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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I stay in contact with him after such a rocky start?
Q. Okay I just recently joined another dating site. It is a little different from the ones I have been on. It is a site for people who are spiritual and are into healing. I tried it out for free for about a week and then I get a message from a guy who ...
A. 24 October 2013: He does not care about how you feel, and he does not sound keen at all about " getting to know you better ". To know you better , he should bother to ask you out on dates, and , at least, to have deeper conversations that his current one liners. He ... (read in full...)
LDR isn't working for me. Is it wrong that I want my b/f to come back to where I am?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I studied In the same university for 5 years but we dint know each other until the last month and when we got to know each other there was no stopping to us,but it was the end of semester and my boyfriend had to go back to his c...
A. 17 October 2013: Where is he starting to work in April ? In the city where you live ? If it is so, hold your horses and cultivate patience. It's only 5 and 1/2 months from now ! It's surely more reasonable and sensible that you just suck it up for a few months, ... (read in full...)
My son has quit communicating....should I talk to him about this?
Q. My son has been a relationship for about 2 months. He lives out of town and up until he started this relationship he called or texted me almost everyday, and came home to visit at least every 2 weeks. Now, I hardly hear from him, and when I do, I am ...
A. 17 October 2013: Let him be. What he does is normal, he is caught up in a fresh, exciting new romance, and all the rest gets pushed a bit on the back burner, including mom. Nothing to panic about,your husband is right, he'll come around when he'll be either tired ... (read in full...)
I wouldn't sign the pre-nuptual agreement, so now he wants a post-nup
Q. Husband wanted us to sign prenuptials(stating that in the event of a divorce, everyone will walk away with what they had prior to the marriage.) before we got married 2 year ago. I refused though he vehemently asked for it. Well, he has requested ...
A. 17 October 2013: do not sign anything without first having consulted a competent lawyer, and that's a good general rule of thumb anyways when money and properties are involved.
In your case, anyway, I think it is clear that signing would be against your inte... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't approve of male roommate
Q. I found a perfect apartment that has the perfect location , amazing price, and what seems like a great roommate from Craigslist. Only problem, my boyfriend absolutely hates the idea that I want to move in with a guy who I barely knew. I understand ...
A. 17 October 2013: Frankly I am a bit surprised by the answers of many posters. Maybe it depends on geography too ? Sharing a place with a person/s of the other gender is very common and nothing to write home about not only in ,say, New York- which after all is a ... (read in full...)
Why does my fiancée get irritated with me about small things?
Q. Hello everyone I am about to be married in a month. My fiance is a very loving and caring girl who is very dedicated in love. That being said, I am noticing a sense of irritation in her in certain situations, irritation that has taken me a lot b...
A. 16 October 2013: OP, if this is of any confort to you, I am the type that always always looks twice before crossing the street :) My point is , that you say : in your opinion. You are fast paced, or normal paced, in YOUR opinion. But, obviously, not in your gf's ... (read in full...)
My Bf has not told his parents that we live together. His mother wants to visit him. How do I get through this?
Q. Hi!! I'm kind of stuck at the moment. I'm chinese born and raised here. My boyfriend and I are the same religion Hindus. He's from the states as well but born in London. His parents are also in the USA. So my question is. My boyfriend and Iive ...
A. 16 October 2013: ...and if you dodge the bullet now, and get introduced to your future in laws gradually and properly etc.etc..... how many probabilities do you think you have that they never ever ,ever come to know/ guess/ be told that you HAD actually been ... (read in full...)
Why are dumpers allowed to gloat and be vindictive?
Q. I got dumped by a complete jerk over a year ago. He dumped me by text because he "wanted to be single". I never cheated or anything. He treated me bad so I was glad. I never contacted him ever again and deleted his number. Months and months later he...
A. 16 October 2013: Weren't you in the final weeks of pregnancy ? You are having a baby soon, or maybe you had it already... is it possible you that at this time you find the energy to focus over something that happened over a year ago ? let it go- it's over and ... (read in full...)
Why does my fiancée get irritated with me about small things?
Q. Hello everyone I am about to be married in a month. My fiance is a very loving and caring girl who is very dedicated in love. That being said, I am noticing a sense of irritation in her in certain situations, irritation that has taken me a lot b...
