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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How do I approach this dating dilemma?
Q. Hey Guys I been on a couple of dates with a girl. She said last time that she was not looking for a relationship but enjoyed my company. She also does not want a relationship right now but neither do I. I was thinking of just testing how this...
A. 12 August 2014: I think there's perhaps the possibility that you are seeing as flirty what it is actually just friendly . When I was going to Spanish classes and I skipped one, the 17 y.o. boy whom I was usually partnered with would e-mail me " Hey what happened ... (read in full...)
My ex lover, who's a married man, won't leave his wife and children for me. But he keep buying me things even though I said I only want to be friends. Do you think he is too emotionally involved to lose contact with me?
Q. I had an affair with a married man but ended it because it wasn't going anywhere, I ended my marriage and now I'm seperated.Anyway my ex lover started contacting me and I told him that I ended my marriage and moving on with my life,I told him I ...
A. 5 August 2014: Ok, then back to my questions : WHEN in his mind will these kids be all grown up ? 20 ? 25 ? ... and what are you supposed to do in the meantime , ( a good 5, 10 years from now since the youngest is 15 )... play faithful - and secret - ... (read in full...)
How can I get his friends and family to see that I'm not trying to trap him?
Q. I am looking for some advice on getting my boyfriends parents to like me. I'm 20 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend who is also 20 for about four months now. I have twin boys who are 18 months old. My bf is amazing with them and they...
A. 5 August 2014: It sounds like you have got a good plan, annd everything under control :). With a bit of luck, it will all work out just right. Enjoy your bf, and do not stress out about his parents. Do not take it too personally- maybe these parents are being ... (read in full...)
How can he like me as a friend yet initiate all physical contact and flirting?
Q. hi guys. ive got a rough situation at the moment. here goes;id known of this guy for about 2 yrs only really got to know him about 6 months ago..he can on holiday with me and some friends about 3 months ago when one of my friends told me this guy ...
A. 5 August 2014: Oh I see. The " tenderness fallacy " at work... again.
You are another of those ( many ) girls that for some reason have gotten into their heads that if it is just sex then it must also be... inhuman. No tenderness, no intimacy, no cama... (read in full...)
My ex lover, who's a married man, won't leave his wife and children for me. But he keep buying me things even though I said I only want to be friends. Do you think he is too emotionally involved to lose contact with me?
Q. I had an affair with a married man but ended it because it wasn't going anywhere, I ended my marriage and now I'm seperated.Anyway my ex lover started contacting me and I told him that I ended my marriage and moving on with my life,I told him I ...
A. 5 August 2014: Older like what ?- when the youngest comes of age ? when they are both out of college ? when they are both married and have started their own families ?
Children tipically are not thrilled about their parents' divorce, even grown up children. So, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I don't have sex and he finally admitted that my weight was a problem. If he doesn't love me fully for who I am today, then why does he deserve me later when I am thinner?
Q. So I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months. We have been friends for years, and he said that there was something about me that made him want to take it to the next level. I love him, and I am pretty sure he loves me. But here's ...
A. 5 August 2014: I could not agree more with You Wish.
It's not that he won't deserve the thin you, it's that probably he did not even deserve the fat you to begin with.
This story is strange, mekes no sense.
I know plenty of men for whom extra weight... (read in full...)
How can I get his friends and family to see that I'm not trying to trap him?
Q. I am looking for some advice on getting my boyfriends parents to like me. I'm 20 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend who is also 20 for about four months now. I have twin boys who are 18 months old. My bf is amazing with them and they...
A. 5 August 2014: Dear OP, I think you 'll just have to accept that actions have consequences, positive and negative.
The positive consequence of having your lovely twins that, am sure, are your pride and your joy- and the negatve one of not being cons... (read in full...)
My husband works nights and sleeps on and off during daytime while he looks after our son. I want to put my son in daycare then, advice?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a question about daycare. My husband and I have a son who will be two in September. My husband works overnight and I work through the day. During the day my son stays at home with him while he sleeps off and on. I have been ...
A. 5 August 2014: You need to accept tbe risk ( hopefully very very low I imagine ) of abuse at day care , because as of now the current arrangement is much more dangerous for the child. In fact, I hate being hard on a mom that is doing the best she can ( or, ... (read in full...)
How can he like me as a friend yet initiate all physical contact and flirting?
Q. hi guys. ive got a rough situation at the moment. here goes;id known of this guy for about 2 yrs only really got to know him about 6 months ago..he can on holiday with me and some friends about 3 months ago when one of my friends told me this guy ...
