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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Yells, screams and is needlessly hostile to me. How do I deal with my BF when he is like this?
Q. Needlessly hostile boyfriend, hard to deal with. I'm on my last nerve with my boyfriend, and I feel like I have no one else to turn to. We've been dating for over a year, and we're both 21. This weekend was supposed to be a good, fun couple of days ...
A. 5 October 2013: They told you already but one more repetition won't hurt : of course you can do better. You can ALWAYS do better : you can stay single and be on your own.
The feminists in the '70s used to say : a woman needs a man like a fish needs a byci... (read in full...)
Yells, screams and is needlessly hostile to me. How do I deal with my BF when he is like this?
Q. Needlessly hostile boyfriend, hard to deal with. I'm on my last nerve with my boyfriend, and I feel like I have no one else to turn to. We've been dating for over a year, and we're both 21. This weekend was supposed to be a good, fun couple of days ...
A. 29 September 2013: You should not handle at all !
I feel I am becoming boring and repetitive here on DC, bcause lately there's been a whole strings of " how do I deal with.... " and my answer is always the same : who says you have to deal with ANYTHING other peop... (read in full...)
How do I go on being NOT the so-nice understanding friend victim into the real me?
Q. This is probably the weirdest most disghusting querry you'll ever read, but I'm afraid I need an insight on this one and how to deal with this tricky situation to say the least. I happen to have a friend who whenever she comes to my place, use...
A. 28 September 2013: Ah then there's more to the story. It's not just the bathroom ( which again, could be something she does not have a whole lot of control on ), it's her attitude and her using your apartment as a pit stop for her convenience when she is on her ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my girlfriend when she's immature and aggressive?
Q. my girlfriend is 18 in a few months and im 20 were at the same college and our classes are close as she does photography and i do graphic design. anyway lately i asked her at college to help me do some photography and she said yes but when we ...
A. 28 September 2013: As a matter of fact, I have instead read carefully your post, word by word, as I do with any other post, but unfortunately that does not change my opinion : which is , clearly, ...who says you have to cope?! If you want to stick around and get ... (read in full...)
Should I even bother trying to be friends with this guy again?
Q. Helloo. c8 So, turns out I was kinda thrown into a situation. This male once-friend of mine (let's call him Tim) asked me to the dance, and I said no, because I had a boyfriend. I hadn't told him beforehand that I did, because I don't really car...
A. 28 September 2013: Tim is a sore loser. He had misread the signals, he had asked you to the dance because he THOUGHT you had shown signs of interest in him, and when you said no I have a bf... he felt left with egg on his face , or that you had been leading him on. ... (read in full...)
My home life is hell but I can't leave my mom. My life is not what I want it to be. Help!
Q. This situation at home is making me so miserable I can't stand it anymore. Ok, I'm not a kid, but I can't move out of the house right now (I'll explain). I live in North Carolina with my mum and her adult son (who is a few years younger than me)...
A. 28 September 2013: What does it mean exactly " I can't get a job " ? Just that your attempt to secure one has not been successful so far, or that you CAN'T work, ever ? Are you on disability benefits, do you get a pension... ?
If not, i.e. if it's not a heal... (read in full...)
How do I go on being NOT the so-nice understanding friend victim into the real me?
Q. This is probably the weirdest most disghusting querry you'll ever read, but I'm afraid I need an insight on this one and how to deal with this tricky situation to say the least. I happen to have a friend who whenever she comes to my place, use...
A. 28 September 2013: Well, in a way I feel your pain, I am very territorial about my bathroom too- it's my sanctuary and my domain, lol, and I don't like having it invaded by strangers.
But, what would you like to do, prohibit your friends to use your bathroom ? That... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my girlfriend when she's immature and aggressive?
Q. my girlfriend is 18 in a few months and im 20 were at the same college and our classes are close as she does photography and i do graphic design. anyway lately i asked her at college to help me do some photography and she said yes but when we ...
A. 28 September 2013: I agree with IAmHereToHelpYou. I remember too your previous post, - last time too most people was saying oh she is just so adorable, she is just being playful- what can I say , I see it differently: I think she IS being annoying , rude , ... (read in full...)
