not into sex with you. Sex is often a ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all talk or should I give him more time?
Q. I am getting very frustrated with my boyfriend. He has dreams to become a stand up comedian, and wants to write books etc. he has big ambitions. A few months ago he took on a job earning a respectable salary, with the view to buying his flat and ...
A. 21 June 2014: As a side note, Housing Associations typically DO get public funding, that's why they keep rent so below market.
And if he got involved into a Housing Association scheme BECAUSE of being ( then ) young, homeless, and incomeless ,- well, what is h... (read in full...)
Why is he looking for sex so soon?
Q. Boyfriend needs a break to figure things out between us. Together nearly two years and plans to buy a house next year. Great sex, got along real well. Just one argument come up over the time we were together. Anyway had one massive row about this ...
A. 21 June 2014: Did you agree about the rules of this break ? Like,eule n.1 , we'll be apart but no sex with anybody else in these 2 2 months ?... No ? ah then - that was what drove Ross and Rachel apart :). Lack of clarity.
He is having fun and taking adva... (read in full...)
How do I get my girlfriend to be less selfish in bed?
Q. Hello all, My girlfriend and I have a good relationship and have been dating for about a year and a half. However, things in the bedroom have taken a turn for the worse. Saying that things have fallen flat would be an understatement. ...
A. 20 June 2014: Yeah I am curious too to know WHY she is hesitant and ,beside personal curiosity , that would allow us to answer something sensible.
It would be different if she is hesitant because she has some OB/GYN affliction which is healing slowly , say,... (read in full...)
How do I accept that my appearance is ordinary?
Q. I've been recently watching porn videos (not masturbating just missing sex) and I'm surprised at how flawless some of the actors are. How can people look like that? This was amateur and she didn't have a blemish on her! How can I accept that I h...
A. 20 June 2014: In this you are right, another man might find you out of the ordinary, and also be perfectly sincere.
Your ex's reply only means that HE did not see you as more than ordinary, and saying otherwise would have been a lie for HIM. But who is he ? , ... (read in full...)
Relationship between son and stepfather at breaking point.
Q. My son, who is 16 spends most of his time playing on the computer with his friends, when he is not at school. At the moment this is way too much as he has finished his exams. To be honest, it has always been too much. He is very clever, a bit of a ...
A. 20 June 2014: Italiam mom , here, so shamelessly biased, anyway : you should stand up for your son ! , and tell your husband to back off ! and leave the kid be.
The kid is 16, he sounds like a perfctly typical teenager. Teenagers ARE irritating by defi... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend all talk or should I give him more time?
Q. I am getting very frustrated with my boyfriend. He has dreams to become a stand up comedian, and wants to write books etc. he has big ambitions. A few months ago he took on a job earning a respectable salary, with the view to buying his flat and ...
A. 20 June 2014: Yes, you should be a bit concerned. Not so much because of his age ( there are several instances of performers who are late bloomers ) but because to succeed in show business you need a plan, and a ferocious committment, drive and determination. ... (read in full...)
How do I accept that my appearance is ordinary?
Q. I've been recently watching porn videos (not masturbating just missing sex) and I'm surprised at how flawless some of the actors are. How can people look like that? This was amateur and she didn't have a blemish on her! How can I accept that I h...
A. 19 June 2014: Funny, beauty must really be in the eyes of the beholder after all. I am no expert since I have seen little porn in my life , but from that little, I reached the opposite conclusion : good thing that everybody is focused on watching right THERE, ... (read in full...)
Was the choice I made cowardly or sensible?
Q. A few nights ago, I took my girlfriend out to eat. It was about 1:30 in the morning when we left home, and yes there are restaurants open at that time. I've never personally been to the place but my friend recommend it with high praise. We were on ...
A. 19 June 2014: I would not think less of you as a man or as anything else for having fleed the premises real fast, but tbh I would have thought less of BOTH of you ,or at least of your common sense, for having pulled over , without any pressing necessity, in a ... (read in full...)
My ex and I broke up should I still ask her to go on a trip we had planned?
Q. My ex and I broke up a month ago (I'm trying to convince her to take me back) we had plans to travel and visit my sister next week. It's an 8 hour drive and we were going to spend a week there. Should I ask her to still come with me since it would ...
