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... Send *issmatador a private message | | | *issmatador's profile:I'm a self confessed people lover. I find every single one of you interesting and wonderful and any of your problems will always be treated as new, serious and interesting.
I live in the South Coast of England and have done for 5 years now. Born and raised in Scotland, there was something that just didn't sit right with me! Maybe it was the weather! But moving down the country filled me with a certain Joye Du Vivre that I was lacking!
I won't say I have more or less life experience than anyone else. It's not my job to deliver you a sob story! But what I do have, in abundance, is a great deal of empathy and understanding and that is something I think is the most important when it comes to helping people.
So if you have something specific to ask or really just need "one of those chats", send me a message! |
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| Latest articles: A girl and her gay.
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: Gentlemen! I introduce to you one of the most beautiful and complex of relationships known to the modern world: The love between a Girl and her Gay. Oh, you can insist that you know what she wants, when she wants it and how she wants it. But tr...
"Those" dreams, of the ex!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2012: It's a beautiful morning here in the South Coast. I'm sitting here with my bowl of Frosties slowly turning to mush in the milk because something is casting a shadow over my Thursday. The dreaded dream of "The ex"! You know the one? Where you're...
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Painful sex for wife is causing serious problems in our marriage
Q. Hi. I am married to a woman who is wonderful other than the fact that intercourse is very difficult for her. We don't have kids, she is working and so do I. We were both virgins before we met and there was some problems in the intimacy department, ...
A. 21 April 2017: Dear Anon, It sounds to me like you are both lacking in some sexual maturity. Daily sex is something that is completely unrealistic and, to be completely frank with you, painful for a woman. It sounds, to me, as though you are putting all th... (read in full...)
He treats me with disinterest. How can I get the courage to tell him to ''get lost'' ?
Q. So this is a bit complicated and I will try to keep it short. I used to have a thing for a guy when I was 16. I asked him out when I was 19 but he said no since he was in a relationship(which I was unaware of). Then I decided to move on and ...
A. 21 August 2016: Dear Anon, We are but tiny crystals of sand in a desert; there is no more significance in the meeting of this man or his reappearance in your life other than you inviting him in with messages and emails. That is not to say that you do not share... (read in full...)
How do I tell what he's thinking?
Q. I know this Brit guy from Tinder. We like each other so after a week or so we got together - as in couple. His job requires him to fly across countries. We can only see each other one week every month so most of the time we have to we communicate ...
A. 19 August 2016: Hey anon, Sorry to hear that you're struggling with long distance especially when your interactions are limited to text. There's not a lot of emotions that can be read through pixels. Blame the technological age leading into a false sense of se... (read in full...)
Could my fears be true?
Q. Hey there just like help and some advice. My partner works at a pub in town and she could work up to 3 nights a week. We do have 4 kids together too. Well I maybe getting a bit paranoid but it’s starting to hurt my feelings and it’s happened 3 t...
A. 19 August 2016: I'm sorry to hear that there seems to be a serious break down in trust with your partner and it can happen in the best and worse of relationships. It sounds as though you both are responding to this lack of trust with setting unrealistic boun... (read in full...)
How do I tell what he's thinking?
Q. I know this Brit guy from Tinder. We like each other so after a week or so we got together - as in couple. His job requires him to fly across countries. We can only see each other one week every month so most of the time we have to we communicate ...
A. 18 August 2016: Hey anon, Sorry to hear that you're struggling with long distance especially when your interactions are limited to text. There's not a lot of emotions that can be read through pixels. Blame the technological age leading into a false sense of s... (read in full...)
Sexual tension with my friend. But I also have LDR boyfriend. Am I emotionally cheating? What should I do?
Q. Hey guys I really need some advice, I am in a relationship since two years. a year and half into the relationship we broke up, in that time i got together with a friend of mine. and my friend and i have extreme sexual tension between us even when ...