I'm not making as much money so I'm behind on my alimony! Ideas?
Q. i need help, i have recently got married and had a baby with a beautiful 24 year old girl. my ex wife took me for alot of alimony, and i was ok to pay her for the first year she was awarded it for five years. im having difficulties now paying her ...
A. 27 September 2013: OP, you give a whole new definition to the word " stubborn ". Don't you get it ? Yet, it's easy :
the Court does not CARE about what you want or prefer in term of your domestic arrangements, or of childcare.
Your wife does not care either. ... (read in full...)
Do you just let your ex become a stranger?
Q. My ex isnt willing to see me with someone new and i dont want to see his either so we defriended each other on facebook (FYI: It was a bad breakup) We are in different countries so we will never ever see each other again. Do you guys just let your ...
A. 27 September 2013: Sure you let him become a stranger - why not ?
He was ONCE the most important closest person to you.
So was your preschool teacher when you were 3. And your best friends in grade school when you were 7. And the first boy you crushed on when ... (read in full...)
Should I invite my mother wedding dress shopping, even though it will be stressful?
Q. Hi! So my question is probably a little different. Im wondering whether or not I shoud ask my mom to come with me when I go Wedding dress shopping. I love my mom, but we really dont get along. My fiance and I actually live with her, we moved into ...
A. 27 September 2013: Look, I went all by myself to pick my wedding dress. I too wanted to avoid any stress , and I did not want my taste and choices to be influenced, commented , critiqued etc. I wanted things to be fast, simple and easy ( they were ) so I made ... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 27 September 2013: That you are mentally sane, I believe it. That you are fully aware of reality, not so much.
It seems to me that in just two months your " addiction " has already impaired your capacity for lucid , objective evaluation of reality.
For instance... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is letting me go, while keeping her blood results secret. What should I do?
Q. So, I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 23, we live in different far countries, we've had plans of her coming over to stay with me on December, and getting married around next February, we've even managed her a job over here, and everything was working out ...
A. 27 September 2013: Not to be contentious, but why would you think that growing up in the States , in time makes you American " of course ". There's nothing less " of course ", in my expat community there were loads of people residing with their families in USA since ... (read in full...)
One minute he wants marriage, the next he gives me up?
Q. His feelings are so wishy washy One minute he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me then the next he says Im his bestfriend. Then he'll say that he wants to be committed and then get married and then next he says, I should be with s...
A. 27 September 2013: I can't help but smiling everytime I read on Dc the words " without the label ".
Because labels are not as irrelevant , and not as easily disposable as you think.
Suppose you go to a dentist , and he says " Oh btw, I am not a real dentist,... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is letting me go, while keeping her blood results secret. What should I do?
Q. So, I'm 30 and my girlfriend is 23, we live in different far countries, we've had plans of her coming over to stay with me on December, and getting married around next February, we've even managed her a job over here, and everything was working out ...
A. 27 September 2013: I don't know why but I smell something scammish too.
A friend of mine unluckily just has been found having a relapse of her cancer. This his the third relapse, and this time the doctors made no mistery that it's very difficult she will wing it. ... (read in full...)
Block him or fight for him?
Q. I discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me even after he knew my past of being cheated on and how badly hurt I was. I was so surprised because he earned my trust for over a year and a half before we even did anything. I really trusted him because ...
A. 27 September 2013: Block him. Fighting for a cheater and a player is a waste of energy, even if you win, what do you win ? a cheater and a player, that you can't ever fully trust and that will always put his self interest and instant gratification before any shared ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become obsessed over his penis size and its ruining our sex lives!
Q. My partner has a real issue with the size of his penis to the point of obsession. I'm not innocent in this but I feel helpless as to how to sort it out, move on and heal our relationship if possible. We've been together 7 years and he's always ...
A. 27 September 2013: I can't but echo Tisha-1 's words : oh for heaven's sake !
A grown up man who cries about his penis length ? and you have patience with this kind of nonsense ?!
Look, you love him, and you have a good heart, but a) objectively a relation... (read in full...)
A conversation about a friend led to resentment of my wife's different treatment of me and her ex lovers.
