A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,need some advice regarding having a baby.My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. We live together and have good jobs with decent incomes.I really really want a baby. The broodiness that I constantly feel is becoming overwhelming, just the other day when food shopping I saw a family with a small baby and I almost cried. I want that so bad! So here's the issue; my boyfriend knows exactly how I feel about babies and how badly I want one. The thing is, he's scared, I understand I think it 'tends to be a guy thing. But he has told me explicitly that he does want children, but he'd rather I just got pregnant and told him rather than tell him we're actively trying.What should I do?And before anyone mentions marriage, I'm not worried about his commitment to me, one day we might get married but to be honest it's not one of the main things I want in life right now.Any advice appreciated!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Firstly, to everyone else who answered, I think it's ridiculous that you keep mentioning the posters age, age should not be an issue here, especially when in her twenties. I know plenty of young mums and they're brilliant with their children, it's ridiculous to think that because they're young they're ruining their lives or that they aren't ready.
Also, by the sounds of things, the poster is in a good financial position, lives with her partner and doesn't want to get married. Having a baby seems to be the next step within their relationship. However I do agree that both parties involved have to be on the same page regarding having a baby. Maybe just speak to him and tell him how you feel and maybe ask him to give you a timescale on when?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): You need to talk to your doctor or maybe a therapist to reduce your broodiness. Having a kid just because you are broody is irresponsible and will seriously compromise your future and that of the kid. And it will destroy your relationship with your bf even if you do have a kid with him now.
He is not ready and you know it. Stop being so selfish by trying to get him to derail his life for you just because you are broody. That's unfair.
It sounds like you're emotionally unstable right now.it could be due to inbalanced hormones. You should not continue to suffer this broodiness but the solution is a medical one or therapy. Not to give in to it and ruin your poor bf 's life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 I'll be honest and I admit that I have little patience with posters with overwhelming broodiness issues.
Overwhelming, my foot. Who is in charge, you or your hormons ?! Like, most women feel exremely horny at their ovulation time, it's a biological thing- but , generally, they can handle it, if they are partnerless they know better than assaulting , say, their priest or their boss at work or their brother in law just because they feel a strong hormonal pull. Other considerations come into play and override the impulse.
You don't make a child because you feel broody. You make a child when , beyond the reproductive impulse, all the other factors have been taken into account, evaluated and found appropriate. For the future parents AND the kid. So, age, income, housing, solidity and permanence of the couple, emotional maturity and psychological readyness of BOTH partners. BOTH have to desire it strongly and to be ready and willing to handle all the responsibilietes and the life adjustments that becoming a parent entails.
I have to say that at least in terns of income you seem to be ahead of some teen posters who write us OH I SO want a baby ( then it turns out they are unemployed and haven't even finished school ). So, at least the money angle sounds covered and that is much. But it's not all, and if your bf does not feel ready, you should respect that and abstain from pressuring him. You are VERY young, you still have a lot of fertile years in front of you. What's the rush ? Give him time to mature a real wish for paternity, not just the wish to keep you happy- in a few years you'll both be in a better place to be parents, and whoknows that in the meantime you may have come up with other wishes, goals , aspirations for your life, ways to feel realized and complete, beside just reproducing yourself.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (12 September 2013):
I was very in love with a girl when I was 21-22. She kept on pressuring me to take things to the next level, but I just wasn't ready to be a husband or a father so young. It eventually led to our breakup.
Although you've been together for awhile and are probably getting anxious to see the relationship progress, he's obviously not on the same page and there's really nothing you can do about it.
It's his choice to make. You can either accept it or break up with him. But don't keep bugging him about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): You are far too young, get a life and stop pressuring him!You will lose him if you do. So many women do this and its a big mistake.Babies are a big committment! you have no idea how much at yr age. You cant give a baby or a taddler back when it cries you know.Focus on life and study or work, rather than a child and wait til you are old enough and financially secure enough to look after it and he is ready too, getting pregnant on purpose when he isnt ready it is wrong and good way to lose him.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 September 2013):
Sounds to me like you are rushing into this and letting your emotions get the better of you...I could be off a bit because perhaps I do not understand the woman's mind as much as I think I do but there are things to consider.
Firstly your boyfriend clearly isn't ready for a child. Having a child should be ok only when the two partners are ready. You shouldn't be rushing him into the idea or pressuring him.
You really have to think about the future because the both of your lives will instead of being about each other, will be about the child until he/she reaches an adult.
Other than that, good luck really. I hope you have a nice healthy baby.
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