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... Send *yle007 a private message | | | *yle007's profile:I am of Swedish, German and Hungarian descent. My soul is Japanese but my mind is American. My advice comes from many philosophical backgrounds, is 100% common sense and completely psychology-free (so you won't end up addicted to anti-depressants from anything I say). |
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| Latest articles: Married is better
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 August 2011: Years ago before my wife and I were married, I sat at a restaurant with her and gazed into her eyes as she gazed into mine and we knew we loved each other. Not much later we got married. I have had many crushes, some flings and other adventures...
Sexual Freedom
No replies yet... 24 August 2011: Your sexuality is not an expression of freedom. I mean, after all, do you think that several billion people on this planet have sex drives of their own free will, as if all these people thought of these things independently, on their own? No...
Your one, undeniable right
No replies yet... 22 August 2011: You have the right to your own thoughts. You can think of whatever you want, good, bad, smart,stupid or silly. If someone tells you how you should feel about something, or think about something, you can accept or reject that, whether openly o...
Maintaining Sanity in a Dating World Gone Mad
No replies yet... 21 August 2011: I will say this very bluntly, honestly and confidently, that the main thing (and perhaps the only thing) that will keep you sane in the realm of dating, sex, marriage and romance is to maintain your integrity and moral standards. Some people do...
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I feel like my dream has turned into a nightmare with this girl! What would you do?
Q. Okay, I met a girl through the internet about 5 months ago. We talked for days on end and when i met her in real life instantly i felt a connection with her. Ended up going to dinner with her the first night and then talking all night on her bed ...
A. 4 February 2013: You wrote:
I believe her but I don't feel like I can trust her to be honest with me.
Once the trust is gone, forget it. ... (read in full...)
I am attracted to my married female pastor and I think she knows it. Now what?
Q. I'm attracted to our female church pastor. She's married. I took her for coffee, but I think she picked up my motives cuz she won't email me anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about her, but it's getting better now. It was terrible! I was waking ...
A. 4 February 2013: If you can't get over it, worship elsewhere.... (read in full...)
I've caught him cheating 3 times. What should I do?
Q. The first time I caught him emotionally cheating on me was when I saw flirty messages that he exchanged with some girl while I was pregnant and excited to show him our baby's first ultrascan. The second time was when I caught him chatting and ...
A. 14 July 2012: Decide what's more painful, the thought of leaving him or the thought of staying with someone you don't trust, and take the less painful course of action.... (read in full...)
I need to stop wasting time. Please send words of advice on my situation.
Q. I have not been happy in my long term relationship for a while. He is the father to my youngest child. I am very independent with my own properties and I have quite a glamorous job with an airline. He does not take me any where, never met his fa...
A. 18 May 2012: Get legal help to see if you can get full custody of the child. Sounds like the guy is criminal. You probably just don't want the father around at all. As far as how it affects the relationship with the child, no helping it at this point. Time to ... (read in full...)
I didn't like what I found when I logged into my boyfriend's facebook
Q. I feel so bad and guilt because I found out my bf's password for facebook and chose to log into it today and I looked at a conversation that he had with one of his male friends the most recent person he talked too. So I found something I did not ...
A. 14 April 2012: Its not likely that some woman is just going to "jump on him". That sort of thing happens to a rare few men.
He's getting flattered from some attention from other women.
When men talk, they say "Oh yeah, I would definitely do her" and all sor... (read in full...)
I got rejected by a guy after just one date!
Q. I met this guy a week ago at a party and we made out. He asked for my number and I got all excited about going on a date with him. We finally met up last night - though I was really, really tired - for an hour or so. He was really affectionate and I ...
A. 14 April 2012: Sometimes after I meet up with someone I have felt a sort of lack of harmony between me and the other person. Sometimes I have felt it even when I was strongly interested, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Don't know if that is what's going on ... (read in full...)
Telling your best friend you love her?
Q. Is it best to tell a girl you are in love with as soon as possible? Even if the girl is your best friend?...
A. 14 April 2012: OK, well maybe these details should have been shared in your initial posting?
Look, don't write a letter to tell someone you love them. Tell them in person when they have some time to spend with you.
Drive out to see her some day and lay... (read in full...)
