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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Post Break-Up Blues....
Q. Hi all So I met this guy through my friend and we started hanging out a lot. Anyway, so I really liked him as a friend and I had just come out of a painful breakup so I was strictly not looking for anything. He started liking me and started to...
A. 13 May 2014: I am not " judging " at all . I am giving my meditated opinion that some behaviours , actions or ideas are better and more functional than others, and will serve you much better to navigate the maze of uman relationships. Of course , it ... (read in full...)
I love him but I can't stand his father
Q. Hi! Not really sure were this is going but i need some 'outsiders' advice. I have been with my partner since i was 17, he proposed to me on my 21st birthday and have been engaged for little under a year. He totally swept me off my feet, words ca...
A. 13 May 2014: I see two issues here .
1 ) it's not a matter of liking the ex-con in-law or disliking him , he might be a very lovable,tender hearted ex-con, like Magwitch in Great Expectations , you know ? It's the impact that he could have on your futu... (read in full...)
Post Break-Up Blues....
Q. Hi all So I met this guy through my friend and we started hanging out a lot. Anyway, so I really liked him as a friend and I had just come out of a painful breakup so I was strictly not looking for anything. He started liking me and started to...
A. 13 May 2014: You should put it off your mind, it's really not so important. Dating is a trial and error process, you tried, it did not work, that's the long and the short of it. It happens.
AND, though, you should learn more effective, assertive ways to d... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 12 May 2014: Strange reasoning, CMMP.
I too still drool and get excited over a big wad of cash, a big thick wad of crisp banknotes, whether they are legitimately mine, or it's the content of your fat wallet. In both cases, I have the same reaction. Only... (read in full...)
Social media has me questioning my life and place in the world!
Q. A lot of my peers (most of them,actually) have grown up with social media. I was always late with it, getting myspace and facebook years after my friends had theirs. I have lost touch after high school with many people cause I'm not very active ...
A. 12 May 2014: If this is how social media make you feel, you should join in less, not more ! Not that you don't have a rather warped perception of things anyway , which you should consciously work on , but, knowing that you have a weakness, while you go about ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend want me to act like a 14 year old boy?
Q. My boyfriend told me the other day that I'm not as much fun as he wishes I was. We go out to concerts, dinners, the occasional movie, and do things with our kids. He will usually have ideas of ways we can entertain our kids, but when it comes to ...
A. 12 May 2014: Yeah I will do a lot of reading between the lines too, and I'll probably be off the mark- it's just a hunch I have. Because , either your BF is a lost cause with the mental age of his child, or, he did not mean LITERALLY that he wanted to smack ... (read in full...)
Unrequited love! I don't know how to deal with it.
Q. im in love with my best friend, who doesn't love me back. i have to spend all day every day with him and it's so painful. what do i do?...
A. 12 May 2014: Why do you have to spend all day every day with him ? Are you cell mates in jail ? :)
If you mean that you are coworkers, or classnates at school, then, first it's not all day every day, second it only means that you are sharing physical spac... (read in full...)
Does he want a reaction, sex or commitment?
Q. Right , I've known this guy for a few months, and I don't know what to do.we have met up and we have had sex a few times, he treats me well etc, but I don't know where I stand with him. He is been showing me potential women his mum wants to marry ...
A. 11 May 2014: If after a few months you don't know where you stand with him.... that also means you know where you do NOT stand with him : you are not in a serious committed relationship. If you were, you knew, you'd have no possible doubts. So, is it what you ... (read in full...)
How important is the look of "it"?
Q. Help .... I'm about to enter into a physical relationship with a new man after a long marriage and I need to know . How important is the appearance of a woman's vagina to a man Most of the ones I've seen in porn look very similar and much tidier t...
A. 10 May 2014: Your post made me curious, maybe it's because I don't get many chances ( or the wish ) to stare at vaginas very up close and personal,.. but, how is a " tidy " vagina ?? As opposed to an " untidy " one ??
If you refer to a clean shaven pubi... (read in full...)
Why would a girl date me when she isnt over her ex?
Q. I have met a girl online and we are going on a date tomorrow i know I shouldn't but I have been looking at her online activity and I saw her boyfriend had broken up with her 1 month ago. I was looking more into it and she put online just hours ago ...
A. 10 May 2014: Yes, probabaly she is not totally over her ex, but does not want to wait until she is 100% over to move on and begin dating.
Some people think that the very best way to recover from falling off a horse.. is climbing back on saddle right away... (read in full...)
Should I raise this issue or just accept that my Boyfriend does more than his fair share, financially, for his divorced mother?
Q. Recently I have realised just how much my boyfriend does for his mother and their family but I don't want to point it out to him because I know it will do no good. My boyfriend is three years younger and he still lives at home. His rent covers ...
