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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.
Q. I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...
A. 1 October 2013: No no, please don't keep the baby just to keep the guy around.
It would be very unfair ti the poor creature giving a mom... who does not really want to be a mom and he's only using her baby has a way to secure herself a boufriend. Plus, you ... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 27 September 2013: That you are mentally sane, I believe it. That you are fully aware of reality, not so much.
It seems to me that in just two months your " addiction " has already impaired your capacity for lucid , objective evaluation of reality.
For instance... (read in full...)
I have social anxiety and don't feel good about asking a guy out in person.
Q. I have social anxiety. I really like this guy, and I want to ask him out. I always hear people saying that you should only ask people out in person, but I really struggle to talk to people who aren't my close friends. I've ALMOST asked him before ...
A. 20 September 2013: Sorry but I agree with iAmHereToHelpYou. I know that this is the 21st century and girls can, and should, ask out the boys they like and yada yada yada, but, if they take on themselves the role of the suitor/initiator, then they have also to be ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact, or is she too cold for me?
Q. I have been seeing this chick for 2 months now and the relationship so far has been very boring relationship. She really doesn't communicate. We had sex a week after we met up and it was great. Then we had sex 1 more time but it's always me ...
A. 20 September 2013: Maybe she just wants to make sure she is not entering into FWB territory. If so far the so called relationship was all or mostly about you tryng to convince her to put out, - and you barely know her yet - I don't think her reaction is so cold, as ... (read in full...)
Why does he not want to talk to me anymore?
Q. Well, long story short; I had a brief relationship with a man who lived quite a way from me, we'd see eachother now and then but were crazy about eachother, it was very cute, romatic etc. We called it a day when things were getting a little ...
A. 20 September 2013: He is in a relationship , and he will have realized, or, his gf will have made him realize, that he has no business being cute and romantic and charming to other women. ... (read in full...)
Am I asking for too much?
Q. I need to get this out of my system. This may seem weird to some people but I would prefer a nonjudgmental point of view. I have always wanted a boyfriend that was a little clingy/jealous/possessive. Why? Because it really really really sucks fee...
A. 20 September 2013: But, from what you say, he DOES show he cares- didn't you say he's pretty affectionate and caring ? The fact that he is an extrovert with a wide social circle is not a proof that he does not care - it's just his personality , his way of being, - ... (read in full...)
Relationship problem with family and boyfriend.
Q. hi, I've got a realtionship problem been going on for ages now n getting annoyed with it, my boyfriend has a grudge against my family he gets annoyed when I try n speak to my mum over phone and I hardly ever get a chance to talk to her or rest of my ...
A. 20 September 2013: That's, pardon me, ridiculous- you aren't free to talk to your mother and family whenever you want ? Otherwise you'll bf gets annoyed ?... So, I suppose you have to talke to them behind his back, as if mom was a secret tryst ? Or else, to cut down ... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 19 September 2013: Your second question , I think, is purely rethoric- of course there are always some exceptions to a rule, some deviations from any general trend. There are second, or third, weddings and SOME of them have started as clandestine affairs. But that's ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want kids because he's afraid he could pass on his Aspergers
Q. I'm 30, my boyfriend is 25, and we've been together for 4 years. He has Aspergers syndrome but doesnt show many of the stereotypes (well apart from "special interest" but that's also his job - ironically, he doesn't talk much about it, shifts the ...
A. 18 September 2013: Yes, his concerns are valid and justified. Insofar that the genetic predisposition in certain mental health conditions like Autistic disorders do not guarantee that the disorder, IF it shows up, shows up exactly in the same degree and with the same ... (read in full...)
Would it be reasonable for me to ask him to limit the picture of his ex to the kid's bedroom?
Q. Hi everyone. I would like to know how other people feel about their husbands displaying pictures of their ex-wives in their new home with their new partner? My boyfriend and I are moving in to a new place together next month. He currently displays ...
A. 18 September 2013: In short : yes, you should rather etc.
No need to make the child unhappy or uncomfortable , or to antagonize him over his mom's picture. You don't need to feel so threatened by a picture,do you ?
... (read in full...)
