A
female
age
51-59,
*ruly Devastated
writes:Hi. Been with my fiancee for a lil more than nine years. We have a four year old son together and have been living together practically since we met. We have set wedding dates and changed them several times over the years. One of the reasons it was postponed is ecause he said he wasn't in love anymore and wasn't attracted to me anymore. Months I dealt with that. Eventually I got tired of the cold shoulder and feeling ugly that I started talking to a man I knew that was very attractive and found me to be gorgeous. He said all the right things but didn't want a relationship so I had to back down. He was upset and hurt about the other guy and he had other women which upset me also. We decided to give it another go. No more talking to other people, just love and commitment. He said he was going to give me the fairy tale life. Well I found out he s on websites that are for setting up random sex! Disgusting! He has been injured and out of work. I thought maybe it was to cure boredom while I'm at work and our son s at school. Sow messages are very suggestive, lure and totally inappropriate!!! I do still love him and would want my family it in tact. Trying to wait and see if working will keep his mind occupied and he will stop. I feel totally disrespected and taken for granted. What should I do?
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (8 September 2013):
 you have a mix of things for one you have a child together, what ever choices you make will effect your little one. he made you feel unloved at a point. you found someone during that time. he postponed a wedding date because he was not in love with you any more. "no more talking to other people just love and commitment " well it seems he is looking for any reason to not commit to marriage, which is committing to you. looking at websites of random sex says his mind is wondering. wondering about what? other women? random sex? curiosity there of. working will not change his mind on things, or were his mind travels. "i feel totally disrespected and taken for granted". he is making you feel that way. the web sites, postponed wedding, telling you he was not in love with you. these things bother you or you would not have written about them. i have always said marry the one you CANT LIVE WITHOUT , not the one you can live with. sure you have to consider your child but you have to consider yourself also. you need to ask is he the one or is he someone i think i can make it work with. i hope this helps and will get you to thinking.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Let's cut to the chase. You write: Trying to wait and see if working will keep his mind occupied and he will stop. I feel totally disrespected and taken for granted. What should I do?." This, after you and he have:
1. "Been together" for about 9 years,
2. Made, and changed several "wedding" plans, and,
3. Spawned a son.....
... and NOW you ask if his porno "addiction" is anything to be concerned about?????
C'mon, Lady... this guy has NEVER been "in to" you... and you have, repeatedly, given him "passes" to act like an a$$....... and you wonder what your future holds????
Hint: Your future will continue to be just about EXACTLY like your past... until YOU take the bull by the horns and change it....
Hint Number 2: If/when you change it (your future) this creep with NOT be in it!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2013):
 It's hard when you have a child together, but, realize that when either one is not in love with the partner anymore, and not attracted to them anymore, that's a very good reason not to just postpone the wedding but to cancel it altogether. He, pardon the bluntness, is tired of you- and apparently you too, because if the other guy had been a bit more reliable and long term, you would have taken up with him in a heartbeat. You want to keep your family " intact ", but it has not been intact since quite a while, it's broken already. And for fixing things, just sheer will strength is not enough, there also must be a strong, heartfelt desire to fix it, that he has clearly lost, and maybe you too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): You should leave him and build a new life without him. He already told you long ago he isn't in love with you or attracted to you and now he's looking for random sex proves nothing has changed. Its always a bad idea to stay together when there's no feelings, it never does any good because it doesnt create feelings that dont exist. All it does is it only leads to cheating (which both of you have done) and in his case ongoing random hook ups. This is what hapoens when you stay in a relarionship where theres no feelings. It means the people in the relationship naturally start looking elsewhere to get needs filled. In which case why are you even still living together and pretending there's something there? You can't stay together pretending you have a intact family when there isn't any foundation
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