A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,There is a guy on my university degree who for the past year has been showing interest. We have never spoke in person (just hey, you alright?) We have different friendship groups and were both abit shy around each other. We speak on facebook and text, but its always weird; he shows lots of interest then doesnt talk for a few weeks, then comes back on strong. Hes asked me out about 5 times , and says as soon as i have my money through il talk you out, so beautiful. Id be lucky to go out with you.Then low and behold, doesn't follow through. The other week he did it again and i said no, youve let me down to many times. and he convinced me he had just been nervous and next week (this week) he'd definitely take me out when his loan comes through and was texting me everyday for a week, which has never happened, and kept making sure i was still up for going out. He hasnt text me over the weekend or today (monday). Im feeling like hes going to flake on the plans again :( I seen him at uni today and we both smiled and said hi.Im hoping he may text me tommorow if his money comes through but i feel in my gut hes going to let me down again.Should i text him to see if were still on tommorow/wednesday or thursday? I do want him to text first but its upsetting me and i just want to know once and for all if our plans are happening because this is the last chance as he knows!! Is he doing it for his Ego (the thought of that really hurts me)If he does let me down what can i say to leave with a bang..you lost me! I cant deal with the disappointment anymore
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 I think too that Honeypie could be right, and if you want to give him ONE last chance, I suppose there's no harm in that, but, let me tell you, I can't help being half astonished/ half admired about the patience you are showing, you and many many other posters who write us with similar dilemmas.
It's like these guys really make you work hard for a date, - really make you sing for your supper. And the girls are always there, patient supportive, accepting, excusing away " shyness ", " inexperience " " A bad past ", --why ? Are men in such a short supply that you have to stick to those who make you sweat blood for a date ?!
Mind you, personally I am not big on " alpha males ", I loathe bullies and overbearing people, and being cocky and macho is not a plus in my book.
But... the bare sindacal minimum of self confidence... of knowing their mind and wishes, knowing what they want... the bare minimum of putting a little share of effort in the pursue of a desired result.... I don't think it's asking too much, and I have trouble seeing how attraction can last in view of such haplessness and skittishness.
If you have to wipe his nose and tie his shoe laces and took him by his little hand every step of the dating process... than you are going to date a preschooler, not a man. Are you sure you want to date such a ninny , who's most probably let you row the relationship boat every inch of the way ?...
Just saying.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 If you really are keen on the guy and want to "help" him move past the first date scariness - how about you look up something around campus/town that are free? Or sugest JUSt going for coffee. And then add the list to him tell him what days work, see what he says. Now IF he does cancel again I would absolutely chalk it up to time-waster.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, that sounds right to be honest. Hes mentioned hes nervous before and that he doesnt ever go on dates.
This just makes it harder to walk away :( i can sense hes shy and just pulls away when he realises hes got my attention.
If i text him on sunday it will drag into next week again.
I just feel like texting him tommorow or thursday and being like are we still going out? ..of course the answer will be shady/maybe. and il just tell him this is the last week cause you know i was upset last saturday when you let me down & i do want to hang out with you, but i feel your wasting my time saying you dont have money, after all this time we couldnt of done something free? as i said other people want to hang out with me and its obv you have no intention regardless of what you say so be decent and stop asking.
Something along those lines, il make it sound nice but still too the point that this week or never.
And then he will know i mean it, and if he is inexperienced and shy he'l get it together and go out with me. if not he never liked me enough. What have i got to lose? because after this week im not doing it anymore. And like the other comments, i will delete him, ignore him at uni etc.
So he'l still be left with non of that attention he likes if that is the real reason hes doing this.
But my gut tells me it is Honeypie's idea so im just hoping he might think 'Ive got to do this, no more messing around, shes a nice girl!' my hopes are literally gone now so i cant be anymore disappointed , il feel more satisfied him knowing i have told him im not doing it anymore, as he'l be back in a few weeks if i dont; where as after this week and no date? byebye
Do you think that is OK?
