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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I'm shy, and he's way friendlier than I'd like
Q. I guess I just want an opinion on my actions. Basically there's a teacher at my college who is extremely friendly. But sometimes it's just too much. Once he learns your name he will try to say "Hi" whenever he sees you. His department is in...
A. 22 November 2013: .. It does not sound "over " friendly to me. I think he is just being polite. He is, or was, your teacher after all, and- particularly in an American college where, from what I have seen, teachers know personally and not just by sight most of ... (read in full...)
Mom found out I'm no longer a virgin and all hell has broken loose! I don't regard myself as a sl*t, but she now certainly makes me feel like one.
Q. I'm a 27yr female, a doctor in her fellowship in Mexico. I was virgin till I turned 25, I decided to have sex with my then 6month boyfriend who's still withe me (three years now). We are in a steady and serious relationship, even considering ...
A. 22 November 2013: Maybe you've bought into your mother's cultural and religious values much more than you believe yourself.
What I mean is, I don't think it's your mother that makes you feel a slut, nobody can MAKE you feel anything that you can't / don't feel... (read in full...)
Three days ago I suffered a miscarriage. Do I tell my ex bf/good friend I miscarried his baby?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I are 11 years a part, Im 18. We dated secretly to avoid the scandel as we knew he was moving away in december. Last week he ended it early and we are still on really good terms. Its tricky when we both are attracted to eac...
A. 22 November 2013: Eyeswideopen makes a very good point, if you used protection, did not know you were pregnant, did not have pregnancy symptoms ... why do you assume it was a miscarriage,, you might have been hemorraging for other reasons too,-did you see an OB/ ... (read in full...)
My instincts tell me he's not one for a FWB
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles I have recently started what is supposed to be a "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy who's almost 20 years older than me. He's an incredibly attractive man and we've liked each other for a few weeks and we fin...
A. 22 November 2013: Being the wary ,suspicious minded, been-there-done-that Aunt that I am, I would not put SO much stock on his love and devotion proffers after the first hook up . Not that it really would matter , mind you- if he REALLY is a sensitive carebear of a ... (read in full...)
Its great that he's a good dad, but I want to feel important too!!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years has a 2 year old daughter. I have changed myself to accept this situation and moved past it. But now, when he invites me to hang out with them, i usually don't bc i don't like how it makes me feel around them. And i don't ...
A. 22 November 2013: Unreasonable ? yes and not, meaning that yes, maybe your gut reaction is normal, inevitable in fact - then again you have rationality to overcome it , and if you just can't, you have to ask yourself if you are the right person to date a single ... (read in full...)
If he's happy then why is he still on dating sites?
Q. Hi everyone, I am hoping someone (preferably with experience of this) could shed some light on my problem. I have been seeing my boyfriend for a bit more than three years. He says he is happy. If he is happy, then why does he keep going to dating ...
A. 21 November 2013: But after nearly 4 years of the same old story , and old broken promises, why do you keep believing him and taking him back ?! You know how the saying goes. First time shame on you, second time....
If you KNOW that he promises to never go on dati... (read in full...)
Why is my fiancée's mother bribing me with gas cards?
Q. Why is my fiancee's mother bribing me with gas cards, when I've put on 6300 miles in the last two months? My fiancee can't drive because of her seizure disorder (though it has been getting more under control recently). We currently live 45 minutes ...
A. 21 November 2013: What do you mean by temptation ? In a sexual sense ? Well, yeah, I imagine that if you have a relationship and live together , that would entail having sex together, but I suppose that at 33 you are already sexually active regardless of where you ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact to comments about my weight?
Q. I think I might have over reacted. I was texting back and forwards with this guy I had not dated yet. Everything was going well until he made this comment ~i don't usually date girls like you, but you look decent~ when i asked him what did he mean ...
A. 21 November 2013: Forget about the weight, but "You look decent " ? What kind of half - assed compliment is that , coming from somebody who is supposed to be interested in you ? Apparently this guy has never heard of " If you can't say anything nice, just don't say ... (read in full...)
