A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30, my boyfriend is 25, and we've been together for 4 years. He has Aspergers syndrome but doesnt show many of the stereotypes (well apart from "special interest" but that's also his job - ironically, he doesn't talk much about it, shifts the focus from himself to others in conversation rather than talk about the special interest). He already has a social life centred around cars and social gatherings concerning them and advises people on cars (not in a car salesman-type way!); mainly Acura, Subaru, imported cars, old Chevrolets from 80s and 90s etc. (ever seen a Rover 200 Series in Canada, or heard of one before? I have. My boyfriend actually imported our car into Canada, a pretty lovely 1993 Vauxhall Carlton 3.0i 24v V6 stationwagon, brought in from the United Kingdom - in Canada cars 15 years or older can be imported. Anyhow, that's beside the point).He's a lovely guy, and I love him, friends love him, consider him eccentric (his family are British-Canadian but he was born here in Ontario!)I've been thinking about having children, but he doesn't want to, he says there's a chance it could be passed on like Huntington's and wouldn't want to risk it.There's been no serious arguments etc. just worries about the issue - he's worried about money and medical issues, I'm worried about my age etc. He thinks he's better as an uncle (which he already is - his brother has a child, a 5-year-old boy).I don't know how to resolve this. We have tried to discuss it but don't know where to go next.Are his fears normal, or not, for a couple considering children, especially given his 'condition' ? (that's how, he rather than I, refers to it).Need some advice.Thanks,
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2015): inspiring hope to those guys with Aspergers
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): He's comparing it to passing on the genes for Huntingdon's Disease, which - if passed on - invariably results in a vey nasty symptoms leading to premature death. This is not a realistic comparison. Not down playing Autism, but it's not in the same league as Huntingtons.
Can you suggest To him seeking medical advise from a geneticist? This is important. Don't put yr desires for family on back burner cos of his fear.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (18 September 2013):
Why not adopt?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): How would you feel about adopting? Maybe that's something you could consider/discuss.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 Yes, his concerns are valid and justified. Insofar that the genetic predisposition in certain mental health conditions like Autistic disorders do not guarantee that the disorder, IF it shows up, shows up exactly in the same degree and with the same manifestations as that of the parent who passed it on.
In other words, you picked up the fully functional, lovable eccentric, the quirky guy that everybody likes.
It may be not so benign, and it may pose quite hard challenges in the life of the affected person. Naturally, as SVC says, " challenges " is not the same as " death sentence " . But I think that any perspective parent would legitimately be hesitant at the idea that his offspring might have to face the same kind of obstacles, or worse, that he ( the parent ) had to deal with.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 September 2013):
 Yes his concerns are valid. Many mental disabilities are genetic... learning disabilities run in families, ADHD well I have it and both my kids do too...
Aspergers is on the Autistic spectrum.
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/detail_asperger.htm#230193080 says:
Scientists have long suspected that there are genetic and environmental components to Asperger syndrome and the other ASDs because of their tendency to run in families and their high concordance in twins. Additional evidence for the link between inherited genetic mutations and AS was observed in the higher incidence of family members who have behavioral symptoms similar to AS but in a more limited form, including slight difficulties with social interaction, language, or reading.
so yes his fears are valid.
However, Aspergers is not a death sentence... nor is it so debilitating that folks can't function and now when caught very early can be worked with well.
Be aware that the newest DSM will not longer list Aspergers as a separate disorder. Rather it will be listed as part of the Autistic spectrum. I have a child with PDD-NOS and it's going under that umbrella as well.
http://www.autism.com/index.php/news_dsmV
Raising a child with autistic disorders can be difficult and my son will never live on his own (he's 29 now) nor will he probably marry or support himself.
I cannot tell you what to do but I can tell you that his fears are well grounded.
...............................
|
