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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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What does it mean when a girl whispers to her friend when you are around her ?
Q. What does it mean when a girl whispers to her friend when you are around her ? and?then when you look at her she laughs and smiles at me it happened to me I was talking to her female staff members at the gym this girls friend came in at the gym ...
A. 13 December 2013: I am tempted to say it means mainly she is very ill-mannered, you don't whisper in your friends'ears when there are other people right there ! if you are over 5 y.o., that is.
But,in the mellow season spirit, let's cut her some slack and focu... (read in full...)
He said he still loves me - but did he mean it?
Q. If you ask a guy if he still loves you and he says "yes", is he telling the truth? I mean, I know none of you know for sure, but is it likely that if a man says he still loves a woman, during a break in the relationship, that it's true? The reaso...
A. 13 December 2013: Really we cannot know for sure. Some people only ever tell just the bare truth, some other embroider it or strech it a bit for reasons of convenience or diplomacy.
Personally, I would not get my hopes up. Because I believe that love is an ACTI... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he would feel uncomfortable around my gay friend!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and I want him to meet my friends. He hasn't met them already yet as there hasn't been an opportunity for him to. So I asked him the other day if he would like to come and watch one of my friends ...
A. 13 December 2013: Sorry but I agree wholeheartedly with lllifton, he just needs to grow the hell up. Notice that I am not generally a big proponenet of politically correct , but " I'd be uncomfortable around gay people " it's just too naively ignorant ,or naively ... (read in full...)
Why is this guy seeing me if he's had better?
Q. I'm having a childish issue. I'm seeing a new guy. We were friends before we started dating... I actually saw him as a friend, well, for all the time he was trying to win me over (which was MONTHS), and I actually started things out with him as a ...
A. 12 December 2013: I am not that clear about the situation.... Are you two dating now ? What begun as a NSA did eventually turn into an all strings attached, or even some strings attached ?..
I would think so, otherwise he had no need to fess up ( it would not have... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting or behaving in a passive aggressive way?
Q. Ok Aunts, feeling like Im overreacting or behaving in a passive aggressive way need your advice and take on this seemingly stupid thing. Background been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs we are in the process of moving in together i am div with a ...
A. 11 December 2013: I think you got mad because you would not have wanted to go anyway ... but you would have liked to be ASKED as it's normal when your bf has a social function where spouse and gfs are welcome. At least, that's what would have got ME mad :). You are ... (read in full...)
She keeps backing out of our dates, but agrees to arrange more
Q. So i met this girl at school a few weeks ago and she always acted really shy around me and when i caught her staring she's turn her head away and not look at me. One day i decided to ask her out and she agreed and we later set the date for next...
A. 11 December 2013: She is not interested , and seeing the excuse she gives to cancel dates, either she is totally socially impaired, or she does it on purpose to convey the message that she does not want anything to do with you without having to come out and say ... (read in full...)
Why are gay women so picky?
Q. I am a gay female, quieter, average looking, feminine and looking for same,dating (which makes it harder) friends I don't care. Am not into the bar and club scene, am getting too old for it and am a non drinker and dont feel comfortable around h...
A. 11 December 2013: Op, you don't need to be a superstar but if you want to connect with people ,enlarge your social circle, etc., yes, I am afraid you need to be outgoing.
Why ? Why does it have to be you who need to try harder ?
Well, simple. Because you are the ... (read in full...)
Do I date him? I find his personality crazy attractive, but I just don't find him very attractive.
Q. Hi, first of all thank you so much for any help! I'm in a bit of a bind. Backstory: I'm a freshman in college, and I entered college not looking for a relationship. In HS I had two year and a half long relationships, and I entered college wanting ...
A. 11 December 2013: Don't date him. And stop hooking up with him. The poor guy has a crush on you, while you only can bring yourself to be sexual with him when you are pissed drunk, and that says a lot. You need to find someone that you are attracted to as a package, ... (read in full...)
My negativity is hindering my happiness
Q. I am having a REALLY difficult time. I have found myself over the last couple of years becoming more and more disillusioned with life and society. It really worries me but everything about society gets me down. I won't go into too many details...
A. 11 December 2013: Bummer. A let down this time too. I have read in the past a couple of posts from young men disappointed by society, with similar thoughts to yours... and then too, foolish me, I started reading and I said to myself " ah that's a sensitive, ... (read in full...)
Is it weird to invite a friend along on quasi-dates?
Q. Is it weird to arrange a date and invite friends along. Someone I met online invited his friend along once, I had no objection, and thought what a great idea. It totally took the edge off the meeting and made it much more relaxed and fun. But I get ...