A. 16 October 2013: She gets irritated- and you get irritated that she gets irritated. There's not much mutual acceptance here- you do not make allowances for your respective , individual quirks and flaws. She wants you to be quick- and you want her to be patient. ... (read in full...)
We havent had sex and its been 3 months since we married
Q. i m 24 year old and my husband is of 30 age . we have just complete 3 months from marriage and we didn't have sex yet?...
A. 16 October 2013: You really don't give us enough info to try and say something sensible about what's going on in your marriage.
Was ot an arranged marriage ? Did he WANT to marry you, had you been regukarly dating, and for how much...?
And : did you try and ... (read in full...)
My Bf has not told his parents that we live together. His mother wants to visit him. How do I get through this?
Q. Hi!! I'm kind of stuck at the moment. I'm chinese born and raised here. My boyfriend and I are the same religion Hindus. He's from the states as well but born in London. His parents are also in the USA. So my question is. My boyfriend and Iive ...
A. 16 October 2013: I think both you and your bf need to grow up and tell his parents the truth. One year you live together, and your living ararngements are still a secret... ?
Sorry, but personally I can't have any patience for people who wants to " show " resp... (read in full...)
I like her but I feel like this needs to be more 50/50.
Q. I just met this amazing girl, She is great we get along so well and have alot of things in common . She has a great since of humor and honestly is the nicest girl I have ever dated and not to mention most attractive. The only problem is she dose...
A. 16 October 2013: Well, unluckily you know this cannot be more 50/50 with HER because it's not as if she is scrounging or taking advantage , she is just not in the best place ever with her life. She is ill with depression, on benefits , broke and unemployed. Call me ... (read in full...)
Do I wait and see what happens? or ask him how he feels?
Q. Im 17 and I really like this guy whos almostb19. He knows that I like him and I know for sure that he likes me as a friend. When I told him how I felt I asked if we coild ever go further and he said that he didnt see why not. After that neither of ...
A. 15 October 2013: I would not bring this up AGAIN. You already told him that you like him, he already knows that perfectly- now the ball is in his court. I think that , even making allowances for shyness, aukwardness, etc. If he wants something to happen, now it's ... (read in full...)
Am I being insecure or should her lifestyle / attitude be a legitimate concern?
Q. My girlfriend and I (3 months together) got into a fight last week because she told me that if she goes out with her friends they would have a "contest" to see who could get the most numbers at a bar or club. I found this disrespectful and odd so I ...
A. 15 October 2013: I'd be concerned, I'd be concerned that I am dating a stupid. What kind of a foolish game is who gets more phone numbers, for a woman in her late 20s ?? Yes it is disrespectful, both to you and to those guys whose time she is wasting feigning an ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend? I think I deserve better?
Q. Should I leave my boyfriend? I think I deserve better? Well here is our story so you can understand my situation. I met him three years ago. Since day one I knew he had a daughter but he was not with the mother. At the beginning we only...
A. 6 October 2013: I don't see what selfishness has got to do with wanting a partner who is able to fulfill our emotional needs and he is compatible with us, our plans, goals and lifestyle. In short, someone whom there's compatibility with. I'd say it's normal, for ... (read in full...)
I told him I wanted to hear from him at least once a day while he was travelling -- is it reasonable to be angry when he doesn't contact me?
Q. Hello so my boyfriend left a week ago to visit his family for his brothers wedding in india and I made it clear I wanted to hear from him at least once a day even if it was something like "I am going to bed goodnight" he is 10:30 min ahead of me. ...
A. 6 October 2013: Yeah, I think you should release this iron grip. Hey, it's only one week, he won't forget about you or like you less in one week. He's home, surrounded by tons of family, old friends , social acquaintances he has obligations to. If he is staying ... (read in full...)
He wants lust, I want love.
Q. I'm a 17 year old girl, when I was 16 I met this guy. He was 19. I met him on a social networking site called "tagged" we talked for a bit and really got to know each other, he use to live in the town that I lived in and I use to live in the town ...
A. 6 October 2013: Honey, there's people who say they love you and there's people who say they can sell you the Brooklin Bridge for 50 bucks. It's not saying a thing which makes it true, it's actually backing up their claim with deeds.
I don't mean to suggest you live... (read in full...)
Why so bitter, when he cheated on me?
Q. Hello guys. Could use your guidance please. Me and my ex split up about 3 months ago (he cheated on me). I still love him, but know the split was the right thing to do. I am upset about the split, but I do not hate him for it, nor am I angry a...
