A
female
age
36-40,
*udochick
writes:Hi!I'm the girl who asked a week ago about whether I should allow my BF a re-match after I beat him in a wrestling challenge. (March 13: "Ego problem after I bested my BF").He still insists I got lucky when I pinned him--even tho' I know judo and he doesn't--and that b/c I'm a girl he'll definitely win if wrestle again (he also says he wasn't trying his hardest the first time).I still think he's being a baby and reminded him that I was only trying to teach him a lesson b/c he made fun of me and laughed at me when i told him I used to play judo in college.So almost everyone said I SHOULD take him on again--but I still don't know if it would just be smarter to let him win and let him think he's better than me, even tho' it would peeve me off no end that he would rub it in my face about girls being weak. (I think he's really upset b/c he out weighs me by like 40 lbs. and I still beat him ;-)any further thoughts? I keep telling him I haven't decided yet, and he keeps pestering me about it!JC Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 September 2013):
 Pardon me but I think that BOTH are behaving very immaturely for your age range and kind of relationship. You aren't two highschool buddies competing to blow some steam off , or to establish a pecking order. You are a supposedly loving couple of adults, so who cares who's got the best judo moves or who can overpower the other physically ? ... He is silly to get upset and feel unmanned by your physical skills, but you too, why did you even go along with this stupid contest to begin with ?! Once that you have shown him that you COULD beat the shit out of him, so what ? Why, do you plan to have to physically fight between you any time soon ?...
If you really have to try and " best " each other- best each other at intelligence, education, sensitivy , generosity and kindness - that's a contest that makes more sense and would benefit BOTH much more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): Your boyfriend sounds terribly immature. Find someone who can admire all your abilities without being embarrassed that you can best him in some things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Good for you, but don’t get the idea that all of us guys are jerks about things like that. There are a lot of men who root for the women in multi sex sports. If you remember my 2 posts, I was rooting for you in your rematch. As I said in my first post to you, I think it might be time to start looking for another boyfriend. I would like my wife to be able to be better than me in a sport that we participate in. I would much rather have my wife beat me in tennis than one of my male tennis partners. There I just want to win. With my wife I would just want to have fun. If she could beat me, that means that I would have had a good workout and might have learned something so that I was better when I play the guys.
If he settles down over this and is willing to forget it or laugh it off, then fine. However, it he continues to be a jerk about it and insist that no “girl” can beat a man, then it might be time to dump him. An attitude like this, if continued, will only create problems later in other parts of a relationship.
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A
female
reader, judochick +, writes (19 March 2008):
judochick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:
Well, shame on me for thinking he would handle it more maturely the second time around.
I beat him again, and if anything he was even more angry and surly afterward than last time. He really lost it when i tried to give him some pointers and explain HOW i was able to overcome his strength advantage...just so it wouldn't be all about me being a girl, you know?...I explained how he kept trying to overpower me w/his upper body and forgetting to watch out for my legs...so I was able to trip him a little and keep him from setting himself, and keep him off balance, AND get position to lock a leg around the back of his knee for a sweep-throw...how all of this throwing him to the floor (I also caught him with a wrist and a hip throw) had a long term effect of making him tired and so by the time we were wrestling on the floor he wasn't really much stronger than me...and all it did was enrage him, and said he would "beat me next time for sure"....
and I was like "I don't think so--this is over--you have to deal with the fact that i BEAT YOU AND MOVE ON.
But he left all pissed off and demanding that he get another chance, and I'm willing to let him cool off for a while and try to calm down, but I do not feel like dealing with this right now, and don't think I should have to.
Why are men such jerks when it comes to their egos??
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 March 2008):
 I SAID to go ahead and wrestle the guy but I still think the whole thing is just goofy kid stuff.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Oh yeah, I'm interested. I'll be rooting for you, but I'm still a little afraid that he might try so hard that he will forget it is just fun and end up hurting you. Not on purpose, but just because of his overpowering desire to win. He is still bigger and stronger. Hey, I would have loved to have had my wife be better than me at some sport that we did, like tennis. It would have been great to have my best friend as my equal or better tennis partner, always ready for a match.
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female
reader, judochick +, writes (18 March 2008):
judochick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's nice to see so many guys sticking up for me here. (and most girls, too ;-)
One thing i would say is that if your wondering why i'm w/this guy at all, it's b/c BEFORE his ego got all bruised from wrestling me, he showed NO signs of being such a jerk. He was really nice & fun. (We've been dating for almost a year). Now i'm not so sure he's the right guy for me, but i'm willing to give him another chance.
