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... Send *ioletSparkle a private message | | | *ioletSparkle's profile:Hello, I thought I finally should write something in this page: when I discovered dearcupid almost two years ago I was embarking in a self-discovery trip to understand who I was and what I actually wanted from relationships, so I guess you can see that in my posts, the psychological approach and all the books I was reading, now I feel I am a bit savvier in those matters but I am still waiting for that to show in practice, because what is the talk without the walk?
I love reading about people's problems, and see all the myriads of different personalities existing in the world, and be confronted with people very different from myself, and I find great that in the end we all want the same things, and find ways to communicate through that.
I find it very interesting to learn how to love and to relate at my age, as I am going through all the stages and experiences that should have made me a woman in my teenage years only now, but I guess it's better late than never, I am just happy to have this opportunity to be whole and cheerful in this lifetime, and I am planning to be an extremely sexy 70 years old, if I reach that age, and make up for all the lost time in my teens and 20ies.
After many years of mistrust towards men I found out that I didn't treat them much better than they treated me, and that only compassion creates a bridge and understanding between two (genetically) different mindsets, which doesn't mean being a sucker for any sweet talk I hear, but being able to distinguish the good from the bad and appreciate and recognize character and good will wherever I see it.
So now I am single, but I am trying to have good relationships with good men, even just as friends, to make up for all the negative male images that I had before in my life, make peace with that side of the world and be at peace, which is the most important to me right now. This is the experience that I bring here.
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The guy I've liked from afar is being a little wierd
Q. Hi, I need some advice, I haven't dated in ages, I am 43, just went through a rough patch with major losses, illness etc, now better but I am still fragile. Anyway, since last year I meet maybe every 2/3 months this guy through work, older (I ...
A. 22 November 2017: thank you, yes, I am quite depressed, in the last two years I lost my career, most friends, most family estranged, was deadly ill (now healing), lost all my possessions to mold, spent 6 months looking for an apartment and 4 months in bed after being ... (read in full...)
The guy I've liked from afar is being a little wierd
Q. Hi, I need some advice, I haven't dated in ages, I am 43, just went through a rough patch with major losses, illness etc, now better but I am still fragile. Anyway, since last year I meet maybe every 2/3 months this guy through work, older (I ...
A. 20 November 2017: thing is, I have no friends left and moved when sick to a new city, so there is zero support for me - I am going to therapy groups 3/4 times a week, but that's all - it's really a stupid situation, and having silly guys to make a pass on me is ... (read in full...)
The guy I've liked from afar is being a little wierd
Q. Hi, I need some advice, I haven't dated in ages, I am 43, just went through a rough patch with major losses, illness etc, now better but I am still fragile. Anyway, since last year I meet maybe every 2/3 months this guy through work, older (I ...
A. 20 November 2017: thing is, I have no friends left and moved when sick to a new city, so there is zero support for me - I am going to therapy groups 3/4 times a week, but that's all - it's really a stupid situation, and having silly guys to make a pass on me is ... (read in full...)
The guy I've liked from afar is being a little wierd
Q. Hi, I need some advice, I haven't dated in ages, I am 43, just went through a rough patch with major losses, illness etc, now better but I am still fragile. Anyway, since last year I meet maybe every 2/3 months this guy through work, older (I ...
A. 20 November 2017: Thank you so much for all your advice, I knew that but I didn't want to admit it - God knows why I had this crush on him at first sight, and in general he seems like a kind-hearted man the way he behaves with others, but probably not with women - I ... (read in full...)
The guy I've liked from afar is being a little wierd
Q. Hi, I need some advice, I haven't dated in ages, I am 43, just went through a rough patch with major losses, illness etc, now better but I am still fragile. Anyway, since last year I meet maybe every 2/3 months this guy through work, older (I ...
A. 19 November 2017: Hi, thank you for all the answers - no of course I don't "plan on complying" - thing is, his job is in another branch so except for these big meetings we won't have reason to meet, he is powerful but also far away so I am not "that" afraid, although ... (read in full...)
The guy I've liked from afar is being a little wierd
Q. Hi, I need some advice, I haven't dated in ages, I am 43, just went through a rough patch with major losses, illness etc, now better but I am still fragile. Anyway, since last year I meet maybe every 2/3 months this guy through work, older (I ...
