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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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She is refusing to face financial facts and is moving back home to her parents
Q. How can me and my fiancée come to an agreement? She's lived with me in a house I own and I knew she had some debts so I sat down with her to help sort them out. Around £20,000 in debt including car payments. She has 3 horses which cost her around £...
A. 5 May 2015: I am sorry to hear this, OP. Sorry...but not surprised ,I must say. AS you have seen, alas, love is not everything, then you've also got to sort of belong to the some " world " ( psychologically ), and yours sounded very different.
You sound like... (read in full...)
A cautionary tale for me?
Q. I am even further disillusioned by this thing called love. My back story is: I am 53, divorced for 4.5 years. No kids. Was married for 12 years, together for 16. My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman. He never showed any remor...
A. 14 June 2014: 132K in debt, OP. Wow. The more you write the more it sounds that being abandoned by your husband was a blessing in disguise ! You dodged a massive bullet, OP, and if this cannot decrease your bitterness I don't know what can. Call me unromantic , ... (read in full...)
A cautionary tale for me?
Q. I am even further disillusioned by this thing called love. My back story is: I am 53, divorced for 4.5 years. No kids. Was married for 12 years, together for 16. My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman. He never showed any remor...
A. 13 June 2014: It's still their son, OP. A son that was not a good husband, a son who has done bad things, maybe a son who went agaisnt the principles which they had taught him ( be loyal, be honest etc... )- YET it's their son, they want to keep the peace ... (read in full...)
We've been together for four years but he's still active on the dating site he joined behind my back!
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our early fifties and been together for almost four years. Our relationship is mostly see each other on weekends.We had an erratic relationship most of the first three years, and had broken up last year on new year's eve ...
A. 13 June 2014: I just hope you give him enough rope that he ends up hanging himself ( metaphorically speaking of course ! ) , I mean, if in two more or four more months it comes out he is STILL on the site STILL trolling and checking... ( I'd bet on this ! ) ... (read in full...)
My vagina doesn't look so nice
Q. Hey guys I don't want him to see my vagina when i was younger i shaved it and i got shaving pimples and i got dark pimple spot and it doesn't look so nice ... what can i do ????...
A. 13 June 2014: Naaah, I am sure that there's nothing wrong with your vagina.
Why, do you think that is HE going to exhibit HIS organ at the Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art anytime soon, for the pleasure and betterment of the masses ? :) chances are, his ain'... (read in full...)
I don't want to live in someone else's shadow!
Q. I've been with my partner for 2 1/2 years now. We've had a baby together and I have lost all my confidence. My ex husband cheated on me all the time and I'm unsure if my own insecurities are the problem or i should be concerned. My boyfriend ...
A. 13 June 2014: It's you, your insecurities are playing tricks on you.
The guy is keeping old pics and one letter in a BOX !, he is not taking them out and sighing wistfully over them, is he ?
As for the daughter, no I don't think she'll be confused, I think ... (read in full...)
Can tall girls get away with heels?
Q. I am 6 feet (183cm) tall and u sometimes wear heels Should tall girls wear heels what do you think ??? ...
A. 13 June 2014: Honestly, if you ask me, no. A tall woman in heels can reach a freaky 6'4 or 6'5 and IMO maybe a few runway models have the posture , the attitude, the elegance to get away with that, all the rest certainly get noticed but ... aren't ... (read in full...)
A cautionary tale for me?
Q. I am even further disillusioned by this thing called love. My back story is: I am 53, divorced for 4.5 years. No kids. Was married for 12 years, together for 16. My ex cheated on me and left me for another woman. He never showed any remor...
A. 13 June 2014: Well, yes, blood is thicker than water generally speaking, I am sorry that this makes you bitter , but it's a bit like being bitter because when it rains you get wet.
What was your ex husband 's family supposed to do ? First, they may have like... (read in full...)
I like this guy, but he is coming on too strong?
Q. There's a guy I know who I have become interested in, and I think he is interested in me as well. However, I am finding that he comes on very strong and it's making me a little uncomfortable. He is very polite, and his compliments are all ...
A. 13 June 2014: Wel, yes, Mark1978 could be right, laying it on thick is the classic M.O. of people who want something from you and want it soon.
Or, if we do not want to be suspicious, that's just what he is, his personality, he is a naturally effusive guy , sa... (read in full...)