A. 19 June 2014: Yeah well, that was exactly my point : when there are children involved, you can't affford to just " be in the moment ", you should have a plan , a vision for the future ( although, I must say, Logan's mom deserves this criticism more than you ). ... (read in full...)
My ex and I broke up should I still ask her to go on a trip we had planned?
Q. My ex and I broke up a month ago (I'm trying to convince her to take me back) we had plans to travel and visit my sister next week. It's an 8 hour drive and we were going to spend a week there. Should I ask her to still come with me since it would ...
A. 18 June 2014: Pardon me but I feel that ,in all this, poor Logan is a bit being lost sight of. Plenty of lip service is being paid to him, but, in practice, who's having in mind his best interest ?
Not his mom, who impulsively takes in basically a perfect stra... (read in full...)
What is Appropriate/Inappropriate behavior for a relationship??
Q. I feel very confused about my current situation with my long term boyfriend, and am looking for some outside advice... We have been dating for a long time. Several years ago, I found out that that he was chatting with girls online, having c...
A. 18 June 2014: Male reader , anonymous : actually there are two big differences between your case and the OP's .
1) it's far from anonymous sex for the OP's bf, he knows the cybersex girls, he treats them like dear friends, he wakes up early to wish them good... (read in full...)
No sex for 7 months and now blood?
Q. The first time I had sex I didn't bleed. Then felt I had problem and my BF thought I lied. I've had sex several times after then with him. I stopped having sex for about 7 months. Penetration became difficult when he tried, but eventually it ...
A. 18 June 2014: Probably nothing much : if it was just some light spotting, either he was too vigourous, or you weren't excited ( and lubricated ) enough, and so the excess of friction broke some capillary. Tell him to go easier, or use lube.
If it happ... (read in full...)
My ex is on a dating website already. Does that mean he never cared?
Q. I just broke up with my ex after nearly two years and he's on a dating site now, does it mean he never cared? It was a 'break' and shortly after a 'break up'. Too many arguments and such however for the most part we were really happy, enjoyed e...
A. 18 June 2014: No, why should it mean he NEVER cared ?
It means that he is moving on.You broke up , he wants to move on and he thinks that finding someone else right away will speed up the process.
Or else, since he was the one instigating the break, it means... (read in full...)
I just want to be confident and happy, so I need a nose job
Q. I'm looking in to getting a nose job, all through my childhood i have been so self conscious of my nose, i am a pretty girl but the only thing that lets me down is my nose. Everyone i know says they like me the way i am but im certain i want a nose ...
A. 18 June 2014: Rhinoplasty is not a complicated operation , I would not call it dangerous. Yet, according to the nature and extent of intervention, it might have to be performed in general ( not just local ) anesthesia and any anesthesia entails risks. It ... (read in full...)
I have a partner. Should I be feeling this way when I look at another man?
Q. I'm 22 years old. I have been in a relationship with my man for five years on and off. We have a very rocky kind of relationship but we also have alot of happy times too. He works all the time, i never see him. We live together and have a four year ...
A. 18 June 2014: You are not a bad person , but you are naive , or you pretend to be.
The chats aren't " innocent " if they lead to tryng ad set up dates behind your partners'backs, are they ? That they were not containing sexual exchanges , does not mean they... (read in full...)
How can I accept being ugly?
Q. How can I accept being ugly? I'm too old to be wondering this. But I'm ugly, as a kid I felt awkward about my appearance and high school was hell with all the bullying. There are things I can change, like lose a little weight, take care of my ...
A. 18 June 2014: I suspect Body Dysmorphic Disorder too, you know why ? because otherwise you'd look thing from another perspective and, while maybe still being unsatisfied with your appearance, you would have to come to terms just with being average. Average.Not ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said I should be more like my friend
Q. hey i am 18. I live in India. I have been in relationship with my girlfriend for 2 months now. We met in college and then we started chatting a lot and then we fell in love. There is a lot of common things between us so that makes a happy ...
A. 17 June 2014: Yeah, let it go for this time, and see what happens. If she understood that by comparing you with your friend, she was indelicate and she hurt your feelings, she won't make the same mistake again. If she does ... she may actually like this guy ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is vindictive and wants him to sign over the rights to his child.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Right after we got together he told me that his ex fling told him he had a son. They had a horrible relationship and before ending she told him she had already been with other people. Needless to ...