A. 19 November 2017: thing is, if he is a good person I would love to go out with him, but I am not sure he is, considering his behavior that I find strange
... (read in full...)
Why are some younger guys physically attracted to older women?
Q. When you write that question on google, you get a lot of answers such: having their life together, being more self-assured, more open sexually, etc etc, but I was wondering how some younger men find bodies with signs of aging attractive, what do ...
A. 19 July 2014: so many enlightening comments, thank you!
That is exactly what I was looking for, I seek to understand the very physical reasons behind attraction to older women, because I didn't "get" it myself… Now I understand better, thank you again... (read in full...)
Why are some younger guys physically attracted to older women?
Q. When you write that question on google, you get a lot of answers such: having their life together, being more self-assured, more open sexually, etc etc, but I was wondering how some younger men find bodies with signs of aging attractive, what do ...
A. 19 July 2014: ehm, no, I don't know what other post you are talking about… ... (read in full...)
I'm an intelligent woman losing her wits over a crush on my professor!
Q. Adult Woman Crush on Professor, This is extremely distracting to me. I have not been able to fully focus in class, I got my first B+ in a class that is an easy A+ (due to the fact I was more concerned how I looked prior to class than going over ...
A. 14 November 2012: something similar happened to me when I was like 28, so not a schoolgirl either. I won't go into detail about my story, also because that was a silly crush and yours sound like it could develop into something.
My advice is to get out of the stud... (read in full...)
How do I turn down a colleague who is acting weird?
Q. I need some help to turn down a guy nicely, please suggest what is the best thing to do. We meet at least twice a week at work, and we might have clients in common, so I'd like to stay on friendly basis. He has been sending mixed messages for seve...
A. 14 May 2012: hey, thank you for your reply, it is very useful indeed- the guy speeded up things by disappearing on the day of the appointment, and writing 10 minutes before the time set for it where we should meet (!) - I told him I had other plans, and he came ... (read in full...)
I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship. Is anyone else like this?
Q. Ok, here goes... I'm nervous about posting this but the bottom line is I'm lonely. I live in a big city and whilst I know people, I would consider the vast majority acquaintances. I moved away from my home town years ago as most of my childhood ...
A. 17 March 2012: oh my, much of what you write, I could have written it, especially the shyness, and feeling 'big' after the weight is off. The only thing I feel like saying is quote the classic 'a good job doesn't love you back and asking you if you considered to ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this guy's invasive presence?
Q. OK, maybe this is a stupid question, especially at my age, but here it is: I met this guy exactly three times, once when we met at a party, once we had coffee and once we went together at a workshop with a lot of other people, and now he is writing ...
A. 31 December 2011: Thank you! It is done - Yos: I was Dutch enough (even if I am not Dutch by origin), hope the guy is Dutch enough (he is Dutch, in fact) to take it, and that he will appreciate the life lesson... ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this guy's invasive presence?
Q. OK, maybe this is a stupid question, especially at my age, but here it is: I met this guy exactly three times, once when we met at a party, once we had coffee and once we went together at a workshop with a lot of other people, and now he is writing ...
A. 30 December 2011: Cerberus: I am not Irish :) no Irish could make all my grammar mistakes, but I like Ireland a lot - the question is: how to say that without hurting anyone's feelings, actually I will just copy and paste what you write :P
Usually when I feel my b... (read in full...)
How do I stop this guy's invasive presence?
Q. OK, maybe this is a stupid question, especially at my age, but here it is: I met this guy exactly three times, once when we met at a party, once we had coffee and once we went together at a workshop with a lot of other people, and now he is writing ...
A. 30 December 2011: I think he is just a bit of both (lonely AND weird) and also very smart and funny, as well as hopelessly unattractive to me (sorry), this is why I'd like to avoid ditching him because he deserves better, but he really needs some pointers in social ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this guy's invasive presence?
Q. OK, maybe this is a stupid question, especially at my age, but here it is: I met this guy exactly three times, once when we met at a party, once we had coffee and once we went together at a workshop with a lot of other people, and now he is writing ...