I did ask him to just let it go, and explained yet again that judo is a martial art that teaches how a smaller, or skinnier person like me can use a larger opponent's strength against them, but he wouldn't listen, and challenged me to another match, saying I was trying to "duck him" and repeated that I was lucky the first time.
So I agreed to a rematch but warned him I would not hold back. I also told him if he loses again & doesn't handle it better than last time, we would have a real problem in our relationship. So, the die is cast, I guess, and we are going to wrestle again. I'll let you guys know how it goes, if your interested.
JC
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): If you do decide to wrestle him again, I still think that you should try to win. However, I am getting the idea that he is just immature and thinks that he should be able to beat you in anything that you do together because you are a woman. What if you were an Olympic champion in the 100 meters. Would he challenge you until he dies? I am also afriad that he will try to muscle you into submission and possibly hurt you because beating you seems to be an obcession with him. If he is this immature, then perhaps you should be looking for another boyfriend.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (17 March 2008):
 I think you need someone new. Someone who views women as strong, and that everyone is a different person.
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male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 For a guy named LazyGuy, you sure type a lot and all of it good stuff! Do NOT let your guy win on this, like LazyGuy said, there is no winning on this issue for him, no matter what happens, he loses.If you give in to a rematch, be sure to beat him so there's no mistake that you won cos you're better at it than him. But I wonder, if he loses, he's not one of those freaks who'd go challenge you to a street fight just to get back his pride is he?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 His ego sucks. He should NEVER have challenged you in the first place. That was his mistake. He though he would look manly fighting a small girl. Yeah, that is what real men do. Why I made sergeant for stealing candy from a baby!
He should have realized that he could NEVER win this match. If he won, well a big guy beats a small girl, wimp.
If he lost, well a small girl beats a big guy, wimp.
Now you know him and say that if you lost on purpose he would rub your face in it? What do you even see in this loser?
Yes, you can fake loosing to him and take his gloating. But you will know for the rest of your relationship just how little a man he is. That doesn't seem healthy to me. Call me old fashioned but I think a woman should respect her man.
If he has that much of an issue with it, let him train, judo ain't that hard and you are only a yellow.
You make it pretty clear that this upsets you, you are not one of those weakwilled women that only do what their hubby wants. This is a good thing, the world has to few of you.
You have to ask what is next. Does he want you to be dumber then him in politics? Arts? You let little kids win, adults. NO.
It would have been something different if you had started this, but HE doubted your capabilities and furthermore doubted JUDO. He thought that a size matters in martial arts. Not just insulting you but a sport you once liked.
You got no way out.
He is to immature to just let it pass and you are loosing respect for him.
If he wins honestly and then rubs your face in it, he is still a very sorry excuse for a man. Men are SUPPOSED to be stronger then a woman, it is NOTHING to gloat about. Yet he will, you will loose respect for him.
If you let him win, you will know that he is a pathetic man gloating about a victory he did not earn, you will loose respect for him.
If you beat him, he will keep whining about it and you will loose respect for him.
How much does respect for your partner matter? That is for you to decide, from your tone, it seems to be a lot and sadly he ain't worthy of respect. this ain't like faking an orgasm or pretending you like a present he gave you. He is asking you to pretend you are something else then you are.
I wonder if the two posters below would have said the same thing if you beat him at an intellectual challenge and you were wondering if you should dumb down to please your man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): What's the most important thing to you here? You could argue that by taking him on again you are being true to yourself and standing up for women everywhere, or you could argue that your man may feel his masculinty is in question being 'beaten' by a girl and you should let him win so that he can feel better about himself.
I would ask that you look at the bigger picture here. You know you can beat him, you are secure in the knowledge that you can handle yourself do you need to prove this to everyone by taking him on again or would it make your life an awful lot easier to boost his confidence and let him believe he is stronger? Pick your battles im sure as your relationship progresses there will be far more important things for you to worry about than this. Good Luck !!!!
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A
female
reader, judochick +, writes (17 March 2008):
judochick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot very helpful answer "eyeswideopen"...I wish my BF wasn't so bent out of shape about it, but he is. I could use a more constructive answer!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2008):
This has GOT to be the dumbest contest I ever heard of, is this really your age? Sounds like the playground when I was in 3rd grade. By all means wrestle your "boyfriend" but be careful not to get any cooties on you.
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