Telling your best friend you love her?
Q. Is it best to tell a girl you are in love with as soon as possible? Even if the girl is your best friend?...
A. 13 April 2012: This doesn't seem too promising. OK, so from what very little info we have on this scene, I can extrapolate that this is long distance?
So, you want to tell her you love her right before she goes back to wherever she lives and does not get to s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend smacks other girls butts and lies about it!
Q. Okay my boyfriend is really sweet but he keeps smacking other girls butts and he lies everytime i bring it up what should i do? I have been going out with him for 5 months and i don't want to lose him. Please answer this...
A. 13 April 2012: OK, in addition to the many people here and everywhere else (and you already know this yourself) telling you to drop this guy, I will say the same thing.
But why even put up with it the first time?
This will make it easier for you:
People p... (read in full...)
I want to be able to be friends with my ex without wanting more, I want my current relationship to work!
Q. Hi everyone, I dont really know why I'm here, I guess I can't really talk to anybody about this as I don't think they'll understand and I'd be judged, or it would get out and I couldn't stand that. I think I'm still in love with my ex boyfrien...
A. 13 April 2012: The most important thing is NO CONTACT. And stop checking out his facebook page. Can't put it more simple than that. The rest will follow. Don't open up old wounds. And be open about what happened with the current bf, don't hide it, the ... (read in full...)
How can I have a relationship when I don't trust women?
Q. All I have in this world is my balls and my word. And I don't trust women. I am not saying they're all bad. I just think when the times get tough, they disappear. And when the times are good, they love you. Am I wrong? With an attitude like this, ...
A. 12 April 2012: Seeing a psychiatrist may end you up on mind-altering drugs, and they tend to string you along and make you dependent on them. They are the dogs of the medical profession. Don't trust them.
I don't have enough info about you to tell you what you... (read in full...)
I want to kiss my gay male friend but I'm unsure how to, or if I should even do it?
Q. Hi everyone I would really appreciate some assistance with a problem. I also would like serious help here - it might not seem like a big deal to you, but to me its been on my mind. Right, here we go ;) I have this gay best friend and we c...
A. 12 April 2012: OK, you really haven't said you were in love with him, but you say you want to kiss him and that's all?
If its more, which I suspect it is, him being gay is almost like him being married. That's the best analogy I can think of. He's "taken".... (read in full...)
Should I tell people I'm gay? Or should I wait until I'm older?
Q. Hey all, I am 14 nearly 15 in may. I am gay but sometimes wish i wasn't. I hang around with girls at school and go twon with them. Some of my friends know am gay. But they are all girls what know. I could never tell my mate whos my best male mate I ...
A. 11 April 2012: You should wait until you are older. You'll be better equipped to handle it emotionally and physically (and by physically I mean you may get into fights, especially at your age).
The world really isn't ready for such an "advanced" concept ... (read in full...)
He's talking to an ex on Facebook, but is upset that I'm talking to another of his exes too!
Q. so i have a problem. my boyfriend has been talking to his ex on facebook all the time. I told him when he first added her i didn't like it but yet he still talks to her. well now another one of his ex's added me on facebook. me and my boyfriend are ...
A. 11 April 2012: What he is doing is rude and inconsiderate. Every woman has a right to ask their man to break ties with exes,and vice versa.... (read in full...)
Telling your best friend you love her?
Q. Is it best to tell a girl you are in love with as soon as possible? Even if the girl is your best friend?...
A. 10 April 2012: Do it before she finds a boyfriend.
But don't just jump into that. Stroke her hair, touch her, give her a kiss. Go on a few dates. Then you'll know the right time to tell her.
Bottle it up and you WILL go mental, especially if she thinks yo... (read in full...)
How do I tell my female friend that I have feelings for her?
Q. I have been friends with this girl since 2009 and I have feelings for her ,how do I tell her I love her with out ruining our friendship if she has no feelings for me...
A. 10 April 2012: There is no safe way to do this at all. But if you don't, you will go insane hiding it.
My advice? Don't TELL her, just invite her out to dinner, your place or something like that, stroke her hair a bit and if she smiles, kiss her and see how ... (read in full...)
Is she interested or not?