A. 30 December 2011: actually I am interested in hearing from him, only just as a friend and not so often, otherwise the problem wouldn't exist... ... (read in full...)
I started gagging when I tried oral sex on my Bf, my eyes got watery, I felt like I was gonna throw up. Now my Bf's very upset with my reaction, and doesn't want to try ever again
Q. My bf and I are both in our first serious relationship, and also inexperienced. I am more shy while hes a bit more adventurous and doesn't mind trying new things regarding physical intimacy. We haven't gone all the way, because I dont want to. But ...
A. 30 December 2011: For tips, just search cosmopolitan (no joke) http://www.cosmopolitan.com/
and then experiment for the pleasure of both of you, but very lightly, like it is a game, a bj is just a bj, and you had low blood sugar levels :) Of course, that is if you ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to suddenly feel insecure in a new relationship?
Q. I am a 29 year old woman with a not-so-great track record with relationships. I have not been in a normal relationship for several years. I have been dating a wonderful, kind man for almost six months now. I took things very slowly in the beginning, ...
A. 30 December 2011: Many years ago I read this book, "Women who love too much"; I have no idea if you read it or if it can relate to you, but it stated clearly that after a lifetime of bad relationships with men full of drama, discomfort and suffering, it was very ... (read in full...)
I honestly don't know how to date again.
Q. Ok the thing is that this whole dating thing is all new to me. I was with my ex since I was 19,broke up when I was 25 I'm 27 now and I've been single for 2 years and I've been pretty much scared to date.. I tried going out with this guy like months ...
A. 30 December 2011: Why Men Love bitches is a delightful book, I can't help but recommend it too :) and possibly the Rules? old fashioned, but strong advice about self respect, like the grandmother I never had ... (read in full...)
How do I take control? I'm feeling traumatised. My Bf just dumped me. He hasn't been supportive.
Q. Hi Need some help please as I just don't know which way to turn. My dad had a horrific heart attack a few weeks ago and we nearly lost him. He has just undergone surgery and I am pleased to say he is on the mend! However, in my time of need, my ...
A. 26 June 2011: Even if the relationship wasn't going that well, it's not nice of him to dump you exactly after your dad had an operation, he could have waited a couple of weeks until you were back up on your feet again and not so shaken. It doesn't sound like he ... (read in full...)
How to deal with online dating rejection?
Q. I've started to try online dating. It's so frustrating for a guy. I'm not the best looking out there. I send my responses. No response. One girl messaged me. I asked to hang out with her. She says she's busy. We still talk to each other. ...
A. 5 May 2011: not true, there are always more women than men in most dating sites, maybe it's not the right dating site? Improve your profile? get a picture taken by a semi-professional? Anyway, remember that those people don't actually know you, so it really ... (read in full...)
How do I draw this man closer to me and away from his work?
Q. Hi, I am a 22 yrs old girl. I met a guy online who is 39 years old.After we spoke for online for sometime, he asked me for an Open relationship. At that point of time , i has no clue what does that mean. So i just agreed to be friendly with him....
A. 5 May 2011: hey, what are you doing with an old man?!? and a workaholic? do you want someone like that? I think you deserve better.. Actually, that's the catch: it's not really possible to make someone want you more than they want you, especially after th... (read in full...)
Fat girl seeking a man that love fat women
Q. i am a 19 year old female. i am a heavy girl and i have never had a boyfriend or even my first kiss. I am horrible on the computer. I have been searching the web for men seeking very fat woman but can not find any chat rooms for men seeking the fat ...
A. 7 April 2011: a friend of mine from high school had that fetish :-) and now he is happily married with a beautiful and very large lady.
On second thoughts, before trying the links I send, look for something more specific for young people, try googling "you... (read in full...)
Fat girl seeking a man that love fat women
Q. i am a 19 year old female. i am a heavy girl and i have never had a boyfriend or even my first kiss. I am horrible on the computer. I have been searching the web for men seeking very fat woman but can not find any chat rooms for men seeking the fat ...
A. 7 April 2011: this seems a bit more refined than Feedies
http://www.bbpeoplemeet.com/index.cfm
http://bigandbeautifulsingles.com/
http://www.largeandlovely.com/
actually I think it's a very good idea! just make sure you really follow all safety rul... (read in full...)
