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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex?
Q. why wont my boyfriend give me oral sex..... i have been with my partner for almost 3 years we have a 9 month old little boy together and im 2 months pregnant with our 2nd baby our sex life is great but i started to notice recently that my partner ...
A. 6 June 2014: I agree with SVC, I don't believe that people should be blackmailed ,so to speak, into performing sexual acts that are disgusting, unappealing or uncomfortable to them.
No more BJs until he accepts to go down on you ?... Mhhh... picture the ... (read in full...)
I love him and I believe he loves me but I'm lost. Do I take him at his word or what?
Q. Hi, I am a 25 year old mother of two from a previous relationship. I am with an amazing 21 year old who acts much older than his age. We've been together for almost a year, he tears my kids as they are his own. Now here is the problem, he's been ...
A. 6 June 2014: You don't tell us WHY you feel he's taking a job out of state just to get away from you. Yes, you say he's being mean and spiteful since when he took this decision, but that was AFTER the decision.
What I'd like to know, is what made you feel... (read in full...)
Neighbor asked my daughter to be bridesmaid then cancelled the big wedding and now I'm stuck with a dress and shoes!
Q. My Nextdoor neighbour was due to get married in August and asked my 7 year old daughter to be bridesmaid. My daughter was thrilled as she'd never been a bridesmaid before and it was probably her only chance (before shes an adult)as all our ...
A. 6 June 2014: I must say I am even a bit surprised you are hesitating in taking the £90 you are offered. That means you'd have wasted £ 110... but if you don't sell the dress, then you have wasted £ 200, so...
It's not like you have many other alternatives, so I... (read in full...)
Did she lie about being pregnant / having an abortion?
Q. I hooked up with this girl 9 weeks ago, we're both teenagers, she told me she loved me after knowing me for only a day. she became annoying and shes a psycho so I blocked her number for 2 weeks. After we had sex she asked me "what if I wasnt really ...
A. 5 June 2014: See OP ? That 's precisely why all we boring stale unadventurous grown ups always insist that you do not ride bareback with strangers. I have read somewhere that the ideal would be to ditch the condom only after at least 6 months of committed ... (read in full...)
I want to do what is correct, should our adult children meet before we marry?
Q. I'm planning to get married in a month or so there is one adult child on my side and 3 on my Fiancée side, would it be inapporiate to marry before the children all meet? ...
A. 5 June 2014: I don't think it would be " inappropriate " per se if the future stepsiblings do not meet before your wedding, but surely it 's a bit unusual, and awkward too ?
Why not give them the chance to break ice and socialize in front of a couple of drin... (read in full...)
He says on his profile he wants to date 1 woman but he asked Me for FWB-FB and he is seeing others???
Q. On the dating site he said he was looking to date ONE woman 1 on 1 now he asked me if I " was "cool being F**ck Buddies"! I'm really attracted to him and think we could be together well if he let's me in-should I agree and see if things develop ...
A. 5 June 2014: OP, sorry about the bluntnes,, but, you can't lose him because you never got him. He might even be looking for only one woman to be with ( if it is not may be dating site bullshit ) but it seems clear that this woman won't be you, you don't ... (read in full...)
How do you know if it's going to be just FWBs or lead to something else? I want to avoid being used!
Q. This is a general question which I'm sure will have varied opinions but I'm asking because of situations I've been in which I just don't know how I could have prevented. I'm going to use the classic girl / boy situation because it seems the most ...
A. 5 June 2014: Assuming is a risky business, OP. Never assume anything - check first. Also, your assumption that just for the fact of sleeping with someone, this per se "entitles " you to get a relationship pretty soon, as a natural development, is not in line ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to change our relationship for the better?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 year and we've talk about marriage next year. We've been so open to each other and both our family are supportive with our relationship. We are both 25. However, we've been through so many arguments lately...
A. 4 June 2014: I won't tell you to leave him, because you would not listen anyway, but I'll tell you please not to marry him right now. Postpone the wedding until you are clearer about the living situation, how and when it could be improved etc.
R... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my husband's constant lies?
Q. My husband and I have been together for four years, married for two. Everything is great in our relationship about 99% of the time, but his constant little white lies are causing huge arguments and it's really starting to rip us apart. His lies ...
A. 4 June 2014: I don't know about your husband specifically, - after all the first fibs he started telling you were about his involvement with other women, - not cheating yet, but pretty close -, so unluckily we cannot exclude that your husband's lies are ... (read in full...)
Friend with benefits has an ex visiting from overseas and told me not to contact him or visit him while she's here! What should I do?
Q. I have been seeing and sleeping with a man for just over 9 months now. Just out of the blue, he told me his ex from the USA is coming over to stay with him for a month. First he said it was without warning, and then his story changed, saying it was ...