Why is my fiancée's mother bribing me with gas cards?
Q. Why is my fiancee's mother bribing me with gas cards, when I've put on 6300 miles in the last two months? My fiancee can't drive because of her seizure disorder (though it has been getting more under control recently). We currently live 45 minutes ...
A. 21 November 2013: Why do you say that she is bribing you with gas cards ? Has she asked you , explicitly or not, to do something that otherwise you would not want to do, in change of those gas cards ?... (read in full...)
I want to be open with my parents and not hide things but I don't know how to talk to them
Q. Well, here goes nothing. I'm 18 years old and I've been dating this guy for a while now and hes wanting to have a baby, along with that I could possibly be pregnant. Right now I am living at home and my parents have no idea I even have a boyfriend. ...
A. 19 November 2013: If you are already pregnant, well... congratulations, what else can we say, but do not be surprised if your parents are not going to be elated , they would not be even if they were not strict, controlling and abusive- that's a rather shocking Xmas ... (read in full...)
Should I uproot my child to be with this man?
Q. My dilemma is simple. I am a young single mother who has always lived in California. A year ago I met a man from Texas who was here on business but decided to let him have my number and things progressed. Because of business he was here quite a ...
A. 19 November 2013: Sorry but I have to disagree with the last respondent. Kids are very resilient indeed, but their resilience should not be tested unless for very serious reasons and in their best interest. I know you are sure you love this man, but... you don't know ... (read in full...)
Am I being overly concerned -- he wanted to have sex without protection
Q. After waiting a fair amount of time, the guy I'm dating and I decided to have sex. I had needed to take it slow, and he had respected that, then last night we took things further. It got to the point where he was about to go inside me, but he tried ...
A. 18 November 2013: Well, maybe you should have answered him, " What, do you mean you don't have condoms with you ? REALLY ? "
I mean, makes you think he's too slapdash and happy-go-lucky with his sexual life. He knew it was going to happen, maybe it was not plan... (read in full...)
Why is wife hiding her past from me, and has lied about it
Q. why is my wife hiding her past from me? she tells me its my problem, and not hers. she has lied to me over the years about it. we have been married for several years now 31 , while dating she said she was in love with her first, but a ye...
A. 18 November 2013: Your wife is hiding her past from you and being deliberately vague or contradictory, because , I bet, after 31 years she is sick and tired of having to be given the third grade by her own husband, she feels there's no use rehashing old ( and private ... (read in full...)
Anyone else take this long to get pregnant?
Q. Hi Folks, Thank you for replies in advance. I am a 30 year old woman, I have been with my partner for 8 years and 7 or those 8 we have being trying for a baby. Every month is a disappointment, both of us have got tested and apparently health...
A. 12 November 2013: Come on Eyeswideopen , don't be mean :)- you know English is not my first language...
I'll rephrase it simpler- those swimmers might also have got to the finish line 10 or 15 years ago, but maybe today they have decided to just sunbathe pool... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 12 November 2013: I am afraid they are thinking exactly that , FA. And mind you, I am not saying that in doing so they would be right, or that they would not be mislabeling your intentions ... but I'd bet that micromanaging is just how they would define it, and ... (read in full...)
Anyone else take this long to get pregnant?
Q. Hi Folks, Thank you for replies in advance. I am a 30 year old woman, I have been with my partner for 8 years and 7 or those 8 we have being trying for a baby. Every month is a disappointment, both of us have got tested and apparently health...
A. 12 November 2013: Of course he needs to get tested too !
First, people can be born fertile and then become sterile, or at less less fertile at some point, due to various causes: infections, illnesses , use of drugs ( both prescription and illegal ), radi... (read in full...)
I'm a student nurse with not a lot of money and he has a good job so why is it up to me to pay for the hotel room?
Q. I am a student nurse so not on alot of money and my boyfriend works in IT up in the city, has a good job,we have been together a few months but we decided to spend some privacy time together in a hotel room,so he wants me to book it up,arrange the ...
