A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Boyfriend needs a break to figure things out between us. Together nearly two years and plans to buy a house next year. Great sex, got along real well. Just one argument come up over the time we were together. Anyway had one massive row about this thing and then boom! He needs a couple of months to figure things out. He said he was really happy to that point but we can't keep arguing over the same thing for the rest of our lives.Now a few days after our break up and he's looking for casual sex hook ups with curvy slutty looking girls. I'm slim and pretty and wear little makeup. Why is he looking for sex so soon?! Does it mean he's looking for someone else? How will this help him figure out what he wants with me?!He waited for over a month and plenty of dates before sleeping with me when we started dating. Longest he'd ever waited supposedly. Why is he rushing this with such girls he would never bring home to his mom?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): Would a woman be blamed if she went on a "break" and immediately started hanging out with someone else, like another guy friend? Maybe even one that she kinda had a few feelings for, but nothing had ever happened? I don't think that would be criticized.
But "hanging out" is usually seeking to replace the emotional benefits of a relationship (and is also likely the prelude to sex.) This part is what women are usually keener on.
Men are usually keener on replacing the sex itself when they lose their relationship. Why aren't they allowed to do the male equivalent right away too?
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (21 June 2014):
WOW! Not sure I would want a "committed" relationship with this guy. I wouldn't want to buy a house with him. What happens if you guys have a "little" break down again when you are living together. Will that mean a break and some sexual activity in the guest room? Gosh, I realize guys want sex and are visual but that is ridiculous to me.
I could be totally wrong. Good Luck Friend!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2014):
 Did you agree about the rules of this break ? Like,eule n.1 , we'll be apart but no sex with anybody else in these 2 2 months ?... No ? ah then - that was what drove Ross and Rachel apart :). Lack of clarity.
He is having fun and taking advantage of his new found freedom, and why shouldn't he , if you haven't agreed differently. Although of course it is possible that he is just shopping around to pass the time, without any precise intention. Yet his focus is not on you your nreak your problem etc. Because it's a fake " break ", meaning he checked out but without slamming the door, leaving it a little ajar . In case being single should not rsult as fun and exciting and entertaining as he hopes, at least he has someone to fall back on, you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2014): It is more than a break most likely. Do you want him back after he has sex with a bunch of random women online who may also have multiple partners? He wants you as a back up. I agree that working out the problem together is what should have been done not a fake "break" that allows him to have casual sex and then maybe come back to you if he feels like it. Some men put their libido above everything else and become a slave to it, you will always come second to that. What was the argument about?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 June 2014):
 Duh? He's a guy what would you expect him to do? Join the priesthood? Forget him he did the break-up. Get over him and forget how or who he "dates" You'll be better off by just going on with your own life. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 June 2014):
 He broke up and called it a break, that way he can come crawling back if he can't find someone "better".
You don't mention WHAT the big argument was about, but from what you wrote it sounds like it gets dragged up here and there and caused friction.
If he is now posting on dating, hook up sites, Craig's List for casual sex, it's because he is horny and wants some strange.
HAVING sex will not miraculous make him have an AHA! moment that will fix your relationship, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Having sex with someone else does not fixe anyone's relationship.
And you snooping on him, show how little you trust him.
Him jumping STRAIGHT to hook-up sites... how little he respects your relationship and how MUCH he is OVER it, or trying to get over it.
So what it... he goes out and have tons of casual sex with women who sleeps with anything.. DO you want him back after that? What if... he come back with a ton of STD's? Still sees some of the chicks behind your back?
If I were you I'd accept that it's over. People really don't NEED a break to figure stuff out. What they need is find a way to MOVE past stuff. Or walk away.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 June 2014):
 You write: "Why is he looking for sex so soon?! Does it mean he's looking for someone else? How will this help him figure out what he wants with me?!"
1. He's "looking for sex" because that's what we guys are up to, ALWAYS.....
2. It means that now you KNOW that he's looking for sex with someone else....
3. It will help him by allowing him to figure out if he can find some other girl(s) who are even hotter than you... AND, he still has you for fall-back....
Those are the "Guy Facts-of-Life"....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2014): He's taken a break to be allowed sex with others. That's what I genuinely believe. If he really loved you, it's feasible that he may need a couple of weeks break to decide if your future plans match up with his, but not to go and have sexual contact with others.
If you have proof he's looking for sex, break up with him permanently; it's not okay to sleep with others during a break - unless previously agreed to. He's taken this 2 month break to have sex with people and leave you hanging, just in case he wants you back after he's finished.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2014): How do you know he is? He could just be window shopping or testing the waters with women to ease the pain of the break up or give himself a bit of confidence.
The fact is, OP, you're jumping to conclusions and it also sounds to me like you're snooping on him.
OP a break to "figure things out" is a break up. What's to figure out? You've been together 2 years, you had a massive blow out about something and now he wants to be away from you. That's a break up.
Although it's possible too that he only wanted the break so he could go shag lots of other women before coming back and rejoining the relationship with you.
Which is a problem, OP, because the argument you had hasn't been resolved. "Needing" a two month break instead of working on that topic together is very bad and it's unlikely he'll come back and even if he does then it still hasn't been resolved. So yeah, stop jumping to conclusions, OP, you literally know nothing about what he's up to.
It's not weird for people to find casual hook ups or start seeing someone else on a break and just because it took a certain amount of time to do things with you doesn't mean he has to with every woman. My wife and I took months to sleep with each other first, my ex before her took only a week.
Instead of snooping, instead of waiting why don't you figure out how to fix the issue you're having with him and if you don't really want him back then start moving on.
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