A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this single mum for about month now. Everything is going alright, obviously haven't let the child or anything crazy like that yet, but I have an issue.She has a male best mate, obviously this girl is bisexual, and this make best mate has declared his love for her, and wants them to work as a family. They have had a thing in the past but apparently this is now forgotten and they are just mates.He is round there all the time! He buys her flowers all the time and my gut believes there is something else going on. I'm not mature enough to cope with this, I think the green eyes monster is rearing it's ugly head which I am completely not used to, but I don't know what to do. I've asked her jokingly if anything would go on between them two and she says defineltly not, but when someone is around 24/7 you get to thinking that's a lie? If you catchy drift there? What should I do, should I cut my loses before getting heavily involved in this girl, I think I love her but I think that might also just be infatuation because she's a new thing in my life.She is awesome when she's alone but the second she's with him I get like one text per hour or she goes on Facebook but completely ignores my texts. Literally no idea what to do! Feel a little bit, out of sight, out of mind sorta thing.I'm nt even sure this made sense to be honest!
View related questions:
best friend, facebook, flowers, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2014):
 I guess it's a matter of points of view :)... " I get one text per hour "- that's an awful lot of texting !, what is it, can't you stay quietly and contentedly few hours apart in a day ? And actually, when you are with friend A ,you are not even supposed to have text convos with friends B or C, - unless it's something really urgent, that would be just rude.
The problem, though, seems to be WHY she likes to spend so much time with friend A ( the male suitor ), .. and I tend to agree with the other Aunts, there's something fishy here.
When you are dating someone exclusively, you can keep your friendships of course, but you are not supposed to encourage, or actually allow, romantic attentions. What's with the flowers all the time, that's not what a platonic friends does, ...he is courting her, why does she accept ?. and the being around 24/7- uh-uh, she should not allow that either, I understand being attached to friends and obviously not wanting to ditch them because of a new relationship, but, it is also true that a couple needs their privacy, intimacy and " us time ", good friends understand that and back off a bit, and those who do not understand SHOULD be told kindly but firmly by the person who's the object of all this attention : sorry, we are still besties, but I am in a relationship now and I need to prioritize.
Actually, she is prioritizing, only she's got her priorities wrong, the romantic bestie first .This is neither right nor flattering to you, and it may announce the shape of things to come.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (22 June 2014):
 Your gut is correct. He's not her friend, nor does he intend to be just friends. He is in full-on pursuit mode now, and even if she's not reciprocating with him, she's being intoxicated by his attention. She could easily tell him to back off, that she's not interested, that she's uncomfortable by his unwanted romantic gestures, but she hasn't. She's accepting the flowers and devoting full attention to him.
When a romantic interest has been declared, it's no longer a "best friend" situation. She says she's not interested to you, but she's not said that to him in any definitive way, or he'd break off the pursuit.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2014):
 I'd let her go. She is more busy with her male "bestie" and FAcebook.
She might not DO anything sexual with the "bestie" but she KNOWS he still wants her and she is enjoying the FIRE out of his attention, gifts and devotion.
Sorry, I'd be out of there. Too complicated a situation.
You already know your own limitations.
...............................
|