We've been together for four years but he's still active on the dating site he joined behind my back!
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our early fifties and been together for almost four years. Our relationship is mostly see each other on weekends.We had an erratic relationship most of the first three years, and had broken up last year on new year's eve ...
A. 12 June 2014: That you should walk then, because he did screw up.
What's a guy in a committed relationship doing , active on a dating site ?! Dating sites are for meeting someone to date and mate , he is already dating and already mating, so something's gott... (read in full...)
Catholic man marrying atheist woman. Catholic church, civil ceremony or compromise?
Q. I am a catholic. My fiance is an atheist. We have been together for nearly 4 years and love each other very much. I want to get married in a catholic church and she wants a civil ceremony. We have stalled with wedding plans because we just don't ...
A. 12 June 2014: Sorry Getta, maybe I did not make myself clear. What I said in my post was not to start a religious or philosophical debate on DC , which would not be the right venue, I said it because I think it is very relevant to the OP's quandary. The OP ... (read in full...)
Catholic man marrying atheist woman. Catholic church, civil ceremony or compromise?
Q. I am a catholic. My fiance is an atheist. We have been together for nearly 4 years and love each other very much. I want to get married in a catholic church and she wants a civil ceremony. We have stalled with wedding plans because we just don't ...
A. 12 June 2014: No Getta, that would be an agnostic- someone who thinks there are no proofs or ways to decide for or against the existence of god, reason for which he shrugs it off and chooses to focus on other stuff, since the wghole question of god or no god ... (read in full...)
She is refusing to face financial facts and is moving back home to her parents
Q. How can me and my fiancée come to an agreement? She's lived with me in a house I own and I knew she had some debts so I sat down with her to help sort them out. Around £20,000 in debt including car payments. She has 3 horses which cost her around £...
A. 12 June 2014: Of course, Op,- I realize that what you suggested is reasonable and it's the same advice that a financial advisor would give.
A financial advisor without the passion for horses , though- without a life that revolves around horses.
The girl has... (read in full...)
I went into my boyfriend's mail and closed down all of his online dating accounts!
Q. So my boyfriend of one year has always had dating profiles since he was 13. (He is 21 now). He likes to talk to people though he's never met up with anyone from online since he just simply doesn't believe that something like love could come from ...
A. 12 June 2014: I totally agree with llifton.
Although I think that what you have done , weed or no weed, is VERY serious and very inappropriate , ( is it even legal, I wonder ? ), - then again, what's a guy in a commited relationship doing on DATING sites ? He... (read in full...)
He wants to talk everyday and support me financially, why, when he broke up with me and already has a new girlfriend!
Q. My ex an I was together a year and 3 months. And we broke up on Saturday. And he moved on started dating another girl. But the day after the break up he was being so so mean to me. And now he's been texting me for 3 days non stop he texts from when ...
A. 12 June 2014: ... Because he thinks that two Gf's ( or actually, a Gf and a little something on the side ) are bettr than just one. More variety, more excitement. You stay officially with the one you get along better, or for whatever reason of yours you think is ... (read in full...)
I’m losing patience with her and feel like she isn’t treating me right
Q. There is a girl and she is a friend of mine but I have a crush on her. She is from another country and will go home later in the year, so I’m settled on just being friends. We met online and were really good friends, we spoke often and she was very ...
A. 11 June 2014: I am always very happy to be proven wrong if things turn out favourably for the question asker, so my congratulations , OP, but... try not to get too carried away,if you can. Because, how is this going to play out in practice ?... She did ... (read in full...)
I feel like I have had a snapshot of my B/f and his life and want out of the relationship.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend about 5 months now and over the last couple of weeks I have been staying at his while some major repairs are being done to my home. I noticed some 'odd' behaviours in my boyfriend (who is 39) right at the start when I ...
A. 11 June 2014: I don't have the technical / medical qualifications to assess , particularly from a distance , if this man is just somewhat of a weirdo, or has an " official " mental health problem ( even if this sounds quite possible ).
But, unless you were... (read in full...)
Should I enjoy my Gf's amazing personality and hope that she'll make the decision to lose weight so that she can become more physically appealing?
Q. So I'm 22 and recently I've started talking to this girl who is 18. When it comes to a personality she's everything I could possibly ask for. But as far as looks she has a really cute face but she's pretty overweight. It sounds pathetic on my p...
