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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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The show is over before it even begins! Any tips on handling this problem?
Q. We are both virgins, happy relationship, ready to have sex. Care about each other a lot, he's lovely. Everything else - oral, manual, foreplay - is great. But when we go to have sex, he cums immediately. Like, within a split second of going to ...
A. 10 January 2014: Bummer. If it KEEPS happening, you can't just chalk it up to nerves or performance anxiety or inexperience or overeagerness, or at least maye it is but he won't overcome it just by taking a wait and see attitude.. It sounds more like a case of PE ... (read in full...)
I met a guy online and he kept on postponing because of back problems. Should I wait it out?
Q. Hi guys, I have come looking for advice, just slightly confused about a sitaution .So a while ago I decided to give online dating a go. I met this guy online. We hit it from the start.Its been five months and we speak everyday, skype text etc.....
A. 10 January 2014: You are a patient, understanding person- too much for your own good. As Aunt SVC would say , this guy got so many issues that he should take subscriptions. What do you want to become , a gf or an unlicensed therapist ?!
If he has got so many thin... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend for 3yrs invite me over his aunts house where he lives?
Q. My boyfriend for 3 yrs has not invited me over to his aunts house where he lives why?...
A. 10 January 2014: Go figure. Maybe the aunt is cranky and bossy and does not like having visitors there. Or she is old fashioned and does not want him to bring women there.
did you ask HIM ? What dies he says ?... (read in full...)
How slow is too slow in dating? Her response led me to believe she wasn't interested
Q. I met a woman on one of the online dating sites. Our first meet up was on a Monday for dinner. We hit it off pretty good and she said so herself. I asked her if she would like to go out a second time to which she replied "yes". With that I asked her ...
A. 9 January 2014: I am with Honeypie on this, asking on Monday for a date on Friday does not sound desperate to me , just eager . And to a person who is equally as interested and supposedly wants " the relationship " to work, the eagerness would be flattering and ... (read in full...)
Don't want to be hurt again. I need some advice to steer me in the right direction please?
Q. Four years ago I met the first guy to ever show me proper attention. This led to two painful years of me thinking we were in a relationship and him using me. After everything came to a bitter end and I slowly started to be happy within myself a...
A. 9 January 2014: I guess it depends from the translation :).
Does " I want to live wild and free " mean : I am going to let this guy use me as an occasional fuck buddy and go in and out of my life according to his whims " ? Then you do not need , IMO, to be v... (read in full...)
Reached a crossroads in my career and am worried I made the wrong decision
Q. Career decision: I am a young lady with a GS 14 position in the Federal Government. I'm barely in this position for a year when the deputy director approached me with an offer. The offer is to transfer to another branch to help out with this lousy ...
A. 9 January 2014: Look, I have no way to know for sure if you made the right decision or not, and btw I have no idea what is a GS 14 and GS 15, but,FWIW, my father, who was a wise , successful man and got to a prominent position in a field like yours, used to say ... (read in full...)
He suffers from depression and is overwhelmed, is it normal to withdraw completely?
Q. I posted a question yesterday about the man I am dating and him wanting space. It seems that either my question was pushed off the board too fast or know one feels the need to help? This is my first time to a forum like this and I was hoping for ...
A. 9 January 2014: Although the depressive anon's advice is sound , sensible and backed up by personal experience, I would NOT follow a course of " I am here for you " messages every 3 or 4 days.
First, if he is depressed , he is depressed , not cognitively impa... (read in full...)
Does love exist still? Should I save my virginity for "The One"? I want a better marriage than my parents have.
Q. Hey everyone :) So I'm 19 and still a virgin which is kind of part of the problem and not. Anyway I need to know am I being way too expecting of love and sex? My parents had a unsatisfactory marriage and still do. I grew up in a home where...
A. 9 January 2014: I don't see why your parents's marriage has to determine the quality and quantity of your sex life.
You might be giving it away left and right, up and down, and still end up in a unhappy marriage. Or, you might hold on to your virginity, cons... (read in full...)
Would she be offended if I asked her to wear a wig during sex?
