A
female
age
36-40,
*lifton
writes:Hey guys. I'm an regular aunt on this page. I'm in need of some help and kind words myself at this moment. My gf broke up with me a couple of days ago and I'm hurting really badly. She has serious anxiety and has difficulty separating one issue from the next. Which usually means that even if we fight about something small and trivial, she will blow up and take all of her anxiety out on me or she will think that I'm overwhelming her when in reality, it's not my fault. I just take the full weight of it. During these full-force blowups, she becomes a completely different person and says really hurtful things to me and tells me our relationship is too overwhelming to her and she wants out. It's almost like she can't control herself at all. It's a pattern. It's happened a handful of times already. And I've forgiven her every time because she always insisted later that she never meant it in reality. That in the moment, she was so overwhelmed, she meant what she was saying. But when she calmed down, she realized she blew up on me completely unjustly and unfairly and wholeheartedly regretted it. She also has been in therapy to deal with these issues. Her therapist explained to her why she was blowing up like that and how to try to prevent it. I had told her the last time it happened that I couldn't take another episode like that. That one more time would be the end of our relationship because it was tearing me up too much. She recognized that and swore she would do her part. Well a couple of days ago she was feeling stressed and it escalated to yet another blow up where she left me standing, crying on the curb while she drove off, telling me she was done and I, yet again, was too overwhelming for her. I gave her every chance to handle things differently. I reminded her I couldn't go through this again and to please not do this. She looked me in the eye and said she knew exactly what she was doing and knew what she wanted. That she was done. She then drove off and left me there crying. It's been two days and I'm totally torn apart. I can't believe she did this again. especially after promising to do her part. I know now that I need to move on. But I don't know where to even begin. I'm sure it sounds stupid, but I miss her in the deepest part of my heart. It just aches. When we were good, we were amazing together. She was my best friend. But she was also my worst nightmare when her alter ego came out. But I miss her with everything inside of me. I don't know how to move on. I know I have no choice. It just hurts so badly. Any kind words or bits of advice would be wonderful. Thank you guys.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 November 2013):
llifton is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks wiseowl for your awesome advice. you were an I credible help. And to everyone who cared enough to respond, you have no idea how much I appreciate it. You're all truly wonderful. I'll be back on my feet in no time. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): For something as important as a possible pregnancy, I couldn't imagine why she wouldn't think that should be discussed with you. Perhaps you shouldn't have pushed it when she mentioned she was having emotional issues. However; she was being too dismissive which only heightened your concerns.
She may not be forthcoming with some details, and she is evading the issue for personal reasons.
There is far too much friction between you. She decided ending the relationship was better than discussing the topic of your concern. That should tell you where you relationship has gone.
There is guilt about being with the guy, there is the discomfort you have with her being intimate with someone else; and the fact she has an anxiety disorder with anger-management issues. I just don't think the energy was there to resume a relationship with you to begin with. Nothing changed between you since the last time you broke up. The fissure only widened.
Stop analyzing the situation, and allow yourself to get through the grief. Over-thinking the problem is only adding to your anxiety and pain. Focus on yourself, not her.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 November 2013):
llifton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was actually an issue for us both that I was wanting to discuss. And it was something very important.
She had a pregnancy scare from a couple months ago when she had slept with a guy while we had been broken up. She told me about the guy when we got back together and we agreed to work through it and she removed the guy from her life. She knew that was very hard for me to overcome. Anyway, she was late on her period by two weeks this month and that's why she admitted she was a little concerned that she might be. she had had her period for two months after it happened, but since you can still be pregnant and have your period, she was concerned.
She admitted this concern days before our fight. We hadn't talked about it since that night cause I was hoping she would just tell me she started her period and I wouldn't worry about it anymore. But she hadn't started. So it was festering in my mind and driving me crazy so I brought it up. I brought it up very gently and asked her what she thought and felt at the moment and that's when she shot me down and said it wasn't for discussion. She didn't want to talk about it then.
Yes, I realize it's HER body. But it was an issue that drastically affected us both. I knew if she had his baby, it would be almost impossible for me to stay with her. I couldn't deal with that. I needed to know what was going on or if she even thought she was pregnant for my own sanity and peace of mind so it would stop making me sick from wonder. I suppose maybe I should have respected her, but since it affected us both, I thought I had a right to talk about it. Anyway, that's what spawned it all. So she blew on me when I reiterated wishing to discuss it.
