A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do actors' spouses feel about love scenes in play or Sensual Couple Dance?Recently I had this same experience as a partner to my performer girlfriend. This was first time I saw her doing this sensual piece on stage, slow routine half in water, sensual touching, lifting. It lasted for about 10 minutes. I got uncomfortable after watching the rehearsal. As she had not detailed me about it before, I was caught unaware to the sensuality in the whole set-up. Yes I did freak out, but rather than being generous with me, she started justifying and that she is a performer and that I am not able to accept her career. Why is it that actors/performers, think that their partners would understand the way they do, they are not watching from outside. Even they themselves when they did something like a love scene for first time, would have been uncomfortable. And it must have taken scenes after scene, watching n being in this environment, now they feel comfortable. My GF really made me feel stupid. And instead of politely talking to me or make me comfortable, got angry herself. Her solution in the end was, not to contact her till the main show is over. She doesn't introduces me to someone or even comes and says hello when her colleagues are around. That day after the rehearsal, while she knew I watching. She didn't come after the performance even to say hello. How on earth she thinks I should be ok with all this. I do trust her, I know she loves me. But all this feeling of jealous is not about not trusting, how can I make her understand. If she has to take me for granted. Is it ok she parades around with a flag of "artistic license". Shouldn't she be sensitive towards me? Is it not her responsibility to keep my Psyche safe? I might be having harder time accepting it, but shouldn't she help me in all this rather just leaving me alone to figure out myself.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 Nope, not her JOB to keep your jealousy and insecurities in check. (or as you call it your Psyche safe).
What MAY look erotic or sensual to the audience is HARD HARD work for the dancers (no pun intended). They are there to PERFORM a story - perform someone's interpretation of a story or song or scene.
It IS HER job to give the BEST performance. IT IS pretend. It is story telling.
If you can't handle it, don't watch her work or maybe even better don't date an actress.
Your jealousy is not about trusting you say, and maybe you are right. It's about ownership. YOU want her caged up and hidden so no one but you can enjoy her. Come on step out into the 2013. Or set her free.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): I am a performing Dance Artist in Theatre and I can inform you that many dance performances can be sensual and appear erotic on stage, but more often than not,the reality is the day's before in rehearsal are sweaty, plenty of hard work ,creative arguments, stress and nerves. The actual live performance is often like a release of all these energies.I could be dancing sensual with ANYBODY in performance and I distinguish nothing but the dance and performance (they are not male,female,friend,foe. WE are performing artists and do what ever we need to do, to project the image, story to the audience.However, after a live performance I love to see my partner and would NEVER leave him in the background, he comes before any pompous theatre show,goer,or JOB. Some performers are up their own arse, You could tell her AND HER PERFORMING BUDDIES as a member of the 'AUDIENCE' you have an opinion on the performance (not her, as your girlfriend)she will soon sit up and take notice of you. A performer loves to have feedback (I do)after all AUDIENCE is what you 'are' when you sit and spectate (try and seperate relationship from performance and enjoy the artistic content. Please also remember performers are on quite a high after a show because it is thrilling (in my experience anyway) MAKE yourself more involved as audience.Have you thought of getting involved yourself in perormance art, EVERYBODY can do it?Hope all goes well.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 September 2013):
 Why should it be her responsibility to keep your psyche safe ? that's YOUR responsibility.
If she was a policewoman or a firefighter, would it be her responsibility that you can't cope with the idea she might be in danger, hurt, even killed ?... Should she refuse assignments ( and get herself kicked out of the police force ) , or, worse, should she join the police or firefighting mission holding back, acting cowardly, thinking of her safety first... so that you can sleep tight and never have to worry ?
Obviously not. She would have to do her job the way it needs to be done . Many jobs entail things that for a partner may be difficult to accept , unpleasant, worrisome etc. Either you can handle it, or you can't.
Your decision , your choice, no right or wrong. But if you can't handle what's part of her job- just don't date an actress.
Her solution of not being in contact till the end of the main show is very intelligent. It's not all about you you you, it' s her psyche too that need to be protected. Acting, believe it or not, it's a hard, energy draining job, during rehearsals one needs utmost concentration, a laserlike focus, which should not be eaten away as least as possible by other concerns. There's no time or mood to pander to partners' hypersenstive egoes.
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A
female
reader, ModelCitizen  +, writes (16 September 2013):
No I'm sorry, your psyche is your responsibility not hers. I understand that it must be hard to see her acting romantic towards someone else, but that's exactly what it is - acting. It is her job and if you can't accept it then your only choice is to end the relationship. No-one will judge you if it's too much for you to deal with, many would feel the same as you, but you can't punish her for her career or expect her to give it up for you. So the question is - can you get over this and be supportive of her work?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): "Is it not her responsibility to keep my Psyche safe?"
It is her responsibility to give her audience her best possible performance.
It is your responsibility to understand and respect her professional obligations.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 September 2013):
 NO it's NOT her job to keep YOUR psyche safe... that's YOUR job.
IF you can't deal with what she does for a living, then you need to walk away.
you complain that she did not come and pander to you during rehearsals.. well of course not she was AT WORK.... do you pander to her when she is at your job?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 September 2013):
 Imagine your G/F was the world's foremost mechanic of racing automobiles. She works the pits in some of the most-watched, most important races in the World. As it happens, she sometimes comes home with grease under her fingernails.
What would you do if/when you saw her in such a way (with greasy dirt under her fingernails)???? Would you say: "Don't be one of the World's foremost mechanics on exquisite racing cars, because I don't like to see you with greasy dirt under your fingernails????"
Your submittal is exactly the same... except you must exchange ".... grease under your fingetnails" with "dancing in such a manner...."
Good luck... It's evident that you have difficulty separating performance from reality....
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