A
female
age
36-40,
*arbey
writes:I know he treats me bad but sometimes some people re abusive because they love you too much, this is my baby daddy and he is emotionally abusing me. He left me pregnant and came back when baby was 3 months blaming me for making him leave. We sorted things out fell in love from scratch, but I have to dance to his tune to keep the fire burning. If he tells me to come to his place n I don’t go he dumps me calls me all sorts of names tells me it’s because I'm sleeping and that’s y I can't make it.Three days later he calls and makes peace and like a fool I forgive him. He borrows money from me (of course he pays it back) if I don’t give him the money it's trouble again. It all has to go his way and if I fight back he says I have no home training and don't act like a woman. The thing is I want my daughter to know her father a chance my mother gave me, but each time we fight he gives up on her too and tells me she is my baby alone. I keep up with his s**t yes partly because I love him but mostly because I have his child and it hurts so much that he won't put her 1st. I told him it’s not about me if we don’t work out its ok but he has to try for our baby but I'm hitting a hard rock. We had spent about 3 weeks not talking because I had no money for him to borrow so I decided to make peace and when I went to his place to talk I wanted him and me to agree to be friends and be parents to our daughter, but he began wanting to sleep with me and I turned him down and left.After wards I felt guilty and apologized yet again but he told me he slept with some else during these 3 weeks that we separated and that sex is not a problem for him he can get it any time. After these words I realized I'm truly wasting my time he didn't confess that because he is a good guy he said it just to hurt me, but if I give up and turn away will he give up and turn away on his daughter too? He seems to think that he has to be with me to be a father to her and if we break up then he gives up on her too. I am tired of the harsh words he tells me all the time. I am tired of making sure he gets his way, his temper, everything but what of my daughter will I be selfish if I just stop caring whether he will walk out of her life if we break up. I feel like I have to sleep with him for him to be her dad. Please advice
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female
reader, barbey +, writes (28 June 2014):
barbey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou people for talling me straight I kinda needed a wake up call I guess he doesn't care about her only cares about what I have to offer, he is so rude makes me think he is doing me a favour by being w me.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 So do not sleep with him and tell him to go to hell, no return ticket offered.
I do not believe that any kind of dada is better than no dada.
He is a BAD type of dad , so if your daughter will grow without him around, she will grow without something bad , = she won't have missed out on anything. At least, that HE can offer.
It's not that he has to sleep with you to care fot his daughter. It's he does give a f... anyway about the poor child, infact he sees her as a burden or an inconvenience, something that he had never asked for and he can do without.
So, if you offer sex on tap to sweeten the deal, he can accept being around because at least there's something in it for him. Of you don't put out- he's just not interested.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2014): You can no longer waste your time. Tell him you will never keep your daughter from him and he is always welcome to visit and spend time with her. But you two are no longer a couple because you feel disrespected in the relationship and you respect yourself entirely too much to tolerate it. Say it in a calm voice. Show no anger and do not get sucked into an argument. Good luck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 June 2014):
 If he doesn't want to be a father then it's his loss. Separated parents can still act civil. You shouldn't have to lower your dignity, suffer abuse. He is using your daughter in order to get what he wants, sex or money. A man who can do this to a woman is not much of a father. A happy single mother is better than one who is miserable and taken advantage of. When your daughter grows up and knows sense she will not want to know what you did in order to keep him as a dad. I would cry if my mom became a martyr trying to make me happy in vain. It is a break up of your romantic relationship. If he makes you think that it also means severing the father daughter bond then it is the biggest lie he manipulated to make you bend to his will.
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