A
female
age
26-29,
*herrypie116
writes:I might be pregnant by my best friend. We had a drunken night at his Halloween party and he didn't pull out. I'm kinda excited but scared and so is he. He told me that he promises to be there with me through it all. I believe him. I'm just worried about what will happen to our relationship. He said he'll probably commit to me for the baby but I'm not sure that that is the best thing to do. I just want us to both be in a happy relationship with each other. I need advice on whether or not we should actually commit to each other or just stay friends?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 And I am afraid you are not getting what WE are saying , which is :
- you ask " should we commit ", but there's no "we " in this there a he and a she that had a drunken hook up, therefore not necessarily they have the same agenda, in fact they may have very different ideas about what to do. You can decide what YOU want to do, but if he does not like it, you bet he will not do it just because he " should ".
Anyway, your assumptions about pregnacy are extremely incorrect. There are no symptoms just one week ( less in your case !) from fecundation. The first "signs " you could perceive is IF you have implantation bleeding, which may ( or may not ) already happen at 7-8 days .
As for nausea, it generally starts at 6-8 weeks, much more seldom it may start at 2 weeks, not before. Before that your body has not even had the time to prodice a level of pregnancy hormons suffficient to trigger the typical pregnancy symptoms, like nausea and swollen breasts.
What you feel now therefore it is either self suggestion, .. or it is also very typical of PMS and the onset of a new period:)
Besides, if you were supposed to have your period on Nov.5th, and you had unprotected sexon Oct.31st or Nov. 1st, the probability that you got pregnant are not very high. Never say never of course, it would be still possible, - just not very probable at that point of your cycle ( 23rd day or something like that ) .
A
female
reader, cherrypie116 +, writes (7 November 2013):
cherrypie116 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Tisha-1.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Well…maybe you could just start dating? I mean going on dates, not necessarily being in a relationship right away…hold off on intimacy for a while and see how it goes? If he's your best friend and you're both attracted to each other, maybe you're quite compatible!
I can certainly think of worse people to be in this situation with. If you guys have been friends for a while than I'm sure you know him pretty well, which is good :)
I wouldn't do it just for the baby though…that could definitely lead to some resentment (probably from him)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I'm still not hearing anything that suggests that you two are ready for a full on relationship parenting a baby. He didn't say, 'oh you are my soulmate, what are we waiting for, let's get married.' He said that he would 'probably commit to you for the baby.' That's not undying love, that's a half-hearted, I'll-do-the-right-thing sort of declaration a guy who didn't pull out would say to a girl he doesn't actually know is pregnant or not.
Go get the test, find out if you are pregnant or not. I think things will fall into place when you know where you are. Right know you are speculating and hoping and wishing and basing life decisions on an unknown.
If you weren't in the middle of pregnancy scare you two would not be boyfriend/girlfriend just yet. You would be two friends who got so drunk they slept together without precautions, who spend some time together like friends do.
Wait for the pregnancy test.
A friend of mine has a teenage daughter and she told me once that this sort of stuff goes on all the time. Pregnancy scares, there are days of speculation and concern and texts and drama and all the teenage angst and what will he do and what will we do and all they have to do is wait for that negative pregnancy test.
She said her daughter has seen it happen over and over again and it's kind of funny to watch all the wild emotions surrounding the pregnancy scare, when all they have to do is wait for the test.
When you are dealing from a position of knowledge, then you can make better decisions. Probably a good idea to go see your gyn and get your BC sorted out if this is going to happen when you drink.
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A
female
reader, cherrypie116 +, writes (6 November 2013):
cherrypie116 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe just got out of a relationship. It's not that we don't have time for a relationship. we see each other every weekend and sometimes during the week. If we were together, right now I mean, it would be mainly for the baby. He said he wouldn't have a problem being with me. If I'm not pregnant I honestly don't know if my concerns would change.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2013):
Well, should you commit or not? Does commitment require that you be pregnant? What if you are not pregnant, would that change your concerns at all?
If you didn't have the time to date before, how will you have the time to be parents and be together?
You haven't said anything more than he is your best friend and you got drunk and didn't take sensible precautions. That doesn't sound like the best foundation for a lifetime of togetherness and parenthood. Is there more to your relationship than not having enough time to date each other?
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A
female
reader, cherrypie116 +, writes (6 November 2013):
cherrypie116 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou people aren't really getting what I'm asking. I just need advice on whether we should commit or not. We've thought about dating before but it was never really a good time for us. I am on BC but at the time I wasn't taking it like I was supposed to (stupid, I know). I am NOT trying to trap him into a relationship with me? I don't even know where you got that from AuntyEm. It was him who decided to not pull out. I didn't even know he came. I'm supposed to be starting my period Tuesday so I'll be taking a test Sunday. As for me thinking that I'm pregnant and I'm almost for sure that I am, women can have symptoms up to a day after conception. it just depends on the woman. I've been having morning sickness (severely), my breasts are extremely tender and swollen, and some other symptoms. But again I wasn't really asking anything other than if we should commit or not.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2013):
What was keeping you from being a couple in the first place?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): When was your last period?? If the day you had intercourse was between day 10-day 20 I'd be a lot more worried than if it was between day 0-day 10 or day 20-day 30. I'd be especially worried if you had intercourse around Day 14…let me know please!
If you recall seeing stretchy fluid resembling egg whites…that was the day you were most fertile…
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I would have just taken the plan B (emergency contraception) from the clinic. A guy will promise he would be there for you, to sound nice. What else could he say? "Sorry you are on your own now?" I would not commit to be a mother. This is not a time to think about a future with a friend. Definitely talk to your doctor because even if you are not pregnant, he could give you something to make pregnancy lot less likely.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 November 2013):
I agree with Aunty Em. You don't know yet if you are pregnant, and you might not be. But if you are, uhm, I am not so sure that you'll have a choice about HIS level of committment.
You weren't together before your drunken Halloween fumble, you weren't dating, he had not shown a particular interest in you other than as a friend. Do you really think that a drunken roll in the hay,albeit resulting in pregnancy, is enough to turn a friend into a committed, loving partner ?... I would not bet the farm on that. If he is a good guy you can expect he will be committed to the baby, as in contributing financially and emotionally to raise him/ her,- but if he had not thought of you as GF material before Halloween, it won't be one drunken sexual encounter to change his views.
Anyway- it's early yet, you'll have to wait and see. If this time you dodged the pregnancy bullet, run, not walk to get on birth control, nowadays there's really no excuse
for unplanned pregnancis in a western, industrialized country where you have easy access to birth control and no stigma attached to it. And if you did not dodge it, you'll have to focus on the baby and what's best for raising the baby in the most serene loving stable environment which is possible offering- THIS will have to be your priority, not your dating career.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I think you need to find out if you are actually pregnant yet. Halloween was less than a week ago, so there is no way you can even know if there is a baby there.
You seem more worried about the relationship, than if you might be having a baby and you didn't say he was your boyfriend...only a 'friend'.
Having a baby is not a guarantee that a man will commit to you, so if you have deliberately had unprotected sex with him to trap him to be with you, then that is pretty dumb.
He said he will 'probably commit'...that is as good as saying he won't.
Do a test in a few weeks time, if you are not pregnant then maybe it's time for you to start using birth control, because unprotected sex is no way to get yourself a boyfriend.
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