Q. aqwsasThe other night at supper I was telling my wife of 32 years about a young lady at work. This woman was telling a story about a friend of hers who worked three jobs and when he came home from work his wife turned their three kids over to him ...
A. 27 September 2013: What do you need advice on ?!
She tried something once, maybe a couple of times, she found it disgusting , she decided not to do it anymore ,end of story. Experience. Trial and error.
That's how sex works, haven't you noticed yet ? you try ... (read in full...)
Why can't he have sex properly?
Q. hi i was with a guy for few years then he cheated on me. he was away few years ive just recently started to talk to him. he came over to my place we tried having sex things were ok but he cant seem to have sex properly. why? does anyone know the ...
A. 26 September 2013: Don't worry ,EWO, I am sure it was proper enough- otherwise I hope somebody would have told us something in all this time !" hey you aren't doing it properly "
Sorry OP, excuse the friendly banter, back to your question.
My guess is ,what yo... (read in full...)
Why can't he have sex properly?
Q. hi i was with a guy for few years then he cheated on me. he was away few years ive just recently started to talk to him. he came over to my place we tried having sex things were ok but he cant seem to have sex properly. why? does anyone know the ...
A. 26 September 2013: @EWO:what a strange question for a lady who's got grown up children :)...... (read in full...)
Why would he still want to keep the relationship if he has no time for me?
Q. Hi, it's been 3 months now and I only met my bf twice. I understood that he has just been promoted from his job and needs a lot of travel. But then during his free time, he wouldn't at least meet me for an hour or two regardless of the fact that his ...
A. 26 September 2013: Because when he'll meet someone whom he is really into , he will MAKE time, but for the moment it is easy and convenient and psychologically reassuring having a ready, low pressure or no-pressure " just in case " girlfriend ( ? ).
He is bull... (read in full...)
Dating dilemma - online friend
Q. Ok quick question ... The man I have strong feelings for has another woman that he has been chatting with for over a year and chats with online daily but claims it is just friendship. It came out by chance and he did try to keep it from me. I have ...
A. 26 September 2013: I am with llifton, it sounds too much effort for just an ONLINE friendship. Or maybe, even for an IRL one, not many people have the time, or the need, to stay in touch with their friends each and every day of the week.
Plus, the fact that he t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I don't have enough experience
Q. My boyfriend told me last night that he is concerned that I don't have enough sexual experience for him to get more serious about our relationship. He is concerned that since I have only been in one other serious relationship that I cant be ready ...
A. 25 September 2013: You don't have to make your bf, or soon ex bf, happy. ( (Besides, he indicated that what would make him happy would be if you just remove yourself from his horizon )
You have to make yourself happy.
You don't have to go on the rebound ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says I don't have enough experience
Q. My boyfriend told me last night that he is concerned that I don't have enough sexual experience for him to get more serious about our relationship. He is concerned that since I have only been in one other serious relationship that I cant be ready ...
A. 25 September 2013: I think person 12345 is right, he is probably tryng to get rid of you with the least possible fuss or drama.
Otherwise, he must be a very peculiar guy - or maybe it's some sexual fetish ? I've never heard of a man who'd say to his gf " Ok, you ... (read in full...)
Why do some people not have stretch marks?
Q. I have a question about stretch marks... How come some people don't have them? i've never seen the women in a porno have them, i know the pics are airbrushed but not the videos. Does anyone here not have them? I have them and it makes me feel li...
A. 25 September 2013: Just excellent luck at the genetic lottery , I guess- they draw " very elastic, supple, resilient skin". And, they never gained or lose too much weight / too fast / too often.
My mom is over 80 and she never had one single stretch mark in her ... (read in full...)
I'm not making as much money so I'm behind on my alimony! Ideas?
Q. i need help, i have recently got married and had a baby with a beautiful 24 year old girl. my ex wife took me for alot of alimony, and i was ok to pay her for the first year she was awarded it for five years. im having difficulties now paying her ...
