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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I continue being friends with my ex-lover?
Q. I don't know if I should continue being "friends" with my ex. My hopes is of course to get back together. We dated only 3 months, he broke up with me due to still not over his ex who left him for another man. Said he was not ready for a ...
A. 7 November 2013: I think you know what to do, it's just you don't want to do it :)
You know that there is too much chemistry for you to stay platonic friends - so, you won't stay platonic friends. What will you be then ? Most probably, FWB. Not bf / gf again ? No... (read in full...)
I'm not sure whether to go to my friend's birthday night out?
Q. I'm not sure whether to go to my friend's birthday night out? I know this isn't much of a problem, but i'd like some advice. My friend has invited me to her birthday night out next week. The place we are going to is a restaurant and a nightclub....
A. 7 November 2013: Is this a good friend that would note / regret your absence ? then push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone, be a good sport and go. It's her birthday after all, she gets to choose location transportattion dress code etc,- when it will be ... (read in full...)
How do I find a good time to talk to my mother about first time sex?
Q. First, there is a seven year age difference between me and my significant other. I don't care about that, but getting info out of the way. Second, we've been dating for 3 months now. I am 18, he is 25. Things have heated up within this past month,...
A. 7 November 2013: Oh and not to rub salt into the wound , but ...being that it would be your first time, are you sure you want it to happen under your mom's nose ? This sounds so ...medieval.
I just finished a book about life in my town in Middle Age. It seem... (read in full...)
Why do I experience such bad pain during sex?
Q. I'm 27 and I've been sexually active for the last 10 years but I can't explain this. Sex hurts on and off for me. This recent guy I've been seeing it hurts like a knife is going through my vagina sometimes before he even full enters me and other ...
A. 7 November 2013: By the symptoms you describe, it could be a vulvo-vaginitis. It's an inflammation caused either by a bacterial / fungal infection, ( not necessarily sexually transmitted ) or in lack of infection, simply by something that has altered the right PH ... (read in full...)
How do I find a good time to talk to my mother about first time sex?
Q. First, there is a seven year age difference between me and my significant other. I don't care about that, but getting info out of the way. Second, we've been dating for 3 months now. I am 18, he is 25. Things have heated up within this past month,...
A. 7 November 2013: Pardon me but I think that one has to be pretty thick skinned to put the wish to save their bfs some money over that to respect their parents' sensitivities and boundaries.
You may call them hang ups, you may not approve them, but, first it's her ... (read in full...)
I feel terrible after viewing porn- what can I do?
Q. I am so embarrassed, but I have been very sexually frustrated lately (21, virgin) and have unfortunately watched a bit of porn lately. I have only watched it like 5 times in my life, but I was raised that it is wrong (and I totally agree it is) and ...
A. 7 November 2013: No, don't worry , 5 times can't have desensitized you. I must have seen about the same amount of porn in my entire life ( not a big fan, obviously, but some times you just want to go with other people's flow ) and I am still "sensitized" at my ... (read in full...)
Why do abusive men cheat?
Q. I just got out of an abusive relationship. Not only was he physically and verbally abusive but now I found out that he had been cheating on me our entire relationship. He always had accused me of cheating and now I know why because he was the one ...
A. 7 November 2013: My question is , instead : you were PHYSICALLY abused- you were being beaten up or anyway subjected to actions detrimental/dangerous to your physical health annd well being- and you worry about him cheating ??... that's a peculiar list of ... (read in full...)
Why do exes try harder with someone else?
Q. I had an ex who turned up blind drunk on a date, with a friend. Then demanded I take them home. Obviously I stopped seeing him after that. Then months later begged me back, stood me up, gloated about his "new life" and kept sending me various ...
A. 7 November 2013: Everybody is the perfect bf/ gf at the beginning... when they want to impress ... flaws start showing up a bit later, when they feel they have reeled you in...
Then again, there's also another very simple possibility, although unpleasant to acce... (read in full...)