Q. My ex and I recently ran into eachother and have started talking again. We broke up over 2 years ago. She split up with me because she thought I was seeing someone else, which I wasn't, and she thought I was a bit needy. Her insecurity made me t...
A. 10 April 2012: You don't want this sort of "wondering" in any sort of relationship. When two ppl really like each other, they are in constant communication. If she is interested, she has a strange way of showing it. It's not likely to get better.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my #1 guy about my 'stalker'?
Q. So, I'm dating a guy, it's been only two weeks and I really like him, I would love to be his girlfriend one day. But, there's this other guy who's been almost stalking me since I broke up with an exboyfriend almost two months ago. I finally accepted ...
A. 8 April 2012: Cerberus is absolutely right!!! Most posters I see on this forum I see are being wronged, some are wronging others. Stop acting like "all this happened to you". You made decisions that lead up to what happened.
Completely aside from guy #1 a... (read in full...)
Should I tell my #1 guy about my 'stalker'?
Q. So, I'm dating a guy, it's been only two weeks and I really like him, I would love to be his girlfriend one day. But, there's this other guy who's been almost stalking me since I broke up with an exboyfriend almost two months ago. I finally accepted ...
A. 8 April 2012: Yeah, tell your "official" boyfriend what happened. Heloooo he told you that he's going to keep trying and you don't have the nerve/decency to tell this alleged "stalker" no?
You just like the attention, even though you don't like him. That am... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 8 April 2012: Just wish you good luck. Tell him what you want as far as attention from him, make agreements as to how to proceed, and he will either be on board or he won't. I hope it turns out well for you.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 27 March 2012: You know something, whether its normal or not, right or wrong, going to strip clubs is still a reflection on someone's character.
And all things being equal, I am sure the vast majority of women in their heart of hearts prefer men who don't go... (read in full...)
I want to get involved with my sister in law who lives with us
Q. The wife of my brother-in-law lives with us. I want her more than my wife and her husband is in abroad. I'm 36years old and living a happy married life. We are living two families together. This means my family and the other family is my wif...
A. 23 March 2012: I don't advise people how to do things that are clearly unethical.
The problem is not "how do I bed her" its that you want to.
You best make arrangements for her to live somewhere else. That will cool off your head enough to sort the rest ou... (read in full...)
Should I ask I'm out, or wait to see if he asks me?
Q. Should I ask the Guy I like out, or wait to see if he will?? How long would i wait? How do I Know if he shows an intrest in me?? Or should I have my best friend ask him for me, but it is like a brother to her.. Any ideas.. Please help me, im not ...
A. 23 March 2012: If you want to go the subtle route, the best way to let a guy know you like him is to touch him a lot when you speak to him. See how he reacts.
Other than that, ask him out.... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 23 March 2012: NOW we are getting somewhere.
I can understand that fear. You are afraid that all he wants is sex. And there are enough "love them and leave them" kind of guys out that to warrant that fear in many women.
I think its safe to say that a simil... (read in full...)
How do I clear this mess up? Do I tell the guy that asked me out, that I have my eye on someone else?
Q. Hello. Thanks for clicking. I will try and make this as quick as possible. A few weeks ago a guy came into a bar i work in (i will call him T). There was a chemistry, a connection, and it was great. He introduced himself to me, shook my hand, a...
A. 23 March 2012: OK, when a guy asks you out that you don't want to go out with, you need to say "no". He is the idiot who did this publicly. And you can still tell him privately that you just did not want to embarass him and that you don't want the date.
And y... (read in full...)
How can I keep a serious relationship with one guy?
Q. I really need help as concerning to my problem which have been trying to overcome,but to no avail and it goes like these: i am 19 years old and i have not been in a serious relationship with a guy before due to the fact that i hate visiting people ...
A. 23 March 2012: Well, to have a long term relationship you need to work things out with the person you are with rather than continually find someone new.
Nothing really wrong with what you are doing at this age, you have plenty of time to learn.... (read in full...)
Where did I go wrong in starting this 'rebound' relationship?
Q. So my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, about 5 months ago now, and I was completley heart-broken. Shortly after the breakup, I hooked up with a co-worker. I told this co-worker from the get-go that I wasn't interested in a long term ...
