A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's the thing; I'm not exactly what you would call a social butterfly. I am however more like the caterpillar in its cocoon that evolves into a butterfly. By that I mean I'm very shy, but once I am friends with someone, I can talk and talk for hours and hours. But the only people that are my friends, are people from high school and one from college. I can make do with my surroundings when I'm thrown into something. Here are some examples as to what I meanSchool: Thrown into a grade with about 50 other kids that you hang out with for 12 years. Kinda hard not to form friends.College: Thrown into a dorm room with one other person. Can't live together if you can't get along.Orientation for 1st week of college: Thrown into groups of new students specifically aimed at making people meet each other.Now that sounds all fine and dandy and may seem like I have no problem making friends at all. WRONG. I'm okay handling what I'm thrown into, but going out of my wait to meet someone I personally what to know more about is what is so damn hard. I'm left to the horrible over-bearing worries of my mind that basically hold down the confidence I long to have.My roommate and my best friend from high school are so social with other people, both coming from theater backgrounds and they make friends so easily. I on the other hand get nervous, my mind freezes/goes blank, and I end up sounding awkward/stupid. I hate it. I want that confidence to walk up to a cute guy and strike up a casual conversation. BUT MY MIND WON'T LET ME! I panic and think "what if I annoy him?" "What if he thinks I'm weird?" "What if he just wants to be left alone?" "What if my conversation ends up with too many long pauses that make us both feel awkward?" It's so difficult but my friends tell me it's so easy when in reality they just can't see why it's so hard for me. All these thoughts/worries seem to physically hold me back. And I've tried to be social with a guy and when I did I embarrassed myself horribly. During orientation week we were forced to talk to individual people for a minute or 2 before switching to the next person. So this cute guy winds up in front of me and asks me my major. I say "art" and he says he's "anthropology". I say "Oh cool, I took an anthropology class in high school." He says "Oh really? What kind was it?" and what does stupid me say? Not knowing how to express what kind of class it was I blurt out "The historical kind." Major facepalm if there ever was one. To this day I still can't look him in the eye for fear he'll remember me. Basically, what I came here to discuss is that, I want to be confident. But I try so hard in conversation, that I feel almost like I'm acting and that the other person can sense this. It's like conversation can't come easily to me. Even recently, a girl sat with me at lunch and said she liked my band t-shirt, and we actually talk quite a bit about music/video games/etc. But the thing is, while it seems like it went well, the whole time I was nervous and trying to think of things to say that wouldn't come off as stupid or annoying. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and have her regret sitting with me. My point can be summed up in a quote from the TV show Scrubs that really hit me one day while watching it: "The only reason you wouldn't stand up for me is that you're so terrified that someone, somewhere, isn't going to like you."That's how I feel. I'm terrified that I'm going to come off the wrong way or say the wrong thing and someone won't like me. I know it's silly and that not everyone in the world is going to like you but I just worry.I want to boost my confidence by trying make-up and dressier clothing, but having never done it before I feel like I'm going to feel like I'm not me. Like I someone else.To be honest I can't even make sense of what I just typed. If anyone even slightly understands my concerns please give me advice. I would greatly appreciate it. :)
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best friend, confidence, roommate, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 The others already gave you good advice, so I only want to cheer you up by informing you that " historical anthropology " IS actually an existing branch of anthropology. See : " Introduction to historical anthropology " by prof.P.P. Viezzo. It's a relatively new , " pioneer " branch, but with its own specificity and authority. So your answer might have made you look cool and well informed to a budding anthropologist :)
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 You need to remember that you make over think everything you say and think its stupid but other people won't. They probably enjoy your conversation and are just as nervous as you!
You will build your confidence, not everyone is really social, many people prefer just to have a small number if friends they are close to. I think going to clubs with people who share the same interests - maybe music related if you like bands etc then just chat to one person initially you feel more comfortable with... It takes time... You sound like a lovely interesting person! Believe that and compliment yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): You're going to be an art major. I hope you left some room in your curriculum for a public-speaking or oratory class. I took it. It builds confidence in people who find it hard like you and me.
We prepared speeches, reports, and business presentations. I was terrified. Our instructor went as far as to video-record us, and allowed us to critique our own performance and delivery. Then the rest of the class gave their opinions. I never really thought that class would come in handy. For work, I once spoke before a convention. I didn't studder or choke up. I got huge applause. My heart-beat increased to 1000 times a minute, but I did it.
I used to shy around strangers. Not anymore.
You have iddy-biddy anxiety attacks when you meet new people. It interferes with your ability to communicate. You spas-out and panic. That reaction is worse than having nothing to say. So you're a little awkward. No biggy.
Keep practicing. You get better as time goes by, because you're forced to. You will be consistently thrown into social situations; because that is one of the demands of your educational career. You'll have no choice.
Don't worry about being awkward or not being liked. That wears off by your junior year at college. You're pretty fresh out of high school. It's normal for small-town or sheltered people to feel this way. You're now thrust into adulthood. You can no longer hide.
Your personality will endear people to you, and confidence comes with exposure and maturity. You've been a little sheltered and was never forced out into the spotlight before. Well, college-life will force you into many awkward situations. Like most freshman, you will adapt. It's usually the shy people like you and I, that soon become popular without trying. People just get curious and want to know what makes us tick. Your quirks become your signature.
Take a drama class. That can enhance your communication skills, you'll have a presence, and it will help you to interact with people easier. Join study groups and attend as many college social functions as you can comfortably fit into your schedule. You simply have to dive in with both feet. That's how I did it.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Look into something called cognitive behavioral therapy. It can help you cope with anxiety.
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