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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My husband just doesn't want to do 'normal' things.
Q. My husband just doesn't want to do 'normal' things. He is very fond of drinking whilst I'm not bothered. All his plans involve drink and drinking buddies as I call them. He won't make plans with me to go out or walk with the dog, take me out a ...
A. 18 July 2013: I think you might have to come to terms with the fact that you have married an alcoholist.
While 3 or 4 cans a day do not sound such a terrible alcohol intake even to a non-drinker like myself,... and while even getting drunk once a week in many... (read in full...)
A new potential step parent vs a teenager
Q. I need constructive advise about a situation that is bothering me. Im widowed 5 years now and have 3 kids (14, 11 and 10), I finally met the most amazing man and he proposed to me recently. A background on the guy, he is the type of guy that is a go ...
A. 17 July 2013: OP, ultimately it is always a matter of opinions, we can tell you what we THINK is right in this type of situation, or what WE would be doing if we were in your shoes, but, since there's no perfect parent handbook or perfect second marriage ... (read in full...)
A new potential step parent vs a teenager
Q. I need constructive advise about a situation that is bothering me. Im widowed 5 years now and have 3 kids (14, 11 and 10), I finally met the most amazing man and he proposed to me recently. A background on the guy, he is the type of guy that is a go ...
A. 17 July 2013: Pardon me, but... you are kidding right ?
This is your own daughter that has been 14 years with you, vs. a new entry that you just met 5 months ago, shows a ridicolous hurry to close the deal (proposing after 5 months ?! ), wants things his own ... (read in full...)
Should I have broken up with him for voicing his ambivalence about being in a relationship?
Q. Hi, I've posted a few times previously and been very pleased to receive genuine advice from people. To cut to the chase, my boyfriend and I, together 3 years, have recently come out of a very rough patch where a lot of things were said. The main ...
A. 17 July 2013: This is a complex question and I don't have a clear cut answer for you.
On one hand, no, poor kid, why should you have broken up with him, for being sincere ? for being honest ? for trusting you enough to share with you his moments of cris... (read in full...)
Why would my lover ask his wife to pick me up?
Q. I have a really strange question to ask. Iv'e been involved with a married man for over 8yrs.and please i'm not here asking for comments regarding the long term affair.but today when i texted him and said i will not be home till later this afternoo...
A. 17 July 2013: I think you are reading too much into this, this sounds like the typical thing that people say just to be nice or to sound nice, actually, without meaning it at all, and without thinking it through,- in practice he would never have done it.
Then... (read in full...)
Do you try to work it out or walk away?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now and lately all we do us argue. I have trust issues from a previous relationship. I don't like his friends and can't stand to be around them so I prefer to not go to social events with him. ...
A. 17 July 2013: My answer will sound very unromantic, but it would be , heck no, I would not stay. Also because after one year of continuous ininterrupted bickering I'd be drained, exhausted and frustrated, and I 'd throw the towel thinking that no, " love " does ... (read in full...)
Why is he acting like we are together but says its nothing serious help!!!!!!!!!!!
Q. This is quite a confusing situation !!! I met this guy weve been hanging out for about 2 month there was a little drama in the begining but that is over now. And we are still hanging i asked him what was going on with us and he said im not seeing ...
A. 17 July 2013: Well, you ARE dating, but it does not say anywhere that dating must be serious or committed or necessarily lead to the next level. It may also mean that two people enjoy each other 's body and company, show affection and hang out socially- for the ... (read in full...)
Should I buy this house with him, and try to make this marriage work?
Q. I need some advice. I am 6 months pregnant and my parents have given me and my husband some money, so we can buy a house together. We have found a place and have applied for our mortgage, we are hoping to exchange contracts by the end of augus...
A. 17 July 2013: I can't say I am that optimistic, because if you have known this guy since 7 years and he has always been like this, it won't be wearing a wedding band on his finger which will change him. Tbh, I am also a bit skeptical that he will make such a ... (read in full...)
I don't think I'm going to be the smartest any more, any tips?
Q. Im known as a super smart kid in mt school. next year im going to a charter school for eighth grade.its a brand new school just built. and all the kids there are super geniuses. like sheldon cooper smart.and im scared i wont be one of the smartest ...