A. 11 June 2014: ... Rude ? :) A bit of pot calling kettle black, OP ?...
I think you are in good faith, though, I think you just don't realize how rude and presumptous comes off asking a person to change physical traits ... in view of you maybe , possibly, cons... (read in full...)
Does it make me sound like a bad mother if I ask my neighbour out? How do I do it without making myself sound desperate and cheap? And would a younger man even be interested in spending time with a woman 11 years older?
Q. Hi everyone I'm a 46 year old divorced working single mom of 4 kids, so needless to say I'm usually very busy with everything. I've been divorced for 3 years now. Here's my dilemma, about a month ago I just moved into a new place that I'm renting ...
A. 11 June 2014: No, why should you be a bad person for desiring companionship and intimacy ?, everybody does in some measure. Neither you'd be a bad mother for that , mothers are human beings too, and once you have performed your motherly duties and taken good ... (read in full...)
I'm confined to my own room while my roommate gets to decorate and furnish the rest of the apartment...
Q. I'm at a crossroads at the moment and it's stressing me out. I don't know what to do. My college roommate and I lived in our dorm room for two years and got along great so we decided to rent an apartment so we could increase our living space a bit. ...
A. 11 June 2014: I too do not quite understand why you are so upset, she sounds like the perfect roommate to me :)- she is saving you a lot of time , hassles and money ! all you've got to do is ...moving in in a fully furnished house where everything has been ... (read in full...)
Should I enjoy my Gf's amazing personality and hope that she'll make the decision to lose weight so that she can become more physically appealing?
Q. So I'm 22 and recently I've started talking to this girl who is 18. When it comes to a personality she's everything I could possibly ask for. But as far as looks she has a really cute face but she's pretty overweight. It sounds pathetic on my p...
A. 10 June 2014: I don't think it would work, OP, I think it would come off as arrogant, rude and incredibly clueless. You are not even together, and you want to give her a body make over as a pre -requisite for dating you ? Seriously ? ...
I think that if you ... (read in full...)
My friend has changed in the last 6 months!
Q. Me and my best friend have been friends for out entire lives! Shes the person i can talk to about anything well could, shes knows me knows me my secrets and in turn i know hers Its just this past 6 months, she has been very distant not really ...
A. 10 June 2014: Move on, OP, don't cling. Cerberus is right, friends come and go. SOME of them stay with you all your life, and some others are transitional friends, people you feel close to or share interests with or have fun with for a certain period of your ... (read in full...)
She is refusing to face financial facts and is moving back home to her parents
Q. How can me and my fiancée come to an agreement? She's lived with me in a house I own and I knew she had some debts so I sat down with her to help sort them out. Around £20,000 in debt including car payments. She has 3 horses which cost her around £...
A. 10 June 2014: OK, so whip me everybody ( horse-whip me ), I am with the " why should she give them up ". I mean, you fell in love with " the girl with the horses ". It sounds like it's much more than a hobby or a passtime, it's a passion, a lifestyle, a part ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sleeps on the couch all the time!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for 3 years and officially dating for a year and a half. We just moved in together into a house with a few friends. We share a room and he's been sleeping on the couch in the livingroom for nights in a row and ...
A. 10 June 2014: "A big part of living together is that we get to sleep in the same ned " it is so only if you make it so and you load the sharing , or not sharing, a bed with lots of psychological / emotional meanings that not necessarily are inherent to the ... (read in full...)
We clearly want different things out of life!
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up last year after months of arguing about what we wanted from our relationship. I wanted commitment, a family one day, our own home, whereas he wanted to stay living separately and just carry on taking things slowly. We had ...
A. 10 June 2014: But you don't want a kid NOW, you want it in the future.
So, maybe in the future he won't use condoms, when he is ready to be a father , but as of now he is not, so wearing a condom is actually a very mature, grown up thing to do, and I can't see ... (read in full...)
I’m losing patience with her and feel like she isn’t treating me right
Q. There is a girl and she is a friend of mine but I have a crush on her. She is from another country and will go home later in the year, so I’m settled on just being friends. We met online and were really good friends, we spoke often and she was very ...
A. 10 June 2014: You should stop investing so many emotions in what , not only is just a friendship, but it's a temporary one , because she is going back to her country soon.
