A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So let me start from the beginning: I'm 15 years old and met my boyfriend at school in August. This was the first year he had ever been to my school, and unfortunately appears to be the last. We've had arguments and such but they always draw us closer, and though many may contradict me on this I love him more than is possible to express. His family owns a house in Florida, and they go down for the summer each year. A few days ago I got back from visiting him there, where I was given some very upsetting news at the same time he was. He heard his family talking and confronted them about it, directly, so that they would have no choice but to answer him truthfully. They had decided that they were going to keep him down there this year, which is very disheartening for both of us since we were planning on spending next school year together (he got in trouble over something that was an accident at the beginning of the year, so we weren't able to interact throughout the day, only after school and on weekends). They weren't going to tell him until next month. Needless to say, both of us have been very upset about this information, especially since when we found out I was due to go home in only four days. His family has scheduled a visit up next month after my second vacation so we are able to see each other again. I would just like to get some suggestions on how to see each other, since our schedules now do not line up and if I head back to Florida to see him I have to have one of my parents with me, while he does not wish to fly at all. I would like to know how we could see each other on weekends maybe? Any suggestions on visits and how to keep our connection strong (which I have no doubt that we will make it through this) will be greatly appreciated, and don't be afraid to be harsh because my father has already basically told me there's not a chance of us making it. Thank you all for your help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand that the chances are likely very low, but I am not going to let that discourage me, because as you said, there's always someone who does make it. I am not questioning our ability to make it through this, I simply posted on here to get advice on how to make this easier. I do believe that he will stay true to me, and I don't have a single doubt in my mind that I am going to stay true to him. I'm honestly not sure if he will ever be moving back here, since there has been no mention of it... The only way I think that would happen would likely be if he moves back when he turns 18, and even then I believe he has plans to go to college in Florida (which I am considering myself, since they have one of the highest ranking veterinary colleges in the states). I have encouraged him to follow his dream rather than following me, and he has told me the same thing. At any rate, we would still not be attending the same school, and we would have gone through an LDR anyways. I'm not worried about us making it, I know we can, I simply was looking for advice on how to make it a bit easier on both of us. Btw, thank you for being so much more positive than most!
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 Oh you are in love , Op, I do not doubt it. The point is, what are you going to do with this love, until you aren't grown up , independent , and have got your own money ?
Travels costs, in MONEY, effort and time. Will your dad want / be able to put these things at your disposal ( reasonably ) often ? No ?... Then, there's nothing you can do, OP, but keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. As you are already doing now.
Btw, there's nothing wrong in being oprmistic as long as you are also realistic.
The thing about people getting hitched at 15 100 years ago... it may be true , but you do not live 100 years ago, you live now, - now things are different.
And teen couples staying together for life... that also was truer when people had no options, no alternatives, - and, in many countries, no divorce. Most people did not travel, most women did not work, did not live alone, did not pursue a career or have personal goals, did not live alone before getting married, and if they had sexual curiosities and the will to experiment ( that's not your case , OK ) they could not do it because of parental control and social stigma. It's easier to stay on course, when there's nothing else you can do.
You mention your parents and other couples who met in their teens and are still together , and I am not saying that it does not happen. It does. Only, not very often, The odds are against you: there are precise studies on the subject, in fact getting together very young is one of the biggest " predictor " of divorce. I can't recall the exact numbers, I'd say that maybe 2% ( something like that ) of people who have married their first sweetheart are still togethr 25 years later.
Anyway, yes, you could be one of the lucky ones, why not, someone always is. If you feel confident , as you do, that he loves you too, and that you can handle the situation, and this is the real thing, ..... well, actually, if you DO feel all this, where's the problem, - technically you would not even need to post here ( although, we are glad that you did of course ).
What's the big deal, OP ? If your couple is so solid and committed ?
It's ONE year. Op, he has not moved to Florida forever. Their parent said in one year he's comig back, didn't they ?
So, it's just 12 measly months- nothing, when you think in terms of LTRs, in fact, in terms of forever. You can text, you can phone, you can e-mail or FB, hopefully you can even squeeze in a couple of visits...
That should be quite manageable , no major sweat for you, IF there are no doubts that you both will stay true to each other. Why are you so worried, if you are adamant that you are going strong ? ... or maybe you aren't so adamant after all ?