A. 17 July 2013: My tip would be that suffering because you are not the smartest ( by which I think you mean, academically smart and successful ) at genius kids school, is not that smart, in fact it is more or less as lame as suffering because you aren't the ... (read in full...)
Is love really racist or Is it just my mind?
Q. Hi Friends, I am really trying to understand something here. I am working in a private sector firm and I like someone at work. I am an South East Asian and she probably is White/Mix. She started working at my company couple of weeks ago. When ...
A. 17 July 2013: Why does it have to be necessarily about race ?
She just figured out that you are interested romantically, she does not requite the interest and feels embarassed / wants to get across her message that she is not up for anything / does not want... (read in full...)
How do I handle my matron-of-honor duties at my sister's wedding? I'm on bed rest for my pregnancy!
Q. My sister is getting married this weekend. I am the matron of honor and therefore would have to give a speech. I am on strict bed rest for my pregnancy and can only attend the ceremony as it isn't long. Should I have one of the other bridesmaids ...
A. 17 July 2013: If it is a health emergency, I don't think that delegating someone else would be tacky. It's the intention that counts. The words and the sentiment would be yours, only you are prevented from delivering them in person by an important ,unforeseen ... (read in full...)
Should I stick it out at this school where I'm miserable because my friends say since I've been here for 2 years I may as well stick it out?
Q. I have been going to this college for two years it seems to be a very prestigious college but I am just not happy. It has been effecting my grades and it seems like the harder I try the more unhappy I become. I have stuck it out for two years. My ...
A. 17 July 2013: I agree with Honeypie, the points to evaluate would be if this transition to another school would be simple, inexpensive, fast , would not penalize you in terms of credits , would not delay your final graduation, and it would not cost much money ... (read in full...)
Should I stick it out at this school where I'm miserable because my friends say since I've been here for 2 years I may as well stick it out?
Q. I have been going to this college for two years it seems to be a very prestigious college but I am just not happy. It has been effecting my grades and it seems like the harder I try the more unhappy I become. I have stuck it out for two years. My ...
A. 17 July 2013: I agree with Honeypie, the points to evaluate would be if this transition to another school would be simple, inexpensive, fast , would not penalize you in terms of credits , would not delay your final graduation, and it would not cost much money ... (read in full...)
By leaving him completely, will that make a guy come back?
Q. ok, I have been cutting a client/guys hair for a many yrs, and his kids too. after he got separated from his wife, not divorced yet,about 5mo, he asked me out.btw he has full custody of his kids. it was a whirlwind relationship, for 3mo we were all ...
A. 17 July 2013: Frankly, I don't think so, I mean, it could work if the guy was really interested yet there has been some crisis or misunderstanding.... but ,if it's always on and off,on his terms and preference- he is not that interested to begin with, it's a ... (read in full...)
My partner said he will never forgive me for my shouting at him because he let our 16 week baby boy roll off a chair!
Q. We have a beautiful 16 week baby boy who ia amazing. My partner and I have been together nearly 4 years.Our son is a miracle as we were told we might have problems conceiving. Yesterday my partner told me he did not want to be with me any more, I am ...
A. 16 July 2013: I am afraid it's one more vote for hekp him pack and let him go.
Your shouts can't be the real reason, maybe he was waiting for you to give him some sort of excuse to go and turn his back on a 16 weeks old baby without looking like a total comp... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable to ask him to come to see me every time?
Q. I am starting to date this guy who lives in the city about 45 minutes (without traffic) from my house (I live in the suburbs). The first two times he came up to see me, once for coffee and the next time for dinner (it was his own suggestion for him ...
A. 16 July 2013: I'd say safety first. If you are not a comfortable night drivr- then you just are not. Maybe your eyesight is poor, maybe it's just nerves or a phobia , anyway driving at night puts you in a state of wariness and anxiety which makes you a not ... (read in full...)
He couldn't get it up our first time together!
Q. I'm 31 and I went on my third date with a new guy (37) last night. We have known each other for about a month, but started dating just last week. The night went great and we had a lot of fun. We stayed up really late and he ended up spending the ...
A. 16 July 2013: What Chigirl says. And/or ...porn addiction.
This is something I would not have thought of before joining Dear Cupid, because in my personal experience porn has not been that relevant. Not absent, but not relevant either- one of those things that... (read in full...)