That's why she is taking it so casually, meaning yes, she enjoyed the time she spent with... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time with this girl?
Q. So there's this girl that I like and I've taken her out a couple of times now and just when things were looking up, she goes camping with her friends and sleeps with another guy when she was drunk. The next day this guy texts her saying he really ...
A. 10 June 2014: Unluckily , I think you are right- in fact, to me it sounds rather obvious that she can't like you THAT much. I mean, she likes you somewhat, otherwise she would not even have come out with you on dates, but ... if she can't decide between the ... (read in full...)
How the HELL do I talk dirty? Please guide me. lol
Q. For the love of God - I can NOT talk dirty to save my life. Actually, I'm 32 and never talked dirty to anyone. Now, here's the weird thing. I can "sext" my boyfriend (of 4 years) some of the nastiest shit ever was but I can't say anything when we're ...
A. 10 June 2014: Yes, but WHY do you want to do it, if it is something that 's so far from your sexual style and repertoire ? There's two of you in bed, so if there's something that he likes,- but you find difficult/ unappealing / a turn off , why is it you that ... (read in full...)
My long distance girlfriend make me feel anxious and insecure.
Q. My long distance girlfriend make me feel anxious, insecure. Yesterday was our second anniversary. I sent her flowers and she texted me until almost 10 pm. I know she forgot it and pretended it wasnt. I know her family and friends and they are kind...
A. 9 June 2014: I am on the fence between the " she loves you " / " she loves you not " parties, and to me that depends from how solid and feasible are your plans to get reunited in 10 months : Are they just "plans " a.k.a. empty words, ot are you already working ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my best friend I lost a baby? He went back to his ex
Q. What should I do? My best friend of right years became single and we always had feelings for each other so we decided to try it out. We had a fantastic month of dating, we were happy. And then his ex talked him into trying again. I realize...
A. 9 June 2014: OP, you seem to miss the point : whatever you have thought of saying or omitting to say to your ex when you were pregnant, for whatever reason,... well now the situation is different, isn't it. Unluckily , there's no baby anymore ( very sorry to ... (read in full...)
Should people have to change their personalities for others?
Q. Hello people. I was reading an article about relationships today, and it said that you can't go into a relationship expecting that you won't need to adjust your personality. This seems like a pile of horse turds to me, but I was wondering what y...
A. 9 June 2014: Like other people have said, there's a big difference between radically altering your personality ( I don't think it's even possible even if one wanted ! ) and being capable of functional, intelligent adjustments and compromises where the situation ... (read in full...)
Is he just using me when desperate?
Q. I am seeing someone casually, sort of a no strings thing. I do like him but I am trying not to contact him as the no strings part of it is getting to me. I don't even know if we will see each other again unless he gets in touch - it is that casua...
A. 9 June 2014: Why couldn't he be seeing someone else ? It does not sound like you are close so you have no odea what's really going on in his life. You say you doubt that if he had someone else he would still see you- this ,if he had a steady partner, perhaps ... (read in full...)
He said he liked me, yet turned me down! What now?
Q. Hiya So I asked out this boy as a week before he said he liked me and I told him i liked him back!! When I asked him out he said he would think about it and tell me in next lesson so i waited and got all my hopes up! The he told me that he didn't w...
A. 9 June 2014: We take you seriously : you got your first taste of rejection and that's a serious thing .
But not a terrible one:). I think there was no intention to hurt you or to make fun of you , it's just that you two go by different languages, in a sens... (read in full...)
Am I misunderstanding or is he wasting my time?
Q. me and a guy have been texting for 34wks now and we even went on a date which was fun he was telling me about how is ex upset him and cheated on him. He was also completly honest with me he said that he does not want to be offiical ...
A. 8 June 2014: Well, he TOLD you- he does not want a Gf, with the usual amount of contact , closeness, effort etc. He does not make any particular effort because he does not want to impress you favourably, or to make you happy- he just wants to get laid and ( at ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend slept with my ex's sister before we met and kept it secret for 2 years. Am I right to be upset?
Q. I live with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. I am 38, he is 41. I have a young daughter and he has 2 young daughters, both from previous relationships. He wanted to marry me and we loved being a blended family together. We have been arguing alot though ...