A. 10 May 2014: And who should help, in your opinion ? The two sisters who , being younger than him, are still schoolgirs and probably still teenagers ? what do you suggest, taking them off school and sending them as maids ? At,like, Downton Abbey ?
That's his ... (read in full...)
Is there any way he'll ever think better of me?
Q. Could anyone please help Is it possible to change someone's perception of you ? Ok I was very good friends with a guy and it went badly wrong We got close and kissed a few times It shouldn't have happened as he was in the middle of breakin...
A. 9 May 2014: Why do you need him to think better of you ? in view of what ?
A relationship ? he's not available for that. He told you , and he showed you. He was available for a casual office flirtation, and some spur of the moment kisses,... but he stop... (read in full...)
Cat-calling, how bad is it and how do you ladies handle it?
Q. Cat-Calling This is a question for any ladies out there who have experienced what is commonly known as 'cat-calling' (E.G strangers calling out sexual remarks to them.) My daughter, who is in her early 20's and lives away from home, was tellin...
A. 9 May 2014: Bah. I grew up in Italy :)- here, the moment you've got to worry is if cat-calling stops altogether, it means you are really in bad shape and over the hill! It never bothered me, I always took it as ...my due : a dutiful, warm hommage to my ... (read in full...)
I thought all men liked giving anal sex! Is he a weirdo?
Q. Am a bit confused about the situation am in it also may sound a bit silly. I have been with my partner now for 7-8 years now and I should think i know him but.... When we got together ok we experimented with each other in the bed room department and ...
A. 9 May 2014: No, he's not a weirdo , not all men like anal sex.
Lots of men are squeamish about it because obviously it's not the most hygienic procedure, unless after long and awkward preparations. Other men don't like the idea of inflicting pain and disc... (read in full...)
His ex is still in the way!
Q. Hello, i´ve been dating my BF for almost three years. And his ex is still in the way. I mean, they stayed friends after the break up, but my bf lives in another city than her, so they chat on fb from time to time..I don´t live with my bf yet, he ...
A. 9 May 2014: There's nothing much you can do, but perhaps.. grow up a bit ?
What do you think you could do ? You MAYBE could ask your bf not to talk to her through FB ( although you should NOT ask him ), but you surely can't have your bf moved to a hotel when... (read in full...)
Should I go for it, the fourth time around?
Q. Should I go for it, the 4th time around? I went yesterday for girls night out and met someone I dated and we broke it off 3 times already. I didn't see him for about a year. It started with one night stand, and then we continued going out and ...
A. 8 May 2014: I'm with your friend too, at the third failed attempt ( and none lasted very long ! ) it's really time to give up and stop banging your head against brick walls. This guy is not going to give you what you want- except amazing sex. Which is ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to handle this family situation!
Q. My husband's daughter from his first marriage is having a baptism for their baby. The relationship between the daughter and my husband is limited in that she never remembers his birthday, father's day or Christmas. She does not return phone calls ...
A. 8 May 2014: It sounds like a good plan.
Both for the part about staying out of the conflict grandmother / grandaughter, which really does not concern you. ( And no, of course it's not a good idea bringing grandma along, she was not invited ! ). Let thes... (read in full...)
I am fed up of arguing about her wanting breast enlargement surgery!
Q. Hi everyone, I need some advice on a frustrating situation that I am in. About 7 months ago I had a breast enlargement. At 22 I was fed up of feeling self conscious, unhappy and miserable about my body. I never ever developed more than buddin...
A. 8 May 2014: Then don't argue. It's not skin off your nose ( or breast ). You've said your opinion, as you had the right to do, and she chose to dismiss it, as she also had the right to do. End of story.
I am sure that two fine intelligent educated youn... (read in full...)
What might be her intentions?
Q. Hey there, I need to make decision and might need some other pionts of view about it. Long story short. My ex Gf broke up with me, for some reasons, and she behaved pretty mean and hurtful at the end. So I decided for me to go NC and stuc...
A. 8 May 2014: I agree with Wise OwlE. You are not moving on, or at least you aren't tryng your best for moving on.
If you had committed firmly to move on, who cares what she's got to say ?. That she needs to say something, it does not mean you need to hear it. ... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 8 May 2014: You are not excited because deep down you realize that, what else could he say if he wants to get you back ? ... just what you want to hear. Would he be getting you back if he said " everything will stay just the same , I will stay married and I ... (read in full...)
How do I do this by myself and maintain my sanity?
Q. Well in my past question i asked if you can gain trust from someone that has never trusted you to begin with...we split up. Now i have two kids to take care of...no vehicle...no job...and my phone will be out of minutes tomorrow. I have no idea what ...
