A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I am dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now! Everytime his parents come to visit or stay at his place he goes MIA(missing in action)..first off we are in a long distane relationship so the only thing that keeps us together is the phone,he'l try sneak away call me late in the night,when he does I don't feel like answering because its not how he usually is!!he would keep In touch constantly!I want to send a message to him but I told him I understand he's scared of his dad,when he texts me like sometimes I don't reply cuz I am mad at him..Am I over reacting? what do I do or say?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 in normal circumstances i would absolutely say you're over-reacting and his going "mia" is him just being with his family. if my family came to visit, i would do the same. however, with you two being in a long distance relationship, something about it just gives me bit of a shady feeling. he has to sneak away only for a minute to contact you late at night? it sounds possible that he's not even with his family. how would you ever even know? for all you know, his family isn't even there and he's with some other woman. i'm not trying to put ideas in your head. just being realistic. i've had similar experiences in my life. people lying to me about stuff like that.
anyway, if you know for sure that he's truly with his family, then you're over-reacting. if you don't know for sure, then i would start to wonder.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 He is not going MIA, he is having his parents over and spending time with them. And he is not "afraid " to talk to you in front of his parents, he is just being respectful and polite. It is rude having long phone conversations with A while you are talking to / giving your attention to / entertaining guest B. If he was still at home, it would be different, but since his parents VISIT occasionally, it's normal that he can't / won't stay on the phone with you for ages as usual. He still touch base with you whenever possible - let him breathe.
Plus, he is probably uncomfortable - not afraid- having intimate, romantic, affectionate conversations with you in front of his parents. The way you talk to your gf generally is not the same way you talk to the butcher to order a pound of steak, so if he is a reserved person who does not want to go " oh my little hoochie poochie cutie sweetie I miss you so , so much " in front of his dad... I can't blame him.
You get anxious if he is not available and attentive 24/7 - maybe, as WiseOwlE says, LDRs are not right for you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 September 2013):
 You're long distance, and 5 months is pretty new even for a local relationship. There's nothing wrong with his waiting until he's in a private place to talk to you. You haven't been introduced to his family, and that is one of those "commitment steps" that usually takes time, even in a non-LDR.
Be patient with him. Again, your blowing him off because you're mad will only serve to wreck your relationship. Either chill out or break up with him. LDR's need a lot more time between relationship landmarks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): You're agonizing through a long-distance relationship that is only connected by phone. You don't know what's happening on the other end until he tells you. He goes missing when his parents come; because he can actually go out and do things.
He may even be having female company over. Would you know any better? You're clinging to the hope that you'll someday be together like a real relationship. You hope he's being faithful. You wouldn't know the difference. That's the chance you take in desperately clinging to a make-believe LDR.
In reality, it's hard to prove real love through a digital device. You're struggling for him to reciprocate his feelings. Guess what? You'll never feel secure. It will be one thing or another. Men are not always outwardly emotional as it is. Now put him miles away, and all you live by are his words. It isn't enough is it. It's getting to you.
If it is a normal thing for him to be MIA when his parents are there, get used to it. They may not like him on the phone while spending time with them. They are his parents; so he will respect them. If you were his wife, that would demand different behavior. As an adult, and having his own home, his spouse comes first. Girlfriends don't get that
benefit.
The trouble with an LDR, is that the stress wears heavily on the both of you. You both struggle to maintain normal lives under unusual circumstances. It just won't happen.
Distance is your enemy. You really want a loving and intimate relationship; but you're settling for this stressful and unhappy situation.
Well, unfortunately what you are now experiencing comes with this form of relationship. You can beg for all extra attention and make all the demands you like.
It will never compare with actually having someone to be with you, and sharing your lives together in-person.
Either learn to deal with what you have, or end it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 September 2013):
 I have to agree with SVC. Spending time with his parents is not MIA. Life happens and people have other social obligations so you've got to be flexible.
If they're visiting for the weekend, why not assume that you won't hear from him at all until they're gone? You'll have some time on your own, something to look forward to, anything you do get is gravy and he won't be saddled with unnecessary pressure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I feel bad not because he's spending time with his dad but he's afraid to talk to me in front of his parents!
He calls me and when I answer he's not even listening to what I say and he says he has to leave!
Being in a LDR I feel bad when he does that!
I'm not asking for all ur time I'm just asking that little U give me to focus on us!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 September 2013):
If his dad is coming to visit, it's natural that he spends time with him. He's not MIA if he's calling you late at night or texting you. You are going MIA by ignoring him, and you're hurting your relationship by your behavior.
So he has his dad over. Let him have some time to hang out with him. He doesn't have time to be in constant contact like he usually is. Don't take it personally, and you playing games like ignoring him makes you look petty.
YOU stop being MIA, and when he calls you late at night, tell him how much you love him and make him miss you. Make him look forward to hearing you like a thirsty man looks forward to an icy cold glass of water.
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