In hindsight, it is correct that blame isn't really the important thing. however, it really hurt me she couldn't discuss something with me of so much importance to us both. that's what I was losing sleep over.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (7 November 2013):
Dear llifton,
I know your good advice and I am so sorry that this is happening to you.
Many good things have already been said.
My advice would be to stop the inner blame game. Or at least stop blaming yourself, because I can see with you'd be blaming her. But in the end, it doesn't make any difference whether you should have known how not to push her buttons, whether she should have worked harder in therapy etc.
Fact is, you both wound up in a very painful and unhealthy pattern and neither of you could really stand it. This woman was constantly confronted with her overwhelming anxiety and you ended up confused, hurt and heartbroken.
You can spend days and hours analyzing this relationship, but my guess is, you will never completely be able to know why this all has happened. Especially, because a person you love managed to be so cruel to you. Who can ever truly understand something like that? I was never able to understand those times when people deliberately hurt me over something minor. I can't understand this kind of cruelty.
So, instead of trying to think it over and over again in order to understand, solve the problem, in order to learn and prevent yourself from harm the next time.. stop the think machine and be very, very gentle to yourself. You are deeply wounded and you need to heal. Do something kind for yourself every day. Treat yourself like a very fragile patient that needs to be taken care of and take your time.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Knowing that someone has issues and the living with someone with issues are two VERY different things.
A good partner and a loving relationship can help anyone a lot, but if can't FIX the issues, therapy can help give her tools, but again SHE needs to USE the tools.
Getting into a relationship with someone who needs help is OK but it doesn't mean because you DATE her that her issues are now YOUR responsibility. Nor does it mean that you should allow her to go off on you, which you wouldn't with someone without these issues.
She isn't really ready and able to HAVE a healthy relationship and I think she figured that out, which is why she walked away. She just chose to walk away in a hurtful manner.
WiseOwlE is very wise :) You can't predict everyone around you, all you can control and predict is YOU and how YOU react. At some point you HAVE to put yourself first, protect yourself or you are getting into a viscous cycle.
Hopefully she will continue to work on herself and down the road find a happy healthy relationship - all you can really do is wish her well and focus on you.
Don't beat yourself up for standing up for yourself. Don't beat yourself for not being able to "fix" her.
Chin up, this too shall pass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): This again, is assuming all the blame. You knew she has an emotional disorder that requires treatment. She is still human, and deserves to be loved. However; if she has lost her ability to handle the stress of a relationship; it has occurred over time. You did not push her over the edge. She thought she could handle being in a relationship, just as you did.
She is telling you that she is no longer capable of dealing with the hardships and obstacles. Under these circumstances she felt the need to end it. Her call. Not your fault. You can't fix everything. You can't endure everything. She reached her limitations. You must recognize yours as well.
This was unpredictable for anyone. We take risks whether seen or unforeseen; when forming committed relationships. This issue came to a head; but not without considerable effort by each of you to avoid it. She gave up first.
She no longer has full control of her temper, and can no longer handle the normal stress your relationship is taking on her. That's the issue.
You're forgetting you're the one still in charge of all her problem-solving abilities; hers were fragile from the start. Her condition has deteriorated.
You'll see things clearer. Now you're debating with yourself, and that is symptomatic of the anxiety associated with a breakup. She may require a lot of treatment, and should not engage in emotionally-charged situations for some time. You gave it your best shot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): To answer your question below. You can't predict when someone may be in the mood to have a discussion about a legitimate concern. They may never be up to it. She was in effect, closing you down; and dismissing your problem. She simply didn't want to deal with it.
Hormonal or otherwise; she should seek help with anger management. I want you to consider this. You were losing sleep over something. It was so volatile that she blew up; and you couldn't get around it, without bringing it to her attention. It was something she didn't want to hear; nor was she ever going to grant you her permission to bring it up. Now it's off your chest. She decided the way to handle it was to leave. Let her live with that decision.
This is proof that breaking up is the best thing. It should never come to the point in a relationship; that your partner can't share your troubles; and discuss solutions.
You can't read minds, and she can't deal with your issues.