I am giving him a second chance although he lies and cheats.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and it's my first long term relationship. We've had our ups and downs just like anyone. Recently we had a heart to heart, he went out to lunch with a girl who he had been deleting messages ...
A. 17 September 2013: Yeah by now you are sick and tired of hearing it but, no , your bf's antics aren't ups and downs just like anyone ( btw, that " anyone " has a history of ups and downs is just an untrue platitude that people tell themselves to sweep relationship ... (read in full...)
How do I keep this rude and obnoxious man away from my wedding, yet still have my close friend attend?
Q. Dear All, I am getting married next year and I'm really happy about it. We are planning a very small, intimate wedding of about 25 people. My problem is that a couple of years ago, one of my closest friends left her husband, and started li...
A. 17 September 2013: I am optimistic, I think you can easily get away with inviting just her , due to having such a small wedding with only 25 guests. It's obvious that ,due to budget limitations, lack of space or whichever other personal reason, the guest list has ... (read in full...)
Should I date this older woman?
Q. Dear all, I am really torn about this and need some objective advice (besides I am too ashamed to ask any of my friends). I will start with a quick summary about myself: I am 30 years old and had only had one relationship in my whole life. I...
A. 17 September 2013: Give it a try if you wish, but I am not sure it will go down that well. Basically, if you don't want to mislead her intentionally, you'd be telling her , more or less : You are good enough to fuck, but too old to date properly.
Not very flat... (read in full...)
Am I selfish because I want to move closer to my mother and take my son?
Q. I am in major conflict here and feeling very guilty because I'm not sure what to do. I have an ailing mother that lives in another state. I have several siblings and relatives that are with her, and caring for her. However, I want to be with my ...
A. 17 September 2013: I agree with SVC's suggestion. If you really feel you have to move to be with your mother, you go and let the child stay with his father.
... (read in full...)
All I really need to know from you is do you think he can love me if he's done that? And does he want to be with me?
Q. I assume you will all tell me to get rid once youve read my question but what I really want to know is can he love me if he did this? Do you think he really wants to be with me? So ive been with my boyfriend since feb, neither of us were looking ...
A. 17 September 2013: No, that's not love. You had only been together since February, and in July, first time you are out of sight, he is already antsy and in need of something new and can't say no to the temptations ?! In fact , he engineers two more occasions after ... (read in full...)
Everytime his parents come to visit, he goes MIA!
Q. Hey everyone, I am dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now! Everytime his parents come to visit or stay at his place he goes MIA(missing in action)..first off we are in a long distane relationship so the only thing that keeps us together is the p...
A. 17 September 2013: He is not going MIA, he is having his parents over and spending time with them. And he is not "afraid " to talk to you in front of his parents, he is just being respectful and polite. It is rude having long phone conversations with A while you are ... (read in full...)
Isn't it an actor's responsibility to keep her partner's psyche safe?
Q. How do actors' spouses feel about love scenes in play or Sensual Couple Dance? Recently I had this same experience as a partner to my performer girlfriend. This was first time I saw her doing this sensual piece on stage, slow routine half in ...
A. 16 September 2013: Why should it be her responsibility to keep your psyche safe ? that's YOUR responsibility.
If she was a policewoman or a firefighter, would it be her responsibility that you can't cope with the idea she might be in danger, hurt, even killed ?...... (read in full...)
Is it normal after first time sex to hurt when you urinate?
Q. Last night I lost my virginity to my Boyfriend. I'm not in love but I felt ready and it felt right we didn't plan for it to happen, it just did. The thing is it didn't hurt as much and I didn't bleed and it lasted for an hour until he came. We then ...
A. 16 September 2013: Maybe you've got " honeymoon cystitis " , ever heard about it ? the definition goes back to early 20th century because then generally women had sex the first time on their honeymoon : when new bacteria ( specific to males and to each individual ) ... (read in full...)
My mother thinks I should use birth control but I disagree
Q. Well my mom saw my bf just yesterday but she has frequently heard about him and i that we dating. Today on the radio they were talking about how parents should oversee how their children behave. she brought the issue of taking birth control pills. ...