A. 12 November 2013: Maybe he just wants you to book the room, then he is going to take care of the bill himself.
Anyway , if you cannot afford it, there's nothing wrong in bringing this up :" I am on a tight budget , I don't think I can afford it. You would have to p... (read in full...)
Defining Friends With Benefits?
Q. I always thought I knew what Friends With Benefits (FWB) meant. As I'm reading more of these questions/answers, I'm beginning to see how wrong I was and how it affected my relationships. I still have some ideas of what I think those things are but ...
A. 11 November 2013: Yeah FWB should be actually spelled out as "friends " with benefits ( between commas, it's ironic, wink wink ).
Although some guys do NOT withhold affection or foreplay, and you can actually have some sort of intelligible conversation and huma... (read in full...)
It seems like she's moving fast, but she doesn't want us to be official?
Q. ok, so i posted a question before, and got a pretty good result with the answer, but this is a follow up, not really what to do next, but what should i think? me and a girl on my high school's debate team are kinda together, like we act like we ...
A. 11 November 2013: She is not moving particularly fast, she just engineered for the kiss that you, left to your own devices , would have waited ages before giving her. Normal move, it's not like she unzipped your fly in public .
I think it's very sweet and cute... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with sex, but still need it to be meaningful
Q. Hello everyone, I am deeply concerned with my obsession with sex, it has interfered with my ability to concentrate and focus. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I do not know how I can get rid of my horniness! I do not want a one night stand ...
A. 11 November 2013: You sound pretty normal to me. Some people are more sensual and sexual than others and think about sex a lot- and at your age, I think ALL people think about sex a lot :).
You just broke up, you were used to a regular sexual activity, now you ... (read in full...)
Anyone else take this long to get pregnant?
Q. Hi Folks, Thank you for replies in advance. I am a 30 year old woman, I have been with my partner for 8 years and 7 or those 8 we have being trying for a baby. Every month is a disappointment, both of us have got tested and apparently health...
A. 11 November 2013: Well, honestly no, it's strange. In one year of regular , frequent, unprotected sexual activity a wide majority of women will have gotten pregnant, so if it does not happen , it's logical to think that there is some fertility issue.
What have... (read in full...)
I said a terrible thing, and now it's over. What can I do to get him back?
Q. I said a terrible thing but I think the reaction of my long time boyfriend is way too much. We live together for 7 years and have 1 child together, our daughter is 6.5. We are young professionals, love each other or so I thought, and we are overa...
A. 11 November 2013: Oh yes, right. He was so wrapped up in grief and over the edge for the death of his dog 3 years ago- that he could not stop a second to think of the grief his human daughter may feel at having her dad vanish from home , with no notice, no ... (read in full...)
Is it ok if I want to know everything about my girlfriend? Before proposing?
Q. Im planning to propose to my girlfriend soon, is it ok in wanting to know everything about her and her past? she is the one i want to spend yhe rest if my life. however i suspect theres something shady she doesnt want to talk about and im afraid if ...
A. 10 November 2013: I suspect thet I agree with you in general, and dissent on the specifics.
Meaning, yeah of course you want to know what you are getting yourself into before getting married. You want to make an informed decision. Nobody wants to get married and ... (read in full...)
Is 6 guys alot for a girl to sleep with?
Q. I need some advise, please be honest and tell me what you think and what you would do in this situation. I recently found out my fiancé of almost 6 years had been with 6 guys before me( she was my first- she's 3 years older than me I was 22 when we ...
A. 10 November 2013: It does not make you weird , but maybe makes you narrow minded and with a limited ( or,in fact skewed ) perspective .
You don't need to have any particular lifestyle to reclaim the free, conscious exercise of your sexuality and affe... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is a liar, bad mouths me but would not let me go.
Q. My girlfriend is nothing but a liar and i resent her for it. I recently noticed she had made our relationship status on Facebook hidden, to which i asked her why and for whose benefit, she became agressive with me because she knows she got ca...
A. 10 November 2013: Why are you holding on to her ? because, sir, you are a big wuss.
Ok, that's too aggressive, I take it back.