Thus a breakup was inevitable. It's okay to share some blame; but don't try to bear all the burden of it. Give yourself a break.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (7 November 2013):
llifton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know she's got "special needs" lol. I know that she has these anxiety issues and I signed on for it. In my mind I know that I don't deserve how she reacts in any typical other relationship. But I knew what I was getting myself into and I always thought I could work around it. I feel like I've failed at doing my part to make us work. Like I should have known better and not pushed.
Or am I looking at it all wrong? Should I expect and hold her behavior up to par with someone who doesn't have these issues? I don't know which way is up anymore.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (7 November 2013):
llifton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you wiseowl for sharing all of that with me. it was very very helpful. you're so right.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (7 November 2013):
llifton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys, thanks for your input in the end. Its's all so very helpful. I'm gonna check out that book.
I guess where I'm at right now is basically confusion. I never really understand what I do to deserve the blow ups. I always try to take lessons with me from relationships that I can apply to new ones in the future. but I truthfully don't know what I did exactly. Or don't believe it merited her reaction. But maybe I'm wrong.
She had warned me the night before we were hanging out that she's being "hormonal" and to not take offense if she's a bit bitchy. I said I appreciated the heads up.
Well there was something going on in our relationship that I had been feeling stressed about for days prior to that and when I saw her the next day, I decided I wanted to casually discuss it to get it off my chest. I didn't think it was a big deal. Well she completely shot me down and refused. Said she wouldn't talk that day about it. Now, I know her mental health issues and whatnot in regards to anxiety, but I really needed to talk for my own sake. it was something that had been wearing on me for quite some time and was really important to me. I was losing sleep over it. I suppose I should have backed off and respected her wishes, however, what about my wishes and my needs? I always feel like I'm working around her needs.
So I wound up "pushing" her as she calls it to talk about something she really didn't want to. My "pushing" basically entailed me telling her it was something I was losing sleep over and was important to me. Well it caused her stress to sky rocket and her to blow. that's when she became her evil alter ego.
Then she explodes and breaks up with me and tells me never to speak to her again. That she's done. All because I expressed needing to talk when she wasn't capable of handling it then. She says I should have known her well enough by now to know better that she was having a high stress day and to back off. That me trying to talk about this right then was too much for her. And i do feel like i completely missed those signs. I didn't know she was about to blow or panic.
I feel like I walk around on egg shells afraid to speak my mind because I'm afraid of the blowups. and I never know when it's coming. Or if I'm reading the signs properly. It feels horrible. One day I can approach her about anything and we communicate perfectly and the next I will be ripped apart and dumped if I express anything. She's like a stress volcano ready to blow at times and I don't know when. And I have to guess if I'm reading the proper signs. or like I'm walking through a mine field. Any step might blow my leg off.
Maybe I should be better at reading the signs by now. hell, I don't know. but I know her blow ups scare me. It makes me paranoid that I'm going to make the wrong move or misread her mood at any given moment, and she will dump me and leave me. It feels awful.
I feel like in a healthy relationship, that shouldn't happen. The consequences of misreading her moods shouldn't be so drastic, should they? I mean, I'm human.
I guess I just want honesty. Was I to blame here for this? Was it my fault I made her blow up like that? Sorry so long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): My dear, the hardest thing is when the problems we advise people on daily finally hits home. I too felt that the guy that I was sharing my time and feelings with only 6 months ago; was someone I could commit to for a very long time. After my partner passed away seven years ago, I wouldn't allow myself to connect on an emotional level beyond platonic friendship. I made many friends; but disappointed people who had hoped for much more. I just wouldn't let anyone get beyond my stiff emotional barriers. My heart was in a safe. The difference when someone dies is, it's final. Your mind is programmed to accept the finality of death. It knows the person is never coming back. Breakups leave a hole, and longing for the departed to return. You almost convince yourself, you could fix anything, or tolerate anything; as long as they come back. That's grief talking. That isn't true.I met someone, and decided to unfreeze my heart. It went well for 10 months. I let down all my defenses and allowed myself to love someone in every way possible. It wasn't meant to be. He needed someone with all my traits. Established, mature, educated, and confident. He always compliment my appearance and bragged to his friends.He made me feel I was the best thing that ever happened since his children were born. (He