A. 4 August 2014: Let's begin from your second quandary, that's the one whch has got an easy answer. Why was he the one doing the chasing . Simple : because he wanted to get laid :). Even in this days and age, unless he is Brad Pitt or some really hot dude that has ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for her more, we have so much in common .......
Q. Hey guys, just hoping for a little advice on this one... I have liked the same girl for close to 3 years now (she is also gay) but I never knew her to speak to. When I got a job in April (after returning for the summer from uni), we started chatt...
A. 4 August 2014: Oh not implying you are ( or she is ). Just general considerations. Regardless of personality though, I still think that for something to become a relationship from a vague... something, you need the person in flesh and bones, and not the ... (read in full...)
Have I been over-thinking the issues surrounding bringing a dog into our new home?
Q. I really need some advice. This is something I'm getting all OCD about! For my entire life, I have always wanted a dog. My partner and I have a brand new home, we're yet to have children and it just seems like a good time to bring that speci...
A. 4 August 2014: 1 )I don't agree that buying a dog is immoral, this is a bit like saying that people should not have their own kids when in the world there are so already so many abandoned kids up for adoption. First you should adopt all the abandoned ones, ... (read in full...)
Should I let my fiance know I found out she was still an escort during our first month of dating, or should I let it go?
Q. Hi, I'm really having a hard time dealing with a bunch of things that I found out about my fiance. I don't know how to approach her about a lot of things I found out, and I also don't know what I really want out of the future. In order to rece...
A. 4 August 2014: Oh for cryng out loud.
So you don't have much money but she does not complain ? I bet - what should she complain about , she has not got any herself ! she needed to bum cigarettes off random strangers in the streets !. Or, if she wants money, she ... (read in full...)
I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago. Do you think I overreacted?
Q. Hi Everyone, Thank you for taking the time our to read all this. I broke it off with my boyfriend over two months ago and the thoughts of "did I overreact?" coupled with "I miss him so much" have started creeping in. So, I wanted to get...
A. 4 August 2014: What difference does it make if you had not left yet ?
He KNEW that you were leaving , and he knew the coast was going to be clear.
If it all had been friendly and innocent, he would have told you " yes, the text was for Anne, this lady I'v... (read in full...)
How can he like me as a friend yet initiate all physical contact and flirting?
Q. hi guys. ive got a rough situation at the moment. here goes;id known of this guy for about 2 yrs only really got to know him about 6 months ago..he can on holiday with me and some friends about 3 months ago when one of my friends told me this guy ...
A. 4 August 2014: It does not sound so mysterious to me. When he says " he only liked you as a friend " obviously he does not mean that he always only liked you platonically, with no physicall attraction. Au contraire, he means - and showed - that he does find you ... (read in full...)
My ex lover, who's a married man, won't leave his wife and children for me. But he keep buying me things even though I said I only want to be friends. Do you think he is too emotionally involved to lose contact with me?
Q. I had an affair with a married man but ended it because it wasn't going anywhere, I ended my marriage and now I'm seperated.Anyway my ex lover started contacting me and I told him that I ended my marriage and moving on with my life,I told him I ...
A. 4 August 2014: No, I think he is too lazy, smug and selfish to lose contact with you. He is plying you with gifts to lure you back in a nice casual FWB, ( friends wothout benefits, he's already got them those he is seeing wth his wife, he does not need you ... (read in full...)
I want to move, but he doesn't. Are we headed towards DIVORCE?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles, My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have been together for about 6 years now. We met and married in the city we currently live in, but, as of a year ago, I've begun to grow weary of this place and am frequent...
A. 4 August 2014: Would you really divorce from a man you love and get along with, because you don't like your geographical surroundings ?...
I relocated several times in life, and , not that moving is such a negative, in fact, in my case, I was fortunate and afte... (read in full...)
She said I didn't get it, she's right, I didn't get it!
Q. Sorry this may be a little long. So last night my gf of almost 2 years and I were fine. We were watching a movie, she fell asleep and I fell asleep shortly after her. We weren't fighting or anything. Then this morning she told me she had a dream ...
A. 3 August 2014: I think Janniepeg is right. This is all guesswork, but I think that she got upset when you made it about her, and her possible cheating, while the point of the dream was that YOU were cheating on her. Clearly, she wanted some warm reaasurance from ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for her more, we have so much in common .......
Q. Hey guys, just hoping for a little advice on this one... I have liked the same girl for close to 3 years now (she is also gay) but I never knew her to speak to. When I got a job in April (after returning for the summer from uni), we started chatt...