A. 4 June 2014: No no no no, what do you hope to accomplish, other than looking like a pathetic fool or a bunny boiler ?... You surely would not endear yourself to your FWB, I'd say this would be a good method to make sure he 'd refuse to have anything to do ... (read in full...)
He always has an excuse -- how do I call him on it without seeming clingy?
Q. I have been on and off with a man for almost a year. We care deeply for eachother but I sometimes feel he is taking the lend out of me. We arrange dates and outings but when the day arrives he always cancels and I am left feeling very low about ...
A. 4 June 2014: I am so glad that Honeypie said it before me,hehe , so SHE is the mean one :)... but yes, let's face it, maybe YOU care deeply about him, but how can you think he cares deeply about you if he does not even bother to show up most of the times ?! ... (read in full...)
I have lost a good friend in favour of my relationship. How can I make both people happy?
Q. I have a problem which is eating me up so I really need some advice as I don't like turning to those around me. I have an amazing, gorgeous, hilarious boyfriend. We're different, but we work. I love him, completely, and although he tries to hide it,...
A. 4 June 2014: I think you already explained it yourself pretty well why you are upset . Because you are not sure that your current relationship will stand the test of time and distance. Alas, reasonable concern, since , as you say, distance is often very ... (read in full...)
My LDR can see prettier women in porn, so why bother taking it to the next level?
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship and we have not yet been sexual in person . Next time we meet we will take it to the next level but in the meantime we enjoy that online but I'm worried about how I can possibly keep my bf interested when he ...
A. 28 May 2014: I think that's an easy answer :) - because , unless a guy has become a total unredeemable porn addict , the real thing is better, and feels better, than its representation. He can see all the hot weird porn he wants, but , at the end of the ... (read in full...)
Is my new boyfriend a tight wad?
Q. I met a 45 year old lovely guy who said he is ' careful with money' On our first date he asked if I was going to buy the second round of drinks.I laughed and said it was only a coke both times but felt embarrassed me made the point. Then we agreed ...
A. 28 May 2014: I have this theory too, that stingy people are also stingy with their emotions, their time, their affection, their everything. Generousity is an attitude of the spirit and has nothing to do with how much money do you have , but with HOW you spend ... (read in full...)
What is more important: being comfortable in a relationship or having a similar level of attraction to each other?
Q. I wanted to share my point of view on attraction in relationships. Obviously there has to be attraction for a relationship to work. But in my opinion, go for someone you're moderately attracted to over someone you're insanely attracted to. Me...
A. 28 May 2014: I think that there is no such a thing as being " moderately " attracted to a person you have a love ( and sexual ) relationship with. You'd better be very attracted , or remarkably attracted, or whatever you want to call it, but the spark has ... (read in full...)
What sort of relationship is this?
Q. I have a situation that which I know I should run for the hills and be done with this relationship but I am struggling. My boyfriend and I met 3 years ago during a LDR. We met up half way every 2-3 weeks and eventually he met my kids and would co...
A. 27 May 2014: Yeah, that's a bit strange, how come you never mentioned having other kids to his family members, how come it never came up in conversation ?... It would have been pretty natural , I guess ." Oh Baby sleeps all through the night like an angel, ... (read in full...)
Is my Bf's outlook on ever or never having children normal?
Q. So my boyfriend loves kids, and he's so cute playing with them etc. however we've talked and he's on the fence about actually having kids. He's absolutely fine with having them if I want em but he just can't see where people find the time for it. ...
A. 27 May 2014: I agree with the others - it's very normal. Having children IS restricting and makes lots of new demands on your life, although obviously it also has a lot of wonderful pros. So it's normal that people may be ambivalent about it, or that they may ... (read in full...)
I am sick of being depressed and it is as if he just doesn't care.
Q. I am having problems with my husband not supporting me emotionally. I have depression and anxiety disorder. I become irrational when I feel someone has done me wrong. Multiple times I have gone to my husband in need of emotional support and he ...
A. 27 May 2014: I think your husband is paying you a compliment, by refusing to treat you the way you want : as if you were an out of control stark raving mad lunatic who needs to be always appeased and humoured , otherwise things may get dangerous :" I am ... (read in full...)
Twenty eight and throwing tantrums
Q. My lovely live in boyfriend has some sort of anxiety and depression. He has spoken to people about it in the past, and been on antidepressants before my time. His recount on things I've said or scenarios that have happened where he ended up getting ...
A. 27 May 2014: You can't manage the situation, - you don't manage situations where your phisical safety is at risk, and you may end up with your neck broken,- in these cases, you just leave at once. The situation, not just the premises.
And you should not try ... (read in full...)
I am fit and petite but I have no boobs. He's a boob man. Is there any chance that he'll consider me attractive?
Q. Would you find a woman with a squatting bum, defined stomach/ faint abs and slight thigh gap attractive, even if she was basically flat chested? I only ask because I'm going to a pool party with the guy i'm dating this weekend and I don't want him...
