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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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FWB wants to meet up but hes dating someone. Is it moral?
Q. my fwb just asked me to meet up even though I thought it was over because he apparently had a girlfriend, he then explained that she wasn't his girlfriend and it wouldn't be cheating because they haven't defined the relationship. is it moral to ...
A. 28 October 2013: I guess it would depend from what he told ( or did not tell ) to the other girl.
Does she know for sure that he does not consider the r/ship exclusive ? And that BOTH are free to sleep with other people ?.. Or is she under the impression ( gene... (read in full...)
Would this behavior indicate a possible cheater
Q. Hi all, just a question in general. I have noticed when people watching, that there was a man sitting with his wife and she with her body language indicated that she was insecure, she was begging for his attention and affection, he barely took any ...
A. 28 October 2013: I think it may just mean... that they are already married since a good while, and no, this is not as cynical as it may sound. One of the advantages of marriage, at least in theory, is security- emotional security. You know that anyway you are in ... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from my boyfriend since Friday, worrying that something's happened to him!
Q. This is probably more of a vent-my-feelings post than anything else, but I suppose I'm also looking for reassurance! I'm 22, he's 26, in a serious relationship etc. We're going on holiday together next week and I'm going out of my mind that somethin...
A. 28 October 2013: I would not push the " worry " pedal. It's not his fault if you are an apprehemsive type - he DID what he was supposed to do , only, as you say, technology got in the way.
If there should be in future a next time like this, don't be so quick to f... (read in full...)
I feel unappreciated by my boyfriend!
Q. I do everything for my boyfriend but he never says he loves me and I feel unappreciated. I have taken him on business trips across the country, expensive sporting events, weekend trips paid for by me, and drive him everywhere when we are together. I ...
A. 28 October 2013: If you feel unappreciated is because you are unappreciated. He is taking you so much for granted that he can't even bother to do the normal, polite things you would do for any friend / aquaintance / kind stranger who does something nice for you : ... (read in full...)
Do you think I should have to tell him everything about my life when now hes a friend with benefits ?
Q. Does a guy I see once a week have any right asking questions about where I go and what I do? ive been seeing someone for a year and it turned very serious very quickly. He moved in within four months but it turned sour pretty quick.I chucked him ...
A. 28 October 2013: It is your fault for tolerating abusive treatment in change of a weekly sexual encounter.He must be reaaaallly good in the sack for you putting up with all this.
He calls you a whore for 3 days straight and you...? ... Stay around to take some... (read in full...)
Baby momma drama or MM who swears he's getting a divorce?
Q. I moved to another state to be with a man I lived with for 5 years. He moved here to be with his daughter in the mean time I met another guy back home who treated me like a queen for the short time I knew him. He wants me to move back and be with ...
A. 26 October 2013: Your new man is not your man, because he is married so, for the time being , he is HER man.
He SAYS he is going to get a divorce.
And I say to you that I am going to be the next Queen of England. Would you start curtseying to me before you have... (read in full...)
Do men truly still value virginity or do they see it as something to run away from?
Q. Do men truly still value virginity or do they see it as something to run away from? I'm going to be 21 soon and haven't even been kissed. My best guy friend who's a man whore tells me virginity sucks and romance is dead. He said he'd sleep with me ...
A. 26 October 2013: First of all, OK being young and inexperienced, but , if you are really so naive that you take for as good as gold, with no further validation, confirmation, information, investigation and other useful - ations, the first idiocy that any ... (read in full...)
Drunken horseplay, and nine years later she's openly rude.
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. Thanks for considering my question. Nine years ago, I was the Best Man at a dear friend's wedding. It was a wonderful, joyous and fairly raucous affair. High energy, lots of joking and horsing around, and lots of laughs. ...
A. 26 October 2013: For all watchers of " Friends " reruns, this reminds me of the cult episode where Jukia Roberts, in revenge, convinces Matthew Perry ,by a ruse, to undress in a restaurant 's bathroom, then she steals all his clothes and leaves , forcing him to ... (read in full...)
Confused as to why she left.