A. 8 May 2014: YouWish already said perfectly and precisely, so I'll just reiterate her advice :
you maintain you sanity by prioritizing and taking care of first things first.
In other words, this may sound harsh advice but it does not make it less sou... (read in full...)
Crushing on a guy I've never even met outside of Facebook!
Q. I'm in a weird and kind of silly situation and don't know what to do. I find myself crushing on my guy friend's best friend. And I haven't even met him in person. My guy friend talks about him a lot (because he's his best friend obviously) and I...
A. 8 May 2014: Geeky, overweight and inexperienced with girls.. yeah, he needs a gentle push. I think he is already doing his best by poking you and liking your stuff. Come on, help him out- you message him first . It does not need to be anything flirty or ... (read in full...)
I need ex-boyfriend advice: will he change if I stop answering his calls?
Q. my ex bf and I have been playing this back and forth game for a while now. he says he does not want to get back in a relationship and he does not want commitment, I do. but yet he continues to call me and not let me go and move on whyyy? will he ...
A. 8 May 2014: Easy. Because he believes that if he insists and keeps you under pressure , at some point you will break down, and will give him exactly what he wants from you, casual sex ( or, let's call it casual dates, if we want to assume that 's not just ... (read in full...)
He said I shouldn't have "put all my eggs in one basket" after I told him what I thought about him! What should I do now?
Q. Hi everyone I split up with my bf of four years six months ago. I'm 25. The split was amicable as we both wanted different things. For two months I've been chatting to a guy online. We chat most days and I really like him. We've spoke on ...
A. 8 May 2014: .. maybe it will make you less upset ( or, more !, but in a constructive way ) when you reflect on the fact that as soon as you mentioned, or reiterated, your intention to take things real slow and not jump into sexual intimacy... he cooled off ... (read in full...)
My friend expects a lot from me, is she just using me?
Q. Okay, so lately I've been feeling like people are using me, for the past year I've been constantly paying this that my friend need because she has no income and I feel mean when I'm getting thing, but lately she's been weird with me and expecting ...
A. 7 May 2014: Listen to Honeypie and learn to say NO.
Compassion does not mean subjecting yourself to exploitation, and being friends does not mean relieving people from being resposnible for their lfe.
If your friend hasn't got an income... well then she... (read in full...)
What type of condom do you recommend for the first time?
Q. Hi! So I am a virgin currently. My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex. I'm a virgin and he isn't. My question is: What type of condom do you recommend for my first time? He wants to use fire and ice but I'm not so sure since if it hur...
A. 7 May 2014: Fire and ice condoms ? ... It reminds of those muscle rubs for sore muscles and stiff backs, :) ( which btw feel horrible, IMO )
No. Just use a regular lubricated condom ( and bring along a good latex compatible lube ). You'll have plenty of t... (read in full...)
Anyone have experience at speed-dating?
Q. I was the anon who wrote this question originally: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-re-enter-the-dating-world.html Well, an update, things are going well so far, not saying it in an egotistical way, here's hoping it continues ;) ...
A. 7 May 2014: I know nothing about speed dating, but I am curious to understand why you call your friend's attitude " sanguine ", or what's there to " understand " in his reasoning. Unless yourself are prudent to the point of paranoia :)
I mean, it's not the ... (read in full...)
How can I keep this relationship going?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and we live together at the beginning of our relationship it was the best kind of relationship we always did things together we went every where together there was never a boring moment. ...
A. 7 May 2014: Why do you WANT to keep it going if you have nothing to do but sit at home together ?... I get that maybe you'd have things you'd like to do with him ... but if he does not reciprocate,if he's not willing to try?.... you can lead a horse to the ... (read in full...)
What is friendship? Is friendship worth having? All my friends move away or pass away.
Q. Hello, I am just wondering if having friends is worth it? I have had friends before, but after a while, they always end up dying or moving 3000 miles away, to the point where I am questioning if friendship is real....
A. 6 May 2014: Of course it's real . At least, it can be, not all the people you hang out with or spend time with socially you can actually call them friends. But if you get to that point, it's always worth it. For the time that lasts, and that your destiny has ... (read in full...)
Why is she taking birth control?
Q. I'm in a LDR, my girlfriend and I are in different countries due to school and we can see each other every three months or so. she is on the pill. why would a girl be on birth control if she is not supposed to be sexually active?...
A. 6 May 2014: Aren't you sexually active when you get together every 3 months ? If you are, you have your answer. It does not make sense , or any good to her body, to keep discontinuing the pill and resuming it every 3 months.
If you two aren't having sex, - w... (read in full...)
Is this age difference morally wrong?
Q. Big question. Is it morally wrong to date a guy this young? I'm 22 almost 23, seeing a guy who is 17 almost 18. (We live in Texas so he's legal age of consent). He is wonderful to me, spends all his time with me, shows public displays of affection ...