Q. I'm in a relationship for almost 2 years, we're both divorced and not rushing into marriage. she lives with me weekdays being I'm very close to where she works. We have a good relationship and I don't want to rock the boat asking her to wear a wig. ...
A. 8 January 2014: Awww male reader - where's your sense of humour. That was a clearly tongue in cheek comment; no need to ALWAYS burn incense on the altar of Politically Correct. Eyeswideopen has a biting , sharp sense of humour , which we regular Aunts know ... (read in full...)
Do you think this girl actually liked me?
Q. Ok, so me and this girl were talking for about a month and we both liked each other but after a month of talking she said "i think we should be friends....i'm sorry" and "but don't be afraid to talk to me" and "I'm sorry if i made you mad or sad". ...
A. 8 January 2014: Yes, more or less . That 's what you think, isn'it ? That she can't have broken up just because of your sexual forwardness,- she was not terribly into you to begin with, and offered a precise, specific motivation ( " I feel bad about what we did ... (read in full...)
Do you think this girl actually liked me?
Q. Ok, so me and this girl were talking for about a month and we both liked each other but after a month of talking she said "i think we should be friends....i'm sorry" and "but don't be afraid to talk to me" and "I'm sorry if i made you mad or sad". ...
A. 8 January 2014: I think you really need to let this go.
If I remember correctly, you have already posted about this and that was a long time ago, maybe one year or more ?. At your age it is a long time, and you don't want to get so stuck on something that did ... (read in full...)
He suffers from depression and is overwhelmed, is it normal to withdraw completely?
Q. I posted a question yesterday about the man I am dating and him wanting space. It seems that either my question was pushed off the board too fast or know one feels the need to help? This is my first time to a forum like this and I was hoping for ...
A. 8 January 2014: Yes, it's pretty normal for people with major depression to withdraw completely, in fact if he is seriously depressed I am surprised he wants to bother with dating / relationships because normally that's the last thing they can bother with and that ... (read in full...)
How can he determine that there is "no chemistry" after just two dates? Is that possible?
Q. I met this guy two weeks ago and he came up to me and introduced himself. We talked on facebook for a day and he asked me for my number, he ended up calling me and we talked on the phone for three hours. He texted me everyday first and every night ...
A. 8 January 2014: Two dates are not enough to say if you are the one, but I think they are enough to say that you are NOT the one. At least at the level of physical chemistry , which is hard to predict, hard to explain,hard to define. He might have felt that , ... (read in full...)
Why is it bad to send ex a hate letter?
Q. I wrote a 3 page letter telling my ex how much I hate him. He had records of cheating and every time I forgave him and took him back. He's a liar and never changed. I'm so pissed and don't deserve after what I've done for him. So people said don't ...
A. 7 January 2014: Why, do you think that your letter will make him unhappy ? Do you think it will pierce him to the core, and spoil his whole life ?
Think again. Probably, it won't even spoil his mood for the day. In fact, it may puff up his ego, he will be flat... (read in full...)
After breaking up, am I obligated to speak to him again?
Q. I told this guy I was seeing that I'm fed up with what we have going . He can be quite rude and last night I said we cant be together nor can we be friends as he obviously can't hack it. Neither can I, the bitterness is real on his end yet he says ...
A. 7 January 2014: Why would you be obligated ? Who is obliging you ? .. Not even manners : he told you : Ok , call me if you are ready,- therefore, if you won't ever be ready, you won't ever have to talk to him again. Case closed.
If you have made up your mind... (read in full...)
Is he developing feelings for me?
Q. Ive been friends with a guy for just over a week and its a friends with benefits thing, we've seen each other most nights and he has stayed the night a couple of times. He says things like we should go away for the weekend and offers to take me ...
A. 7 January 2014: No, I think he is bullshitting you. Talk is cheap, and at the end of the day , he is nice and cuddly and all, but, he was quick to add " we are just friends anyway ".
Why, in your opinion ? I mean, if not only sex is good, but he also kind of like... (read in full...)
Is he potentially an abuser?