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reader, Mark1978  +, writes (27 June 2014):
 To be fair Op we were all 15 and in love once. I know I thought I was and wouldn't have anyone else tell me otherwise. Yes times change but we all appreciate how young fifteen is emotionally as we were that age once.
" I will not agree with the fact that I am a child as you say it, for I am not"
Im sorry but I think you find that at fifteen you very much are a child. Until you turn 18 you are legally a child. Sorry but its true. Most of us think at that age that were are mature, grown up and have an adult mindset, but when one gets older you appreciate how young 20 is, let alone 15.
In all aspects of life its important to be realistic and for you to have an LDR is going to be very hard. Whether you love him or not is not the issue, the practicality of the situation is. In an ideal world true love would conquer any divide, close any distance and solve any issue...sadly that's not the world we live in. I have had LDRs myself and even as an experienced, independent adult it was too much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother thing to clear up: I do not, under any circumstances, need someone else to tell me I am in love! Whether you think so or not, being that you have not heard the full story and only know the bits I am asking about, I know good and well that I am in love. My parents are not telling me what I want to hear, they have told me things I definitely do not want to hear, as the first post indicates that they are reluctant to allow me to fly and keep restating the fact that this is going to be very hard. I accept the fact that Christians are not perfect, we all have our flaws and nobody is perfect, the goal is to strive to be perfect and more Christ-like. What I meant was that they themselves have said that we're in love, not that I asked them to tell me that whether they thought so or not. I am not very appreciative of the child remarks, as I have been through enough and felt enough things to understand my own emotions. Many people often forget how mature some people can be at fifteen. I really feel it is pointless now to argue that I am in love, as nobody on here will listen, but I'm going to anyways. He told me everything about his life, and I trust him on that, and I have been through more than is possible to put on here with him. As I said, you do not know the whole story. If you would like to, I would take the time to recount, from day one to present, but I feel now that you would simply be negative about every situation we have been in. It is really impossible to convey the depth and meaning of what we've been through in words. Naive or not, I know quite a lot about my emotions. I will acknowledge the fact that no, I am not as mature as many of the adults on here, but I will not agree with the fact that I am a child as you say it, for I am not. Every case of flirting was a long time ago, and he has told me about some girls he met at a skate park and what they talked about, knowing that there was no other way for me to find out since I had never been to Florida up unto the point where I went and visited him. Regardless of the amount of experience I have or do not have, again I will say I am quite aware of my emotions. Those were the only ways for me to try to make a point of the fact that I do know what love is (contrary to popular belief). I will be truly surprised and disappointed, as will everyone who knows me and my boyfriend himself, if my view and my love for him ever changes. I truly wish that people would look at the people around them, such as my ma and pa, my mom and dad, his grandmother and grandfather, and countless people that my mother is friends with and went to school with that fell in love at 14-18, and are still married today. Many people no longer believe in young love, yet 100 years ago nobody would have thought twice about it. Granted, times have changed, but it doesn't mean that it's not possible. I wish that people would keep that in mind before completely wearing down every teen who does know love. I just have to wonder how many teens have been in love, but were forced to leave it or question their feelings due to the adults in their life who told them none of it could be real. But I do know that whether anyone who gives me advice on this believes that I'm in love or not, I know it for a fact and I'm not going to let that change it.
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reader, maisy1 +, writes (27 June 2014):
OP you are being so naïve.
"my parents, his grandparents and his mother (his father is out of the picture) all know and have admitted to us and to each other that we are in love."
What on earth? Op if you need people who are older than you to tell you that you are in love or not then that sounds really odd to me. Love is such a personal thing that only you can know if your in love. Others view of the situation is irrelevant. Naturally you are excited about this boy and your parents don't want to put a damper on that. They may talk about you being in love but you are fifteen. Your a child. They are telling you what you want to hear.
"His grandfather holds quite a significant say, because he has been around people of high status, he was the one who stopped arguments and told them what the most logical explanation and answer"
So that makes him an expert on the feelings of a fifteen year old? Sorry honey but by trying to make a sensible, mature case for being in love, you are actually doing the opposite.
"He has not once cheated on me but flirted here and there and told me about it the same day."