Put a dent in my boyfriend's car, how do I handle this?
Q. I backed into something last night in boyfriends new car and now he is not speaking to me after though he was rude and acts like i did it on purpose. How long will he be mad? It isnt even a big dent (2in) also how should i handle it we live together...
A. 16 July 2013: It may not be a big dent, but it is a fresh dent on a new, till then immaculate, dent-free car. It's undrstandable he is upset. Maybe he is TOO upset and he is not handling this very graciously - neither you are. The first words that should have ... (read in full...)
Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?
Q. Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?...
A. 16 July 2013: Uhm. I guess it depends what a person means by " love ".
Of course people can love two different siblings the same, or their diffrent sons and daughters, or two different friends, and nobody finds that strange. So why the notion of loving two diff... (read in full...)
Is it over because he just doesn't seem to have time to see me?
Q. Hi everyone. So, I am in a relationship with a guy since 7 months. He's an old friend of mine, I mean, we know each other since when we were kids, and one day we met again and we fell in love. The first months I can't say that everything was ...
A. 7 July 2013: Hallo fellow Italian.
First of all let me say something a bit cynical nevertheless, alas ,quite true : I think that by the " big final exam " you mean the " maturita' " right ? That would set your ages at 18..19 at most.
And, do you expect c... (read in full...)
He broke up saying hes not ready for a relationship but I don't want things to end this way
Q. We have been together for almost 5 months. And last weds he told me that he thinks he's not ready for a relationship and he can't keep lying to me or hurt me (he lied to me once and he always feels guilty about it) I know he's a good guy and this is ...
A. 7 July 2013: But what difference does it make how this finishes ?
You are going away for one year in two months, if he can't handle a relationship with you IRL , imagine long distance !
I think LDR would definitely not be an option for him... and I think ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend knew she had STD and still had unprotected sex with me. I found out from seeing her medication!
Q. I found out about a week ago that my live in GF has an STD. She did not tell me, I found out. I found medication that she's taking, that she never told me about. I did confront her. Naturally a fight ensued, and the house is tense now. My quest...
A. 7 July 2013: I am aftaid this can't be worked out. Her omission was an incredibly selfish and reckless act.
" I was embarassed " is an excuse that does not even begin to cut it, it is so lame that's not even funny.
Iamgine if she had had something contagio... (read in full...)
Would you change your religion for love?
Q. Ok,this is probably not the smartest question, having been spurred by the vision of a Sex and the City rerun, but I'd be curious to know the opinion of my esteemed DC colleagues and readers : would you change religion for love ? why, or why not ...
A. 7 July 2013: @LoveInQuanta- thanks for answering . No, I don't find your viws offensive at all . And yes I am aware that one does not need to identify with an official religion to be protective of one's moral and beliefs. Nor to postulate the existence of ... (read in full...)
I'm a teacher, but I'm not HER teacher. Is she still off limits?
Q. This may sound like a typical college teacher-student case, but it's somewhat different, since I'm attracted to this girl who isn't and has never been my student. We met because some months ago she started working as staff so we see every day as our ...
A. 6 July 2013: ...That anyway she would STILL be off limits if she is a student of the college where you teach, even if you don't teach in her classes.... (read in full...)
Still fuming after fiasco over holiday with my future in laws and fiance. Should I not be angry or let it go?
Q. By nature I am a planner. My future in laws cut their stay with us short because my fiance called and told them I go crazy when we have company over. That is view of me anyway. Remember that, I am a planner where my fiance is not. The background...
A. 6 July 2013: I think that if you can get so upset over a hard to clean roasting pan,... that means you don't have anything worse in your life over which REALLY getting upset , and you should be very grateful for that.
I think that you are way over... (read in full...)
Would you change your religion for love?
Q. Ok,this is probably not the smartest question, having been spurred by the vision of a Sex and the City rerun, but I'd be curious to know the opinion of my esteemed DC colleagues and readers : would you change religion for love ? why, or why not ...
A. 6 July 2013: Thank you everybody for answering - and it's nice to know that in real life, people are a bit more ptotective of their cultural/ spiritual identity :)... (read in full...)
