A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to sound like an absolute idiot for asking this but, can you love, or have strong feelings for someone you have never met?I'll tell the story. We started talking a good five months ago, he lives in the same town as me but i had never actually met him. I've seen pictures of him, and some of my friends know him. For about two months we literally text non stop all day every day, then it started to stop a bit, but we did still text a bit.I think about him quite a lot, and when i'm not something usually sets me off. I will also get a little jealous if i see a picture of him on facebook with another girl :/ The other day i went nightclubbing for my friends birthday, in one of the pubs i thought i recognized him, just as i was going into another pub, i received a text off of him asking if i was round town because he thought he'd seen me. I text back saying yes i was in town. Then he came into the pub i was in and i went to the toilet and he was stood outside, i pretended i hadn't noticed, and walked into the toilet. When i came out he was still stood there, again i pretended i hadn't noticed, as i was walking off he ran up to me asking me my name, i told him and he said do you recognize me? I said i didn't just because i was embarrassed, and not 100% sober. He text me after wanting to meet up but we had to go home because my friend was being sick as it was her first night. It was only a quick two minute thing, and i was having these feelings before that happened. Please help me with this situation. Can you love/have feelings for someone you've never met?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2013): You are very young, so what you perceive to be love is the youthful feeling of a big crush. It magnifies itself by every-time the object of your affection sends a text message, has a chat, exchanges pics, and you get their attention.That crush grows. That's all it is. Love is used out of context here; but when it's happening to you, no one can convince you otherwise. You formed an attachment; based on frequent contact, and you like the way he looks. This is enough to imprint of fixate, not love.You were out partying, and acted silly by not acknowledging him. If he contacted you again; exactly what kind of idiot did you take him for? Once he saw your face again, he'd know it was you.Along with youthful crushes, comes the dramatizing. Agonizing over lost or misplaced love. That is being in-love with being in-love. That is immature; but you will experience it all your life. It's how these feelings start.If he decides to keep in touch. Just tell him you were tipsy and was afraid he'd judge you harshly. You wanted to meet him under better circumstances; and if given the chance, would like to see how things go. Don't use the word love, don't over-dramatize your feelings, and act more mature.If you get another chance, take it from there. If not, you'll survive. You'll miss the drama and his attention; but that will fade with time. Like any that came in the past, and may come in your future.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 It's not love.
I think it's game playing... if you live in the same town (and obviously frequent the same clubs) why are you not doing this in real life? why is just about texting and game playing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2013): Just for balance, I met my other half online through a forum we both contributed to. We were online friends for 5 years before we eventually met. We are together now 3 years and still going strong and gets better every year.We were in love before we met, but more so since then. So yes it varies but you can fall in love with someone you have not met, I don' think it takes weeks or months at least in my case. It was four years into the friendship where we both began to have feelings for each.Having said all that tread carefully, meet him with friends and in a public place, let your parents know and if he is genuine speak to his mother or sister before you meet him rather than a male friend of his. BE SAFE.
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female
reader, Dink123 +, writes (30 October 2013):
I've been in this position before. And I find that you can have feelings for someone who haven't properly met before. I started talking to my friends uni roommate and we spoke on the phone (because I was talking to my friend on the phone at the time, and his mate started talking to me) then we exchanged numbers, twitter and Facebook's and spoke to each other through them on a regular basis. Of course, texting someone for a period of time daily becomes just something of a daily routine. And when that breaks down into not texting as much, then you notice it and you start missing them.I've been there before. And when you start missing them while you're waiting for them to text back, then I'd say that you are starting to have feelings for them. Otherwise, why would you be missing them?Plus, you also start to care about them. Which again, adds to having feelings for them.I wouldn't say that what you're feeling is love. But then, who am I to say what you are or aren't feeling? I'm not an expert in this, all I can do is offer my opinions and my help. I'd say that you have feelings for this person and if you were to meet up with them, you might be able to see who they really are as a person. They could be wonderful and you could fall in love with them, or they could turn out to be a complete idiot, in which you can think "why did I think he was nice?"But what I'd suggest to you, is to meet up with him. Go to the cinema, go for a coffee, go out for a walk, get to know the guy!
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 No. You can be infatuated, of course, though. You can be in love with your fantasy- you can be projecting all your longings, wishes and desires on some person, because you have unilaterally decided, without any supporting evidence, that he's got all the ideal characteristics you'd want in a man. But, all you know about him so far is words- what he chose to tell you about himself, which happens to be an appropriate screen for you to project your mental romantic movie on.
I don't mean this in the sense that he is telling you lies, as in saying he is single but he's married, that he's a doctor but he's a fastfood server ( although, that happens too, with on line romances ). He might have been factually accurate about himself, and still be very very far from your ideal man, or from someone you can love IRL. The only thing that can make you love- or not love - a person is their real behaviour and real actions in real everyday life.
Not that it can't ever happen. Maybe you'll be so lucky to get to know him MUCH better in person, and find out that you do love him. But before than that, it's all illusion.
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