A. 8 June 2014: Well, if you actually feel repulsed and betrayed, that's what you feel and I don't think that anything another person can say would change your feelings- or, that we should even attempt to change how you feel, you are entitled to feel whatever you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend enjoys looking at other women. Is she bisexual?
Q. My girlfriend has suddenly enjoying looking (or maybe leching) other girls when we go out. Every guy loves looking at sexy girls with nice boobs and sexy feet and shoes. My girlfriend also has started enjoying looking at them and admiring them with ...
A. 7 June 2014: Oh btw , I'll add a Politically Correct disclaimer. It should be obvious, but you never know, I would not want anybody piping up with an incensed " how come you say - your Gf is normal- why, if she were bisexual she would be abnormal ?! "
I am... (read in full...)
My girlfriend enjoys looking at other women. Is she bisexual?
Q. My girlfriend has suddenly enjoying looking (or maybe leching) other girls when we go out. Every guy loves looking at sexy girls with nice boobs and sexy feet and shoes. My girlfriend also has started enjoying looking at them and admiring them with ...
A. 7 June 2014: I don't know... I think your gf is perfectly normal, - or else I am "strange " too.
I thought all women appreciated beauty and harmony and sensuality, in whichever shape and gender ?.. And they surely appreciate beautiful shoes !
I am heterose... (read in full...)
My LDR girlfriend didn't like the gifts I sent for her birthday. Could I have done things in a better way?
Q. I've currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. Long distance as in we're both in different countries and we've been in this relationship for at least 7 months now. We met online and just started chatting and exchanging some ...
A. 7 June 2014: Ask her what she wants for her birthday ? :) And make sure you know her sizes if you have to give her jewelry / apparel ?...
That detracts from the surprise, but avoids so many wrong gifts ....
Kidding. I think you are overthinking this. How can ... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend says oral sex doesn't turn her on. Is she bored or seeing someone else?
Q. Hello, Am 27 years old, am in a 7 months relationship , distance deny us sometimes but we talk over the phone . Most times when we see each other, we do have sex and also perform oral sex together. Recently she told me she doesn't really get arou...
A. 7 June 2014: Why should that be a sign of cheating ?
I think she just either does not like receiving oral sex ( yes, all women are different, so there also women who dilike/ aren't sufficiently turned on by oral sex ), or, she does not like the way YOU do it. ... (read in full...)
I fell in love with her, but she won't talk to me now.
Q. I fell in love with her, but she won't talk to me now. I have trust issues, insecurities, and low-self esteem. But all of it suddenly disappeared when I met this girl. This girl (Let's call her Jessica) and I are in high school where I'm a juni...
A. 7 June 2014: OP, it always feels bad to have to take the gloves out when answering a young teen in love, but you do need to get a grip , so...
what should you do ?...
Leave her the hell alone ! Move on !
What are you confused about ?, what is she supposed... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got drunk and his friends called his ex to come get him, not me!
Q. I'm so angry right now that I feel like I could burst! My boyfriend of 10 months spent the night at his ex wife's house after a drunken night out with pals, and even though I believe him when he says nothing happened, mainly because when he is THAT ...
A. 7 June 2014: Personally, the thing I'd have objections against would be ..dating a man who gets so freaking drunk he can't find the strength , or the common sense ( or the money for a cab ) to reach his home after a night out. But, since you apparently are ... (read in full...)
How can I make my mother understand that my cousin is like a best friend to me?
Q. my cousin recently got out of prison. he was there 3 years for sexual abuse. he is like a best friend to me. he is 26, and im 14. everytime i even sit near him my mom practicley yells at me! she thinks he would do something to me but i believe he ...
A. 6 June 2014: I have to agree with the other ladies, your mom is not disliking him for no reason, she is disliking him for a very good reason. The reason is that he spent 3 years in jail for sexual abuse, and as a mom she is NOT happy of seeing that her ... (read in full...)
Why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex?
Q. why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex..... i have been with my partner for almost 3 years we have a 9 month old little boy together and im 2 months pregnant with our 2nd baby our sex life is great but i started to notice recently that my partner ...
A. 6 June 2014: I agree with SVC, I don't believe that people should be blackmailed ,so to speak, into performing sexual acts that are disgusting, unappealing or uncomfortable to them.
No more BJs until he accepts to go down on you ?... Mhhh... picture the ... (read in full...)
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