A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this chick for 2 months now and the relationship so far has been very boring relationship. She really doesn't communicate. We had sex a week after we met up and it was great. Then we had sex 1 more time but it's always me awkwardly initiating and I meet resistance.Well yesterday, we were at my house as we planned to spend the night and out of the blue, she called her job so she can pick up a shift. That was very frustrating to me as I was planning on hanging out with her.So she abruptly left for work and I sent her I text stating my displeasure about how challenging it is to get any kind of affection from her. Her response shocked me as she said, "I'm not a hoe to have sex on tab for u".My concerns were more than just sex although sex once every 2 weeks isn't good enough for me.After I got that response, I broke it off with her.Did I overreact? I do like her but I sure don't wanna be with a cold person like this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): You absolutely did the right thing.She is a cold bitch and she obviously prefers to be at work than with you. That is just one of many red flags here.For her to come back with this kind of a statement says a lot.I am all over a guy sexually if I am into him and he never has to ask. I will be the one who initiates and I will wear him out!! Lol! And I will never choose to be at work over spending time with him, especially if we are being sexual with each other. Man, I have played hookey from work just to have sex with my guy!! Not pick up extra shifts!! Are you kidding me?? And I don't need to be your "official girlfriend" to have sex with you and enjoy a sexual relationship with you if there is chemistry and passion between us. I would just ride with it and see where the relationship goes... You should never get too serious too early anyway. Who wants that? You want to have fun and enjoy yourself. Maybe she would be long term and maybe not. But why put pressure on the situation when it is unnecessary, especially in the early stages?You need to find someone who is as enthusiastic sexually as you are. You are still young and should never have to compromise on sexual chemistry with a partner. And honestly if you are having to be the one asking for it at the beginning of the relationship, it will never get any better.You want that spark and it is usually there in the beginning but if you do not have it now that your relationship is new, you will never have it and you will always have to beg her for it. Move on to a woman who wants to jump your bones and put you first in her life. Yes, even sexually. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. Move onto someone who does not have as many hang ups as she appears to have.Sounds to me like she has some issues to work out about herself and her own past. She seems to be carrying around some demons and ghosts from her past.Get out there and meet new people. The right one is out there for you! This "chick" ain't the one!!
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (21 September 2013):
 Perhaps she wanted to feel like she was your girlfriend rather than "this chick".
I think she rushed into a sexual relationship with you too soon, tried to slow it down in order to get to know you properly, at which point it became "boring" for you.
I'm not laying all the blame on you. She is a bad communicator. It's never good to communicate such important messages via text.
It's all water under the bridge since you've already finished it, but next time round bear in mind that, for a woman, being considered "a chick" rather than a girlfriend is not that seductive. I doubt you labelled her that to her face, but she doesn't sound stupid.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 September 2013):
 It's also possible she didn't really pick up a shift and just said that so she could leave. maybe she wants out of the relationship and isn't feeling it anymore.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 September 2013):
You do leave things a bit vague about what exactly you texted her and how you phrased it. However, I don't particularly blame you for breaking it off. I would need a good bit more out of a relationship than what you're getting from her, also, and I am low maintainance.
Either way, it's clear your needs aren't being met and if you're unhappy, which it sounds like you are, then I think you did the right thing.
It's hard to understand why she would pick up a shift on a night that you two planned to stay together. Was she expressing that she was really hurting for money or anything? Was it need based? Had you two been fighting that day?
Since you didn't say any specifics about how you chose to express your dissatisfaction, it makes it hard to know if her response was over the top. Did you rip her apart or did you express it gently and kindly? If you came across as rude and harsh than her response may have been merited. But if you were simply expressing your feelings in an adult way, and she snapped back with that out of the blue, then I'd say she definitely over reacted. But either way, my bottom line remains that you clearly aren't happy and ending the relationship seems like the best thing for you. You two don't seem to fit.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2013):
 I think you did the right thing, because you really didn't care for her all that much.
It takes 2 to communicate and it takes 2 to make a relationship work.
If you two were having sex barely 2 months into the relationship no wonder she thought all you were after was sex.
Do you feel like "hanging out" means sex? And does affection = sex for you as well? If it does you will have a hard time finding a girl who agrees with you.
I think she called to get another shift because she felt like that only reason you came over was to have sex. THERE is SO much more to building a relationship then having sex. GET to know the girl. Make sure she is ready (even if she is not a virgin, most girls LIKE to actually KNOW the guy they are dating.