A. 5 October 2013: OP, you are kidding right ? Your question :" why is he being nasty at me ? " has been punctually and specifically ( i.e.: " because such and such... ") answered by : CMMP, peaches 123 , Starlights, Radner, Aunty Babbitt,llifton, Honeypie, ... (read in full...)
I know my fiance loves me but it feels like there is an underlying issue and I don't know what it is?
Q. Hello Agony aunts, I've been dating my fiance now for a year and we've known each other for 5 years. after about 4 months I started to get separation anxiety because the honeymoon phase was slowly ending so the more she got comfortable and ...
A. 5 October 2013: No disrespect meant , but you sound a bit high maintenance emotionally and that would make MOST people try and pull away. I suspect that she is pulling away - because you push. Generally it goes like this, the more one partner pushes to have ... (read in full...)
Is this cheating on me? He says he's just making her feel good about herself.
Q. I was allowed to see communication between boyfriend and an old colleague. It was sent after we became exclusive. He talked of how hot he still found her and how she still tuirns him on and when they would meet to see where this would lead them. He ...
A. 5 October 2013: I agree with Janniepeg, except for the fact that , if the communication has been sent AFTER you become exclusive, well, maybe it is not actual cheating yet, but it is pretty close to it and very inappropriate. Same as going to visit a " ... (read in full...)
Yells, screams and is needlessly hostile to me. How do I deal with my BF when he is like this?
Q. Needlessly hostile boyfriend, hard to deal with. I'm on my last nerve with my boyfriend, and I feel like I have no one else to turn to. We've been dating for over a year, and we're both 21. This weekend was supposed to be a good, fun couple of days ...
A. 5 October 2013: They told you already but one more repetition won't hurt : of course you can do better. You can ALWAYS do better : you can stay single and be on your own.
The feminists in the '70s used to say : a woman needs a man like a fish needs a byci... (read in full...)
Why so bitter, when he cheated on me?
Q. Hello guys. Could use your guidance please. Me and my ex split up about 3 months ago (he cheated on me). I still love him, but know the split was the right thing to do. I am upset about the split, but I do not hate him for it, nor am I angry a...
A. 5 October 2013: But why are you even answering ? If you say that you don't want him back? _It's over- accept it and act consequently, which includes not answering back to his texts, or even blocking him if he got nasty already.
Don't tell me taht you want to "... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you have sex with a woman on her period?
Q. What are your opinions on period sex? Especially guys... Would you have sex with a woman on her period? Would you do this only if you were in a relationship with her and care about or love her? Or would you do it with a random woman if you wa...
A. 5 October 2013: I don't find that having sex when on your period is anything kinky or weird - I think it's normal and , luckily, my partners felt this way too.
I know though that SOME men won't be up for that, they are squeamish, or they have sexual hang ups,... (read in full...)
He's in jail now. When he gets out do I tell him I was a prostitute and other things about my past?
Q. So I'm talking to a man, who is currently in prison for a charge he caught at 17, for burglary. He gets out in 12 days, and I plan on spending time with him. We write all the time and I have met him. My problem is, he wants to know me, like rea...
A. 5 October 2013: Pardon me, I don't mean to be witty at your expenses, and I realize that this for you may be a dramatic situation, but.... for real ?! You are afraid that a BURGLAR may look down at you because of your shameful past ? Hey, what about HIS shameful ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend for his personality but the FWB for the way he makes me feel attractive!
Q. Hi there, My boyfriend threatened to leave because of several issues, im not sure what to do, i dont want to upset anyone. I was building a relationship with a guy for a little while and then he said that he cheated several times in previou...
A. 4 October 2013: I don't know if you are a terrible person, but sure you are a lucky one in your choice of boyfriend. You've got a patient one, I don't know many men that would put up with this kind of self entitled crap for the sake of pandering to your vanity and ... (read in full...)
I blew him off, now I want him.. what to do??
Q. I am almost 21 years old and I have the most typical high school kind of crush on this guy. The crush situation is generally simple.. but I want to explain why my situation is a little more complicated and why I need help. I'll try to make this...
A. 4 October 2013: I'd say this boat has pretty much sailed off and it would be classier leaving it at that.
Meaning, that of course if you start hitting on him HEAVILY 8 discreetly won't do ; I think , since he was just mildly pursuing you to begin with, and he s... (read in full...)