A. 3 August 2014: I guess it depends from whom you ask. There are several posters, and also a few Aunts I think, in LDRs with people at ridicolous distances from them, and they seem to be OK with it, or even happy.
To me, it would make no sense asking her when... (read in full...)
He ticks every box .... apart from his very bad breath!
Q. I've been hanging out with a guy I know from swimming club and recently he's asked me out on 3 dates. He's tall, fit, healthy, has a great job, is close to his family, we get along so well and he ticks pretty much every box! The only problem is....
A. 3 August 2014: Oh gosh, I surely don't envy you, because it IS embarassing, but, if you'd like to keep seeing him, you have to risk offending him, and tell him. You may be doimg him a big favout, because such a case of bad breath as to stink up the whole car ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wont tell his Mom he is dating so she keeps trying to set him up with a girl!
Q. So the other night while my boyfriend was talking with his roommate his roommate asked if his moms side of the family knew about me. My boyfriend goes "no they don't know I'm dating anyone." I really don't mind not meeting his mom, that's fine. I...
A. 3 August 2014: I don't think you are overreacting, One thing is not wanting too share too much about private life ,another having to ( or wanting to ) keep your gf the best kep secret since the plans for invading Cuba.
So yes, your annoyance is legitimate as l... (read in full...)
I don't want his friends to think badly of me, but I also don't think I should just take what he throws at me!
Q. I'm not very assertive so would really like some advice on how I should have acted last night. My boyfriend and I went to a wedding reception last night. During the day, I was texting him about the arrangements, and he was only giving me one wo...
A. 3 August 2014: jls022 : to clear my thought : each one is responsible for their OWN behaviour. If the OP bf's misbehaves ( I don't say he did not !- then again, I don't see why getting stoned at a wedding is any worse than getting DRUNK at a wedding, which for ... (read in full...)
I don't want his friends to think badly of me, but I also don't think I should just take what he throws at me!
Q. I'm not very assertive so would really like some advice on how I should have acted last night. My boyfriend and I went to a wedding reception last night. During the day, I was texting him about the arrangements, and he was only giving me one wo...
A. 3 August 2014: Yes, I think you would have been way out of line if you had left. You were there as a guest of the bride or groom, to celebrate THEIR big day. You can't make it about you, even if your bf pisses you off or gives you the cold shoulder. Solve ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got mad at me for sending a Happy Birthday messsage on Facebook
Q. My girlfriend got mad at me for sending a Happy Birthday message to a girl I used to do sexting with on Facebook. She says she dosen't want to see me anymore , what should I do ? I don't see the big deal ! All I said was happy Birthday. My ...
A. 3 August 2014: Yes, tell us too please, ...why didn't you just post it on her wall ?... (read in full...)
Should I marry a female therapist/psychologist?
Q. I just thought i would ask this question. Basically I'm a sensitive man....not a weak man...but i had a very unhappy childhood/ dysfunctional family. And alot of bad things have happened in my life...(bad luck, life failures, betrayals by others ...
A. 2 August 2014: Sorry I can't resist. Your post, with your view of a gf/ therapist as a guardian angel / resident ego stroker, reminds me too much of a classic old joke :
Two people at a party. " So, what do you do for a living ? "
" I'm a therapist ".
"Wow,... (read in full...)
Should I marry a female therapist/psychologist?
Q. I just thought i would ask this question. Basically I'm a sensitive man....not a weak man...but i had a very unhappy childhood/ dysfunctional family. And alot of bad things have happened in my life...(bad luck, life failures, betrayals by others ...
A. 2 August 2014: See? If you want,you are good at giving yourself pep talks, after all :)
I am still not convinced about either the feasibility of dating a therapist ( I mean, for the reasons you have, ego maintenance and repair- not because therapists do not ... (read in full...)
How do I approach this dating dilemma?
Q. Hey Guys I been on a couple of dates with a girl. She said last time that she was not looking for a relationship but enjoyed my company. She also does not want a relationship right now but neither do I. I was thinking of just testing how this...
A. 2 August 2014: I would not linger . Supposing that she told the truth, and that she really can't put her energy in a relationship because her mom is having serious health problems, I think even less she would be tempted to put her energy in a casual, " ... (read in full...)
Why is it so easy for men to break their SO heart?
Q. Im looking for guys opinions ....... I'm desperate to understand what men are thinking and the reasoning why they need to talk, flirt, cheat with other girls while they have a faithful loyal loving wife, family or girlfriend. How is it so easy for ...