A. 23 March 2012: You wrote:
B) One time, I said no to trying again with a different ex and he threatened to commit suicide.
Not sure where this fits in. Anyone who threatens suicide is too mentally unstable to have any kind of relationship with at all. Do... (read in full...)
How do I resolve my relationship problems? I like my ex, but I'm with another guy.
Q. This is quite a long story to begin with and to be honest im not exactly sure how to get over this guy in the slightest and it is breaking my heart. I am only 16 years of age yet the last 2 years my mind has been in turmoil with the fact that i ...
A. 23 March 2012: I can understand why you are going mad with confusion. It was nearly impossible to follow all this and I am still not sure I understand.
So I will try to be as simple as possible.
Pick out one of these guys that you truly sincerely like a... (read in full...)
Why did she invite me to her room when it was that messy? And why was she so rude with me in the morning?
Q. This girl I met last year near the beginning of university found me on Facebook, we had a friend in common and she messaged me saying 'You appeared on people I might know and i'm sure I recognised you, no worries if i'm wrong'. I recognised her, ...
A. 23 March 2012: Messy living quarters is a reflection of a person's mental condition. Tidy people are generally saner ones and messy people are generally nutcases. But I don't think you really need me to point that out.
Unfriend her, forget her number, move on.... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 23 March 2012: OK look, whether you are the OP or not, even a great BJ is foreplay. In his mind he is most likely dying to sleep with you. This is torturous for him and is going to lead to all sorts of weird behavior on his part. And whether or not you can ... (read in full...)
My ex has been telling people that I use her for sex!
Q. Hello. I am feeling very guilty at the moment. I'm going to try and keep this short. I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago, this was due to her being abusive towards me, she would hit me and emotionally treat me bad. I loved her very much and...
A. 23 March 2012: It's bad.
You need to have the balls to turn her away, tell her its over. And I always tell this to people when they break up: unless you have shared custody or work together or some other forced situation, do NOT contact them!!!
Now, if... (read in full...)
Is it weird to send him sexy pics of me after not having spoken in a long time?
Q. I was dating a great guy but he moved away and he was really disappointed about the distance as it interferes with us continuing things. And we haven't spoken in 2 months. Last time I spoke to him, when he was already moved and settled, he sent me a ...
A. 23 March 2012: You better call him and make sure that he doesn't have some snoopy girlfriend now that checks his phone.
Also, sending any digital pictures that are compromising to you especially to someone you are no longer involved with is very very risky. ... (read in full...)
It creeps me out that my boyfriend masturbates in bed, next to me!
Q. I'm not prude to someone's need to self please, I'm not even jealous or against it... but my boyfriend has been masterbating while I'm sleeping. I wouldn't even know about it if I hadn't caught him at least a half a dozen times. (and by caught I ...
A. 23 March 2012: Not silly at all to be creeped out about this.
Your sex life has been dull and boring and this is why. He has got a real live woman right next to him and he chooses the laptop?
Why is this guy even with you? You really need to ask him ... (read in full...)
If he loved me back, why would he have let me go? How do you even know it was real?
Q. I miss my ex so badly it feels like a physical ache in my chest. I feel deep regret that I let him go. I've never felt that much for anyone, or felt that comfortable and "myself" with anyone. I feel so sad I've let him down. I know he did things ...
A. 23 March 2012: The following is not direct advice but more simple things to consider to help you resolve things yourself:
Did you have any goals beyond just being a couple?
Do you intend to travel more? This was the initial deal-breaker for you. Will i... (read in full...)
Why does it make me so upset that he doesn't do the little things?
Q. Hi, I read a couple of articles from here and I find it nice that they are recent and discussed. Makes me hopeful I will get some on your opinions, as my head is not clear - so it seems. Steady boyfriend, two and half years now. We m...
A. 23 March 2012: It all boils down to your needs and wants. He is 30 years old and can't tell you he loves you after 2.5 years?
Its not that hard to say.
The real mistake you are making in your posting is calling these things "little things".
Fo... (read in full...)
I like this girl, simple, right? Problem is her best friend likes me too!