Q. dear cupids, my boyfriend hits his sister, and i fear that a man capable of hitting his sister will hit me too in the future. i explained my fear to him yet he did not promise to stop it, he simply danced around the subject promising that h...
A. 7 January 2014: Oh so as long as he does not hit you, he just hits other women,... then it's fine, no problem ?
He may, or may not ( very probably not ) stick to his promise to never hit you, but he is a violent type who hits his sister. He IS an abuser. And , th... (read in full...)
Should I just delete him from my life or keep hoping for something that might or might not happen?
Q. We have been dating for a semester. He was an exchange student from France and now he went back (he is not in Paris). I'm going to France in a week as an exchange student but in a city quite far from his. And he will begin an internship. We have ...
A. 6 January 2014: Forget about it. The guy has dumped you- elegantly, charmingly and diplomatically as the Frenchman he is :)- but, for him it was a nice parenthesis that now is concluded. He won't do long distance and now it's " me time " for him. That's crystal ... (read in full...)
Invited out for a drink, but what to drink when I have to drive!
Q. I'm going on a first date with a guy I met at a party and we're going to get a drink. I'm not a big drinker and we're both driving there separately. I've maybe drank 5 times in my life. I really don't drink a lot. I already agreed to get a drink so ...
A. 6 January 2014: I second Daisy Daisy.
I think that ONE glass of Chardonnay would not harm you and would leave you fit for driving, but, since you are usually a non drinker and you don't particularly care about alchohol, why drinking and tempting the fate the one ... (read in full...)
Is it possible that my ex said he will always love me but doesn't want me back?
Q. My ex and I started contact few days ago because I found out he has a new girlfriend after we broke up. I told him I was sad and never wanted to know who the girl is and anything about them. He came back to me 3 months after dumping me, but I didn't ...
A. 6 January 2014: He RUN away ? I guess that's clearly a no. Sorry OP, well, at least now you know and you can start moving on for real.
So, to answer your questions: why was he saying etc.etc. Because talk is cheap, OP. Everybody can talk, and some people LOVE sayi... (read in full...)
Is it possible that my ex said he will always love me but doesn't want me back?
Q. My ex and I started contact few days ago because I found out he has a new girlfriend after we broke up. I told him I was sad and never wanted to know who the girl is and anything about them. He came back to me 3 months after dumping me, but I didn't ...
A. 5 January 2014: Uhm. If he loved you so much , why did he dump you in the first place ? I'd think that if you love somebody, and love her so much that you feel you will ALWAYS love her no matter what, then you'd do all you can to keep her in your life, working ... (read in full...)
We need to set some ground rules for our trial separation!
Q. I am 16 years older than my BF. We met 9 years ago and our relationship escalated quickly to the point of him moving to Texas from NY and building a house for us and my two kids. We have had our ups and downs. Mostly with his maturity. He was 21 ...
A. 5 January 2014: I would not bother to set any guidelines because he is SOO shipping out anyway, just he is sugarcoating it to buy himself some time and fade out gradually. He hasn't got the guts to just pull the Band-Aid, quick and sharp, because , after 9 years ... (read in full...)
How can I improve my boyfriend's chances of getting a visa?
Q. I am in a conundrum! My long distance, international boyfriend and I are trying to arrange for him to stay with me in the states for 6 months. He comes from a Nordic country that is listed at one of the top 5 places to live! I don't want to ...
A. 4 January 2014: ESTA is only valid for 90 days and if he stays more he can get tobig trouble.
So if he wants to stay 6 months, it's not like he has a choice, he HAS to apply for a B/2 for tourism.
Visa rules change often, so I may be wrong.. but I don't ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to keep this quiet or right not to get involved?
Q. Hello everyone, I need help working out what to do for the best here. Basically, on New Years Eve one of my boyfriends female friends got very drunk told me that she had an affair several years ago with my boyfriends oldest brother. He was ...
A. 4 January 2014: That's a no brainer to me : she asked you to keep it secret, and you promised to keep it secret , so , whether she was drunk or sober, that's what you are honour bound to do : keep it secret.
You may be used to tell absolutely everything to your... (read in full...)