Should I pay towards my girlfriend's second holiday this year despite other important financial commitments
Q. become less dramatic after some close calls in terms of our relationship that neither of us want to repeat. In short, we’re able to deal with and adapt to each other’s dominant personalities and the problems they produce between us much better. ...
A. 5 July 2013: That you are absolutely right in theory and absolutely wrong in practice.
Meaning, you have this traditional set up man- the- provider, woman -the-housewife. ( Fine, if it works for you and you are both happy ).
But you have this very tra... (read in full...)
She asked me to take her home but then wound up blowing me off. I thought it was rude!
Q. I met a girl in a bar last week and we hit it off - I am 25 and she is 22. I gave her my number and she got in touch with me. We had dinner on Tuesday and she said it was the nicest date she ever had. I stayed at her house after and took to work...
A. 5 July 2013: I think it may be just a misunderstanding. Probably she expected you to join her sooner, and was annoyed/disappointed that you showed up so late amd just, as you mentioned, to take her home.
I know you did not mention a specific time, but , to me, ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend dumped my because I wouldn't add her as a friend on Facebook.
Q. My Girlfriend dumped me because I wouldn't add her as my friend on Facebook. I don't understand what everyone's obsession over Facebook is. I like to keep my private life private. I think she is just too jealous. I don't feel I should have to add ...
A. 5 July 2013: If you like to keep your private life private... why do you even have a Facebook account , to begin with ?!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's weird relationship with his 2 grown daughters disturbs me
Q. My boyfriend has a weird relationship with his grown daughters. They are 20 and 25. He allows the younger one to drink in our home when she is driving. He roughhouses with the older one and sometimes will intertwine his limbs with hers when they are ...
A. 4 July 2013: OP, let's start with a premise, just for the sake of argument.. and of precision : going to a nude beach with your grown up children may be a bad idea or a good idea- depending from who is the person having the idea and why he is having it.
You ... (read in full...)
After seven months I want to try again with my ex
Q. Hello. I split up with my ex 7 months ago and we said we'd still be friends. We have stayed in contact and met up twice. It's been nice and not awkward. We both haven't spoken about the relationship since. But he left the door open 'lets rema...
A. 4 July 2013: Your idea has its merits. Since you can't stop thinking about him, .. at some point you'll end up doing it anyway :), might as well spare yourself the doubts and anxiety and what ifs,and do it now. Also , you may feel better regardless of the ... (read in full...)
Demanding Sister Wants Gift for her Kid
Q. Last year my niece turned three years olf. She had an amazing birthday party with lots of family and gifts. My sister just confessed that she was upset with the fact I did not get her than 3 year old a gift. My niece is turning four soon and my ...
A. 4 July 2013: Well... tbh, I don't know .
Yes, I think too that soliciting gifts is rude , and asking for a specific pricey gift, even worse.
In fact, I am so adamant about this that I even refused to make a wedding gift list in some store when I got marr... (read in full...)
BF has lost interest in sex and blames it on the fact that I am leaving. Please advise?
Q. Hi everyone, It's been a long long time since I've used this page! But I thought this would be a useful and important time to use it. I'm currently in a relationship and it's very complicated. A lot of people say I should just get out but it's eas...
A. 4 July 2013: It's banal , but.. just leave him.
I think his explanation for lack of sex drive is acceptable, it could certainly be true that he is sad you are leaving , and a sad person is not a horny person, but, whether it's true or a lie, it does not ... (read in full...)
My disabled partner is not able to satisfy my sexually and its causing problems of frustration and trust. Please help?
Q. My fiancee is disabled and cannot make love as often as I'd like to. His back pain severely restricts what he can do and how often. I have a very high sex drive so I find this a real challenge. I am ok to deal with it day by day while sober but the ...
A. 4 July 2013: Well, erm, do you HAVE to get drunk ? Did the doctor recoomend it : " I want you to drink much, to the point that you become out of control, nasty, and verbally aggressive to your disabled boyfriend ?"
If you KNOW, and by now you know it, that... (read in full...)
My friend thinks I'm spoiling my husband.
Q. Dear cupid My friend Debbie moved an hour and a half away a few years ago so we don't get to see each other as often as we use to. Debbie wants me to come and spent a weekend with her but my husband feels like why i cant just go and return ho...