Any kind words or bits of advice on surviving this breakup?
Q. Hey guys. I'm an regular aunt on this page. I'm in need of some help and kind words myself at this moment. My gf broke up with me a couple of days ago and I'm hurting really badly. She has serious anxiety and has difficulty separating one is...
A. 7 November 2013: Yes it hurts. Do not be afraid, it is supposed to hurt. Then it will start hurting less , and then some day it just won't hurt any more. It's a process, and, strangely enough, what you can do to speed it up, it's not fighting it. Not suffocating it ... (read in full...)
I might be pregnant by my best friend.
Q. I might be pregnant by my best friend. We had a drunken night at his Halloween party and he didn't pull out. I'm kinda excited but scared and so is he. He told me that he promises to be there with me through it all. I believe him. I'm just worried ...
A. 7 November 2013: And I am afraid you are not getting what WE are saying , which is :
- you ask " should we commit ", but there's no "we " in this there a he and a she that had a drunken hook up, therefore not necessarily they have the same agenda, in fact they may ... (read in full...)
Advise on friends with benefits, please. I have no one to talk to about this.
Q. So if you read my previous post some months ago a guy I am very interested in gave me his number, I texted him went out a few times and within a week of going out we became physical. But now am totally heart broken because after our first time tog...
A. 6 November 2013: I don't know from where you or the fotums figured out these so called FWB rules. They are complete bullshit. As if just because a relationship is only , or mainly , physical , it should necessarily be devoid of any warmth, any humanity, any sign ... (read in full...)
Disastrous haircut! How do I deal with it?
Q. I know this may seem the silliest of issues and I feel very stupid asking for help over such trivial matter. So, I've had my hair cut super super super short yesterday. I thought I'd look good but... I don't!!! I look awful!!! Even my colleagues and ...
A. 6 November 2013: First of all, before deciding that you hate how you look, wait a few days. It can be, believe it or not, that your new haircut does actually suit you, just it was a suddenm drastic change and people ( including you and your friends ) generally do ... (read in full...)
I have a lady friend for 25 years. I don't know why she just disappears from my life.
Q. Hello, one more question. This lady and I have been friends for over 25 years, great friends. WE were perfect for and with each other. I truly had the love of my life. She said we go together so good, that I was the best thing that ever happened in ...
A. 6 November 2013: I feel that you have not given us the whole picture. Maybe some relevant detail is missing from your story.
This has been your lady friend since 25 years- I assume that you do NOT mean just a platonic friend, it must have bben some sort of more... (read in full...)
My husband expects me to work full time and perform all of the household chores
Q. My husband gets angry at me for stupid things. He wants me to be the traditional 50's wife, to cook, to clean, to do laundry and all that. I'm okay with most of that to a point; I would be more than willing to do it every day if I didn't work. My ...
A. 6 November 2013: I am not sure that there's anything you can do to rekindle the romance. It is very easy to keep romance alive when you don't live together and have no mutual obbligations, no challenges to face in your common life, no extra work ( or extra ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend watching mother/son porn,should I be worried???
Q. I've been in relationship with this guy for 8 months( we are same age),and I always knew he likes older women witch i think its normal,but recently I find out he was watching porn mother son type ,where guy is seduce by his mother while dad is at ...
A. 6 November 2013: I don't think there's any point in asking him if the idea of incest turns him on- it obviously does !, otherwise he would not be repeatedly checking out incest porn.
It is true that fantasy is one thing and real life all another, and what turn... (read in full...)
I might be pregnant by my best friend.
Q. I might be pregnant by my best friend. We had a drunken night at his Halloween party and he didn't pull out. I'm kinda excited but scared and so is he. He told me that he promises to be there with me through it all. I believe him. I'm just worried ...
A. 6 November 2013: I agree with Aunty Em. You don't know yet if you are pregnant, and you might not be. But if you are, uhm, I am not so sure that you'll have a choice about HIS level of committment.
You weren't together before your drunken Halloween fumble, you ... (read in full...)