A. 18 August 2016: Dear anon, It sounds like quite a predicament you have got yourself in but I don't think this is as complicated as you're making it. It is completely possible to love one man but to also find another irresistible but what you are ta... (read in full...)
My ex cheated but I didn't. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. I have been in a complicated relationship for some time now. I have a question that I'd like to get answers for. It was a long distance relationship that was bad- I never cheated. My partner went through a rough time- I did not cheat. There wa...
A. 18 August 2016: Dear Anon, I'm sorry to hear that you were in a relationship with someone who was unable to remain faithful to you. It sounds as though you are trying to get into his head and justify his cheating possibly as a means to forgive him. Maybe even... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I'm still a virgin?
Q. So I'm dating a guy that I really like for 2 months , he's kind , nice and respect me , he never forced anything and never asked or said straight that he wants to sleep with me ... He is 26 and I am 27 , he used to be married , I'm still virgin...
A. 28 September 2012: Dear Anon, Having sex for the first time, no matter how old you are, is daunting. And the older you get, the more intimidating the whole thing becomes...and really that's because of what YOU think is expected of you. But, in truth, if there is lov... (read in full...)
I'm seeing my crush after years what if my feelings return for her?
Q. I need a bit of advice and second opinion in a situation that's come up in my life. First, a bit of back story. I am a gay woman in a serious relationship. I have been with my partner for two years. We have a flat together and are planning in ...
A. 27 September 2012: Dear Anon, I think you need to consider the effects of meeting this girl in a world where all information was out on the table for your current partner to see. You are um-ing and ah-ing over past feelings that you insist are gone and forgotte... (read in full...)
My father abused me as a child, do I try to talk to my parents about it again?
Q. I have a complicated situation. Without going into too much detail; my father sexually abused me as a child. I told my mother and together they shrugged it off saying I was lying / it was a dream. It was never spoken of again. Fast forward 1...
A. 26 June 2012: Dear Anon, Firstly, you are so brave just for speaking openly about what has happened to you. This is all part of healing and it sounds like you are striving to make things right again within yourself. Nothing about this process makes you a "... (read in full...)
How do I get him back, I know he likes me!
Q. I want to get back together with this guy. We've been seeing each other for four months - last Wednesday I asked him what our relationship was. He was all okay with it and as soon as we left the restaurant he talked about splitting up with me. We ...
A. 25 June 2012: Dear Gatsby, It's horrible when you don't get real closure when it comes to someone you opened your heart to. Although he had shown interest, he shared time with you and you were close...he obviously wasn't as heavily invested in this relationshi... (read in full...)
Afraid that sex too soon will undermine the chance of the relationship lasting
Q. I am a gay male and have just started seeing another guy. We are both in our early 20s. How long should we wait to have sex to increase chances of it lasting into something long term? I don't want to go into full blown sex straight away, bu...
A. 25 June 2012: Dear Anon, I have heard of sex being the starting point, to sex being the last thing on your mind. And both of these have surmounted in mixed results in a relationship. From it going down in flames to it going from strength to strength. It'... (read in full...)
Will he get bored since I have so much less experience?
Q. I've recently become single again after a 2 year relationship, and to be blunt, a girl has needs. I've also met this guy which we both seem into one another, however he has slept with 6 people and I've only slept with one? I want to go for it, but ...
A. 25 June 2012: Dear Anon-XO,
Don't get too bogged down in the numbers. Each person has different needs and a different way that they like to be touched. What another women has enjoyed, you might fid repulsive or, simply, not stimulating at all.
It's importan... (read in full...)
I found out g/f had been cyber cheating for months and she thinks its no big deal
Q. Hello, I'd like to start this off first of all by saying thank you to anyone who reads and replies to this lengthy message - I'm really in need of an outside opinion here and it would mean a lot to me. I have been with my girlfriend now f...
A. 24 June 2012: Dear Badsam69,
I'm not one for leaving short answers because it always seems like I haven't read the whole question or that I can't be bothered delivery comprehensive advice.
Your relationship is rubbish. You don't get on well, you don't have s... (read in full...)