Q. I gonna lay it out here once and for all. My gf of nearly 2 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We have a 10 year gap in age (it was never an issue at least as I think of it) and she left saying she needed some time for herself and that she drifted ...
A. 26 October 2013: I have to disagree with Highmaintenance 101. I think that contacting her is a bad idea. If you are serious about moving on- but you still have feelings for her- it makes more sense that you stay away from anything that fans tose feelings flames ... (read in full...)
Does FWB never lead to a relationship?
Q. If a man only wants friends with benefits, does that mean he will never want a relationship? I was wondering if it's possible for a man to change his mind and want a relationship with you?. I know a man who wanted friends with benefits with me...
A. 26 October 2013: Anon male, I see where you are coming from and in theory what you say makes sense, in practice it shows that you haven't quite mastered the " code " for casual sex. Or call it hook up etiquette :). Or just general trend ( which of course allows ... (read in full...)
I'm expecting my ex boyfriend's child and I don't know if I should tell him and break his current girlfriend's heart.
Q. I'm expecting my ex boyfriend's child and I don't know if I should tell him and break his current girlfriend's heart. Basically, when we broke up, we made a stupid agreement to still have sex from time to time. I ended things because I got sick of ...
A. 26 October 2013: If you are planning to have the baby, you MUST tell him, There's no other way- regardless of any other ethical considerations, how can he pay child support .. for a baby whose existence he does not know about ?... (read in full...)
Do I owe a family member because she allowed me to park my car at her place?
Q. I need advice so I bought my very first car by myself. I'm so happy. When I look at my car I just smile and just glow because I did it all working 2 part time jobs. Taking up to 4/6 buses a day. So I worked hard for my car. Now here's what I need ...
A. 26 October 2013: uhm, I don't know if I would agree it is such an itsy bitsy worth nothing favour... It did cost nothing to her in cash, yet, if we want to quantify, here where I am ,keeping your car parked would cost you around 200 euros ( about 260 USD,isn't it ... (read in full...)
Do I owe a family member because she allowed me to park my car at her place?
Q. I need advice so I bought my very first car by myself. I'm so happy. When I look at my car I just smile and just glow because I did it all working 2 part time jobs. Taking up to 4/6 buses a day. So I worked hard for my car. Now here's what I need ...
A. 26 October 2013: uhm, I don't know if I would agree it is such an itsy bitsy worth nothing favour... It did cost nothing to her in cash, yet, if we want to quantify, here where I am ,keeping your car parked would cost you around 200 euros ( about 260 USD,isn't it ... (read in full...)
Broke up... feeling sad. Thoughts? Advice?
Q. My boyfriend, of 3 years, and I broke up Sunday night. We're both the same age and don't live together, but spent weekends together and any days during the week if we found time. We were a serious couple and had talked about children and settling ...
A. 25 October 2013: What happens is that it hurts a lot for a while, and then it starts hurting less, until one day it does not hurt anymore ( Of course it helps if you do your part, avoid to wallowing in misery and regrets, and are proactive in seriously moving on ... (read in full...)
I don't feel sexually validated by my boyfriend and have found an online MM in another country who understands me!
Q. Where do I start?! My problem seems so silly but it's got me so confused about what I want with my life. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We're perfectly suited in every way apart from he's just not horny! At all. I've tried so many th...
A. 25 October 2013: I think that lack of sexual compatibility is a velid reason to terminate a relationship. It's far from foolish. We are made of mind and body and both have needs to be fulfilled. Same as it is indeed foolish to stay in a unhappy, troubled or ... (read in full...)
Does my ex want me back after I had a miscarriage?
Q. Hi. I am doing no contact with my ex but he keeps coming into my work. I am so mad with him for what he did to me I don't think I can ever forgive him. We have split up once before and he would not stop ringing my fone for weeks and then eventua...
A. 25 October 2013: In short, because he is a selfish prick . He's obviously used to having things go his way, and he is upset that he got dumped and gets to be ignored. It's an ego thing. I think that he'd want you back- at his terms and conditions : no accepting ... (read in full...)
The spark is gone with my b/f, and there's this other guy ...
Q. I guess I will start by saying that I have a boyfriend for 2 years. We are in a very good terms with him and I care deeply for him and so does he. I guess it's love. My boyfriend and I have been on many adventures. I love him still, but I think I am ...