Is this true love or true guilt?
Q. How do you know when you cheat on someone after being with them for 4 years that you really love them? The fact that one could cheat on their partner after being with them for so long, makes one question if it is really "love" you feel for them. ...
A. 30 March 2011: Well, perhaps you want to explore why you cheated on them in the first place. Was the relationship tired, or boring in bed, or was it some "fatal attraction" towards a special person that is unlikely to be repeated?... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend says its ok for him to have sex with call girls since its just "meaningless sex"
Q. Hi Me and my bf are in LDR for the past 6 months. I'll be going back within 3-4 months. My bf wants to have sex with some callgirls, since there was no sex for the past 6 months. I dont like the idea, when i said even i didnt have any sex for 6 mo...
A. 30 March 2011: wow, sorry about your experience, it's really disgusting.. and scary, because basically either he is trying to dump you (which wouldn't be a bad thing either, do you want some really bad ST diseases? with a guy like that the chances are much higher ... (read in full...)
Why does this guy take all these pictures of me and want more?
Q. Hi All. I have a strange question to ask.I am a woman in her mid 60's i am fit and not unattractive,i excersize every day. well lately this young man he tells me he is 42 has struck up a conversation with me and walks along with me.he seemed n...
A. 30 March 2011: This sounds like a Creep Alert! there is a lot of weirdos around, and they all seem very nice, be very very careful. Did you ask him why he wanted those photos?... (read in full...)
Have to see Ex-BF tomorrow and not sure I'll be able to control my anger. Help!
Q. Your Open Question: How should I act when I see my lying cheating ex boyfriend? ? My ex boyfriend lied to me, cheated and dumped me. I knew something wasn't right cos he said he doesn't want a relationship. I found out he was sleeping with s...
A. 30 March 2011: what about saying: I am really too mad to meet you tomorrow, let's meet some other time? that will also make him suffer some more.. If he insists on releasing his conscience, that's his problem, it doesn't have to be your concern. Tell him you are ... (read in full...)
I'm so negative and it's ruining my life. Any suggestions?
Q. Hello everyone. So it's time to get this sorted once and for all. I have no idea where this came from, but I have a paranoia problem. I am not very confident to start with, I am a short guy. I have just grown this paranoia, if I see peopl...
A. 30 March 2011: sounds very much as low self esteem, what about doing something about that? If you sort out other areas of your life and get to feel really confident in those - dunno, your work, your hobbies, your looks/clothes, a couple of sex manuals? - I am not... (read in full...)
My BF teases me about not being as worldly as he is, and it make me feel inferior.
Q. I feel inferior to my boyfriend coz he is very much social. He has got a lot of girlfriends, and he goes out with them. I feel hurt when he is doing this. I have discussed the problem with him,but he says that it's all coz am not social. And also he ...
A. 30 March 2011: https://www.justgive.org/how-to-give/giving-resources/ideas-for-volunteering.jsp http://volunteerguide.org/volunteer/fifteenminutes.htm a couple of ideas :-) but if you like cooking, that is also an interest, just act upon it ;-) ... (read in full...)
My BF teases me about not being as worldly as he is, and it make me feel inferior.
Q. I feel inferior to my boyfriend coz he is very much social. He has got a lot of girlfriends, and he goes out with them. I feel hurt when he is doing this. I have discussed the problem with him,but he says that it's all coz am not social. And also he ...
A. 30 March 2011: I agree with the previous comment, and also what about going to a cool trip, maybe to volunteer or I don't know what your interests are, and if you don't have too many interests, maybe get some? Who cares about "his" world knowledge, are you ... (read in full...)
I'm sending him this breakup note. Am I doing the right thing?
Q. I need some external advice because i am a mess and i do not want to do anything i regret later. I used to go out with this guy and we were really in love. Then he just pulled back and we decided to stay friends. The problem is even that he liv...
A. 30 March 2011: I d say if it makes you feel bad to sleep with him when you are not a priority, don't do it. And ignore the "I love you", it doesn't mean a thing if he doesn't even want to see you, he is just stringing you along. Someone like that would just ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a woman touches herself on the rear as she walks out of a room?