My ex told me my boobs are small and I can't get over it. Is bigger really better?
Q. My ex, the only guy I've ever been sexual with, told me my breasts are too small and I still can't get over it. I know he's not the only man on earth, but I've heard my other male friends talk about breasts and it's always a case of "the bigger the ...
A. 24 June 2012: Dear Anon, It sounds as though you are channeling the negativity and self-conciousness that comes from the ending of a relationship into one little comment made by an insignificant person who doesn't feature in your life anymore. Cert... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if we want the same things out of our relationship
Q. Am I being too sensitive? I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months, we're not officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we have told each other we love each other and that we won't see other people. My problem is that he never seems to m...
A. 24 June 2012: Dear Anon, It truely sounds like your gut instinct is right on the money. He doesn't want to commit to anything long term or, as it sounds, even short term! I think you should cut your losses and seek out someone who is willing to se... (read in full...)
She said she'd sleep with me but now she's ignoring me
Q. this girl i kinda like confesed to a mate that she would sleep with me if i asked, he told me so i confronted her and basicly asked whats the deal why didnt u tell me, all that sorta stuff, n it got to the point where after a lot of flriting and ...
A. 23 June 2012: Dear Anon,
You need to have more respect for women. You don't go marching up to a girl saying "I heard you want to have sex with me...care to make good on that?" Regardless of what you heard from whom ever you heard it from, it makes you seem des... (read in full...)
Suggestions for prom make-up?
Q. Hello everyone, this is not a relationship question but I'm so stuck I dont know who to ask! Ok so it's my prom night in less than a week now, and I'm so stuck on what make up to use, I have a red fishtail dress which has a lot of detail on my le...
A. 23 June 2012: Hey there Rebeccaa! Your dress sounds beautiful and, as every girl knows, the way to make or break an outfit is all in the details. Red dress + red lips will immediately scream Dallas tart (and I don't mean strawberry). You are one step aw... (read in full...)
I'm obsessing over her break-up sex with her ex
Q. This is quite a long message I know but I’m incredibly unhappy and could really use some good advice. So basically, I started university about a year ago and met this girl in my flat that I really liked but had a boyfriend of two years at home tha...
A. 23 June 2012: Dear Anon, Let us be completely honest about this: She is being completely forthright about how she feels about you but, also, is being completely up front about who and what she wants to be right now. It sounds as though, even if you consider ... (read in full...)
How do I get the magic back?
Q. hi there, me again I have been working for 9 months, and two months ago started working with a really nice guy, at first i couldnt stand the guy, and then as time went by we started to like each other, three weeks later it was obvious that thi...
A. 21 June 2012: Dear Simply Jane2011,
It sounds to me that this guy has had the milk for free so why should he buy the cow? He obviously has or atleast had feelings for you or he wouldn't have engaged in any kisses or passionat moments with you.
But it could ... (read in full...)
Sex for the first time, but worried what my boyfriend will think of me naked!
Q. Hi everyone :) Me and my boyfriend are going to have sex for the first time this weekend, and im completely ready in every way except that im really insecure about my body. Im a bit chubby and im worried he'll be totally repulsed my me and not want ...
A. 21 June 2012: Dear Anon,
It's completely understandable that you are about to share a moment with someone that is, possibly, the most personal thing you can share in a relationship apart from childbirth.
Remember that, when it comes to sex, it doesn't matte... (read in full...)
"Those" dreams, of the ex!
Q. It's a beautiful morning here in the South Coast. I'm sitting here with my bowl of Frosties slowly turning to mush in the milk because something is casting a shadow over my Thursday. The dreaded dream of "The ex"! You know the one? Where you're...
A. 19 June 2012: Thank you very much for the response.
This was really just a venting article but I am really glad to have some positive feedback on my perspective on these troublesome dreams.
... (read in full...)
How do I break into a group at college to be friends?