A. 27 May 2014: But you are dating, so he has SEEN you already. Not in a bikini, ok, but still I am sure he noticed you are no Dolly Parton. If that has not bothered him so far, why should it start bothering him at the party ? ... (read in full...)
They are all vain, shallow and racist. Will I be alone for ever?
Q. Hi, I'm a 19 year old gay guy who's never been in a relationship. And I feel really terrible about it. I hate feeling lonely and depressed all the time. But I feel like I'll be alone forever. I know it seems like it should be but the gay community ...
A. 26 May 2014: Let me ask first of all the same question I always ask to the hetero guys ,who whine that they can't find a girlfriend because all women are shallow and superficial and won't pay attention to a " nice guy " who is not tall, muscular, handsome ... (read in full...)
I obsess about how others think I look
Q. I have a few concerns in my way of thinking. I care way too much what others think about me. It's specifically what they think of my looks. Sadly I obsess about it. I think this may stem from my childhood. I was called ugly practically ever...
A. 26 May 2014: Frivolous advice: extensions.
You are being given good advice, it's all about self acceptance and self - esteem.
But, it takes time and effort to repair the inside, while putting up extensions will only take an hour or two. It may give you... (read in full...)
I like my friend's ex but don't want to lose the friendship
Q. hi everyone so basically i think im starting to like one of my best friends ex's. they have been apart about 4/5 months now but they are both really good friends and me and her have been friends for about a year or so now. However, the oth...
A. 26 May 2014: I am not quite sure what you are asking here...
You say you would never have a relationship with this girl "because she is a friend" , ( ??..tons of relationships develop from being friends first, but, whatever )- so I suppose you neit... (read in full...)
My friend seems selfish and ungrateful, or am I just too sensitive?
Q. Why does she behave like that? Am I overreacting? So my older married friend needed a babysitter for the weekend and I love kids and was bored and needed her to do my hair so I spent the weekend with her and her family. I slept with her ...
A. 26 May 2014: Yes, I concur more or less with Bronzed Adonis.
I don't see why she should be a user or ungrateful of what , since you have swapped services : babysitting in exchange for hairstyling.
As for the husband, yes maybe she is the jealous ... (read in full...)
The ex stayed with the family for the funeral so why not me?
Q. Hi So I am after some opinions as to whether I am over analysing things and being silly or if I am right to feel upset. I am new to this site and so am expecting there may be some readers who will judge me pretty harshly but that's ok, maybe I dese...
A. 26 May 2014: The ex wife is the mother of the deceased man's granddaughter. It's normal that the deceased man's granddaughter would be there, with her dad, to pay her respects and it's normal that her mother ( the ex wife ) would be there to support the ... (read in full...)
She came across sexual and experienced, but she's a virgin?
Q. I'm confused at what the girl i'm dating told me yesterday, I don't judge her for it and never would but it doesn't make sense judging by her actions and the things she says that she is. She's very affectionate and feely with me, she'll roam her ...
A. 26 May 2014: Op, she might be much more experienced than you'd think. Sex is not just vaginal penetration. For instance, there are cultures where not guarding your verginity till marriage is simply unthinkable, and yet, if you'd think all those virgins know ... (read in full...)
Mutual close friend spend lots of money on my friend's birthday and very little on mine. Does it mean something about our friendship or am I just being ungrateful?
Q. I feel childish and horrible even posting this but there's something that's niggling at me. My oldest friend (A, whom I live with) and I have a very good friend in common (B). We met B at the same time, work with her and are (as far as I can tell) ...
A. 25 May 2014: I think it's normal it would sting a little, but I'd try not to jump to conclusions and not decide this is an evident and intentional sign that she likes A better. For all you know, there could be reasons why B did this. Maybe she just fobbed off ... (read in full...)
My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?
Q. A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...
A. 25 May 2014: What is getting ridicolous in this debate is also the smug self righteousness and misinformation of some responders.
(Btw, a parenthesis, just for interest - ask any doctor and they will tell you that orange juice is actually BAD for diar... (read in full...)
He's gone fishin' and I'm here all alone ..... again!
Q. Hello I've been with my boyfriend of two years. We have a great relationship until summer comes around. Every summer My boyfriend loves to salt water fish and his summers are filled with tropical trips to the islands and lots and lots of fishing. I ...
A. 25 May 2014: Your boyfriend is better suited to date a sole or a halibut, since he enjoys their company more than that of a human female.
I can understand being consumed by a passion, whether it be fishing or art or music etc.etc.
But, I think at some poi... (read in full...)
What's a girl to do? My parents will never accept him!
Q. Next week I am finished with University for the Summer, and due to my poor health I have to move in with my parents for the summer, and I met this really amazing man. We have been talking for a few months and started getting kind of serious about a ...