A. 4 July 2013: I agree with Debbie too. Sure, you " could " make it a day trip. Or, you " could " not leave at all. There are plenty of things you could do : wear a burqa, give up any interest or social interactions outside your husband and family, stay always at ... (read in full...)
I've accepted that he needs time for full on sex, but I still want him to go down on me at least.
Q. How can I get my boyfriend to give me oral sex? He's a virgin and I have accepted that he wants to wait and is too scared to have sex. I will wait for him to make the move to full intercourse. But in our sexual contact everything seems one sided - ...
A. 4 July 2013: I agree that teen boys aren't very good with subtle hints, but I disagree that you should be more forceful in asserting your wants and needs.
Not that you don't have the right to the healthy ex prod ercise of your sexuality- but with anot... (read in full...)
Will I be judged for my not perfect body in a bikini?
Q. I'm looking for opinions here. What do men think when they see a woman wearing a bikini who is not that skinny, and does not have big boobs? Do you look at her and think "gross", or do you respect her for still having the confidence to we...
A. 4 July 2013: The imperfections you describe do not sound so dramatic or eyecatching to draw lots of attention. Since maybe 1% of the women have the perfect bikini body, you'll be more or less on par with all the other imperfect 99%. Some of us have thick arms, ... (read in full...)
My friend promised me she'd get me items on her trip and I'd pay her. She's been back a week and hasn't contacted me!
Q. Why have I not heard from her? What should I do? So my friend went on holiday and I asked her to get me some MAC products cause they are alot cheaper where she's going. She said that's fine. I texted her the things I wanted and said I wou...
A. 4 July 2013: Call her, welcome her back, ask her first how her trip was, etc... then ask her if by chance she had the time etc. etc.
And no, do not be upset if she did not get around to do it. It was a favour, she was even supposed to front the money, and ... (read in full...)
I wanna know why he's being a creeper and what do I do when he brings over girls to our house.
Q. Ive spent the last year sleeping with this guy. We spent almost everyday together and I knew we weren't together and he told me he didnt want a relationship with me I understand that he's a user so I don't want you guys to reiterate that fact to ...
A. 3 July 2013: Probably it's a dumb question, but... I am confused about the logistics , where do you live ?
Don't you live with a roomate , sans FWB now ?
So, when your ex FWB brings these girls " over " , -... over where ?
Over where you are liv... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a strange issue with food?
Q. This is probably a rather weird question, but I was at a BBQ with my girlfriend, and the food was being served to us. Someone handed her a plate, and it had a small amount of corn on it. She freaked out, refused to look at it, and asked me to remove ...
A. 3 July 2013: It's just one of those things... who knows what unpleasant memory or accident she associates with corn, it can be something since way before she developed memory or language skills. And it does not have to be specifically to be associated with ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to be talking to this prisoner who I met while working in the prison? He's still in prison. I now don't work there now.
Q. so...i worked for a prison this year and...well i got acquainted with an inmate a year older than myself who is serving a two year sentence. i quit at the prison because it was not my type of job, i hated twelve hour shifts and working over...
A. 3 July 2013: It was surely wrong and unprofessional ( and also risky, you are lucky you did not get caught and kicked out ! ) starting and developing a personal bond with an inmate while you were working in the jail , ( and it does not matter if it was ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's weird relationship with his 2 grown daughters disturbs me
Q. My boyfriend has a weird relationship with his grown daughters. They are 20 and 25. He allows the younger one to drink in our home when she is driving. He roughhouses with the older one and sometimes will intertwine his limbs with hers when they are ...
A. 24 June 2013: OP, I am a bit perplexed here, I don't get what EXACTLY is your beef with the situation.
On one hand you play it as if it is simply a matter of disapproving his parental skills and the exanple he sets for his kids. In this case, you may be righ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's weird relationship with his 2 grown daughters disturbs me
Q. My boyfriend has a weird relationship with his grown daughters. They are 20 and 25. He allows the younger one to drink in our home when she is driving. He roughhouses with the older one and sometimes will intertwine his limbs with hers when they are ...
A. 18 June 2013: OP, you say yourself that he touched her accidentally- and if it was accidental, what was there to say ?!, other than maybe " oops sorry " , but perhaps not even that, to not make it more awkward than it was.
I too am not a big fan of roug... (read in full...)
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