A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Need help! My bf brokeup after 4 years together because of fights, he said he can't handle it. The real reason was he let him family know about our issues and they asked him not to see me again (It was so stupid of him and I believe his personal life is none of their business!) I apologized and somehow convinced him not to end things. He agreed but brokeup again.Even a small arguement was good enough to frustrate him. Refuses to talk about it or even face the issues. Worst part, he is under bad inflence of his colleagues who have nothing better to do than sit and bitch about their wives and women. He isn't a kid, I don't know why he even listen them- rels are joke, don't waste time over one girl. We had a really good relationship and he never acted like a coward before. This time, his family got involved and its shocking the things he says now - "my parents are right, I was a fool to waste time on you when you don't even talk about marriage"!! We both had decided we'll marry once I settle with my career..suddenly all the issues crop up that weren't there ever!! Now should I pursue him, ask him to give it a shot or let it go? I feel like I worked so hard on this relationship, did so much to convince him not to end it and he is acting like a coward again. I understand the pressure on him - family and they want him to relocate for job but he won't if he stays with me! But I also feel like what if he leaves again in the future with just a "I'm so sorry, pls stay happy"!! And then I think situation is bad, I should try to save the relationship if he can't. It's very difficult letting it go. I was the happiest in that relationship. Is it possible to start over and work this out? Should I go for it or leave it because if a guy can leave you in a bad situation, he'll do it again in future? What should I do? He keeps running away from it, doesn't even talk about relationship or why we fought. Yesterday I went to his place myself to talk and the moment I talked about US, I saw him cry for the first time and then he asked me not to talk about it, it bring back memories and he wants to forget it all. What do I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2014):
 You don't have to put up with anything, since you are broken up.
I understand that letting go is hard, but , FWIW, I believe that eventually people always find a way to do what they REALLY want in their heart. Maybe covering it up with other reasons and excuses which make more sense, but, the choice was already there , inside them. People in love develops an uncanny stubborness and bravery to defrnd their choices. So yes, on the surface your bf may have yielded to his parents' pressures, but just because he already had misgivings about your relationship, and his parents just gave him the push he needed to make an official decision. Or, if you want to put it in another way, basically he cared more about making his family happy, than about maintaining his relationship with you. being with you was not / is not his 1st priority. I don't think a grown up man gives up something he really loves , JUST because he is influenced by his family - not even in your country.
Let's not forget the fighting, then. Theer might have been other considerations, family , work, relocation, your career.... but ,anyway, you were not getting along- maybe you have more tolerance for conflict, but he does not like to fight.
Finally, this would not be your 2nd attempt, but th 3rd ( you say that you two broke up, then you made him reconsider, ... then he broke up again ) So the scenario you fear - he changing his mind once more - is far from unlikely.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the long and messed up story, hope it makes sense! I was so angry when I wrote this post. Also, I wanna know is it normal to expect a guy to stand for you or I should accept he isn't perfect and my expectations are too much? He didn't take a stand for me when his friend mocked me saying how he was handling a gf like me for 4 years only because I called him up once when I was very upset. My ex agreed with him saying yes, she is very emotional. That''s it! Why am I not allowed to be upset even onve after a breakup?!! What when my ex spend all his time drinking with friends or speaking to my best friends to feel better?!! But if I speak to his friend once while crying - big deal! Am I putting up with aa lot of nonsense or is it all me?
...............................
|