was divorced many years ago.) Horrible relationship with his ex-wife.Only, it was meant as temporary companionship with all the guidelines of a committed and monogamous relationship. When I reached my expiration-date; I was told he thinks I deserve better. He never let me in on it. It was planned in-advance. "HE" decided I should find someone else who could offer me something better. Funny, I though I already had.My heart sank, my knees wobbled. I could feel life energy drain from my head, and exit through my feet. I felt dead inside. That eventually turned to numbness. I allowed myself to see us together in the future. Subconsciously, I stored away a reserve of love and affection that I could subsist on for years to come.It was all set aside for him. He took it all away. He crushed my hope and dreams for the future.That is a devastating blow. It's worst than being hit by a speeding truck. So believe me when I say I know the feeling. I didn't think that I'd survive it. I started to doubt my own judgement about people. I was angry for being so vulnerable, and nothing anyone could say seemed to console me in any way. I read books, and e-books, and talked and talked and talked; to anyone who would listen. Not a word seemed to comfort me at the time. I prayed, called my family, gathered all my friends. I even hid in solitude for several days. Nothing eased that horrible pain. Absolutely nothing at the time.I answered posts on DC at fever-pitch. I couldn't stand seeing the pain other people were suffering. As I read the words of others stricken with heartache and misery, my own suffering lessened in intensity. I now had a means to tap into my own mental resources and delve into my own inner-sources of strength. Like exercising muscles in my inner-self. Helping others seem to be the catalyst. Survival was/is my mission. I want you to make it yours. You put everything you had into loving someone else. Now put all that love into loving you again.Reconnect with family and friends. Those who stand by you.You and I forgot something important. You have to save some of that love for yourself. It's what helps you live on, when you feel a major part of you has been taken away by someone else. You'll ruminate over and over about how good things were when that person was a part of your life. It will plague your thoughts.Grief tends to distort the picture. It edits out all the painful and hurtful things that also occurred during the period you were together. The mind only recalls the blissful times and perfect moments. The loss makes you feel like your heart was torn from your chest and left you completely hollow inside. You feel like your bones are melting.Your determination to survive must kick in. You fight for acceptance of things as they are. Let go of what tears at your heart. Do not cling to false-hope. Release her!!!Free yourself!!!You must now place yourself in survival-mode. I will check on you from time to time. See how things are going. I wrote my own articles to help myself and others. You should do the same. Give yourself recovery time first. Don't push yourself too hard; but don't let grief overwhelm you either. It must be managed to avoid depression and incapacitation. It will all weigh heavily on you; but convince yourself that you can, and you will, handle it.My best to you!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 November 2013):
 I am so sorry you are hurting... and I'm late (been having my own BS in life) to the "party" but my hopes and prayers are with you to be strong.
You are right to NOT take her back and know you need to move on from the drama... that does NOT make it hurt any less or make it any easier.
Please be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to grieve this horrible loss as best as you can... do not pressure yourself to feel better or be functional for 6 weeks... that's my standard time frame for mourning a painful loss... you have 6 weeks to feel totally miserable and do NOTHING about it.... you may whine about it to friends, write long letters, sit on the couch and eat ice cream till you can't move....
after 6 weeks... well then we have to get going in life again...
I think this is the book that helped me many years ago:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Heal-Painful-Relationship-Necessary/dp/1878410253
but what I remember taking away from it was EVERYONE is 100% responsible... no 50/50.... no her fault my fault..
I'm sorry you are hurting and you are very wise and yes this will pass... in time... I think the more time you allow yourself to indulge in FULL ON misery the faster it passes to be honest.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Yes it hurts. Do not be afraid, it is supposed to hurt. Then it will start hurting less , and then some day it just won't hurt any more. It's a process, and, strangely enough, what you can do to speed it up, it's not fighting it. Not suffocating it or denying it. Accept that this is like it works- NOW , in this very moment, it feels absolutely terrible, but also accept that it WON'T feel as terrible some time sson(ish )- even if you 'd choose to cling to your hurt, which hopefully you are not doing.
Another thing that you can do to speed up your healing, is to remind yourself that this is not about you. It is not because of something you did, you omitted to do, you did not do often enough. There's not something that you should have done or been or said differently or better .
This is not about you. You just happened to be with a person who apparently us still very frail and unfit for a happy, healthy relationship, she still has her own demons to fight against.