Q. How do I break into a group at college? Theres a group of girls and guys who became very close during freshman year because they lived on the same hall. I didn't have so much luck with the friendship department because I lived on a floor full of ...
A. 17 June 2012: Dear Angelinpink61,
College is full of experiances and one of them is the ability to stretch those wings and be a social butterfly.
It sounds to me like you are weighing up your friendships against others that you aren't involved in. I d... (read in full...)
My crush thinks he's too old for me. What do I do?
Q. I'm 25 and went on a date with a 35 year old. We got along great and had things in common. But he seemed to think the gap was too big. I didn't think so. My friend got engaged and has the same age difference. Should I tell my crush this?...
A. 17 June 2012: Dear anon,
It's unfortunate that he sees the age gap as something that can't be overcome.
It is not ideal but if he is not prepared to be with a younger woman regardless of how well you got on or how successful the date.
I don't think m... (read in full...)
Fallen in love with a fwb, now what?
Q. Hi everyone I know this is a common question but I really need help I have fallen completely in love with my fwb who said he didn't want a relationship which I thought I would be fine with he has just moved and I am absolutaly gutted have any of you ...
A. 15 June 2012: Dear Anon,
Friends With Benefits is a tricky slope to navigate at the best of times. No matter what the terms of the arrangement are, as soon as sex is involved, there is a chance that one or both of you will fall in love with the other or want ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to correct the emotional damage I've caused her? I prefer plus size women, usually.
Q. I have met the most wonderful girl on the planet. Smart, funny, intellectual, but most of all she has a wonderful personality. She is even beautiful, which is where my dilemma begins. I am attracted to larger women and, regrettably, have confessed ...
A. 12 June 2012: Dear Kessler1231, At the beginning of a relationship, there is a two and fro of information about pasts and presents. Sometimes the two co-inside and sometimes they don't. I openly expressed my attraction to taller men to my boyfriend and h... (read in full...)
What goes around comes around!
Q. My ex is really suffering now but I don't know whether to feel sorry or avenged for how he has treated me in the past. He left me to marry somebody else. His marriage has now broken down even though he's been trying to get back with her but she...
A. 12 June 2012: Dear Anon, There is a strong different between "pity out for pities sake" and pity out of love. You have a connection with this man by way of your past relationship with him and your son. But I don't think this is out of love and certainly not... (read in full...)
How do I get my guy to change the motion he uses during sex?
Q. i have problem , i really don`t enjoy the in and out thrusting during sex ,it`s not pleasurable for me so i want to ask my boyfriend to go for slow circular mouvement but i don`t know if cicular mouvement inside the vagina feels good to me...
A. 12 June 2012: Dear Haj 21, Lets not beat around the bush: sex is all a matter of exploration. What works for one girl might not work for another. It in important, however, that you are enjoying yourself and, as a girl, I can say that it's difficult not to f... (read in full...)
I want to be able to walk away but I can't?
Q. This guy and i have been doing our thing for over a year now. We've dated basically 3 times and even during 3 break-ups we still did couple like things! I totally love him and he says he totally loves me but thing is i've fallen for someone else and ...
A. 12 June 2012: Dear Anon, The worst part of being the one to walk away is accepting that you put the nail in the coffin...but, remember, you weren't the only one to do the killing. Relationships come to an end and it important to put them to rest properly. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend changed his password, is it harmless?
Q. Hey guys im reaaly worried. Well a couple months ago my bf was getting way to friendly with this girl but it all was by email (his bestfriend told me some thing was up and gave me the password to my bfs email) normaly i would not of checked it but ...
A. 12 June 2012: Dear Anon, The worst thing about love is that it is hard to accept that someone you hold so dear has the potential to hurt you. It sounds like you two have a great many trust issues lingering in your relationship spawning from one t... (read in full...)
How do I get him to touch me without being rude about it?
Q. I've started seeing this guy and so far he's really nice and things are great. But there is one problem...he is very shy when it comes to physical contact. When we're making out I like it when guys touch my body all over and he doesnt really do ...