Why does society think that asexuals are either gay or have "broken" DNA?
Q. Good evening everyone. As a young woman, I am intelligent enough to understand that there are different people in this world who do not feel the same as the majority. Some people have no desire for intimacy or romantic relationships. It seems ...
A. 5 November 2013: I am not an expert, but what you describe is only partly related to your asexuality . It sounds like there's something slightly different or slightly more going on.
Asexuals, according to their own websites which they have to inform people abou... (read in full...)
Husband had an affair and then tells me "I chose you". What does that mean?
Q. Hello, To the ladies out there, if a man had an "affair" and you only finds out about a couple of years later, and he says to you, "I chose you, didn't I?" How would you perceive that? To the men, what exactly do you mean by uttering those w...
A. 5 November 2013: I'd perceive it as if he means that he has had the chance to compare between two women, and the possible good they can bring to his life, and eventually the wife won. At the end of the day , he chose the wife over the alternative ( his mistress ... (read in full...)
Am I Becoming A Chronic Masturbater? Am I Normal?
Q. This year has been a year that has been a bad year for my sexual desire, Last summer i use to masturbate around every 2 days or so, i use to do it every night and i never felt bad about it after it, until now. When i gain a orgasm from it which ...
A. 4 November 2013: 97% of men masturbates regularly - and 3 % lied to the researchers :).
You sound pretty normal to me.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says I am asking him to chose between me and knowledge!
Q. I just told my boyfriend it bothers me that he is constantly either on his computer, his iPad (which I bought him) or watching TV. And his answer was that he's like that because he's constantly seeking knowledge and that I'm basically asking him to ...
A. 4 November 2013: ... Friday to Sunday ? And in 3 days he is always seeking knowledge, and can't bother to suspend his quest to give some attention and keep some company to his gf ? You have to beg him to spend SOME time with you, but he won't compromise because ... (read in full...)
I'm 33 and need to make up my mind on whether to have a baby or not?
Q. Hey! I've just turned 33 and I have a good life. I own my house, have great permanent job, I'm married to the love of my life and have no financial worries. So, it's smooth sailing. Thing is, I'm getting old and I must make up my mind whether to ...
A. 4 November 2013: Will you regret not having had a baby ? Who knows.
I think that, as for any other major decision, you evaluate the pros and cons , and your feelings about the matter, but then at some point you just have to make a leap of faith, and trust you took... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't able to cum by vaginal sex. Why?
Q. My bf is very sexually aggressive and likes to dominate and humiliate me sexually and that's okay with me. The thing that bothers me though is that he only ejaculates if I stimulate him orally for over 30 minutes or if we do anal. Why that? He is ...
A. 4 November 2013: I don't think you are the problem.
My guess is that your bf masturbates A LOT, but really a lot ( with or without watching porn, I don't know, but my guess is , probably with ).
He trained himself to respond only to very intense, direct s... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my long term boyfriend? He's lovely but I think we are incompatible.
Q. How do I know whether to break up with my boyfriend? I know that sounds like such an idiotic question. But we've been together for 8 years. I've never had a boyfriend other than him. We get along great. He's lovely to me and treats me really w...
A. 4 November 2013: You do sound bored- but I don't think it's a temporary mood, you guys sound extremely incompatible.
I wonder how come it took you 8 years to realize it, and why did you think just having around someone loyal, affectionate, loving ,devoted etc.... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is depressed and cuts people, including me, off. What should I do?
Q. Okay so I don't know what's going on. A few weeks ago I started dating my boyfriend. Everything was going well, and we were both so into each other, but all of the sudden, one night he started acting distant and funny towards not just me, but ...
A. 4 November 2013: " Heartless " advice no. 2, but I second all You Wish says.
All you can and should do is to advise him warmly to see a good therapist, and to not let his depression, if this what really is, go unchecked and untreated , and then keep firmly your... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble accepting her story about this "friend"
Q. Hi. I have a situation where I need an objective opinion before I act with too much haste and ruin everything. I have been with my fiancée for a little over two years now and I thought everything was going great up until about a week ago. S...