Q. What does it mean when a woman touches herself on the rear as she walks out of a room? I share an office with a woman, and it seems that every time she leaves she touches her butt on the way out. Three possibilities come to mind for me: 1. Sh...
A. 21 March 2011: random thoughts.. tight underpants? checking if tampon/pad is in place or if it is showing? What I can imagine is that is someone were looking at my butt and I liked that I wouldn't "distract the viewing", so she might just feel self conscious and ... (read in full...)
Depression: red flag?!!?
Q. well, I found this guy on a dating website, we got on pretty well, he asks to meet me (after a really long time, like two months) we meet, it's OK no more, he seems a bit down and mentions two broken marriages at age 38. The second date is better, ...
A. 21 March 2011: honestly, the only thing I am telling him is that when I ll find Mr Clarity I ll send him a postcard - and yes, I am still going "yuck" since this afternoon. And laughing, because how do you send a postcard to one who lives in the moment?
Does it e... (read in full...)
Is a phone call too much? modern technologies and dating
Q. Hello, I really need a suggestion: this guy I met on an online dating site, we exchanged a few emails, no more than once a day, then he asked me out and we met, but several days before the date and after no communication. First date was awkward ...
A. 20 March 2011: you are right, it shouldn't be too much work in the beginning, he was after one thing only.. (he didn't get it, ah) ... (read in full...)
Depression: red flag?!!?
Q. well, I found this guy on a dating website, we got on pretty well, he asks to meet me (after a really long time, like two months) we meet, it's OK no more, he seems a bit down and mentions two broken marriages at age 38. The second date is better, ...
A. 20 March 2011: the last comment, suggesting that he was just a time waster, was the right one: after one month and a half of really mixed messages, I asked him what is that he wants and the answer is " it is very tricky for me to formulate exactly what I want, ... (read in full...)
I'm insecure because of past relationships, but I don't want to ruin the current one
Q. I have a real issue with trust. In my three previous relationships (in fact, my only three serious relationships) they have cheated on me or left me for another woman. I have done much soul-searching as to whether it was something that I did or ...
A. 12 March 2011: What I understand of your question is that at the moment it is your *own* problem, and that there is no real reason to worry (unless I missed something and the comments about other women where coming up all the time).
When something similar ... (read in full...)
What has worked on acne for you?
Q. i have a very big problem with acne. i am 17 coming up to 18. when you look at me straight on my face is fine just the odd spot on my forehead. but on each side you just see spots. when im at home in the bathroom mirror they look fine but when i see ...
A. 12 March 2011: I had horrible problems with that for several years, and the solution came from a psychologist who was working together with the dermatologist: apparently I had some kind of tic, or I was so worried about my skin problem that I was touching my face ... (read in full...)
Depression: red flag?!!?
Q. well, I found this guy on a dating website, we got on pretty well, he asks to meet me (after a really long time, like two months) we meet, it's OK no more, he seems a bit down and mentions two broken marriages at age 38. The second date is better, ...
A. 8 March 2011: I agree exactly with the last comment, that it felt like he pushed that information on me to see what happened - by the way, I answered a kind message saying that that was a lot of information and I wanted to know more and... the day after his ... (read in full...)
Depression: red flag?!!?
Q. well, I found this guy on a dating website, we got on pretty well, he asks to meet me (after a really long time, like two months) we meet, it's OK no more, he seems a bit down and mentions two broken marriages at age 38. The second date is better, ...
A. 8 March 2011: thank you so much for your answers - what freaked me out a bit was that he didn't really wait to know me a bit before telling me these things, and he told me about the depression on a chat instead of just waiting three days for the next meeting to ... (read in full...)
I'm 38 and I still feel immature...advice?
Q. I really need some help: I am 38 years old, and I am still so immature and hurt, and I don't know how I can appeal a decent man. After a lifetime of running after bad guys, in the last years I completely reformed and spent a long time into my own...
A. 6 March 2011: Thank you, I suspected it wasn't the case of telling anybody..
I know that "how to know when you are dating a loser" is not the highest kind of help, but I was in therapy already and clearly the mistake was in the behavior, rather than in the feel... (read in full...)
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