A. 25 October 2013: I don't know why nobody ever seems to think that when they are undecided between two BAD options, they always have a third one, which is : doing neither of the other two things.
You don't have to stay with your bf. I doubt it is " love " othe... (read in full...)
I am a very professional, very good looking woman in a high-powered job, and I have a lot going for me in my life....but I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband!
Q. I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband. I cheated on him before he and I were even married, and I've cheated on him after we were married, and am still cheating on him. I cheat on him with one of my current co-workers on occasion. The co...
A. 25 October 2013: Anon reader, I am not sure I get what you mean.
Of course sitting in the box of married life can feel stifling, limiting, boring, etc. at times.
The fact remains, that nobody made you sit in that box, you chose of your own free will, after , ... (read in full...)
I don't want to ruin our friendship over sex. Should I just come out and say it!
Q. There is a woman I used to work with that became a good friend, though we rarely see each other. We're both in our early 50's. I did some repair work on her home a few times. I am separated from my cheating liar wife, she is married. About a year ...
A. 25 October 2013: Darn, I wish I had thought of that ! If I had distributed passionate kisees , rather than money, to plumbers, electricians etc. , I would have saved quite a bundle along the years !
Yes, she is hinting, in fact, she is doing quite a bit more than... (read in full...)
Does FWB never lead to a relationship?
Q. If a man only wants friends with benefits, does that mean he will never want a relationship? I was wondering if it's possible for a man to change his mind and want a relationship with you?. I know a man who wanted friends with benefits with me...
A. 25 October 2013: Anything is possible , ... only, in practice it happens very very very seldom. And it makes perfect sense, if you think about it.
First, because if they want you as FWB they don't like you that much to begin with. They are somewhat phys... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the silent treatment?
Q. How should I deal with a known narcissists "silent treatment"? He is my boyfriend. This is the second time he has done this in a six month period. He cursed at me about two weeks ago and I couldn't take the abuse anymore and let him know how I ...
A. 24 October 2013: Why are you worried about the silent treatment from a guy that curses at you twice in 6 months ? let him be silent- at least he won't open his mouth to hurl abuse at you !... (read in full...)
Do I owe a family member because she allowed me to park my car at her place?
Q. I need advice so I bought my very first car by myself. I'm so happy. When I look at my car I just smile and just glow because I did it all working 2 part time jobs. Taking up to 4/6 buses a day. So I worked hard for my car. Now here's what I need ...
A. 24 October 2013: She did you a favour so,if just possible, you do her a favour in turn. It's not as much a question of " owing" as of common courtesy. She did someting to help you, so you should actually be glad that you have the chance to help her back.
Y... (read in full...)
Confused by my FWB
Q. So guys I need your opinion on something I previously gotten into this friends with benefits relationship and I'm Soo confused.. He comes down every other weekend and we have a great time and then when we talk he always says we need to stop Bc he's ...
A. 24 October 2013: Because the spirit is strong but the flesh is weak, have you ever heard this ? ...
It could be that occasionally he feels scruples, he feels that he should not be having booty calls with you : either because it's time he could spend with his twin... (read in full...)
I think I'm dating a jerk!
Q. I think I'm dating a jerk - but maybe it's just me? We go to dinner on the one year anniversary of our first date (not the one year anniversary of the relationship) and he asks me to split it with him because he lost his ATM card and didn't have ...
A. 24 October 2013: None of my business, that's for sure, yet I can't help but wonder : if he is low on funds, and you are ow on funds- why do you even go dining out ? stay home, and you will spare both money and the chance of these unpleasant arguments that tend to ... (read in full...)
Don't want to look desperate here ...
Q. A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit. After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store down...
A. 24 October 2013: Call me dumb but I fail to see how if he WALKS you to the coffee shop, that would repair you from the wind and keep your coiffure intact.
Why don't you just take a cab , or a bus ? You would, if you had decided to check out some cool place on your... (read in full...)
I'd like at least one photo of him!