A. 2 August 2014: Men get their heart broken too, only maybe they are a tad less vocal about it. Do you think only men cheat ?...Or they cheat more than women ? .. Apparently this is marginally true for umarried couples, but among married people the stats say ... (read in full...)
Should I marry a female therapist/psychologist?
Q. I just thought i would ask this question. Basically I'm a sensitive man....not a weak man...but i had a very unhappy childhood/ dysfunctional family. And alot of bad things have happened in my life...(bad luck, life failures, betrayals by others ...
A. 2 August 2014: I agree with Honeypie, the least suitable wife for you would be a therapist/ psychologist ! Do you think that after having spent all day long listening to people's issues,.. she wants to come home and deal ( for free ! ) with your issues day in ... (read in full...)
´m not popular on facebook, what should I do?
Q. Hello, I know my problem will sound childish to you and I know this "problem" doesn´t have the right to be called a problem..but still it hurts me. Also I´m no teenager, I´m 25 years old. It hurts me, that I´m being ignored on Facebook. When I...
A. 1 August 2014: What should you do ?...
Come off Facebook altogether- if it has to be such an ordeal ! - and, maybe, like... get a life ?...
Sorry, that was mean and I realize it. It was a cheap shot, knowing that you admit it is a problem only subjecti... (read in full...)
Will I have difficulties in pregnancy because the man weighs alot more than me?
Q. My boyfriend weights 124 kilograms and my weight is just 56 kilogram. We're planning to have a baby. Will I have to face any difficulty during pregnancy because of the fact that I'm going to get pregnant by a man who weights a lot more than me?...
A. 1 August 2014: I don't think you'd have difficulty during pregnancy, but unluckily, current research ( which so far was only focused on mother's obesity effects on the child ) shows evidence that father's bodyweight has some impact on baby's future health. ... (read in full...)
I know I shouldn't have but I read the mails where he was flirty to other girls. What should I do about this?
Q. My boyfriend left his FaceBook logged in on my laptop and asked me to reply to his mate on chat! But in doing so I had seen he had a few girls who he had recently spoken to and I know I shouldn't have but I read the mails and he was speaking...
A. 1 August 2014: Oh yes that you are finding excuses for hm :). Not that he deserves beng flogged and hung by his thumbs for this little transgression, but, come on, ... he was worried because you were in Zante ? Fne, so now you know that any time you take a ... (read in full...)
I am suspicious of this married guy and don't trust him. He's hinted he'd like a relationship. What should I do?
Q. Hi, I am feeling really down about an issue to do with a guy who 'came on' to me about a year or so ago. When I first got to know him he was a friend of my (now ex) partner, who I was with for 17 years. My gut instinct when I met this person was ...
A. 1 August 2014: What would we do about what exactly ?...
About him as a " suitor " ? NOTHING, obviously . He is married, he is having a child !, and regardless you don't like him, you find him repulsive . If he got upset about being rejected, his problem, at 35 h... (read in full...)
How do I approach this dating dilemma?
Q. Hey Guys I been on a couple of dates with a girl. She said last time that she was not looking for a relationship but enjoyed my company. She also does not want a relationship right now but neither do I. I was thinking of just testing how this...
A. 1 August 2014: I can't be 100% sure but I think she is brushing you off.
When people say, theydon't want a relationship, .. basically they ALL mean "I do not want a relatonship WITH YOU".
Only, for you this means " I am not into you enough to want you to b... (read in full...)
Am I being silly to be upset over the fact my boyfriends mum made a joke over whether I should wear white I get married because I have a child?
Q. Am I being silly to be upset over the fact my boyfriends mum made a joke over whether I should wear white I get married because I have a child? I know it may seem harmless but it's actually rather hurt me. I was 17 when I had my son, who is now...
A. 1 August 2014: I've just remembered something that maybe will help the OP to take her MIL's comments less personally.
My mom is in her 80s, but she is no doddering old fool. She is a very "together", well informed, aware, old lady.
Yet, EVERY time she knows of... (read in full...)
Why is my ex telling me about his problems?
Q. I had dated a guy for about 4 months. Things hit off great between us. But, he was dating myself and another girl that same. (Which I understand is normal in the dating world). We would stop talking and then would get back together and start dating ...
A. 1 August 2014: 1 ) His friends know him better, they'd laugh in his face and tell him: yeah right,dude, whatever.
2 ) No it does not sound as he is regrettng anything, it sounds to me as he is exactly where he wants to be at
3 ) He is tryng to string you alon... (read in full...)
