A
female
age
22-25,
*oxox
writes:Alright so I'm 14 and going against my dad's rules, I've been dating this boy for 8 months. I want to tell my parents in dating this guy and I know how to tell my mom but how do I tell my dad? I mean what's the big deal, I've never done drugs or sexual activity, I have straight A's, I'm respectful, I clean the house and babysit, I don't see how anything I do is bad. Yes of course people will say "well you're to young you're going to get pregnant" that's not my case, I know how to be respectful towards my own body which is why i make sure others are respectful towards it as well and yes I know I'm a little young but doesn't everyone have there first relationship at a young age? I don't know if this boy and I will last but I mean, whatever happens happens, right? Anyways the furthest of sexual activity I've gotten with this guy is kissing, and that's pretty much it, and were both fine with that. My dad always says if he catches me with a guy he'll kill both of us and all that, which is why I'm scared. I'm his oldest daughter and he's very hard headed so how do I tell him this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): hi there. we're the same age so i know what you're going through... even if i didn't really have a boyfriend in my life i have been and am in love. what i see is that your dad's just protective of you and doesn't want anything to happen to you, trust me when my parents told me that i was to young to date i was so frustrated it felt as if i could burst, but i knew it was for my own good. now things are a little less "tense" when we talk about me having a boyfriend. you might think that i'm a Miss know it all, but this also helps me to get rid of my unwanted feelings. if you reeaaallly like this guy and your mum is on your side, well then you don't have much to worry about. the ice will break ultimately. this isn't much or even may not be advice, but it's just my perspective. all i know is that you are not alone and anyway even if i don't know your dad... it sounds like he's a nice guy. :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 June 2014):
 I take it your Dad is using a figure of speech ?, at least I hope ?
This may sound like a dumb question, but USA is a big country hosting people from very different traditions and cultures.
In my country in recent years there have been a few cases making national headlines, of immigrants fathers who have killed their young daughters , who were just guilty of wanting to live European style ( dancing, partyng , dating etc... ). These killings always came as a big shock to the community, because these fathers were hard workers, good citizens, apparently very well integrated in our society blah blah blah. I suppose certain cultural knots are hard to loosen, and certain behaviours ( particularly in ref. to female sexuality ) go hitting some very deep dark places.
So, if there is any chance that your father may mean that semi-literally ( to the point of violence , if not of killing ) I'd take the coward way and I'd stay put until you are of age AND out of your father's house.
If this is just the feisty banter of an average dad ( MOST dads tend to be a bit overprotective , a bit jealous when it comes to their female offspring ) , well the damage is done, even if you should not have gone against your parents' rules, and, since your mom seems more approachable, - tell your mom and let her deal with it. Probably she knows how to handle her husband better than you do, she knows how to break the news to him diplomatically, if she has to catch him in a good mood, or if he can reasoned with , or instead if she has to take a stand for you and fight for your cause etc.
I think you need a good ally in your Mom, because, although your observations make sense ( if you are sure that you are JUST kissing, and that you do not neglect your studies... it ain't that terrible :) , you start from a position of weakness , you are already in the doghouse IMO just for having gone behind their back and basically made fun of them since 8 months already. That , as a parent, would be what irks ME, not some kissing and petting.
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