Let's rephrase it : I suspect that you have low self esteem, don't honour and appreciate yourself, feel that if you let go of this poo... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault?
Q. My boyfriend slapped me across the face, was it my fault? My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder. He drinks a lot sometimes, and this annoys me, whether he is being annoying when he is drunk or not. Sometimes, he is hyper and happy when he is drunk...
A. 10 November 2013: It would be difficult for you to break up with him ? ...Fine, then take him back, let him slap the shit out of you any time he wakes up a bit grumpy, and / or learn to always walking on tip toes around him, in fear that something menial may ... (read in full...)
Her reasons seem a bit odd to me -- anyone else every decide a guy was just too good?
Q. Has anyone had to make a decision like this? I was dating someone a while ago, but it ended after two months. Since then we stay in touch as friends as she said I was important to her. In the meantime we both date other people although the per...
A. 9 November 2013: Maybe those researchers who conducted the studies are a bunch of very insecure people and that inconsciously prejudiced their findings to lean toward that conclusion :) ?
No, I don't get it. I can't understand that kind of thought proc... (read in full...)
What should I do about a guy I met online? He didn't reply to a text but had time to log in to dating site.
Q. Please need some advice! I have been going out with a guy I met online. He told me he only had one other girl friend in his life ( hes 37). He was quiet and seemed lovely. Well it's been 4 dates. As we have great chemistry he has spent the...
A. 9 November 2013: You are making great progress in your grasp of online dating and its pitfalls :) ; but I think perhaps you'll appreciate some more pointers, they may come handy.
So : I am pretty sure- sure, in fact, even if I cannot prove it , - that the trou... (read in full...)
Scarred by past...Is he the one for me?
Q. I have fallen very much in love but I suppose I am asking you amazing love experts for a spot of reassurance. I have endured many abusive relationships but I never gave up hope of finding the right one for me. He came along when I wasn't expectin...
A. 9 November 2013: Of course you have to be supercautious, with this guy or any other guy, coming from a past and a pattern of abusive relationships. You want to make sure you are not going back on the same dysfunctional old track, so a bit- or a lot - of caution is ... (read in full...)
I said a terrible thing, and now it's over. What can I do to get him back?
Q. I said a terrible thing but I think the reaction of my long time boyfriend is way too much. We live together for 7 years and have 1 child together, our daughter is 6.5. We are young professionals, love each other or so I thought, and we are overa...
A. 9 November 2013: I absolutely agree with Honeypie.
You told the truth, and he did not like it precisely because it's the truth.
Pardon me, nut I see a pattern here, your bf sounds exactly the type of persons who is " emoting " a lot vs. feeling real feelings... (read in full...)
How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?
Q. This question is for everyone: How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?...
A. 9 November 2013: In theory there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, in practice I see there may be a little technical problem.
I have got the feeling that women are less equipped than men to handle rejection. Probably because since it's not traditional for them... (read in full...)
How can I help him feel comfortable with physical contact?
Q. I'm in love with a guy who is around 4 years older than me, which (considering my own age), is a difference blatantly big enough to make some people care about my 'safety', and just the general 'its wrong' that I get from some 'friends'. Okay, maybe ...
A. 9 November 2013: Yeah but it's a human need also to want to be able to choose freely WHOM you want to be physically close too, and I am not sure you are respecting that.
Your friend has clearly and repeatedly indicated that he feels uncomfortable touching you ... (read in full...)
I've been feeling really down and homesick after marriage and leaving home...what to do?
Q. I'm newly wed (5 mnths) and I've been feeling really homesick lately, to the point where I've been in tears just wishing for my mom. Part of this could be hormones from my pregnancy (also 5 months :]), but I don't really cry or feel sad about ...
A. 9 November 2013: Of course you have to ask for what you want. Your husband is not a mind reader, I guess he gets you are homesick, which is perfectly natural and normal since this is the first time you are not living with your parents and the first major change ... (read in full...)
Due to my past experience with acne, I am worried that my boyfriend is trying to tell me something. What do you all think?