Q. I like this girl, simple, right? Well, the problem is her best friend (Also a girl) likes me. I'm rather unsure how to tackle this problem, seeing I've been in the same rock and hard place spot before and I failed spectacularly, by not wasting a...
A. 23 March 2012: Is the friend actually trying to sabotage you and this girl? That's the only way it would be a real problem.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 23 March 2012: I actually have been to a strip club, thank you very much anonymous male reader. And I said "engaging in a sexual activity " not having sex. Its not an educational activity or a sports activity is it?
And when I "window shop" for say, shoes or... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 23 March 2012: Again, when you log in with the same user ID you used to post the question, and then do the followup, a message highlighted in yellow comes up saying "this has been verified as the original poster of this question". Anyone could claim they are the ... (read in full...)
Worried about my friend's relationship, what do you all think of this?
Q. Hi my question is more of your opinions because im worried about my friends relationship. She has always been back and forth running around in circles. She met this guy and was still in love with her ex, blew this guy off three times and he freaked ...
A. 23 March 2012: I think first and most important you need to have your friend do the advice-seeking. Is she even aware she has a problem?... (read in full...)
My wife agreed to introduce this third woman into our sex life to spice things up, but now I have feelings for her. My insecure wife is fine with other women but not this one, why doesn't she want me to be happy?
Q. My wife and I have been married 14 years. Pregnant at 17 but in love at the time. Because of the diffucultys of being young parents we went through a lot of struggles. I feel this had a registering effect on some of our marriage because of the ...
A. 23 March 2012: Tell you what, since you won't take anyone's advice here, why don't you just go do what you want and see how it works out for you. Wait a few months and report back on your progress. If your wife hasn't killed you yet, that is.... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 22 March 2012: I need to amend the answer:
I noticed that the "anonymous female" is not verified as being the original poster. Could the original poster please log in (and still post anonymously) and let us know if that is really you who wrote that followup... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 22 March 2012: You wrote:
We have done other things in bed just not intercourse.
OK, so this just means its even more severe. Lets see, how can I put this?
You've invited him over to look at the cookie jar. You have shown him how lovely the cookie jar lo... (read in full...)
My wife agreed to introduce this third woman into our sex life to spice things up, but now I have feelings for her. My insecure wife is fine with other women but not this one, why doesn't she want me to be happy?
Q. My wife and I have been married 14 years. Pregnant at 17 but in love at the time. Because of the diffucultys of being young parents we went through a lot of struggles. I feel this had a registering effect on some of our marriage because of the ...
A. 22 March 2012: You've been told by posters over and over again that the three of you does not work. You can't stop the ugly head of jealousy in any other way than to return to a one on one monogamous relationship.
You know, people actually kill each other ov... (read in full...)
My wife agreed to introduce this third woman into our sex life to spice things up, but now I have feelings for her. My insecure wife is fine with other women but not this one, why doesn't she want me to be happy?
Q. My wife and I have been married 14 years. Pregnant at 17 but in love at the time. Because of the diffucultys of being young parents we went through a lot of struggles. I feel this had a registering effect on some of our marriage because of the ...
A. 22 March 2012: My only advice is to stop doing threesomes altogether. Jealousy does not arise in relationships where there are TWO people. That is why the vast majority of us are one-on-one, and those relationships are hard enough as it is.... (read in full...)
Why does it feel like I'm the one having to make all the moves?
Q. Tell it to me straight people I especially need some advice from The men I'm seeing a man it's been about a month maybe once a week, but we go way back there's history. We've had three sleepover dates and lots of making out but I won't let him sl...
A. 22 March 2012: Sorry, but if you don't want to go all the way with someone, you shouldn't have a "sleepover date" and you have had three of them? He is letting you do all the initiating because you are probably confusing the hell out of this man and he is now ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for an attached man to pay for lapdances?
Q. Hi- I'm interested in guys' opinion on this one. Do ou think it's normal for a guy who has a gf to still go to strip clubs on the weekend with his guy friends and to pay for lap dances? I could understand the bachelor party thing and for single guys ...
A. 20 March 2012: Common? Maybe. Normal? Maybe. Aceeptable? Absolutely not!
He is engaging in a sexual activity with another woman. Hellooo.... (read in full...)
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