A
female
age
30-35,
*yla123
writes:Ok so I need some help trying to figure out why my family (parents and aunt and uncles) have a gut feeling about my new bf but can't give me any reason why they don't trust him.I'm really close to my family and normally they are fine with people I date. I have been dating this guy "Tommy" since December. They met him in February when we came home from school for a weekend. They didn't say much about him but once we went back my mom said she just and an off feeling about him. She started questioning me about him, things like if I met his family or friends, what his major in school was etc. We came home in May and spent the month with extended family. Again they all seemed to get along its him fine. Then this weekend I went to visit with my parents without him and everyone said he just seems like he is to good to be true. When I asked what they meant, they all said they didn't know what to think but had a feeling I would end up hurt and that he seemed too perfect.I am really confused because for my family to say something is a huge deal but they don't have a real reason to so I don't know what to think.He is an amazing guy and I'm really happy. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): I think I was right. Tommy laid it on too thick. The frequent touching and kissing was a bit over-done. That's good when a relationship first starts out, say... the first few weeks. There is a point when it should taper-off. When the relationship settles into a more realistic and adult-mode. Kissy-kissy is a bit phony, my dear. I get exactly what your family means. Take heed, he's pouring on too much sugar!
They're very perceptive. Listen to them.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 June 2014):
 So basically he was glued to you all the time and all over you ,even when sitting beside you- at meals, maybe, or during conversations with other guests and family members. Yeah, not a mortal sin, but I can see how it would piss off / annoy your family members. You are not 14, and not in the middle of your honeymoon. Act your age. There's a time and place for being touchy feely, and although not inappropriate in the sense of being obscene or suggestive, is not appropriate to the occasion and social context.
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (24 June 2014):
 You are flattered by his touching, others see is as insecurity or attention seeking.
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female
reader, Kyla123 +, writes (24 June 2014):
Kyla123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt isn't a racial thing. He was very nice but he is a nice person, he's polite , very respectful it's just who he is naturally. I texted a few of my cousins and an aunt and they all had different responses. My aunt thought he was to affectionate she said it almost seemed possessive. He is very physical but not in an over bearing way, he isn't going to make out in front of my family but he likes to touch. Of he walked into a room and I was there he would give me a quick hug or kiss on the for head, hold hands or have his arm around my lower back if we were sitting beside each other. One of my cousins said her mother thought he was to polite, like it was a show and my uncle said to be careful. So pretty much no real answers
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 June 2014):
 no need for any aunts to respond... the uncles got it just fine!
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (24 June 2014):
With respect, you are still very young, whereas your parents are older, wiser and more experienced. Parents often see things we ourselves do not when we are young.
You like "Tommy" and so will have a subjective view of him, and his traits, your parents have no emotional attachment so judge him more objectively.
Maybe your parents picked up something about him that you haven't? Perhaps, worse case scenario, they seem him for what he really is, where as you only see him for what he wants you to see?
We have all met people who seem too perfect. They are usually the men who have the charm act down to perfection. Im not say that IS your BF as I have never met him but generally, as we get older, life experience tells us to be wary of overly prefect people.
Mark
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2014): Oh come on, OP, surely you've have friends date guys who just seemed too perfect. Nobody is perfect and when a guy seems like he is then there's something suspicious about that.
It's very possible that he tried far too hard to be nice and they could tell he was putting on a bit of an act.
Look they don't know him and it'll take time for them to be comfortable around him. Just don't dismiss their instincts completely.
Family and friends see things in our partners that we don't, and their instincts are not to be ignored.
Sometimes, OP, you can just tell when there's something off about a person you know? You can't explain it but the gut is never wrong.
You've only known this guy a short time, this is a matter of wait and see. You're right is a bit of a big deal, but also it doesn't matter for now.
If the guy is genuine, good for you and you work well together then it'll be fine. It may just be a case of them already having figured out he's not right for you but it taking you a while longer to figure that out.
As long as he's good to you and treating you right, then don't worry what they feel, they're not going to mistreat him or try and ruin this so you have nothing to worry about.
I'm sure they'll tell you what's up once they themselves have figured it out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2014): Perhaps it means Tommy tried too hard to make an impression on your parents and extended-family. He might have laid the "nice-guy" bit on a little thick. You are romantically attracted to him; so you will overlook personality quirks that other people with no particular interest will notice.
If he is of a different race or nationality, they just may be showing a little bigotry.
They didn't say they didn't like Tommy. Only that he seems too good to be true. That makes no sense. Press for clarification. Ask your mother straight-up. If anyone will fess-up. She will. People are usually hiding their prejudices, when they won't admit why the have reservations about someone they've never met before.
If you know he has things in his past or you coached him to be extra nice to impress your family; it didn't work. There might be things about his personality that you'll overlook about your boyfriend; because you want to be with him.
Your family may notice some dishonesty in his character; and their objective-opinion may be to your benefit. If it's coming from the right place, that is.
If you sense they are prejudiced due to his ethnicity or economic-status, follow your gut. Don't subject him to that, if you really know that's the reason.
If you really know Tommy, you have nothing to worry about.
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