My father has become even more controlling since my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumor
Q. My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour on the day before Christmas Eve. Since then our family has all been together, trying to support my mum. My Dad is very details obsessed kind of guy. There are all these palliative care nurses, district ...
A. 4 January 2014: Sorry, you mentioned something about calling a babysitter to tell her when you are coming back to the house , so I thought it was referred to a babysitter of yours and a house of yours , somewhere else. It does not change much the substance of what ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has become lazy and unappreciative.
Q. Okay, my boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years. For the longest time, up until several months ago he was very much "into" me, and I mean by giving me a ton of his time/attention. He text me nonstop and was always sharing details about ...
A. 4 January 2014: Do you know that prayer?, one which more or less says " God grant me the strength to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I cannot accept, and the wisdom to know the difference ".
Now, this is a problem going on since seve... (read in full...)
What are women's preferences when it comes to male grooming habits?
Q. The recent post about the doctor seeing a man fully shaved got me thinking. What is a woman's preference? Do y'all prefer your man to be shaved bald? ...
A. 4 January 2014: I like it. Fully shaved, or at leastly neatly trimmed. I am not much of a hair person ( except on heads of course ) so the least hair I find the happoer I am.
The only thing is that a fully shaved male crotch may say " metrosexual "... but, hey,... (read in full...)
My father has become even more controlling since my mum was diagnosed with a brain tumor
Q. My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour on the day before Christmas Eve. Since then our family has all been together, trying to support my mum. My Dad is very details obsessed kind of guy. There are all these palliative care nurses, district ...
A. 4 January 2014: My simpathy to you and my best wishes for the best possible outcome for your mother.
I think your father is in shock, - understandably, since the bad news is so recent - and ,pardon me, I think that YOU must be in shock : your mom has just been... (read in full...)
My mother in law keeps pressuring us to have children
Q. i'm married for a year now and i actually have a great life with my husband. we decided not to have kids the first years of our marriage and especially now that i have a chance of promotion in my work for which i worked very hard fir the past four ...
A. 4 January 2014: Why can't YOU tell her to stop making those remarks ? Why do you need a paladin to defend your position, you can do it yourself if it bothers you that much. Your husband is not upset or annoyed by those remarks, YOU are. If it's really such a big ... (read in full...)
I'm going for a physical and am a little embarrassed that doctor will see I am bald "down there"!!
Q. I'm a 41 year old male. I have a Dr. appointment coming up in a few weeks for a full physical (haven't had one of those in quite awhile). I've been doing a full pubic hair shave for the last couple of months. I'm feeling a bit embarrassed that my ...
A. 3 January 2014: As if you were the only male in UK with fully shaved pubic hair ! I am sure you won't be the first nor the last he sees.
... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a miser?
Q. My boyfriend met my family for the first time last week and we all went out to lunch. I was embarrassed because at the end of the meal, he didn't even offer to pick up the tab. Is that a red flag? My family did notice it and commented on it later. ...
A. 3 January 2014: OP, I think you missed the point. Manners and etiquette are not universal, but always depending from / related to a geographic/ cultural context. Many of us , probably including your BF, know how to navigate with reasonable assuredness our own ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but can't get my husband on board!
Q. Hi I've been married to a wonderful man for 2 years (hes 25)but I can't get him on board to have a baby. I have always wanted to have my first before 30 and im 29 in a month. When I ask he says he wants children but that hes not ready yet. When I ...
A. 3 January 2014: That's surely not the answer you want to hear, but I understand where your husband is coming from and I think his hesitations are perfectly reasonable. He's barely 25 , he is seriously ill- basically disabled, actually, if his illness prevents him ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a miser?
Q. My boyfriend met my family for the first time last week and we all went out to lunch. I was embarrassed because at the end of the meal, he didn't even offer to pick up the tab. Is that a red flag? My family did notice it and commented on it later. ...
A. 3 January 2014: OP, I don't think you can fault your bf for not knowing beforehand the intricacies of Indian culture and Indian etiquette . If that was important to you and / or your family, you should have told him in advance so that he could have looked good ... (read in full...)
