A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, I've got a realtionship problem been going on for ages now n getting annoyed with it, my boyfriend has a grudge against my family he gets annoyed when I try n speak to my mum over phone and I hardly ever get a chance to talk to her or rest of my family as I live 2 hours away from them with my boyfriend as I moved out a few months ago.. I make the effort with his mum n everyone else he knows but he doesn't with mine, and he's always slagging my sisters boyfriend off n it really iratates me, I do mention it to him but it doesn't change anything, reallyNeed advice?
View related questions:
moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): Getting a boyfriend doesn't mean that they own you and can tell you who you can and can't talk to?! Sounds like he is trying to manipulate you and control you. Your family is your family, mine is completely effed up but my husband - and while he was my boyfriend- would never have dreamt of stopping me speaking to them as that's my life.Even in a relationship you are your own person with your own life. A relationship should enhance your life and to different people that's in different ways, but your boyfriend is trying to restrict you communicating with your own family. Don't stand for it. Stand up for yourself and that doesn't mean getting confrontational. Just firmly say that you have made an effort with his family, he needs to do the same and that if you want to call them you will call them. If he has some opposition to that then he's not really the type of guy you want to be wasting your time with.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 Did you have SERIOUS problem with your family that you vented to your BF? Or is this, you can't talk to her a new thing?
I do think janniepeg is right, if you didn't have problems with your mom, he is trying to isolate you. And THAT is a bad thing, it's a matter of control for him. First you moved far from your normal support net to be with him, then he wants you to be cut off, what's next?
He can't tell you who you can talk to and whom you can't, so why are you letting him?
You need to have a serious sit down with your self and figure out what you will allow for him to "control" or dictate in your life and what you don't accept. Then tell him, I need my mom in my life. And I will call and talk to her when I feel like it.
You shouldn't have to cut of your mom in order to have a good relationship. Your BF doesn't own you.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 That's, pardon me, ridiculous- you aren't free to talk to your mother and family whenever you want ? Otherwise you'll bf gets annoyed ?... So, I suppose you have to talke to them behind his back, as if mom was a secret tryst ? Or else, to cut down communications to a level at which everybody is unsatisfied - but your overbearing controlling bf ?...
Nonsense. Your bf , whom you just live with since a few months, so basically is still relatively a stranger, very possibly may not be with you in one year, 2 years, 5 years ( If nothing else, just because of your age, these are years of changes for both ). Your mother will be there for you as long as she lives. Maybe not always in the idyllic way of sitcom dauhters and mothers ,- probably you will have arguments, misunderstandings, you'll grate on each other nerves, you'll point out each other's faults.... BUT, she 'll be there regardless, no matter what, should you end up sick, broke, in jail, anything ; not just if you are cute, nice, compliant and just talk on the phone to the people she likes.
Sorry, maybe it's not a brilliant, creative advice, but, to me it's just self evident : your own mom on one side, overbearing bf on the other side.... if he can't respect your family ties, HE needs to exit the scene, not mom !
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): I agree with janniepeg. This guy is isolating you from your family, that gives him control by cutting you off from your most important support-system.
The last thing you should ever do is let some guy come between you, and your flesh and blood. Boyfriends come and go, but family is for life. Who does he think he is to be showing his aggression against your family anyway? If he succeeds at alienating your family, where does it go from there? You can't even speak to your own mother without getting him upset?
Young lady, you made the worst decision of your life, moving two hours from your family to live with a guy hostile towards them. Big mistake. Why would you standby a guy like that anyway? Did you have a falling out with your folks; and move out as an act of rebellion? Are you siding with the enemy?
Any mate who has a problem with my family (who loves me); have got the biggest mess on their hands they'll ever have.
If you don't love my mother, you don't love me. I wouldn't have the least amount of trouble kicking his snotty ass to the curb. Moving in would never have crossed my mind.
You'll grow sick and disgusted with this guy in no time.
I don't have to tell you what you should do. He'll give you all sorts of ideas over time. The fact you wrote this post; says he's almost as good as gone.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 Your boyfriend is very possessive and making you choose between him and your family. You just moved in with him and right now it may be annoyance but later it could escalate into verbal fights, or you give in. He's slowly isolating you from your family. This is not a good sign because you shouldn't have to fight for your chance to maintain contact with your family. I would choose my family over a boyfriend like this. There is nothing to explain to him. This is not like generations ago when the woman attaches herself to a man she belongs to the man's family she says goodbye to her own family forever. You are not even married to him.
...............................
|