A. 25 September 2013: I don't think it's fair to say that your wife is "punishing " you. It's totally irrelevant whether your wife is actually poisoned against you, or instead has forgiven and only has fond memories- regardless of what she thinks about you, she ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, then says I'll be amazing for someone else ?
Q. I've been talking to this guy for a while now, we want to take things slow but he says things that make me feel like he doesn't want me. I'm left confused about the situation and I need some clarity. Last night he told me how much he Loved me....
A. 24 September 2013: He says these things precisely because he knows that you love him. His message is " Don't get too cozy and don't get any ideas- You are a great girl, smart , pretty etc., almost perfect- for some other guy, not me. Don't go thinking I am your ... (read in full...)
Should I move on or give him some time?
Q. I've been on a few dates with this guy and he has been a gentleman, very romantic etc. He tells me that he likes me over and over again and that he wants to get to know me. We have kissed and cuddled only. Now my problem/ confusion is tha...
A. 24 September 2013: Did you meet this guy through a dating site or something ? If so, alas, that's how the game plays. It's an often unspoken ( but in your case, spoken ) yet widely accepted rule : the basic idea is to get to reach out to a wider selection of ... (read in full...)
Does anyone know what guys really want?
Q. Just a quick question, male and female answers welcome! It's just that there are sooo many do's/don't with dating/relationships and they all seem to contradict each other!! Mainly, I always maintain my independence with guys to 'give them space' but ...
A. 24 September 2013: Seen that there are 3.5 billions of males in this world and all different in age, culture, personality, tastes, values and individual quirks, chances are that each of them will want something different and there's no way you can please them all, ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with an extremely moody boyfriend?
Q. How do I deal with an extremely moody boyfriend? I've been with him for 4 years (he is 25, I'm 27) and he has always been moody but it's getting harder and harder to deal with these days. For example we have just returned from a trip abroad to s...
A. 24 September 2013: ... Are you sure you WANT to deal with an extremely moody boyfriend ? I mean, he is lovely " at times ". Big deal. EVERYBODY is lovely at times, the problem with your bf is that, the times when he is not lovely , he can't even manage having ... (read in full...)
I ruined his birthday, but is it justified because his friendship with his ex was out of line.
Q. I'm talking to this guy and every now and then he goes and hangs out with his ex girlfriend. He knows that I don't like it at all because when hes with her I tell him not to speak to me. He tells me that hes sorry and hes trying to end things on a ...
A. 23 September 2013: I'd say that maybe you trust the situation even too much... six what ? Six MONTHS ?! and he hasn't asked you out yet because " he is waiting for the right time " ?...
He could not find a right time in six months ?... what is he waiting for exac... (read in full...)
URGENT adivce: is this too weird or should I just leave it?
Q. So the story, I need your honest opinion- I know its long, but you need to understand the context if it all. We're in our mid 20s and have been studying together for the last year and a half. We're not friends but we're friendly- we have done gro...
A. 23 September 2013: What does it matter if he is not a big Fb user ? His infrequent use of Fb will make so that he gets your invitation with a certain delay, but , once he has gotten and read it, he would have to reply through Facebook, wouldn't he ? I don't think he ... (read in full...)
Normal or potential abusive boyfriend?
Q. Hello, Ive been dating my boyfriend lets call him ''bob'' for three years. During the time we've dated i've noticed he can be very possessive and controlling. He is this way about my best friends, what i eat, make up, decisions about our relati...
A. 23 September 2013: I don't think you are overreacting. There's fighting fair, and there's fighting dirty, and name calling, insults and threats are fighting dirty. Anger explains them, but it does not justify them. Particularly if it's not an exceptional, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend only calls me to spend the night then pretends he's busy for work the day after.
Q. hii am a totally confused lady..i have dated my boyfriend for two months now heading three.and i like him alot hs everything av ever wanted in a man but the problem is i think either he is seing another person or he is just using me for sex...he ...
A. 22 September 2013: Having read your other post, I can't but reiterate what WiseOwlE says. Yes, he is using you for sex. He does not give a f..k anymore , if he ever did, and he is using you as a conveninece, and in a rather brutal way :
what you want to do dear OP ?... (read in full...)