What you want (sex whenever) and what that girl wanted ( a BF who cares about her and that she can care for) are two very different things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): OMG I am in the same situation, but sex once a week. I didn't think normal guys could handle that, which is why I suspect I am being played. He cancelled on me an hour before he was supposed to come over. Said see you soon, half hour later he got too sick to come over. I said this isn't working for me and broke up with him too.My suggestion to you is "stop hanging out." It sounds like you are just staying in to have sex, using her for sex. You need to show a girl that you are interested by taking her out for dinner or a dance class, even bowling, so it doesn't look like you are after one thing. Communication requires two people. Is she ignoring you when you ask her how her day is? Do you say good morning or good night ever, show her that you are thinking about her throughout the day? Do you thank her for spending time with you and let her know that you had a nice time and look forward to seeing her again. It's called "game," and players are really good at it, which is why they manage so many girls at the same time who are all willing to do everything for them. They know how to connect with the girl, make her feel super special by spoiling her with complements, romantic dinners, flowers, little gifts. They are really out for one thing, but they do such a good job making her feel so special that she is in dreamland. (I suspect this is my case.) You don't sound like a player and you need not be one, but you should learn a little about how these master minds of manipulation work to get girls to fall for them. Be confident, be romantic, be charming. You sound interested in this girl, but it sound like she is misinterpreting your actions. Mmost guys are after one thing only and every girl has been played at least once and are guarded with age. If all you do together is have sex, no romance, little charm and communication on your part translates to little investment into her beyond sex. You need to be appreciative (thank her after a date), show her you want more from her than just sex (even avoid the bedroom for some time if you want more from than just sex since relationships are more than that), be romantic, shower her with complements, get to know her beyond her body, take her out for God's sake (don't be cheap if she's giving you sex and make her feel like a cheap hooker -- think about how much guy's pay for an escort service -- it's not a nice feeling), get her to open up to you and comfortable, especially in the beginning. She might have been hurt badly in the past or more recently.It sort of sound like you offended her, made it seemingly obvious you were out for one thing and it maybe made her feel like cheap hooker too which is why she left, just a thought???
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 Maybe she just wants to make sure she is not entering into FWB territory. If so far the so called relationship was all or mostly about you tryng to convince her to put out, - and you barely know her yet - I don't think her reaction is so cold, as disappointed or annoyed , instead.
Maybe you want to get the sex part out of the way THEN start building an emotional connection - but then again maybe that's not the M.O. she appreciates.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): I am not sure she dislikes you as other pointed. There are several reasons why a woman denies sex. He frase that sheis not going to provide you with sex everytime you want it made me think that there is more to it than your story. I had this short lived so called boyfriend 2 years ago. At first he took me out, we had conversations and laughs. Then after a month he would just invite me to his house, and went straight to sex. Then after sex he didn't really wanted to talk, he acted like the session is over, I can go home now. I felt like this girl describes: a ho on tab. Basically I felt that he using my body for his pleasures, and the rest of me doesn't concern him. I let it go for another month, denying sex and trying to see if he is willing to be my real boyfriend, not the FB. We went out few more times under my pressure. And then I saw that it hopeless. I started letting him go gently: didn't answer his texts right away, declining his invitation to his house, met him for coffee and then said I have headache and went home, and so on. A week later he got the message and stopped calling me. So, may be its the same story with you. May be despite the fact that she likes you she feels like she is just a source of your orgazms and that's all. And that's why she refuses sex. Also , in a beginning ussualy men initiate sex. There is nothing wrong with that.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 I agree with Janniepeg. Sorry buddy it seems there was mutual dislike. You did the right thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): I also think you did the right thing... You're not compatible and really sounds like there was no chance much was guna last between you two.
My gut says she's either just not into you or she isn't ready for a sexual relationship even...
Either way, this wasnt going to last and you did right to break it off...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 September 2013):
 I don't think you are overreacting. I am thinking she wasn't communicating because her true self didn't like you much. Instead of breaking off with you she was waiting for you to do it, but being cold. She is able to enjoy sex, but in a relationship she has to be with someone she likes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): Yes ...I think you need to SLOW down and enjoy getting to know this girl. You have only being seeing her for two months. Have you asked her to be your girlfriend?. She may have felt like you were just after sex with her. Maybe she wants romance. How have you been communicating with her? If its by text messages, some people are not really into that. Why don't you pick up the phone and talk to her...your still in the getting to know you phrase. Maybe things are moving to quickly for this girl and she feels like she's getting pushed into sex before she is ready or before you are officially an item.
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