A
female
age
51-59,
*dge4323
writes:Hello,To the ladies out there, if a man had an "affair" and you only finds out about a couple of years later, and he says to you, "I chose you, didn't I?" How would you perceive that? To the men, what exactly do you mean by uttering those words?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): You were not his first choice, he settled. If he truly loved you and respected you and wanted to be with you, he already had you, so the fact that he had to make a choice, for whatever reason, probably because he has kids with you, he opted to stay in the marriage. You were not his first choice but simply a matter of convenience.
Surely you cannot think its okay that he chose you now, that choice was made when he married you and the second choice to stay with you was for selfish reasons.
Sorry but you need to see through the truth and not take comfort in his self serving words. Not meant to hurt you but you need to decide the way forward on facts and remember if you stay in the marriage and he has another affair you accepted that deal as part of this marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Why don't you ask your husband what he meant by that AFTER you kick his a$$ out of the house?
I think I'm the only male to step up here, and I cannot know what your husband meant and have no desire to represent. Go. Ask. Him. Don't expect me or anyone else to know what was in his mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): It means that his mistress dumped him, or wouldn't leave her husband to start a new life with him so he is settling for you, or that he found something he disliked about her and thus is settling for you.There is a difference between choosing something and deciding to settle and make the best of it.He chose you but only as a second choice after his other options didn't pan out. I wouldn't advise staying with him. No marriage is worth your dignity to be the second choice after the first choice didn't work out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): The time for choosing who to be with is before taking marriage vows. After marriage you are not supposed to still be doing comparison shopping. Therefore his statement is not a compliment nor is it a sign of his loyalty rather it is proof of that he is a back stabber. Tell him that his false piety rings hollow. And that his choice to choose you was a bad one, because now you have decided you on a divorce. Hey, he is not the only one who gets to make decisions. He is not so high and mighty that everything depends on what he chooses.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): It means that he'd rather be with you openly and long-term than be with her openly and long-term. Whatever qualities you have and goodness, happiness that you bring to his life are overall better than anything she had to offer. At the end of the day, he wants you.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 I would tell him to Go Fly a Kite. He didn't CHOOSE you. IF he did he wouldn't have had an affair. He SETTLED for you.
Personally, I'd divorce. I would wait around for him to cheat and "choose" me again or "choose" another woman. I'm not a car or a lamp.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 November 2013):
 I bet *anything* that he was with her on a regular basis, then she started making demands and starting the pressure on him to leave you for her, and he did what many guys do when their mistresses start wanting more than simple illicit sex - he broomed her off.
The fact that he "chose" you, isn't true. He never really cared about her except as a piece on the side, which turns my stomach. The fact that he could say that to you with a straight face are the words of a pathetic narcissist, as if his not leaving you during the affair is God's gift t you. It implies that it's your fault he cheated.
I'd tell him that you have the ability to make choices as well. Then I'd make them. And I'd keep making them all the way to divorce court. He mistreats women, the mysogynistic pig.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): This sounds exactly like the stuff my aunt's ex used to say to her when he was having an affair. He may have "chose you" but he also chose to have an affair. He chose to be unfaithful, and even if that's in the past now he may cheat again. Saying he "Chose you" shows that he's not just an opportunist who had a "one night stand" with some random bimbo. He had an affair and may possibly have chose to leave you for her. He may be the kind of cheater who treats women like automobiles, and always looking to "trade in" for a newer model...but he'll test drive her first while still married to you, and then make a decision later. I say YOU need to be the one to tell him to get lost. He's not the only one with a "choice" to make in this situation. YOU deserve better!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2013): I'd call him a self-serving a$$hole.
Saying "I chose you, didn't I?" is suppose to gloss over and make up for his having an affair. Yeah, right, buddy.
My response to that would be..."See you in divorce court."
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 November 2013):
 it means she gave him an ultimatum to leave you or she was leaving and he opted to stay with you. it was probably cheaper and easier to stay with you and let her sulk and leave than divorce you and be with her.
but I'm in a rather negative mood today.....
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 I'd perceive it as if he means that he has had the chance to compare between two women, and the possible good they can bring to his life, and eventually the wife won. At the end of the day , he chose the wife over the alternative ( his mistress ).
Tbh, I must say that that's how I'd perceive it, i.e. what I'd think he wants to communicate - but, I don't know if cynical me would believe him. What do I know if he did not choose me- because the other woman got sick and tired of him and sent him back home with a swift kick to his backside. If a man can cheat, he can surely also bend the truth a little- or a lot.
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