A. 17 June 2014: It sounds that custody has been established through the court, so apparently the court deemed that 1000$ monthly is an adequate payment. In other words, 1000 $ could represent 40 % ( or other legally established percentage of his income ). If ... (read in full...)
What is Appropriate/Inappropriate behavior for a relationship??
Q. I feel very confused about my current situation with my long term boyfriend, and am looking for some outside advice... We have been dating for a long time. Several years ago, I found out that that he was chatting with girls online, having c...
A. 17 June 2014: I guess it's a matter of points of view. Personally, not having had effed up men in my life from this point of view ( they had other ways to be effed up :) ) and not knowing but for hearsay anybody who has an addiction to cybersex, MY reaction ... (read in full...)
He's hesitating about the relationship because he thinks we live too far apart
Q. This guy I've been seeing seems to be making an issue about where I live. Before it didn't seem to bother him but now it seems as though it does. He lives in the city while I live right outside it. It's about 35-40min a train ride for me and then ...
A. 17 June 2014: I think there's something which escapes you, this is not really about the distance, it's about his commodity and convenience.
Of course an hour distance is something that with some adavance planning is easily manageable, as you remarl your... (read in full...)
Before I visit a doctor does anyone have any idea what this could be?
Q. About two months ago I had sex and the lips of my vagina swoll up really bad. It was unfortable and it burned to pee. I haven't had sex since then. Then a little while after that I woke up and one side was swolen (I think I might have been playing ...
A. 17 June 2014: It could be a vulvo-vaginitis . An infection, basically. You SHOULD see the doctor. It's nothing fatal, but, in case, you should take antibiotics and you need a prescription. ... (read in full...)
How do you know when men just want a break and when they want to end things
Q. How can you tell if a guy wants to "take a break" in a relationship because he's not sure you can make each other happy? Or if he's just trying to let you down easily and not feel so guilty? Me and the boyfriend of two years have been arguing a l...
A. 17 June 2014: As a matter of fact, I don't even think he is JUST letting you down softly. I think he is being self serving.
He does not want to break up officially, because he's given himself two months to test the waters, see what the market offers , and ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I cant keep up with him in conversations!
Q. I am eighteen and I have been talking to a nineteen year old guy online for about a month. I am fairly intelligent, at least in common sense and decency. However, I do not much follow news or politics, etc. He, on the other hand, is studying ...
A. 17 June 2014: Rather than dumbing him down, smart yourself up . But not for him, in his capacity of just friend or future love interest . For you ! I am not saying become an intellectual... but, at least read the daily newspapers and watch the news. 18 starts ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to develop any kind of romantic feelings for anyone
Q. Hello all, I have an issue which I feel is pretty odd at the moment.. I feel as though I cannot seem to develop any kind of romantic feelings for people. I used to be really shy when it came to talking to girls but over the past 2 years or so ...
A. 16 June 2014: I must have done even a worse jon of explaining myself than you :)
I did not mean that you are still in love with the first girl and cannot forget her - just that perhaps, to decide that you are intrigued or interested or excited about a woma... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said I should be more like my friend
Q. hey i am 18. I live in India. I have been in relationship with my girlfriend for 2 months now. We met in college and then we started chatting a lot and then we fell in love. There is a lot of common things between us so that makes a happy ...
A. 16 June 2014: I don't think that your Gf means that she wants you to become a pervert too ! ( a pervert ? meaning what ? why do you call him a pervert, btw ? ). I suppose that she referred to other things in you, that you might change if you wanted : for ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time or can we fix this?
Q. My boyfriend and I had a huge fight last night and I'd like some help working out where to go from here please. We have been together for almost 5 years now, and at the moment we don't live together. He asked me to move in about a year ago, but I ...
A. 16 June 2014: I am pretty sure it is the same poster, the similarities would be uncanny.
I don't think this is fixable, but if it were, I also don't think you could do any fixing by just passively waiting in the hope that some day he comes around and want... (read in full...)