A. 12 June 2012: Dear Anon,
It is nice to hear that a guy is reluctant to enter the arena of sexual contact. It could be that he is inexperienced or is wary of how you might enjoy being touched.
There is no shame in asking or guiding his hands to where you wan... (read in full...)
Should I cheat on him?
Q. Ok ok I can do this _ SO! This is my first question on a site like this so... If this question is dumb please be gentle.. Sooo I have a boyfriend I love him a lot! The thing is it's long distance and things get a bit... lonely.. He's a total video ...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Anon, Long distance is awful. Especially if there is no routine to when you communicate or when you are next going to see eachother. It can make the distance even longer. Before we go into what you -want- perhaps we should go into what y... (read in full...)
I just want an innocent relationship, but guys run when I say 'no sex'
Q. My boyfriend wants to have sex... But I don't! I'm only 14. I'm an attractive girl, but every guy asks for sex anywhere I say no they run.. I just want an innocent relationship. I we can touch, and kiss but not sex.. How do I get a guy I be ohkay ...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Courtneysue4, It is going to be incredibly difficult for you to find a boy that will NOT proposition you for sex at your age. You are showing a great deal of responsibility for yourself by saying "no" and sticking to it. But you're not g... (read in full...)
My best friend and ex had sex! Help!
Q. me and my ex were dating for about 7 months and we broke. we stopped tallking to each other for about a month and then started to talk and see each other again. People told me that him and my bestfriend of 18 years were messing around but she told ...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Anon, It it horrible to have these feelings of betrayal and discontent around you. After finding out that your ex and your best friend have been fooling around behind your back, you might find it difficult to shift the feelings of rese... (read in full...)
Dating/sex between super skinny guy and UK size 20/22 girl
Q. Hi, Please help - I'd really value some objective opinions! I joined an online dating site a few weeks ago and have since then met a lovely guy, who i have started going on a few dates with after exchanging emails and text messages. We've ...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Tyger, I would first like to applaud you for being so forth coming about your weight both here and on a dating site. It is a pure example of a confident woman! And saying that you should bring that confidence right into your sex l... (read in full...)
My brother is controlling my life
Q. hiii its problem with my elder brother..... he restricts for everythin i do.... he dont like me wearing jeans.... he dont like me leaving loose hair..he alwways wants me to put plates which i dont do... i never dress up odd.. it will be ju...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Anon, It sounds like your brother is looking out for you...but in the worst way. It is possible that he is, as you say, putting his failures onto you. My sister is very much the same. I am hardly successful but she is the same, if not wors... (read in full...)
How can I keep it a secret if I get involved with a married man?
Q. I posted a question earlier about a relationship with an older man who is married with children. I thought he was flirting with me and it turns out he was. We met to talk about the project we're both involved in and he drove me home (again!). I...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Anon, Firstly, I don't support your actions as I am sure no other woman would. However I do understand that sometimes we are forced to act upon our instincts even if just to satisfy the weakest of our needs. Secondly, it sounds that you a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is paying for all of his ex's bills and I don't think its right
Q. Hello everyone! I need some advice on a situation. I’ve been dating this guy for 1 month but I’ve known him for 5 months. I always said I would never date a guy with kids and when I asked him in the beginning if he has kids, he said he’s doing a DNA ...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Anon, It really sucks playing second string to an old relationship. I think it's important for you to realize your own self-worth in this situation. The start of a relationship is supposed to be exciting and loving and it doesn't sound ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend will be away for 2 weeks and I don't think I can cope with it
Q. Hi, My boyfriend of over 2 years is away to Europe for the next 2 weeks due to work commitments. We are extremely close, and best friends as well as a couple. This means that we see each other literally all the time and enjoy each other's constant...
A. 5 June 2012: Dear Lily-June Being apart from your partner is hard, especially when they are your closest friend and your longing is a testament to how strongly you feel for him. You will need to remember that he will be missing you just as much as you ... (read in full...)
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