Its been 4 years and I don't think I'm over my ex. We go to the same functions. Should I not go?
Q. Last night I bumped into my ex at a function. I am likely to have to see him fairly regularly at these events and I want to go because it's the only place I see a lot of acquaintances but it was difficult. I was dating this guy for two and a ha...
A. 3 October 2013: Of course you should go to these events. You go on with your life normally. It's just a break up, not World War 3. If you go to a bank / supermarket / club etc which he patronizes too- you keep going there. Maybe crossing your fingers hoping you ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle this relationship with a mooching friend!
Q. There's this mooch of a friend I had a while back which I recently unfriended on Facebook , but haven't met her since. She was basically taking advantage of my generous and "patient" nature. I was rather passive to be honest and when mistreated, ...
A. 3 October 2013: I don't think such a recent and unfulfilling " friendship " deserves the effort of a showdown,. If it was a real, long standing friend who all of a sudden acts up, then yes, it could be maybe useful to say " it bothers me when you do X, I'd like ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong for giving my b/f grief about answering her text?
Q. Hi!! A few days ago my bf asked a girl something about class over twitter, they talked about that for a few posts and then a guy that studies with them said a joke involving both the girl and my bf. The girl answered saying that she loves them, th...
A. 2 October 2013: Maybe hurt is not the right word- but she could have beem mortified or offended.
It has got nothing to do with being cold or warm, it has to do with a very basic knowledge and mastery of social skills and normal,usual communication patt... (read in full...)
Can you get over a lack of physical attraction if the person is great enough?
Q. How do you get over not having a physical attraction to someone? I met the most amazing guy. Which is not something I say easily or throw around, I have been married and never talked that way about my ex husband. We have been talking for a fe...
A. 2 October 2013: I think most people can't. They SAY they can, but actually they make do, out of convenience, loneliness,insecurity etc.- or for being politically correct and not to be deemed " shallow ".
But, they can't- they keep longing for that physical spar... (read in full...)
I have to dump my boyfriend... not sure how to move on. :(
Q. I'm needing to "officially" end my 3 year relationship. We're both in our early 30's. I love him but he isn't good for me any longer. He has emotional abandonment issues so every so often he goes "missing" for days or weeks and then comes back like ...
A. 2 October 2013: " A rose by any other name would smell as sweet " . and a freeloading asshole of a loser , even when called " man with possible abandonment issues ", still is a freeloading asshole of a loser.
Perhaps, said without the least irony, you shou... (read in full...)
I told him I liked him. He said nothing
Q. I told this guy that I had a crush on him. Before I was about to tell him I think he sensed what I was about to say. After I told him he just asked me how long I liked him and I said I don't know. I could not think straight my head was all over the ...
A. 2 October 2013: Ah if people would read the classics more often :).
What happened to you is the same that happened to Kitty with Count Vronskij in Anna Karenina ( Tolstoj ). Or to Marianne with Willoughby in Sense and sensibility ( Jane Austen ).
In both cas... (read in full...)
How do we get back together without being pushy?
Q. Hi all, I've been talking to my ex about possibly getting back together. A week ago I wrote her a long letter about how my life has felt empty and how much I sill love her since we broke up almost a year ago. She said she'll think about it, but she ...
A. 2 October 2013: That's easy- stop being pushy.
She said you are pushy and she does not appreciate that. She says that IF you weren't so pushy she'd think about coming back in a more favourable light.
You say yourself that you realoze you are being too push... (read in full...)
I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.
Q. I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...
A. 1 October 2013: No no, please don't keep the baby just to keep the guy around.
It would be very unfair ti the poor creature giving a mom... who does not really want to be a mom and he's only using her baby has a way to secure herself a boufriend. Plus, you ... (read in full...)
I opened my mouth and got into a situation I don't know how to make right?
Q. I'm planning a trip abroad to celebrate a significant birthday. It's something I've wanted to do for most of my life. I am paying for my partner and two sons who are both in their mid twenties. In a rash moment I said that my sons could bring their ...
A. 1 October 2013: I don't see exactly what's the " situation ". You stated very clearly your intentions from the beginning: if these girls want to tag along on a family celebration, fine , but they'll have to do it on their dime. Sounds normal to me, unless you ... (read in full...)