I'm going on a summer holiday! Or am I?
Q. I have booked a holiday with my boyfriend of 2 years,(it was to be our first together) and was excited about it until he let it slip that the itinerary will consist exclusively of places he visited with his late wife of 17 years (she died 4 years ...
A. 31 July 2014: U'd give him the benefit of doubt. Men are simple creatures :). Maybe he did not want to go on a second honeymoon with the ghost of his deceased wife, which is how it feels to you. Maybe he just really enjoyed the places, and always thought, " ... (read in full...)
He won't commit! We are stuck in a cycle of breaking up and making up!
Q. I met a guy 4 years ago. At the time I was 25 and he was 38. We soon started seeing each other and after 4 months I had met his family. Everything seemed to be going well other than the fact that he started working longer hours and going out salsa ...
A. 31 July 2014: Do you really not understand why he dates girls if he does not want a relationship ? really ?! I'd say it's pretty intuitive : for fun ! He gets laid, enjoys the thrill of the chase and a variety of different bodies and dfferent sexual ... (read in full...)
Do guys always stop intercourse after they cum?
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles! So I just have a pretty straightforward question, do guys always stop intercourse after they cum? Every guy I've been with has. But I've heard before that not everyone does (i don't know if they're lying or not) th...
A. 31 July 2014: If you are on birth control and both STD free,... why does he have to pull out ?...
Anyway yes, a wide majority of men will be pretty spent after coming, will lose their erection, and will need a refractory period to get another one. For a bo... (read in full...)
Do a lot of people misinterpret politeness as flirting?
Q. Do a lot of people misinterpret politeness as flirting? I hate it when I'm friendly to people only to have them act cold. I smile at people passing by while out in public. Sometimes I'll get a scowl in return, usually from women. Men just look aw...
A. 31 July 2014: I would not scowl but I would not smile back. Why ? because I'd assume you are high, or mentally disabled maybe. Why ? Because it's a matter of location, cultures, and social codes. Smiling at random strangers may be a nice thing to do where ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting or is he just not that into me?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. I feel like he’s just not that into me. He’s been in florida for over 2 weeks now, but I’m always the one calling/texting him. This isn’t the first time that this has happened. He goes down to Florida to ...
A. 31 July 2014: He has told you before that you are too clingy and every now and he needs time to himmself.
And ...?... You did not listen ? It went into your right ear then straight out of the left ? :)..
If you are tired of always asking for his attentio... (read in full...)
Am I being silly to be upset over the fact my boyfriends mum made a joke over whether I should wear white I get married because I have a child?
Q. Am I being silly to be upset over the fact my boyfriends mum made a joke over whether I should wear white I get married because I have a child? I know it may seem harmless but it's actually rather hurt me. I was 17 when I had my son, who is now...
A. 30 July 2014: I don't think she was being mean or judgemental - at most, a bit conservative and traditional : she was simply talking in terms of bridal fashion and etiquette.
In recent years the rules have relaxed quite a lot, and soccer players ' wive... (read in full...)
The guy who I thought was my closest friend will not talk to me. Am I over-reacting to his actions?.
Q. Hi, I had a small party and my closest friend at it wouldn't talk to me at all. He spent most of the night having a great time with another friend (their conversations were completely exclusive as well, so there was no way I could join in). He...
A. 30 July 2014: Btw : Ooops,of course I meant Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. What was I thinking of . ... (read in full...)
The guy who I thought was my closest friend will not talk to me. Am I over-reacting to his actions?.
Q. Hi, I had a small party and my closest friend at it wouldn't talk to me at all. He spent most of the night having a great time with another friend (their conversations were completely exclusive as well, so there was no way I could join in). He...
A. 30 July 2014: Yes. It was a party. It's supposed to be an occasion to mingle, to circulate, to socialize wth people you don't see all the time. The perfect occasion to break the Billy the Kid- Sundance Kid act, if there's a bit of that going on.
At your age ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish? Or is my reluctance to share information with her due to her need to compete with me?
Q. Hi everybody, I am a nursing student soon to qualify and I have decided that I want to go down the route of medicine. I have researched the course and contacted the university. I have paid for the upcoming GAMSAT examination and started ...
A. 30 July 2014: I have a slightly different take on this than the other posters.
Of course you are not obliged to tell anything to anybody , friend or foe - so if you do not want to tell her , don't tell her, on the other end, why having to watch your step and ... (read in full...)
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