A. 16 September 2013: I'd be curious to know what you mean by " we are very safe ". If you mean he pulls out every time, noooo, that's the unsafest thing ever. If you are using condoms ,well, that's better condoms are pretty safe, yet occasionally they split, slide off ... (read in full...)
Due to religious differences, our friendship can go no further. Do I bring it up with her or let it remain unspoken?
Q. OK, I am wondering if you can help me. To make it short and simple, there is this young woman at my job who I have become friends with. I like her very much, as she is very smart, reflective, and has strong values, and we have a lot in common. ...
A. 16 September 2013: Ahem.. risking to sound pedantic : it seems to me that some posters don't realize well how it works with Islam and interfaith marriages.
Muslim MEN can marry " people from the book " ( Christians and Jewish women ). These women do not even have... (read in full...)
Due to religious differences, our friendship can go no further. Do I bring it up with her or let it remain unspoken?
Q. OK, I am wondering if you can help me. To make it short and simple, there is this young woman at my job who I have become friends with. I like her very much, as she is very smart, reflective, and has strong values, and we have a lot in common. ...
A. 15 September 2013: ...And if I was born in USA, I could be the next USA President. But since I was not, I am not investing my money and energies in campaigning.It is what it is. You can't/ wont' date her, and you can bet she is perfectly aware of that, and from her ... (read in full...)
Follow up: BF Ego Problem After I Bested Him.
Q. Hi! I'm the girl who asked a week ago about whether I should allow my BF a re-match after I beat him in a wrestling challenge. (March 13: "Ego problem after I bested my BF"). He still insists I got lucky when I pinned him--even tho' I know jud...
A. 15 September 2013: Pardon me but I think that BOTH are behaving very immaturely for your age range and kind of relationship. You aren't two highschool buddies competing to blow some steam off , or to establish a pecking order. You are a supposedly loving couple of ... (read in full...)
My ex is taking time out to work on herself as she's severely depressed, should I wait for her or move on?
Q. I'm super torn up about a break up. My ex girlfriend is having major mental illness issues and can't hold down a functioning relationship anymore. we had been together for over a year, and she'd always battled with severe anxiety and depression, but ...
A. 14 September 2013: When in doubt... ask the Rolling Stones. And remind yourself that " time waits for no one , no favours has he - time waits for no one, and it won't wait for me ".
Sorry to have to sound cynical, but no no, you don't put your life on hold for ... (read in full...)
I accidentally pushed my favorite friend away. how do I get him back?
Q. Guy Friend-really really good friends- kissed- better friends than ever- got drunk and told 1 guy- guy told my friend - my friend told me - confronted my guy friend - guy friend apologizes - I forgive. Then, the next day I think about how from a ...
A. 14 September 2013: I'm sorry, maybe it's just me- did not have my morning double coffee yet, but I did not understand what happened.
Who kissed whom, and who is mad at whom , what for.
Why are you supposed to be mad at him ?...Are you mad at him because he kisse... (read in full...)
Am I being shallow? Or is my boyfriend just cheap?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and in that time we have been in love. However.. something that I tried not to let bother me in the beginning has recently really started to get on my nerves. My boyfriend, I feel, is a huge cheaps...
A. 14 September 2013: Shallow ? Picky ?....OP, you should wake up and smell the coffe, and realize you are dating not only a cheapskate but a very cheeky entitled first class moocher !
I would understand if he just never paid for you and never gave you gifts ( well... (read in full...)
Is spending the weekend together the same as living together?
Q. Do you think that staying with your bf or gf every weekend is the same as living together? My bf only visits on the weekend, he has no belongings at my house aside from a toothbrush, doesn't participate financially in anything, doesn't cook or clean ...
A. 14 September 2013: Spending the weekend is definitely not like living together.
Then again, a visitor who keeps visiting week after week is not like an occasional guest, who needs and offers constant companionship and assistence. 48 hours straight is a long time... (read in full...)
I feel like this guy somewhat ruined this relationship for me and that she might still be attached to him in some way. Explain this female mind to me!
Q. Ok I really need your guys' insight as to what's going on. So my girlfriend and I have been dating for around a month and a half now, but we've been good friends since freshman year (I'm a senior). Everything's been great, except ever since we ...