Q. Okay guys here is my biggest challenge. My new bf does not want me to take photos of him or even with him. How can I convinc him or make a deal to be able to take maybe just 1? He said even his mom has almost no photos of him. The years books don't ...
A. 24 October 2013: It IS a strange think that he refuses to let you, his gf, have a pic of his. And all strange things generally have a specific reason- maybe an innocent one, of course, he does not need to be on the lam from the FBI; but a reason. Aren't you ... (read in full...)
Should I stay in contact with him after such a rocky start?
Q. Okay I just recently joined another dating site. It is a little different from the ones I have been on. It is a site for people who are spiritual and are into healing. I tried it out for free for about a week and then I get a message from a guy who ...
A. 24 October 2013: He does not care about how you feel, and he does not sound keen at all about " getting to know you better ". To know you better , he should bother to ask you out on dates, and , at least, to have deeper conversations that his current one liners. He ... (read in full...)
My heart says give him another chance. My gut says run.
Q. I broke up with my boyf of near two years about a month ago. I wanted to do this for a while, our relationship was far from perfect, i'll explain this quickly just so you have the entire story: he drunkenly cheated on me in our own bed and I walked ...
A. 23 October 2013: Just not to put too fine a point on it, but, are you insane , OP ? ..Are you out of your mind ?...
Even if you believe in giving second chances , you ALREADY gave him a second chance, when you caught him cheating in your own bed and forgave him.... (read in full...)
Is this an early indicator that the relationship isn't going to go anywhere?
Q. Hi, I was wondering what people think of this theory? I have noticed that anyone I've dated in the past will never get past the dating phase when they never use your name in texts, conversations, anything, even if they do pay all sorts of com...
A. 23 October 2013: It's an interesting theory, but I am not sure how much demontrable. I did read, for instance, that calling people by their name is an useful psychological " trick " to create a sense of connection. Like, " How are you today, Sara ? " sounds warmer ... (read in full...)
We work together and my ex is trying to remain friends. I don't need the drama!
Q. So my ex-gf has been trying to maintain a friendly contact with me. I have ignored her for the most part because I told her I do not do the friend thing with exes. We work together so it has been hard, and although I have maintained a professional ...
A. 23 October 2013: I agree with the previous poster. You are confused because you say that you wants to keep things strictly professional, then you react to her in a way that invalidates that.
You have not been clear about your stance,- in fact you have been ambi... (read in full...)
I don't want to make a scene but I think he's being rude
Q. I've been in somewhat of a long distance relationship for the past 2 years since I only see my boyfriend every weekend (we live an hour away). We talk to each other almost every night via facetime so we can see each other. He used to always be on ...
A. 23 October 2013: It is awfully rude, when you are communicating with anybody, -possibly more so with your gf.
You don't need to make a scene. You can calmly tell him ( before he does it again, not when you catch him in the act ) " you know, I have noticed that... (read in full...)
What kind of costumes or looks would you recommend? Because the manager's demands seem unreasonable.
Q. I'm a restaurant server and our manager just sent out a ridiculous memo. We have to wear costumes for the week of Halloween or we do not get our tips. I feel this is unethical and illegal. I also learned that if we order through the catalog ...
A. 21 October 2013: You just shattered one of my illusions :).
I used to live in Manhattan and I loved how on Halloween most shopclerks ,food servers etc. would wear cat's ears, or little devil's horns,or a witch's hat etc. . NY IS a place of collective rituals and ... (read in full...)
Is it rude to not acknowledge a thank you?
Q. If you recieve a gift for a birthday from someone. Is it rude not to say thank you? A did it rude not to respond to the thank you....even if you don't really like the person? My son's birthday, and he got a gift from his grandparents (on...
A. 20 October 2013: No, normally you don't reply a thank you note with another thank you message . Unless of course in the thank you note there was some specific question waiting for an answer ( e.g.," Shall we see you before Xmas ? )
A thank you note is an akno... (read in full...)
Can't get over my ex even though he's been ignoring me
Q. I'm 18 and this summer I had a month-and-a-half relationship with a guy who was a year younger than me and whom I'd met through some high school projects. We'd known each other since February, but only started talking a lot in May. When I say a lot, ...