Q. I am someone who went through a severe bout of acne when I was younger. I have been left with scars (no acne now) and have been seeing a dermatologist regularly to get filler and laser to deal with it. Its better, but I do still have scars. Anyh...
A. 9 November 2013: I think that for the very fact that he IS with you ,and shows his appreciation verbally and, hopefully , in other ways , he sees you and classifies you as a non-acne person. Either he has not noticed your acne scars, or he did but they do not ... (read in full...)
How do I work this out? He shows no emotion at all. And in his own words is broken.
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months last night told me he doesn't love me anymore. I basically dragged it out of him. We have had loads of fights. Maybe everyday. But we are trying to work on this relationship. Both of his parents have cancer. (May contrib...
A. 9 November 2013: Nothing that may have happened in your past gives you a free pass to slap your bf . Nothing.
What happened might be an explanation, but not a justification, or, least of all, a permission to hit.
You can't hit people. You can't it children... (read in full...)
FWB: why hasn't he contacted me?
Q. Do fwb's suddenly go silent? I've been friends with benefits with a guy on and off (mostly on) for nearly a year. He is sexy as hell, I approached him, but at the time was going through a rocky patch with my then-boyfriend. I was open with him ...
A. 9 November 2013: You asked him out- or in- twice, he said he could not.
After that he never contacted you again. You texted him 3 days in a row, no reply.
You aren't very good at taking a hint, are you ?
Sure that Fwbs can go MIA- they do it all the time. No... (read in full...)
Is my friend toxic?
Q. How do you know if a friend is toxic? whenever I spend time with a male friend of mine i come home feeling down and stripped of confidence. He lies a lot so I never really know what is real/not, and he always makes jokes at my expense - he says ...
A. 8 November 2013: Well, it's not like you need an official certificate of toxicity issued by a chemist- your own common sense and tastes are enough, on a simple basis of I like / I don't like.
If you like the time you spend with him and you go home feeling bett... (read in full...)
Can't deal with my husband's anger and negativity, but leaving him means leaving the U.S.
Q. I am marriaged to an American for more then 12 years now. I went to USA to work and study with a scholarship in Arts. We met through a friend from my Master´s Degree University. He is an Artist too,but from another University,but doesnt have a Mast...
A. 8 November 2013: No that you don't have to leave the USA if you divorce ! As long as you have been married at least two years, you can divorce and get to keep your permanent residency ( Green Card ). Which would only be annulled for permanent abandonment of the ... (read in full...)
We're not on the same page about parenting
Q. My wife tends to fly off the handle when we disagree. I need some advice about how to handle this. Thanks in advance. This morning, our daughter was being very whiny. She's 2 1/2. We've been teaching her to use her words and not whine. After a ...
A. 7 November 2013: Wildly inappropriate ? .
If there's something inappropriate is an anxious, insecure parenting style that needs to check every single word, every smallest facial expression to make sure it's pediatric textbook - perfect and politrically corr... (read in full...)
His reaction to his grandma giving me a gift a concern or not?
Q. Hi all, Wanted some help clarifying how to respond to something that hurt me slightly by my boyfriend of 2.5years. Boyfriends grandma is fairly old now, and I get on with her really well. Lovely lady. at her birthday dinner, i saw her using...
A. 7 November 2013: My, your bf does sounds very territorial about stuff ! all this fuss over a bag hook ?? Freud would have made him his poster boy for Anal- Retentive :).
Unless... I have a theory. Totally unsubstantiated , but I'll just throw it in there. Mayb... (read in full...)
Should I continue being friends with my ex-lover?
Q. I don't know if I should continue being "friends" with my ex. My hopes is of course to get back together. We dated only 3 months, he broke up with me due to still not over his ex who left him for another man. Said he was not ready for a ...
A. 7 November 2013: I think you know what to do, it's just you don't want to do it :)
You know that there is too much chemistry for you to stay platonic friends - so, you won't stay platonic friends. What will you be then ? Most probably, FWB. Not bf / gf again ? No... (read in full...)
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