I'm worried I can't compete with her ex who just bought her a car
Q. This is probably gonna be a long story, but here goes: I recently graduated from college and moved back to my hometown. Between having a full-time job and not having many friends that still live here anymore, I decided to make an effort to date u...
A. 16 June 2014: I'm with the others, it does not look good. At least, if you mean that she accepted such an expensive gift from her ex. That's almost unblievable to me, IF she did that : 1) either she is the dumbest girl on earth who believes this is just a no ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to develop any kind of romantic feelings for anyone
Q. Hello all, I have an issue which I feel is pretty odd at the moment.. I feel as though I cannot seem to develop any kind of romantic feelings for people. I used to be really shy when it came to talking to girls but over the past 2 years or so ...
A. 16 June 2014: But you feel like this precisely because you are not in love ! if you fell in love hard, either you'd be almost magically cured of your fickleness, or you'd remain fickle but you'd willingly choose to commit, and to develop some moral ... (read in full...)
I don't want my F/B message to her to seem creepy
Q. I just went on a three day trip with all the youth in my church. We were broken up into groups and I was in a group with a girl I thought was cute. Over the three days, we became friends and I fell for her. Hard. I didn't get her number since we ...
A. 16 June 2014: Creepy ? Why would it have to sound creepy ?...
I know next to nothing about FB etiquette, but you KNOW the girl, you took a trip together, you talked , you became friends .
So there would be nothing strange or improper in writing her : Hey ( na... (read in full...)
Are gold diggers happy?
Q. I am wondering this because just recently at work we found out that one of the most beautiful girls at work has started going out with one of our managers. In the 5 years I have worked at this place I have never noticed them flirting or laughing or ...
A. 16 June 2014: Why would you lose hope in love ? If any , you should feel encouraged. It means that no matter how flawed, ugly, unpleasane, boring etc.etc. you may be... there will be always someone to think wow, great guy :).
The funny thing, it really work... (read in full...)
I was stood up - was it necessary?
Q. Hi everyone! I recently met a guy online and we'd been chatting for awhile. He seemed genuine and asked me to meet up with him on Sunday (last weekend). He took my number and said he'd be in touch. We arranged to meet in my town and I messaged h...
A. 15 June 2014: Acceptable, heck no, it's damn rude. Normal, as in , it happens fairly often ? Yes, with online dating it does.
Some people just like get numbers or set up dates as a hobby, some say they'll show up ( with the mental proviso : if nothing bett... (read in full...)
I don't want a relationship. How do people actually find no-strings sex?
Q. Call me Curious, I have been pondering this for quite awhile, males, females: "Am I the only one who wants sex? If not, how come it seems this way even becoming a new adult?" Here's some background, I'm a laidback guy who can get a lady god knows ...
A. 15 June 2014: Actually, casual encounters sites are very effective to find hook ups and fuck buddies, I'd say that's the ONLY thing they are effective for ( yeah yeah, there are also serious relationships born out of dating sites... a minimal percentage of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's family want him to move away, I want him to move in with me!
Q. I wont my boyfriend to move in with me his mom passed Monday they live under us she had health issues he suffers with seizures, right now family wonts to get a 1 bedroom apartment back in Maryland. Some of them feel he could be more independen...
A. 15 June 2014: What does HE want to do ? If when you talk about seizures, you mean epilectic seizures, that does not make him mentally incapacitated or cognitively impaired, he is still able to decide where he wants to live and with whom. That would not be ... (read in full...)
Were there enough red flags on this first date to justify no second one?
Q. So, I went on a first date with this guy tonight, and, while he was a nice enough guy (easy to talk to, interesting), there were a couple of things that seemed like red flags. We met up in an area where there were lots of restaurants in o...
A. 15 June 2014: Red flags as indicators that he is bad, mad and dangerous ,no. But definitely , I would not be really eager for a second date...
The checking all the menus is ridicolous, it's something appropriate for a 15/16 y.o. kid on a parent's allo... (read in full...)
I've made the worst mistake ever ...
Q. I got very drunk last night with my fiancé and a few friends. By the end of the night I was pretty inebriated. I often feel the desire to have sex when drunk however she was not interested because of the way I was acting earlier in the evening. I ...
A. 15 June 2014: Stop drinking. If when you are drunk you are capable of going to this lengths and assault women to a hairbreadth from rape,- then obviously drinking iis not for you.