Why do guys pretend like they are looking for a great personality when it's really just physical attraction they are looking for? Why don't people just admit the shallow truth?
Q. From experience and observation, I know for a fact that a huge majority men do NOT give a crap about a woman's personality. They just instantly know whether they are going to put up with a woman's crap or not. If you find someone physical...
A. 22 September 2013: So are you saying that men will automatically trade up for a newer , flashier, better looking item if only they get the chance ?
I don't believe this . If it was as you say, no couple would ever make it to the ten years mark, heck, maybe to t... (read in full...)
He would make plans with me, then disappear and turn off his cell.
Q. hello I have a guy friend.he met me once. he would always make plans with me. but he wouldnt turn up on the day we make plans. Its always he who makes the plans. but finally when i call him on the day he made the plan his cell is off. goes direct...
A. 22 September 2013: Personally I was not condamning anything. I was just curious about why , after this gentleman blew you off so rudely more than once , you are still communicating with him / answering his calls or returning them / tryng to get in touch with ... (read in full...)
Why do guys pretend like they are looking for a great personality when it's really just physical attraction they are looking for? Why don't people just admit the shallow truth?
Q. From experience and observation, I know for a fact that a huge majority men do NOT give a crap about a woman's personality. They just instantly know whether they are going to put up with a woman's crap or not. If you find someone physical...
A. 22 September 2013: I am not a man, but, since I think basically it's the same for both genders, I'll try and answer : because mating is a selection process - you pick one person among several candidates and possibilities- and you've got to start the selection process ... (read in full...)
He would make plans with me, then disappear and turn off his cell.
Q. hello I have a guy friend.he met me once. he would always make plans with me. but he wouldnt turn up on the day we make plans. Its always he who makes the plans. but finally when i call him on the day he made the plan his cell is off. goes direct...
A. 22 September 2013: ...And you are still bothering with him ? What for ? ..... (read in full...)
How Do I Keep the Upper Hand Whilst Trying to Reconcile With My Ex
Q. I am trying to navigate the waters of reconciliation with my ex of 2.5 years. It's been really frustrating for me because he sends a lot of mixed messages and does push/pull a lot. I have a gut feeling that he still loves me but he's afraid of a ...
A. 21 September 2013: Are you sure that you event want to make the effort to think up and implement all this strategy ?...
I mean, it's sort of clear isnt'it ?
If he was / is seeing another girl, while at the same time courting you with lunches and chocolat... (read in full...)
I am scared to leave him after he said that he would kill himself.
Q. im in need of advice. i been with a guy for over 6 years and is been a roller coaster, i sometimes was happy sometimes wasnt, we dont live together but that was the plan to move in together, we met in new york but his choice of living was florida ...
A. 21 September 2013: Pardon me for sounding cynical- but, did not your self preservation instinct kick in ytt to tell you " hey, if somebody's got to be killed, better him than I ? " ?!
He causes you to fall off a car in motion during an argument !, and he's the type... (read in full...)
Dating a wonderful guy who makes me happy. Why am I pulling away?
Q. I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy for 5 months.. Suffice to say he keeps me happy but that's not enough..I'm attracted to him, we can make out for hours but I don't think he's the most good looking or I find what he wears appealin...
A. 20 September 2013: I think you basically don't like the guy. You like him rationally- because you know he is a good guy that treats you well- but the chemistry is not right. He keeps you happy but, as you say, that's not enough.
If you really liked him you'd eith... (read in full...)
I have social anxiety and don't feel good about asking a guy out in person.
Q. I have social anxiety. I really like this guy, and I want to ask him out. I always hear people saying that you should only ask people out in person, but I really struggle to talk to people who aren't my close friends. I've ALMOST asked him before ...
A. 20 September 2013: Sorry but I agree with iAmHereToHelpYou. I know that this is the 21st century and girls can, and should, ask out the boys they like and yada yada yada, but, if they take on themselves the role of the suitor/initiator, then they have also to be ... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 19 September 2013: Your second question , I think, is purely rethoric- of course there are always some exceptions to a rule, some deviations from any general trend. There are second, or third, weddings and SOME of them have started as clandestine affairs. But that's ... (read in full...)
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