The stress!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 October 2013):
 I would not text him I would not count on him, I would not contact him or expect anything from him.
he's a total time waster.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 October 2013):
He does think you are beautiful I would guess, but one thing is finding a girl beautiful another is to find a girl so irresistible that you WANT to date them.
It's not about your looks (or you really) I think he could be very inexperienced in how to deal with girls/women overall. He knows that giving them compliments is a good way to get their attention but he doesn't know what to do with that when he gets it. So maybe he DOES want to go out on a date, but he also don't want to because HE doesn't want to look like a dud. Someone who has no clue. If that makes sense. I don't think he is aware that he is "wasting" your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice guys, it does make alot sense.
I just don't understand why he says things like
'course i want to take you out, have you seen yourself!!?'
and 'your so beautiful' when i say to him why do you let me down?
If he doesnt mean it :(
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 October 2013):
""Should i text him to see if were still on tommorow/wednesday or thursday? ""
Nope, I would not sit at home doing nothing hoping he will get his act together.
He IS a flake, stop wasting your time.
The fact that he can talk over FB but not in person, more then a casual hello makes me wonder just how into you he is. I think he likes the IDEA of you more then YOU as a person.
Like kc said, if he REALLY wanted to take you out he would do so, like for coffee (that is what? $6 for two cups). Or to some place that doesn't cost anything, it's not like ( I presume) that you expect him to take you to a gala and the fanciest restaurant in town wearing ballgown and him a tux, is it?
He is a time sink, the kind that do enough to make you think he MIGHT be interested, but not enough to ACTUALLY met up and that in turn is holding YOU back from going out with someone else, because you think you somehow OWE this fella a date.
Cancelling once, I can accept, but 5 times? NO WAY.
Up to you really.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 October 2013):
 He's not interested. Move on.
Sorry to be harsh but money or no money, if he really liked you he would have took you out on a date months ago. There are plenty of cheap/free things to do - a walk in the park on a nice day, a simple coffee in a cafe (wont cost more than a fiver!), a picnic, going to a free entry art gallery/museum....the list is endless. So if he wanted to take you out he would have found a way.
Therefore it is the classic saying - he's just not that into you.
Why is he still texting etc if he is not interested? Probably because he likes the attention, it will be flattering that you are so keen on him so he likes to keep you in reserve to give him some attention when he wants it and to make him feel good. He might also not have any other girls on the scene at the moment so might be bored/lonely, so you are a useful person to text whenever he's a bit bored to entertain him for a while.
What should you do now? Delete him on facebook, delete his number....basically cut him out of your life. Even if he does finally take you on a date, I'm pretty certain there would be no second date so it will only get worse if you allow yourself to go on a date with him.
When a guy is interested in a girl he will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get her out on a date. My fiance (when we first met) was so keen to see me he would organise each date super quickly, would never cancel regardless of what was going on (even when his uncle died) and set up the next date whilst we are still on a date! When a guy likes you he will be keen and it will be clear to see, when a guy is not that bothered about you it will be hard work, he will play games and he will keep you hanging - exactly like your guy is doing.
Dont bother with this silly idea of 'leaving with a bang' - you are just secretly hoping that if you send an angry text he will come running back and take you out. Not going to happen.
The best way to leave with a bang is to stop speaking to him without telling him why you are doing it. Dont talk to him at uni, delete him on facebook and delete any method of contacting him. That will be the most obvious sign to him that he has blown his chance, if you keep texting him even to say its over he will still know you care about him and he will see right through it that you want him to come running back with your silly angry text.
Learn from this, dont waste time on guys that keep cancelling dates - if a guy cancels even once that's it, game over and move on. If he likes you he will want to see you and he will keep his plans. If he's not that bothered he will flake out and mess you around. This is a very important dating lesson to learn and will help you in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2013): What a looser! Don't even think of him. He doesn't have money to take you for a movie? What a joke. Do you want to date someone like him, who invites you 5 times and then never actually does it? Forget him.
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