A. 13 September 2013: I LOVED your shocked reaction, " what , are we supposed just to cuddle ".That was so cute. Ah to be young and hormon-laden again. Yes, believe it or not, more or less that's what you are supposed to do. Not literally of course, you set your own ... (read in full...)
I feel like this guy somewhat ruined this relationship for me and that she might still be attached to him in some way. Explain this female mind to me!
Q. Ok I really need your guys' insight as to what's going on. So my girlfriend and I have been dating for around a month and a half now, but we've been good friends since freshman year (I'm a senior). Everything's been great, except ever since we ...
A. 12 September 2013: It does not sound so mysterious to me. With the other guy she felt pressured to have sex- which does not mean he raped her , just that she caved to his persistence ,his greed ,his need. HIS. She had sex because HE wanted to ..
and she went alon... (read in full...)
Boyfriend believes a threesome will bring us closer but I've heard horror stories about them
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past year and recently he's asked me about having a threesome. I'm secure with myself and my sexuality. I'm also confident in our relationship. I've just heard alot of horror stories that follow a threesome ...
A. 12 September 2013: What do YOU think ? Does it feel right or wrong to you ?...
It may feel totally right for some people, and if you were salivating at the very idea I'd tell you : go ahead and have fun.
But, if you are asking us, it means that you aren't 1... (read in full...)
I am very broody but I think my boyfriend is scared!
Q. Hi guys, need some advice regarding having a baby. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. We live together and have good jobs with decent incomes. I really really want a baby. The broodiness that I constantly feel is becom...
A. 12 September 2013: I'll be honest and I admit that I have little patience with posters with overwhelming broodiness issues.
Overwhelming, my foot. Who is in charge, you or your hormons ?! Like, most women feel exremely horny at their ovulation time, it's a biolog... (read in full...)
Lost my boyfriend and my best friend, I should just let go, shouldn't I?
Q. I had a few posts here and i appreciate the advice i got. This is my last post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/broke-up-with-ex-4-months-ago-and.htm Ive been reading a lot about how to move on. I kept myself busy too, but its extremly difficu...
A. 12 September 2013: If he hurt you so much, he was not that great of a friend was he ? Who needs friendships that HURT us ? friends are supposed to make our life happier, not shittier...
Give yourself time, 4 months FEEL like a lot but objectively it's quite a shor... (read in full...)
My friends and family are judging me for having a relationship with a man who is my mother's age
Q. I'm in a relationship with a man that is much older than me. I just turned 18 and I recently met this guy that is 37 years old. He has a son that is 2 years older than me and he is not married. I strongly believe that age is just a number. All my f...
A. 11 September 2013: I don't blame your parents for being wary. Age might also be just a number, if two people are at the same emotional / psychological development stage, but, it's at least curiosity inducing that a 38 y.o. guy feels at the same level with a ... (read in full...)
I feel as if my husband has forgotten his commitment in this marriage and is disregarding the needs and desires that I have.
Q. Hi. Thios os my situation. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years and lived together for 1 year before that. We split the bills equally because we earned about the same. (No children) About a year after we married he lost his job. We ...
A. 11 September 2013: No, I don't understand instead why he may feel cautious etc.etc. When he lost his job you were there to cover his ass and support him totally ( not that it was wrong, - it was what's expected from either spouse- where one can't arrive, the other ... (read in full...)
Wasn't the sex good for her? Why did she have to start masturbating immediately after I had my orgasm?
Q. If I slept with a girl after our 2nd date and after a 10-minute intercourse where I orgasmed, she proceeded to immediately start masturbating and even asked me to do it for her the next 20 mins. Does it mean she didn't enjoy the intercourse or ...
A. 11 September 2013: It can have been good and exciting, but not conducive to orgasm,just to the brink of, so she wanted to finish off manually. Or, she may have had an orgasm ...and want another one too right away , women do not have a refractory time. Or, she does ... (read in full...)
Whirlwind romance with my Portuguese boyfriend but he's going to ruin it!
Q. I'm worried my boyfriends jealousy and moody behaviour around other people will destroy our relationship, which aside from this issue is the best I've ever had and I would be devastated if it all goes tits up. Sorry if this is sleep-inducingly long, ...