A. 3 November 2013: I',m sorry but I share Honeypie's opinion, and if I had to gurss , my guess would be just like hers.
As for why ,if your fiancee' meant keeping seeing another guy , she would have asked you to move in, let her daughter call you daddy, etc...- ah ... (read in full...)
Both of my friends with benefits don't want to see me anymore. What now?
Q. I guess that this doesn't fall under the traditional, or conventional, relationship topics, but I lost two friends with benefits and I'm going to have a tough time getting back into the dating world. The dynamics of our relationship bas...
A. 2 November 2013: " Friends with benefits " is also not synonimous with depth,permanence and reliability. It lasts till it lasts, and the very minute any tiny teeny little something comes up in the relationship, rather than bothering fixing it, as people ... (read in full...)
Should I cut my really long hair because my boyfriend likes short hair?
Q. I have really long hair. Myboyfriend an i really love each other. but he likes hair short so he is asking me to cut them. should i do what he says. i cant make up my mind but i do want to make him happy...
A. 2 November 2013: Heck no ! If you ever had had the wish to cut your hair short- I suppose you would have already done it without his prompting.
So I suppose YOU like yourself with long hair, and that's what should count . Suppose that you " make him happy " beco... (read in full...)
Why are these girls at college being so mean?
Q. Hi there, I'm looking for some advice regarding girls I am at college with we are all between 24-26. But I have came on crying the last few weeks. I am a single mum my daughters father was abusive to me and I found support through the church as I ...
A. 1 November 2013: Yeah well, no disrespect meant to your church, any church, or any church people, - but would not a very nice way to show you support be if some of your correligionaries/ fellow church goers volunteered to babysit for you once in a blue moon, so ... (read in full...)
I've become extremely needy and emotional, since I'm used to have her around my finger.
Q. Hey, I recently dumped my girlfriend of 4 years. I did it because I haven't lived my life and I was feeling that I wanted to meet other people. My girlfriend was wonderful but we wasn't on the same level, she was very responsible and ...
A. 31 October 2013: So basically you thought the grass was greener etc., only to find out that actually there was no grass at all.
I bet it sucks, but, what can you do but stiff upper lip and move on yourself ?
Your ex , understandably, does not want you any more... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents about this much older guy in prison?
Q. I am in love with a man that's 24 years older than me seems to really feel the same about me he is wanting to become a pastor really soon he knows slot about the Bible and he is devoted to God he is 53 I'm 29 he is currently in prison and has only ...
A. 31 October 2013: Simple, you don't tell them. You don't tell them because there is nothing to tell . All you could tell them is that there is an older jailbird who has been telling you nice things- as thousands of convicts are doing with other women from jails all ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's adult son is driving me to despair!
Q. My boyfriend is in his 45 and we have been very hapoy for 12 months. We had plans to rent our places and to buy a place together. Then his 20 year son moved back in with him. Everything has changed. My 24 year old son has moved out and is very happy ...
A. 31 October 2013: As C. Grant says, his son is always going to come first.
You don't say when this boy came back to his father's, but I sort of guess that it wasn't eons ago, maybe it's just a matter of few months. I am sure that , notwithstanding your fears, the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said "I love you" so quickly! How long does it take for them to know they're in love?
Q. I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back ...
A. 30 October 2013: FA, we are glad too that it worked out for you :) At least, I am, I promise. Only, that it worked out for you ,it only shows that you were a lucky guy, kissed on his forehead by Cupid ( the one with the bow, not the Dear one )- not that you had ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said "I love you" so quickly! How long does it take for them to know they're in love?
Q. I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back ...
A. 30 October 2013: No, FA, I think the question wasn't if the guy was genuine, the question is why he said it so early :
Because he was young, inexperienced, enthusiastic and overexcited ,because his emotions were impulsive, unfiltered and ebullient , because it w... (read in full...)