A. 19 October 2013: Because boys his age ( and often girls too ) are fickle. Because at first the idea of dating and having a relationship makes them feel all grown up and cool and sexy. But then in time they realize , unless they aren't really madly in love, that ... (read in full...)
My mother, my bully.
Q. How do i gently approach my mother about her hypocrisy and the damage it has done and continues to do to our relationship? How do I explain that I cannot, allow either myself or my son (8yo), to endure her presence if she continues discount...
A. 19 October 2013: You don't. You accept that she is who she is and does what she does . Do you really think that a 65 or 70 y.o. person who's happily done without self awareness and introspection so far, is so eager to embark on a path of self discovery now- ... (read in full...)
Anyone else hate their husband's best friend?
Q. This is driving me crazy does anyone else hate there husbands or bfs best friend? I do and it sucks cause were stuck living with him only plus side is i love his gf. I need advice on how to deal with this. Were stuck living with him till we can g...
A. 18 October 2013: That's my point, actually. You WILL be paying rent- i.e. you'll pay when you can-hopefully soon. But until then, you , your husband and your 3 y.o. are there out of this guy's courtesy . You are his guests . Of course that does not give him the ... (read in full...)
Anyone else hate their husband's best friend?
Q. This is driving me crazy does anyone else hate there husbands or bfs best friend? I do and it sucks cause were stuck living with him only plus side is i love his gf. I need advice on how to deal with this. Were stuck living with him till we can g...
A. 18 October 2013:
It's sad, but you can't be picky about flatmates right now. If both you and your bf are unemployed, with no assistence from your family, no idea when you'll start earning something, and with a baby on the way.... in other words if you are at t... (read in full...)
I think that fact that I want to stray is telling me something about my current relationship
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma here and not sure what to do? I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now and I thought that everything was great. But, recently my ex girlfriend got in touch with me. Me and my ex dated nearly 6 years ago for ...
A. 18 October 2013: How could you possibly think that all is well in your relationship if the sex part sucks , and she never wants to have sex - whether she hates sex in general, or just with you ?? I thought this attitude had gone out of fashion with the last ... (read in full...)
He ended it, he text again.. Can anyone tell me what is happening here?
Q. I met this guy 6 weeks ago while I was on a hen. Im from Ireland hes from London. We totally clicked!! Anyway, long story short we spoke everyday for 4 weeks and then he came to stay with me for a weekend. It was amazing, until the Saturday night I ...
A. 18 October 2013: I am not a lad and not English but I think your guy is speaking a pretty much universal language. The language of casual sex. He wants to get laid ; and if you kindly will bring your wares to his domicile on Thursday, he'll happily partake, - if ... (read in full...)
Do I chase my dream or give it up for my boyfriend?
Q. Hi there...i had posted a question about my boyfriend getting depressed since he didn't get placed and all..my dream company will be hiring freshers from my campus next week and I was dying for them to come..now my bf is asking me not to attend the ...
A. 17 October 2013: Chase your dream. I don't want to jinx you, but what do you know if ten years from now you'll still be with the same boyfriend . Boyfriends come and go ( perhaps in India a bit less than in other places ?, but still... ) and instead if your start ... (read in full...)
LDR isn't working for me. Is it wrong that I want my b/f to come back to where I am?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I studied In the same university for 5 years but we dint know each other until the last month and when we got to know each other there was no stopping to us,but it was the end of semester and my boyfriend had to go back to his c...
A. 17 October 2013: Where is he starting to work in April ? In the city where you live ? If it is so, hold your horses and cultivate patience. It's only 5 and 1/2 months from now ! It's surely more reasonable and sensible that you just suck it up for a few months, ... (read in full...)
Should I stay in contact with him after such a rocky start?
Q. Okay I just recently joined another dating site. It is a little different from the ones I have been on. It is a site for people who are spiritual and are into healing. I tried it out for free for about a week and then I get a message from a guy who ...
A. 29 September 2013: I would not bother, he sounds like an arrogant jerk. There is nothing so unspiritual as decididng who is spiritual /who is not, according to his own personal criteria- as if he had the sole patent and universaal guidelines for spirituality.
A... (read in full...)
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