Op....! Your so naïve honey. You are mistaking his "honesty" about flirting other girls with him being an honest, trustworthy person. Why is he flirting with other girls if he is so in love with you?? Does telling you about it make it any difference? No because he is telling you in case you find out through other people, not because he is Mr Wonderful. He is justifying his flirts with other girls by "coming clean".
"Love makes you accept a person for who they are"
But love sometimes makes people accept to much of the wrong thing. Women stay with abusive men who rape them, hit them, abuse them...because they think they should accept those traits because they are in love. Being in love doesn't mean you cannot be realistic about a partner or the long term future of the relationship.
"Love makes you want to help someone, it makes you want to be with them for the rest of your life, it makes you want to grow old with them and take care of them. Love is not simply the desire to have sex, nor is it simply having a confidante. It's being there for someone when nobody else is, when even best friends betray you. It's being someone's best friend and lover at the same time"
Op im sorry but the men and women on this site, who have experienced the ups and downs of love many times since before you were born, know what love is and it certainly isn't the naïve, idealistic things you make it out to be. With the greatest of respect, you are fifteen. Your a child with little experience.
"He's a saved Christian man and has changed a lot from his past, which he told me (and I trust him on this too because he's very open about it) that he has never cheated on anyone before."
Im sorry but even church going, prayer saying Christians can be less that perfect. Please don't think that as a true, saved Christian he wont cheat or do bad things. How do you know he hasn't cheated before? Because he tells you? Do you always believe everything people tell you ;-) The fact he claims to be open about his past doesnt mean he hasn't got things to hide. You have taken a vow to stay pure until marriage, not many men these days will hold out that long honey. Ask yourself again - why is he flirting with other girls. Pointing to the fact he would run errands for the teacher throughout the school as a sign of his trust or maturity is a little naïve to be honest.
"(Love) makes you want to grow old with them and take care of them."
Op you are fifteen. You will change and mature and develop so much in the next ten years that talk at 15 of growing old with this lad is so premature. Chances are that a few months or years down the line you will have very different attitudes to life and love.
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reader, Mark1978 +, writes (27 June 2014):
You need others to tell you that you are in love?!?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou misunderstand, he has not been sent away from school for trouble... Mark, I witnessed the situation, I have not glossed anything over. The other person involved in it, my best friend, is angry at herself because she never meant to get him in trouble, and wishes she could go back and change it. I understand your comment of "thinking" I love him, but I must disagree with you. This is unlike anything before, whether you think I have enough maturity or life experience to know, my parents, his grandparents and his mother (his father is out of the picture) all know and have admitted to us and to each other that we are in love. His grandfather holds quite a significant say, because he has been around people of high status, he was the one who stopped arguments and told them what the most logical explanation and answer. He is able to read people and influence them quite easily. He (my boyfriend) has had a troubled life, and was still quite different when he met me, but since he has shaped up, and greatly regrets his lapse in judgement. He is seventeen, and has been through more than most people I know (excluding my parents, my father was quite a troublemaker and my mother went through a lot) due to a hard life. He has been honest with me, even when it came to other girls, and even when he knew it would upset me. He has not once cheated on me but flirted here and there and told me about it the same day. I have developed a lot of trust in him, because he has been in In School Suspension and other girls have been sent down there as well, along with the fact that he would run errands for the teacher throughout the school. Another comment I have is that I don't know that he's not doing any of that, but I trust that he won't just as he trusts that I won't cheat on him. He's a saved Christian man and has changed a lot from his past, which he told me (and I trust him on this too because he's very open about it) that he has never cheated on anyone before.RevMick; any time we spent would not be unsupervised. He lives with his mother and both grandparents, and when we do spend time together they check in regularly. I understand how you would question my parents, but he has not changed schools because of the incident, it is against his will that he has to stay down there as his family is making him. They have spent quite a lot of time around him and they both like him and think he is a good boy, and they know his background. I know the difference between love, lust, and friendship. Lust does not make you want to help someone through every little problem, nor does it make you want the best for them no matter what. It simply makes you want their body, and I love all of him as a whole. Friendship does not make you want to be intimate and I do not mean intimate as a sexual was but as in being very close to each other and telling each other things you haven't ever told anyone else. Love makes you accept a person for who they are, it doesn't make you want to change them, as a part of it yes you want every bit of them in every way, but I am withholding myself until marriage as I have taken a purity ring and vow, not as a church program but for my own morals and I paid for the ring as well. Love makes you want to help someone, it makes you want to be with them for the rest of your life, it makes you want to grow old with them and take care of them. Love is not simply the desire to have sex, nor is it simply having a confidante. It's being there for someone when nobody else is, when even best friends betray you. It's being someone's best friend and lover at the same time. He is currently in the process of buying me a promise ring, and I am buying him one as well, though that is less often seen. Cindy; My mother spoke to my father since he has gone back to calling it puppy love when he has told her otherwise, and he told her that it wasn't that we weren't going to make it, but that it was going to be hard. I'm working my butt off to try and make this work and my boyfriend is too, he calls every night (which he has been doing since we met anyways). He has not been sent away from his home and school because of that, his family owns a house in Florida which they go to every summer and they are making him stay due to his grandfather's health issues. Note to all: we do not, under any circumstances, spend UNSUPERVISED TIME together. He also is not having to stay down there because of trouble.