My child's father suddenly wants to play a bigger role in her life
Q. I have a child with my ex, she is 3, and I have raised her completely on my own with a little help from my family and her father's sister. I never asked her father to stick around me, but I practical begged him to play a part in his daughter's life, ...
A. 30 October 2013: The choice is not yours, it's the law's.
since 2003 , an unmarried father who jointly signs the birth register with the mother is bound by a legal status called Parental Responsibilities. He des not have rights to the child but he has resp... (read in full...)
can you love, or have strong feelings for someone you have never met?
Q. I'm going to sound like an absolute idiot for asking this but, can you love, or have strong feelings for someone you have never met? I'll tell the story. We started talking a good five months ago, he lives in the same town as me but i had never ac...
A. 30 October 2013: No. You can be infatuated, of course, though. You can be in love with your fantasy- you can be projecting all your longings, wishes and desires on some person, because you have unilaterally decided, without any supporting evidence, that he's got ... (read in full...)
He keeps flaking out on plans
Q. Hi, There is a guy on my university degree who for the past year has been showing interest. We have never spoke in person (just hey, you alright?) We have different friendship groups and were both abit shy around each other. We speak on fac...
A. 30 October 2013: I think too that Honeypie could be right, and if you want to give him ONE last chance, I suppose there's no harm in that, but, let me tell you, I can't help being half astonished/ half admired about the patience you are showing, you and many ... (read in full...)
So broken after a fight....Is there hope?
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months and I got into a huge fight last night. Yesterday I came back from work and school feeling pretty overwhelmed the whole day. I came over to his place thinking that he was really excited to see me because he texted me "come ...
A. 30 October 2013: I agree with You Wish. Verbal abuse is not accceptable, least of all for such futile motivations, and as a mean of control and intimidation.
Plus, what's with the video games ? That should have been off the moment you arrived. If you lived toge... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that my life will pass me by before I find my life's purpose and I'm getting anxious
Q. Ok, this isn't exactly a relationship but I'm really in need of help and could use some constructive advice. My life is not what it should be and there needs to be change, because it really sucks. I'm in a career I just defaulted into, ...
A. 28 October 2013: I too remmember - but vaguely- more posts from you, so, even without recollecting all the details , I'd agree with Tisha 1 that your main problem is that you feel hopeless, disempowered, put upon, and unable to change the status quo. While I guess ... (read in full...)
His actions say one thing, his words another!
Q. Last night I went to a bar with my 2 girl friends, they invited the guys they're talking to and the guy I'm talking to as well along with other friends. The guy I'm talking to was being really shy and strange because he was with his "boys" I'm not ...
A. 28 October 2013: He acted as nothing happpened.. because nothing happened. You two are not dating, just " talking " . He gives you attention , wants to dance with you, - and you act off and standoffish. Rather than doubling his attentions and following you around ... (read in full...)
New relationship -- when do I tell her about my fetish?
Q. hi i have fetish for satin/silk and only get aroused when a female is wearing satin preferably nightdresses , i am considering a new relationship with a female of similar age to me but how do i go about telling her of my liking of satin/silk , i do ...
A. 28 October 2013: As fetishes go, I'd say yours is pretty tame- sort of nice, in fact ! Lavish her with gifts of nice silk camisoles, satin nighgowns and robes, etc.... I don't think she will be displeased or reluctant to cooperate.
Although, I find it a litt... (read in full...)
FWB wants to meet up but hes dating someone. Is it moral?
Q. my fwb just asked me to meet up even though I thought it was over because he apparently had a girlfriend, he then explained that she wasn't his girlfriend and it wouldn't be cheating because they haven't defined the relationship. is it moral to ...
A. 28 October 2013: I guess it would depend from what he told ( or did not tell ) to the other girl.
Does she know for sure that he does not consider the r/ship exclusive ? And that BOTH are free to sleep with other people ?.. Or is she under the impression ( gene... (read in full...)
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