Husband and I are in the middle of our first major disagreement!
Q. I'm in the midst of my first major disagreement with my husband, and it's such a silly one I really have no idea what to do. We've been married for 6-7 months, we really just arent confrontational people so we've never argued before since we just ...
A. 3 January 2014: Yes, she broke the law , no debate- but you say the cops were YELLING at her ? And being very rude ? ...And you have no issue with that ? ...
I am a very law abiding type, but - cops are supposed to protect and serve, right ?, not to harass and ... (read in full...)
I am terminally single and want a surrogate baby!
Q. I am 30, straight male, never had a girlfriend or relationship and I have come to a point where I am thinking, I want a baby of my own. I have given up on the prospects of finding a girlfriend. Dating game has always been my weakest point. I have b...
A. 27 December 2013: I don't think it's a good idea , not because I have anything against surrogate parenthood or single dad's parenthood or any other kind of parenthood. Just because your post screams out that you want this for all the wrong reaons. Basically, you ... (read in full...)
My friend gets out of prison in 7 weeks and wants me in his life
Q. Help! I am very very confused I have a friend and he's in prison. He has been there for me in the past and I consider him a very good friend and a special person although he has done some major wrong things in his life. We have given each other su...
A. 26 December 2013: I agree with Serpico.
Have you ever thought that if he never used you BEFORE, it's because it was before jail and things were better for him ? He did not need to use you for sex- he did not WANT to, he got it from other women. ())Even now he is p... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 26 December 2013: It's easier than you think . You just decide you'll do X because you know it's the right thing , and you stick to it . Even if it may cause you , or others, psychological discomfort - you decide, and stay true to your decision.
So, you deci... (read in full...)
I know our timing has been off, but he hasn't contacted me!
Q. I need your advice. I met this guy online and we've been gone to 8 dinners date. Our schedule had been very busy so for the last couple of weeks we hadn't been able to meet. I was out of town, then he had family issues, then I got sick.. The list ...
A. 26 December 2013: He might be flaking out on you... but, more probably, I think, by not replying to his last message you have taken the wind off his sails. I guess he took your silence as meaning " Get together again ? Ha, you wish ! "
Think about it from his pers... (read in full...)
I said and then she said ..... so whose opinion matters?
Q. Hi, Basically me and my GF had a big arguement over something really pathetic. However I believe her comments towards myself were personal and hating. The arguement was over the tiny statement that I made regarding " I would never include reciepts ...
A. 26 December 2013: There was no need to call you names and become aggressive or disrespectful over such a trivial issue- so, in that she is mighty wrong.
But, in substance, ...seriously, OP ? You are negating, cancelling in fact , the essence itself of gift givi... (read in full...)
What if I don't actually like my inlaws?
Q. Hi Everyone :) I was just curious…do most people get along well with their in-laws/parents of their SO? I'm in a relationship with a guy a really like, but my relationship with his family (parents and two older siblings) is just so-so. They're...
A. 26 December 2013: Tolerable... and rich ? You are a lucky girl, OP, tons of people have INtolerable in laws... who are also in bad financial shape and may need help,lol !
I can only speak from my experience, personal and general, and my impressions, and I won'... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 25 December 2013: No, it does not make you look like a weirdo, it makes you look like a person who has changed her mind, or like a girl who does not want to flirt with married men.
Both very normal things. ... (read in full...)
My friend gets out of prison in 7 weeks and wants me in his life
Q. Help! I am very very confused I have a friend and he's in prison. He has been there for me in the past and I consider him a very good friend and a special person although he has done some major wrong things in his life. We have given each other su...
A. 25 December 2013: He wants from you what all people in jail want ! : a distraction from the mind numbing routine of prison life, a break from social isolation, someone who'd still give him the time of the day- and more- after he has done some major wrong things ... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 23 December 2013: Or maybe he has contacted some other girl from his little black book, got it on with her and got his fill of extramarital sex for the week.
OP, don't play dumb, you know what he wants, and you know you should not have accepted his friend's requ... (read in full...)
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