You have been lucky that it happen with a loving Gf who is ( perhaps ) will... (read in full...)
A cautionary tale for me?
Q. I am even further disillusioned by this thing called love. My back story is: I am 53, divorced for 4.5 years. No kids. Was married for 12 years, together for 16. My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman. He never showed any remor...
A. 14 June 2014: 132K in debt, OP. Wow. The more you write the more it sounds that being abandoned by your husband was a blessing in disguise ! You dodged a massive bullet, OP, and if this cannot decrease your bitterness I don't know what can. Call me unromantic , ... (read in full...)
He actually strikes me as very needy, controlling, desperate and emotionally weak.. I don't know.. what do you think?
Q. Ok so I really need help on this one. I met this Guy online and although we haven't Met yet, (we just chatted, exchange emails, and talked on the phone for about a month now) we both could tell that there's chemistry and emotional connection between ...
A. 14 June 2014: I tend to agree with Honeypie ( once more ). The written word is tricky, without the help of voice, body language and facial expressions it is easy to load it with meanings and nuances which weren't there.
Could not it be just a misu... (read in full...)
What can I do to make my girlfriend feel better about herself?
Q. I don't know what to do about my girlfriend. When we first got together she was really confident and sure of herself (maybe because she'd just lost a huge amount of weight). About six months into our relationship she got really paranoid about my ex ...
A. 14 June 2014: Ouch, OP, nice foot-in-mouth.
Perhaps the first thing to do would be not to be so lavish with your praise of other young females ? At least within your gf's ear reach ? ...
Look, generally I am not much one to pander to people 's insecuri... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps looking at attractive women no matter where we are and its making me lose my self-confidence
Q. I have been dating a guy for two months who I get on well with and really fancy. However, when we are out together he seems to notice every young attractive woman in sight. He doesn't stare but he does notice them and keep looking at them if we are ...
A. 14 June 2014: I think it's normal noticing attractive people , if you don't ,either you have eyesight problems , or no esthetic sense. It's sort of authomatic and as long as one keeps is discrete , polite and unobtrusive, what's the harm.
I can't exactly plac... (read in full...)
I want to go to my boyfriend's mother's wedding but my OCD puts me off the pets in her house, what do I do?
Q. It is my boyfriend's mother's wedding and I am invited to go. If I go, I would need to stay at her house. She lives in another country. There are no hotels or even transportation around, not to mention it is one of the more expensive countries in ...
A. 14 June 2014: Sorry, I mantain my opinion, this is really too much . I think you are using " OCD " as a figure of speech, I don't have any OCD yet I don't eat street food in Thailand either, - not wanting to get food poisoning or worse is not a mental illness ... (read in full...)
I want to go to my boyfriend's mother's wedding but my OCD puts me off the pets in her house, what do I do?
Q. It is my boyfriend's mother's wedding and I am invited to go. If I go, I would need to stay at her house. She lives in another country. There are no hotels or even transportation around, not to mention it is one of the more expensive countries in ...
A. 13 June 2014: 2 pigs ? Inside the house ?? Are you serious ?
Then no. I draw the line at pigs. I had started mentally penning out my answer along the lines of " come on, be a good sport, it's an important event, for once just grin and bear ", but, indo... (read in full...)
A cautionary tale for me?
Q. I am even further disillusioned by this thing called love. My back story is: I am 53, divorced for 4.5 years. No kids. Was married for 12 years, together for 16. My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman. He never showed any remor...
A. 13 June 2014: It's still their son, OP. A son that was not a good husband, a son who has done bad things, maybe a son who went agaisnt the principles which they had taught him ( be loyal, be honest etc... )- YET it's their son, they want to keep the peace ... (read in full...)
A cautionary tale for me?
Q. I am even further disillusioned by this thing called love. My back story is: I am 53, divorced for 4.5 years. No kids. Was married for 12 years, together for 16. My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman. He never showed any remor...
A. 13 June 2014: Well, yes, blood is thicker than water generally speaking, I am sorry that this makes you bitter , but it's a bit like being bitter because when it rains you get wet.
What was your ex husband 's family supposed to do ? First, they may have like... (read in full...)
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