You could have been the perfect textbook gf, you could have given her miles of " space "- she still would have felt overwhelmed and suffocated. She CAN'T be in a relationship now , before she is way more ahead on the road to recovery.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): It's good to see that you understand the emotions you are feeling and going through, like everyone's response one day at a time, it takes courage to share your pain and know that you are not alone, we all go through hurts at various stages of our life, we all need life's lessons to grow and discover who we are to becoming, I am also striving to relearn how to love myself and how to treat my relationship and partner with respect and redefine my past habits and set some boundaries for myself. I have chosen to change some parts that have hurt me and others, reach out for help and take time out whenever I feel overwhelmed. for me I've wanted positive changes because someone is worthy of it, that's ME and from there, others also benefit.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (7 November 2013):
llifton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone so much for helping. I appreciate it more than you know.
I just am not used to feeling so weak. There's nothing in this world I wouldn't have done for her and I bent over backwards trying. She was my whole world. I've never experienced a break up with a person I thought I could see forever with. I'm 29 years old and I've never loved anyone like this before. I've loved, but not to the point I saw us married. I saw her and I married. It's literally single-handedly the most painful split up I've ever encountered. And one of the most painful things I've gone through.
I'm wise enough to know that this will pass eventually. I know eventually it will get easier and easier. That day can't come soon enough. I feel like wiseowl said - I'm withdrawing. It is absolutely excruciating. Every day hurts like hell. I'm not a drama queen at all, never have been, and I feel like my life is ending. I don't know why it's effecting me this way because I've has break ups before. I'm almost 30 for christsake! This one is different. :(
I know I will get there eventually. I know I will heal. In the meantime, this is absolute hell.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I think you will realize that this is healthier for you in the long term, eventually, it may take a little time. You're in the first days of mourning a breakup and everything is raw and awful and you are replaying all the 'what ifs.'
I would say that this too shall pass. These awful feelings and the sense of loss, this will pass. You will have brighter days, soon enough and will remember how laugh and smile and feel joy.
I would reach out to friends and family and allow them to support you. Ask for help and nurturing, just as you help and nurture those around you. Accept with with an open heart.
Just feel what you feel, observe yourself as you do this and you'll come to realize that you are the witness of the feelings, not the feelings themselves. That may make sense someday. ;)
I think she did you a favor, by the way. Even though she did so in a really nasty way. Jerk. Sorry she has mental health issues, that was still a mean thing to do. Anyway, you will be better off without the drama and the toxicity she clearly was doling out. Okay?
Go feel what you feel, knowing that these extremes of feeling will pass and you will be back on steadier feet with a level head in time.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. I can't improve on what Honeypie's told you. You've done something very difficult and very healthy for yourself by sticking to your guns. Take time to grieve the relationship. Know that in the future you can find someone with whom it can again be amazing, and this time without the nightmare part. In the meantime, stay strong.
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I truly think you did the right thing in standing by your words to her. It wasn't fair of her to shift the blame for these blow-ups to you and to your relationship with her. By taking that 'out' she avoided accepting any personal responsibility for the actions that *she chose* to take, at great cost to the feelings and happiness of the person she was supposed to love. Taking her back again would only enable her to continue a behavior pattern that was clearly hurting you both, and healthy relationships just aren't built on dynamics like that. I'm guessing that you'd never want to inflict on someone else the pain and heartache she has caused you... you deserve a partner who'd never want to hurt you that way either and somewhere that girl IS out there waiting for the moment when life will bring you together.It's good that your ex has been, and is, seeking help for these outbursts. It means she recognizes on some level that she is the problem, even if she keeps calling your relationship out as the reason for her mistreatment of you, and it also allows the possibility that *over time* she will be able to address the issues that she has. Take comfort in knowing that the end of your relationship with her was NOT your fault and that at least she's getting the help she so desperately needs. But waiting around for her on the off chance that she fully corrects her behavior towards you would be foolish, and you're absolutely right, you do need to move on. You have the best years of your life ahead of you and you deserve to spend them with someone who loves you with the same warmth and wholeheartedness that you love that person. Wishing you all the best in healing from this and moving forward to brighter things :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): It may do you both good to leave each other alone. She isn't able to psychologically function under the strain of a relationship. Her reactions are beginning to escalate to the degree, that it may cause you some serious emotional scarring. It most likely has already. By nature. you are a care-giver and a nurturer. You've attached on several levels. Meaning you are her protector and support system, her partner, and you've coached her through