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reader, Mark1978 +, writes (25 June 2014):
Hello,
You need to be mature and realistic about this situation. At 15 you are a minor, a child and can only fly with your parents permission. Even if your parents were happy with this situation, are they really going to spend so much of their time, money and effort flying you back and forth, or driving you back and forth, to satisfy a child with a crush?
You are still so young, you are yet to have the maturity, life experience and command over your emotions to know what love is. What you are experiencing is a crush.
You say this lad has been in trouble? Its probably something YOU, because you think you love him, gloss over and pretend isn't bad, or a mistake. Your parents, who are much wiser and more experienced, see him for what he really is. I trouble maker and someone who could be a bad influence. If he has been sent away from school it must have been pretty serious, even if he has convinced you it was innocent stuff.
LDRs are something we get asked a lot about on Dear Cupid. They are hard enough for two mature, experienced, independent adults! For a couple of kids of fifteen? Its not going to work. How do you know he wont be seeing other girls while you are not in the same state? How do you know he isn't out partying and meeting others while your back is turned? You may want to think this is real love and true commitment, but you don't yet have the experience and maturity to see this is a teenage crush and that this guy, who has already been in trouble before, is likely to cause you more trouble in the future.
At 15 you are both changing, developing, learning and experiencing so much, so quickly. Chances are that a few months down the line one or both of you will want very different things for a partner than you do now.
Mark
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reader, RevMick +, writes (25 June 2014):
 Hi,
I have to question your parents. You are only 15 and they are letting you spend time with this boy who got into enough trouble to warrant changing schools.
At 15, there is no way a boy and girl of that age should be left alone. Your bodies are changing, you are becoming sexually aware of the opposite sex and things could happen.
Leave this troubled boy, enjoy being a teenager and do that before you consider having a boyfriend.
You say you love him, I'm sorry but at 15 you could be mistaking love for lust or love for friendship or god only knows what else.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 June 2014):
Well, I'd give more heed to your father's opinion, ... since after all he is supposed to be the guy who should finance all these frequent visits to Florida and be the one ( either him, or your mom ) to take time out of their personal committments to take you there for romancing your boy, who, instead , for reasons of his, is totally staying put. If your dad is ( reasonably ) not too willing to overextend himself to indulge your romantic leanings... what are you going to do ?...
I KNOW you won't listen , and I know you will be disappointed with my answer , and I know you are in love, but some times there are situations which are out of our control and , when this happens ,it's better not to be stubborn and try to adjust. It would be smarter not even tryng the usual route of emails, phone, Skype etc..., an LDR at 15 ?
LDRs are blood sweat and tears even for mature, independent people, they take lots of strength and mutual committment - and the time and money for frequent visits of course. Generally boys his age are flighty , easily influenceable, and kind of lazy, thet are not equipped for big long substained efforts. He may be in love with you now, but when he'll find himself stuck there ,bored, with you out of sight, ... it is highly probable that his attention will turn to someone local.
Try staying connected if you want,- I've got the feeling you'll do it anyway - but I really think that if you had the will strength to call it quits, you'll find yourself better off and less hurt in the next future.
Plus, said as a parent, are you sure he is a good choice ? Only 15 , and already enough of a trublemaker to have to be sent away from his home and school ! Red flag to me ( and frankly I wonder why it is not so for your parents ,who apparently are cool about you visiting him and spending unsupervised time with him ).
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