A. 9 September 2013: It's not a Portuguese thing, it's an RJ ( retroactive jealousy ) thing. It's an OCD, basically. A mental health issue. He is pathologically jealous about the present, ...but also about the past.
Me, I would not want to " resolve " this, I'd run ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified that I'm going to come off the wrong way or say the wrong thing and someone won't like me. I know it's silly and that not everyone in the world is going to like you but I just worry.
Q. Here's the thing; I'm not exactly what you would call a social butterfly. I am however more like the caterpillar in its cocoon that evolves into a butterfly. By that I mean I'm very shy, but once I am friends with someone, I can talk and talk for ...
A. 9 September 2013: The others already gave you good advice, so I only want to cheer you up by informing you that " historical anthropology " IS actually an existing branch of anthropology. See : " Introduction to historical anthropology " by prof.P.P. Viezzo. It's ... (read in full...)
Who takes off the condom after sex?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I've been sleeping with my boyfriend for a few months now, and we always use a condom. Thing is, it kind of gets awkward when it's time to remove the condom. After the act, I always remove the condom for him and wipe the mes...
A. 9 September 2013: If you do it because you enjoy providing this little - geisha-like attentions, there's nothing wrong, it's like soaping his back when he showers,or bringing him a glass of water before he goes to sleep. If that's part of your bedroom dynamics, ... (read in full...)
I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.
Q. I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...
A. 9 September 2013: Yes, OP, you have 6 pages of submittals here on Dear Cupid- 63 questions total- that's easy to check. Not that you aren't entitled , or not welcome, to post as much you want,- but, facts are facts.
I think what the anon may imply is that no advi... (read in full...)
He's not that close to this girl who he used to have a crush on, so why did he get up at 5.30am to meet her at the airport?
Q. Hi everyone! I love my boyfriend we get on but sometimes he drives me crazy! We have been together 4 yrs and live together, he has a few friends but hes really close to this family who have 2 daughters! He was in the same year at school with one ...
A. 7 September 2013: Being that personally I would not dream of getting up at 5.30 to greet MY OWN family back , yes, I too find this a bit maniacal and uncalled for.
But it does not have to be because of the girl. You are a jealous type ( admit it :)- if you ... (read in full...)
Will working keep him off those websites looking for random sex? Should I leave or stay?
Q. Hi. Been with my fiancee for a lil more than nine years. We have a four year old son together and have been living together practically since we met. We have set wedding dates and changed them several times over the years. One of the reasons it ...
A. 7 September 2013: It's hard when you have a child together, but, realize that when either one is not in love with the partner anymore, and not attracted to them anymore, that's a very good reason not to just postpone the wedding but to cancel it altogether. He, ... (read in full...)
My vagina is so wet I'm starting to dislike sex. Advice please!!
Q. I'm 31 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have sex on the regular but I get so wet, that it's turning me off and making me NOT want to have sex with him. I'm wet, all the time, even when I'm not horny and just walking through Walmart. ...
A. 7 September 2013: Consult your OB/GYN.
An excess of vaginal lubrication may be due , either simply to an increase in the production of baginal lactic acid, which can be asessed measuring your vaginal Ph , and if this is the case , easily rebalanced with appo... (read in full...)
I want to score with this girl but cant get her attention!
Q. I really like this girl. I met her at work. she's beautiful, sexy and smart. She is oozing with breath taking sex appeal. she knows how to dress well and very down to earth. The problem is, I learned that she is older than me by 7 years. I didn't ...
A. 7 September 2013: I think that you got her attention allright- and she turned it down. Meaning, 7 years older than you, and a very attractive woman who, I suppose, gets hit on a lot ?... She can read all the signals and she can spot a guy who wants to score from ... (read in full...)
Did he end things because he has found someone else?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. He said he needed space and personal time. He asked me to take his things that he had left at my house because we lived together I took his things to him he told me that we both just needed time for our ...
A. 7 September 2013: Just leave him be. I am not sure if this is a break, or a final break up ( often "I need space" is a diplomatic way to say " it's over and done " sapating oneself unpleasant confrontations ) but , either way, if he needs space and personal time, ... (read in full...)
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