A. 25 May 2014: Very good ,OP. But..be patient,please. Don't jump to conclusions and don't be too much in a hurry to decide he's a new man. Let him prove himself, let him show you that he can stay on course and the changes have " taken ". Not to be negative, but ... (read in full...)
My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?
Q. A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...
A. 24 May 2014: I am not spinning anything. You asked " why ever will my friend have gotten pissed off with me ? " and told us how your convo went, and I offered my guess ,i.e. she got annoyed by your request, which she found inappropriate and demanding ... (read in full...)
My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?
Q. A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...
A. 24 May 2014: No, I understood ( I have been in Norway too, although never as a patient of a hospital ) . You went to the E.R. at the hospital - an E.R. which belongs to an hospital. You were not an in-patient, so they obviously won't have given you a ... (read in full...)
My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?
Q. A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...
A. 24 May 2014: OP, hoping there is never ever a next time, but : next time, just ASK, they won't give you just one, they'll give you as many as you want and need. It's not uncommon practice, it's an hospital !- what do you think ,that when a female patient ... (read in full...)
My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?
Q. A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...
A. 24 May 2014: OP, not to be contentious, but, you don't need to BUY sanitary pads in a hospital ( Although they general have a pharmacy right by , or on the premises ). It's a hospital - You just ask the nurses !, they are fully prepared for this kind of needs. ... (read in full...)
My parents hate my boyfriend and I can't see him! Help!
Q. My parents hate my boyfriend Ok so I have been with my boyfriend 8 months now and we are in a happy, comfortable relationship, I love him to pieces and his family are lovely people however my parents hate him here are some bulletpoint reas...
A. 24 May 2014: You won't like my answer, but here it is.
I worked out a rating system for the 20 bulettpointed things that, you say, your parents hold against your bf. 0 points for what it would be irrelevant or no big deal to me if I were your mother. 1 poin... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls
Q. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...
A. 24 May 2014: Yeah, OP, but will it work ?... Probably not. It's not a matter of doing it MORE, it's a matter of doing it right.
It's like you are toothless and you are saying " Oh I always had so little to eat, now I am going to really focus on food , I am g... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm stuck in the friend zone with girls
Q. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm stuck . I've been putting up with liking girls for years and years and years and etc... I really hope that I'm not just being ignored? First it was a girl I liked for 8 years, saved my virginity, didn't date ...
A. 24 May 2014: Op, our dating /relationship advice works ( at least, at times we are told it works... ) when the person who receives it has the cognitive / social / emotional tools to apply it. In other words, when they already have reached a minimal level of ... (read in full...)
My friend ditched me when I was going to the hospital. Why did she get angry?
Q. A friend of mine recently got very angry with me, without me understanding why. I was wondering if you could help me with this. I had become quite sick, and wasn't getting any better. I was talking to my friend that Saturday, and she asked me how...
A. 24 May 2014: I think I understand the logic behind your friend's reaction, and before everybody hates me, note I did not say that I would do the same, or that she did right- just that I think I know where her stroppiness came from.
She felt like you were... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 24 May 2014: Thank you Dear Cupiders, all get 5-starred not only for your courtesy in partecipating in my little poll, but also for the imaginative, in some cases sophisticated choices. I blush in admitting that MY Ultimate Love Song is a banal " Wild Horses ... (read in full...)
Should I go after him?
Q. Ok so yesterday was my high school graduation and after the ceremony all the schools in my town host a graduation party so at this party my guy friend "B" and I were playing ping-pong with like 3 other friends and then while we were playing he ...
A. 23 May 2014: Rather simple, this is like math, two plus two makes four.
So : last year he was single but he asked you to be his FWB. Not his GF. So, to him you are good enough for sex, but not good enough for dating.
It's not even that he is not ready fo... (read in full...)
Is being horny tons of times a day normal?
Q. Hello. Just wondering if being horny tons of times is normal. Ever since i turned 13 I've been getting horny urges. They were laxed originally but as i got to about 18 they started to become very abundant. My estimate (because i don't keep track...
A. 23 May 2014: If you mean that you have spontaneous erections 3 to 5 times a day, that's normal, in fact it is even less than average, maybe, for someone your age.
If instead you masturbated every time, 3 / 5 times a day , I'd tell you to slow down. Mast... (read in full...)
What's a girl to do? My parents will never accept him!
Q. Next week I am finished with University for the Summer, and due to my poor health I have to move in with my parents for the summer, and I met this really amazing man. We have been talking for a few months and started getting kind of serious about a ...
A. 28 April 2014: I am sure that Aunt Tisha can defend herself pretty well, so I won't jump in to her rescue. Then again, the whole bad boys vs. nice stable guys is a long, old controversy which would bring us very far from the question in your initial post. In ... (read in full...)
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