Where do I stand with this guy?
Q. Hi all I am going to try and cut to the chase here, I am confused about where I stand with this guy I met. Initially, the guy who I shall name L, approached me 1st in a bar when me and my friend were sat alone in the corner. My friend who is as in...
A. 30 September 2013: The course that you prefer.
Obviously the guy wants to know if you'd be OK having casual , " fun " sexual encounters with no strings and not much planning- when it happens it happens.
If this is what you are looking for too, he's game .
If y... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't think I should take my expensive purse on vacation with us! How do I address this?
Q. I recently purchased a $400-valued Coach handbag and I carry it everywhere with me. My family and I are visiting relatives in east Asia this winter, and my mom is concerned that my handbag will attract unwanted attention and thieves. While I ...
A. 30 September 2013: As a matter of fact, your mom's concern is not as paranoid as you make it. The purse is yours so if it gets stolen, your loss, true- but I am sure she does not want your attire may draw unwanted attention on all of you as a group or as a family ... (read in full...)
I hacked her facebook from her phone and found she's talking to a guy!
Q. Hello am I 27 year old male who has been with my girlfriend for the past 5 months. We've been having some problems lately. I looked on her phone which I know I shouldn't have done but I went to her Facebook account and looked at her messages and ...
A. 30 September 2013: I see it like Janniepeg instead. Who knows, maybe it's a cultural thing- Americans ARE very effusive and prodigal with displays of feelings. But let me assure that in many other places ( apparently including Canada ) telling an opposite gender " ... (read in full...)
Am I giving him the wrong idea when we kiss and things? How do I tell him I want a serious commitment before I give him my v-card? How do I know he's the right one?
Q. I want to lose my virginity, but I'm afraid. I love this guy but we're not together, ive known him for some years and we recently decided to start talking a few months ago. I knew from years ago that he was the one I wanted to lose it too, but I wa...
A. 30 September 2013: Of corse you are giving him the wrong idea when you kiss " and stuff ". You are giving him the idea that you are a person who says something, and then is easily led to do all the opposite.
Setting your boundaries may feel awkward , but, what woul... (read in full...)
Should I stay in contact with him after such a rocky start?
Q. Okay I just recently joined another dating site. It is a little different from the ones I have been on. It is a site for people who are spiritual and are into healing. I tried it out for free for about a week and then I get a message from a guy who ...
A. 29 September 2013: I would not bother, he sounds like an arrogant jerk. There is nothing so unspiritual as decididng who is spiritual /who is not, according to his own personal criteria- as if he had the sole patent and universaal guidelines for spirituality.
A... (read in full...)
Together for over 5 years and yet we hardly see each other. Is moving in together the best way to improve the relationship?
Q. Should I move in with my boyfriend even though we hardly see each other? We have been together for over 5 years, but due to his work schedule and social commitments, we see each other once a week at the most. I don't feel we are 'serious' enough to ...
A. 29 September 2013: I think that he is putting the cart way before the horses. First you become seious, then you go live together.
I also think that if he is a social butterfly who spends a lot of time doing his thing, he needs to learn and make adjustments, and lear... (read in full...)
Yells, screams and is needlessly hostile to me. How do I deal with my BF when he is like this?
Q. Needlessly hostile boyfriend, hard to deal with. I'm on my last nerve with my boyfriend, and I feel like I have no one else to turn to. We've been dating for over a year, and we're both 21. This weekend was supposed to be a good, fun couple of days ...
A. 29 September 2013: You should not handle at all !
I feel I am becoming boring and repetitive here on DC, bcause lately there's been a whole strings of " how do I deal with.... " and my answer is always the same : who says you have to deal with ANYTHING other peop... (read in full...)
I'm finding it very hard to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. Counselling service didn't help at all, and my fiancé's mother is overbearing.
Q. I found out I'm pregnant and it's unplanned. My fiancé is happy. I tried to go to counseling to a major clinic. All their contacts were on holiday, except one, who had the audacity to charge me $300 to tell me he couldn't help me! Should I complain? ...
A. 9 September 2013: Yes, OP, you have 6 pages of submittals here on Dear Cupid- 63 questions total- that's easy to check. Not that you aren't entitled , or not welcome, to post as much you want,- but, facts are facts.
I think what the anon may imply is that no advi... (read in full...)
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