A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!I love my boyfriend we get on but sometimes he drives me crazy! We have been together 4 yrs and live together, he has a few friends but hes really close to this family who have 2 daughters! He was in the same year at school with one of the daughters, (jay) and they became friends and he got to know her mum and dad and younger sister (lu) who he had a thing for before we met. Ive always accepted the fact that hes close to this family and that he sees them every week. Both daughters have gone off to uni so he hoes over to see the parents every week and he isnt that close to the daughters, he never calls or texts and only sees them when they come home so i cant see hes that close to them. Hes more close to the mother, they text all the time and like i said he goes over to see them! The mother is a bit crazy she tried to push my boyfriend and her younger daughter into getting together when he liked her but nothing happened, then when i came on the scene the mother refused to meet me, but hey, ive met her since and shes fine she doesnt have a problem with me now and nor do i!So the younger daughter lu has been to australia for 3 months travelling and she got back the other day, keep in mind the my bf hasnt been in contact with her at all, so why did he feel the need to wake up at 5.30 am go with the family to the airport to meet her and have breakfast with her, then spend the rest of the fay with her and her family, im pretty sure he doesnt have feelings for her....the whole family went, older sister ( and her boyfriend) mum and dad and cousins! When i tried to say to my bf its a bit weird that your waking up at stupid o'clock to go and meet a girl you havent been in contact with at all or have a relationship with he just flipped and it turns into an argument and he says 'its something i want to to, they are practcally family!!!' But i dont understand he closer to the mother than the two daughters! Please help me!!!
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Sounds like he is defensive and will continue to go the extra mile for this family. I would use womanly instincts and attend all meetings with this family so they get the message you are in for the long haul. I would also make sure that I keep my BF busy with me and other plans so it eventually lessons the contact with this family.
You need to encourage him to be around your other friends and other family, including his own. EG if he says he is planning to this adopted family, I would suggest that your mum misses you and would really like us to visit. Don't get into arguments just be nice and sweet and encourage it but keep him busy.
Getting angry and upset will just cost you your relationship, so change tact and you will achieve the same thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGot issues - thats ok, i know what you meant! the dangers of auto correct!! His family life is fine, he has his own business which his parents were originally against because they wanted him to finish uni but the mother and father of the other family were and have been very supportive, they seem to worship him... But im glad you have confirmed its weird! I know he hasnt been in contact with younger daughter over the 3 months or ever, he leaves his phone around, his facebook is open ect!!
I just dont know how to approach the subject and tell him that normal people dont get up at 5.30 am to go meet a friend at the airport!!?? Because it just ends up in argument and he says 'your possesive, you cant tell me what to do!'
X
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Being that personally I would not dream of getting up at 5.30 to greet MY OWN family back , yes, I too find this a bit maniacal and uncalled for.
But it does not have to be because of the girl. You are a jealous type ( admit it :)- if you flip out when your hear somebody MENTIONING your bf's EX 's name.... ) so you think it's all about the girl. But it could simply be that your bf thinks of this people as his second family or substitute family , in lieu of the absent/distant/neglectful blood family that he has. And also if his family is not distant etc.etc. and did not do anything bad, ultimately families are families of the heart , we choose our " real " family among people we can relate to and feel good with. Your bf acts as if he adopted this family, regradless of the younger daughter being pretty, so the motivation for this airport trip may be totally brotherly and innocent.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Just happened to reread my own post and can only apologise for the major autocorrect fail. Sometimes things just slip through.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (6 September 2013):
If I'm perfectly honest (and a little judgemental), it's a little bit weird that he spends SO MUCH time with this family. I have friends who I practically consider to be part of my family and with whom I spend a lot of time, but I wouldn't get up at 5.30 to go hang out at the airport if one of them was coming back from a 3-month trip. I wouldn't even do that for someone from my own family.
Does he cunt from a difficult family background? That might explain it.
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (6 September 2013):
I think it's wrong. You don't visit someone's house to be insulted,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone!
I used to go with him to visit the family but got put off because they are very loud and the younger daughter has made previous remarks about my boyfriends ex for instance one time, she just started laughing and crying with laughter and everyone asked what she was laughing about and she said 'i just thought of aby and it made me laugh' (aby being my bf ex) and ive been there in the past and the mother has said 'oh jim (my boyfriend) and lu are so alike they get on so well' so its just put me off and i think its better i just dont go becuase it upsets me.
Regarding my bf's relationship with the younger daughter - they seem ok he always asks ' so lu whos in your love life at the mo' or she was taking about boys once and he said 'well you missed your chance with me lu'
What do you think?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 he considers them family.. the whole family went...
and i'm betting he over-reacted because he knows it's not "mainstream" to do what he did but he does not feel a justification is available.
to be honest it's not necessary either. It was his day to do with as he pleased was it not?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 It sounds to me that even though he may have had a crush on this girl a long time ago that he is over that now. He genuinely seems to feel like this family is his family and I guess he may have just wanted to be a part of the family when they went to meet her from the airport. He is very close to them and I guess it is a big deal for him to be part of this. If you trust him then this should not have been a problem for you, you should have even suggested going along with him if you where really concerned.
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (6 September 2013):
I'll be blunt. Your boyfriend needs to basically grow out of this ridiculous situation and fast. Which is more important to him, seeing you happy or flopping along like a puppy whenever these people call? There's more to this than meets the eye if he won't change, are you sure he wasn't in touch with the daughter?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): Sounds like he is still holding out for the younger sister, I agree not many will not wake at 5am for a "friend". Sometimes there is more to things than meets the eye. Just curios why did you not go along? You should make a habit of going to every visit , if you want to understand the true nature of this "relationship".
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Please tell us a bit more about your B/F's upbringing. Is it possible that he came from such a goofy family (his own) such that he has cleaved to this one largely to have SOME "family" in his life???? .... and, now, he's so taken with them, that it has skewed his view of life "after family"... and that accounts for his behaviour?
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