many of these episodes. The roles you have played in your partner's life have made the interdependency so cohesive; this is going to be a very painful withdrawal for you. You know that detachment is a chemical process in the brain. You are withdrawing from the loss of dopamine; which is the same as withdrawing from drugs cold-turkey. It feels excruciating; and I know the process quite well. Don't fight it, give into it. Allow the emotions to flow. Crying is a good outlet. Do not allow your emotions to overcome you to the degree of hysterics. Maintain some control.This relationship is not good for either of you. She has tried to hold-on beyond her ability to deal with the relationship emotionally; and this has triggered two major episodes within a short time-frame. Experiencing these outbursts are too abusive for you to endure without serious emotional consequences. You are better off dealing with the grief of your loss, than trying to remain to rescue her.It gets worse before it gets better. You've done all you can do; but it hasn't helped either of you. Please allow yourself the space and time to catch your breath. Much of the pain is the result of the trauma of being the victim of a near-psychotic tantrum. They are extremely frightening. The hurtful and abusive language has worn you to exhaustion. This accounts for how badly you feel right now.Don't be alone. This is when you really need someone extremely close to you, to possibly stay overnight. You need the comfort, and someone to keep an eye on you. Now it's time someone helped you through this. Get on the phone and call your best friend; or your mother, if you maintain a close relationship. Do not face this by yourself. Someone has to be nearby to hold you. Please write and express your feelings. Maybe we can continue to help and comfort you as this all progresses.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013):
I agree that you need to stay steady and keep to your word . I think drawing back and giving yourself time will . I would also suggest talking to a therapist if only to clear your head and deal with these underlying feelings .
People can change, but they have got to want to .. It can take years .. So I suggest a break at this time is what is needed .. Can't keep
Going on this rollercoaster ride .. Leaving you crying at the side of the road, she needs her Tushie spank for that , so immature ..
Take it one day at a time and nobody would judge if you two work it through .. But I'm hoping you at least take a few months out n see how you feel .. People do do the strangest things..
Take care
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I'm sorry you're going through this anguish. I actually remember all too clearly when my "first love" said those last words to me over the phone. That night I thought I would die with heartbreak. She on the other hand was not as bi-polar sounding as your friend. She was just resentful and mean Her parents had told her to end it(I found out later) and she figured she would just do it as poorly as possible. Best wishes. It will get better
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2013):
First I'm sorry it came to what it came to, but I think YOU know that you HAD to keep your word. Just like you expected her to keep hers.
Therapy can help, but it's not an instant fix. She was sure to have relapses, the thing is if her actions had no consequences she would have had MANY more.
YOU did the right thing for YOU (and in sense, for her) You showed her that HER actions towards YOU would have consequences. My guess is she didn't think you would actually DO IT.
Don't initiate contact with her, if she has stuff at your house pack them up and ask a mutual friend of yours to drop it off at her place.
You DO know how to move on. One day at a time. But I think you also know that staying NO CONTACT is the only way you can eventually move on.
Her behavior is abusive and you know that too. Walking away is what you need to do for YOU. Her breaking up with you, was yet another way for her to try and control the situation. She knew that her "normal" (for her) reaction to blow up would make YOU walk away - so she did what she felt would hurt you the most, blow up and THEN walk away from YOU.
It will get better and you WILL find someone else who will TREAT you the way you deserve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): I am sorry that you are hurting, I can relate to your g/f behavior because I have stood in her shoes and seen what it has done to my life and my relationship. Firstly, you need to regroup yourself and commit to allowing yourself to grieve over the loss of the woman you fell in love with, remembering that we all change for better or worse and that you need time out to know what you really want this woman back or walk away with your pain, which is only normal to feel and recall how you survived previous breakups and you will find the courage to stop her abusing you in future. It's normal to miss her but! you need to let her go and not allow yourself to be destroyed by her behavior and make a stand for the first time in your life, being nice to her isn't going to win her back or change her, honestly, she has to want to truly change her behavior for the better and desire to want to be with you. resilience and tough love for yourself to stop you from wanting someone who doesn't deserve your time and love, take time out and refocus on healing and investing into yourself to enjoying ownership of your life again...all will be well in time
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): I am like your girlfriend. I suffered terribly as a child and find relationships difficult. She is getting help so I admire her for that. You cant fix her. Try and take a step back now. If you really love her and she feels the same you will find a way to be together. You need this time for things to calm down and decide what you want too. Is she really worth all this pain and heartache? Are you able to cope with her mood swings until things get better and accept they may not? Always out yourself and your happiness first.
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