A. 6 May 2014: No, he should not be able to date whom he wants without people judging, i.e. - without people formulating opinions about it and / or voicing them. People will have opinions, positive or negative, about everything, from dating to fashion to ... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 5 May 2014: Well, they ARE brothels, OP.
Men who want JUST a relaxing massage to soothe tension stiffened muscles , would go to a legit massage place where licensed massage therapists ( those who have gone to massage school , got their legal cred... (read in full...)
How do I explain to my family how I met my girlfriend?
Q. Ok. So long story short.... Me and my gf of 3 years, are planning to get married. However since we haven't told any of our patents yet, we need to Annouce and tell them how we met. I am Indian, so culture reasons don't make it easy for us to mix ...
A. 5 May 2014: OP, when you mention that a ) you cannot tell the real story because you can't mix randomly and b ) that you are Indian,- do you imply that you are more or less destined to / scheduled for an arranged marriage ?
Do you mean, that, in the ... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 5 May 2014: Op, it's not about the " need ", it's about how things work in these places. Touching and rubbing etc. are for arousing the client ( and it's uncluded in the massage fee ) , then the conclusion ( happy ending ) happens manually, or orally, for an ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to settle and have kids. I'm going to lose her if I don't act on it within the year?
Q. So sorry for venting out but I have no one else to talk to about this. You see, I'm with this very wonderful woman for almost 5 years now. For me, I think she's the girl of my dreams and she's God's gift to me. Lately, questions about getting hitc...
A. 5 May 2014: Well, call me a b...h, but if she is from a well off family and she has got nothing to worry about financially, it makes sense that she does not want to have to worry financially about YOU.
And, call me a BIG b...h, it's easy to say that mone... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 5 May 2014: ....But for revenge - cheating on him, you should still be together with him. Didn't you say that you are going to leave him ?... I really think that leaving him is your best, and only, course of action. It's not that people can't ever be forgiven ... (read in full...)
I want to try to work it out -- do you think there's a chance?
Q. Ive been seeing a guy for about 3 months and he has been good to me except when he texted his ex.. We had differences where we would argue about certain topics but we always managed to work through it. I was insecure and didnt trust him after he ...
A. 5 May 2014: It's natural for you to feel it this way, but basically I think your bf is right, it ain't gonna work and if it should it would take too much effort to keep things going.
It's only 3 months and you have been already bickering so often, no, cont... (read in full...)
My relationship is very far removed from the fireworks and sweeping me off my feet that I'd ideally want from a man of my dreams. Am I being unrealistic?
Q. I'm a ridiculous romantic but starting to think life just doesn't live up to my ideals. Im currently seeing someone and we didn't have a great start (commitment issues that left me questioning his feelings for me). Things are now moving very slowly ...
A. 5 May 2014: So, basically,... you had to sweat it to get committment ...from a guy you don't even like that much ?:) Why did you want him to commit , then ?
It can't always be all hearts and flowers, and heart and flowers won't last you a lifetime anyw... (read in full...)
Is he right -- am I being selfish?
Q. Im in need of some advice, i been with a guy for 7 years and is has been a roll coaster. i feel like he is so selfish and only cares about himself but yet again, he says im selfish. we are in a long distance relationship hes in florida and im in new ...
A. 5 May 2014: No, you are not being selfish. Or, if we want, you are , in a sound, and happ healthy sense, in the sense that you are putting yourself first and not letting ( hopefully !) undue emotional blackmails hold you back. This guy is not a minor, and you ... (read in full...)
Are my expectations way too high? Will I ever find true love before I get too old? Is it the lack of decent guys around, or is it me?
Q. I'm 19. Never been kissed. Never been on a single date. Slightly shy, but capable of leadership. I'm agnostic, slightly veering towards atheism...but waiting till marriage for sex. I have a strange liking for white guys...which shouldn't be a ...
A. 4 May 2014: I agree with CMMP. I don't think it's you. First you are only 19 !, what a rush. Give time to time. Not everybody has found the one by 19, you know ?:). Second... you are in the wrong place for interracial relationships, at least so I am told. I ... (read in full...)
My fiancee didn't tell me that he's frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is involved!
Q. I need help. My fiancee didn't tell me that he is frequenting these so called massage places where prostitution is going on. I am devastated. He says that he went there for relaxation but i can't see how going to prostitutes is a form of relaxation. ...
A. 4 May 2014: I can see how visiting prostitutes may be a form of relaxation ,but certainly it is not an appropriate form of relaxation for a man who is in a committed relationship!
He can call it what he wants, but if he was patronizing massage parlours to get ... (read in full...)
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