A. 10 December 2013: Yes but then it's not a date. Not even a quasi-date in my book. Having a third wheel the first time you meet ? it is so non datey.It's just ...three people having drinks or a meal together, and shooting the breeze, joking around... I don't doubt ... (read in full...)
Please help - I found dodgy photos on my boyfriend's computer.
Q. Hi everyone, I'm a bit confused and any insight would be appreciated as I can't talk to anyone else about this. My boyfriend is a sweet guy, I always knew he had a Pervy side but all guys do and that didn't really bother me.... Until I found pic...
A. 10 December 2013: He would never act on it.. ? But he IS " acting on it " ! maybe not in an openly sexual way yet- but didn't you say that he hacked his ex's email to retrieve her private sex pics ? That's a crime, !, and if one has to break the law, and do ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong in turning down invitation to go away with BF and his family this weekend?
Q. I was wondering if I was wrong for saying no to going away with his family for the weekend? I've been in a relationship for just over 2 and a half years and I truly love this guy however the last few months have been really rough...A week can't go ...
A. 10 December 2013: I think you have been wise and prudent . But I also think that if you have to fight all the time about stupid stuff, can't find a miidle ground or a way to get along , and have to be constantly given the silent treatment... well, what's ... (read in full...)
Big misunderstanding with almost-boyfriend leads to me being ignored. I don't know what this all means.
Q. I met M several weeks ago through a friend. We hit it off and a few days after having met him, we were pretty inseparable. Despite the 10-year age difference (I'm 25, he's 35), we seemed to get along really well. He works as a restaurant manager, ...
A. 10 December 2013: Sorry, but I think it is already over. You texted him FOUR times and he never answered.... have you ever heard that saying " Who does not deny, confirms " ( or something like that ? ) You told him " I cannot be with someone who does not respect ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is lousy and now I find he's been using a lot of porn
Q. Dear Cupid, I’m a bit messed up and confused at the moment, so I am hoping to get some answers/help. My partner and I have been together 3 years and were planning to marry next year. We had sex about twice a week when we first met, and I wa...
A. 10 December 2013: It's natural that you think his porn watching habits affect negatively his sex drive, that's what I'd instantly think too, at least I am no expert but, to me, 70 porn videos a day sounds like a full blown porn addiction !
Although, the prob... (read in full...)
Broke up with bf... do men actually have feelings?
Q. Okay, I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, a few days ago. I changed all numbers and blocked/deleted him from everything and went NC to the best of my ability. We broke up like this 10 months ago and after 3 weeks he found a way back in and we ...
A. 10 December 2013: It depends. I mean, of course men have feelings, of course they feel hurt they feel sad and lonely and wistful and everything, they are human.
They are just better than us women ( in fact. that SOME woman ) to make sure that " the rela... (read in full...)
I was expecting another chance for us
Q. I have been hanging out with my ex boyfriend this past month, after being broken up for about 5 months. Yes we are sleeping together, hanging out, acting like a couple. But he tells me today that he is not ready to get back into a relationship. He ...
A. 10 December 2013: I think that he is leaving his optiona open and shopping around for a new gf. In the meantime , old reliable available convenient you will do just fine.... (read in full...)
Is my case of retroactive jealousy completely irrational?
Q. Hello. Ok, here it goes, I'll try to short down everything. I have relatively enough relationship experience in my past. Never had such RJ, even if it was the girl I fell for, and even if there was larger number of partners. Now it will...
A. 10 December 2013: You have got to be kidding, Op . You are riddled by obsessive, frequent ( does not need to be 24/7) IRRATIONAL ( she gave a BJ to a stranger at 17, that means fatally she is going to cheat on me any chance she's got- where's the logic in that ? ) ... (read in full...)
I just don't feel the love anymore.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. Three of those months were spent doing long distance. I'm a freshman in university and he's a senior in high school. At first, we were okay, we were making it work. But recently we've been ...
A. 10 December 2013: You " tried " ? ... When you get out of home in the morning, you don't " try " to open the door, you put your hand on the handleand push,voila, done. You just have to do it, not to try. Same as you don't need to try leaving someone - you make up ... (read in full...)
Do some people never move on?
Q. Hi everyone, just wantedd to know is it possible to never move on from a relationship or does everyone move on eventually? What are your thoughts and experiences?...
A. 9 December 2013: "Never " is a looong time, I don't think that I know anybody who really got stuck forever in the aftermath of a failed relationship. But I know people who has got stuck for a long time, a few years maybe. They all though were people who refused to ... (read in full...)
I've got it all and done it all, so what next!
Q. I am faced with a strange dilemma. I am 31 years old, I made all my childhood dreams come true already, I am recently divorced, have no kids because I never wanted them, men fall all over me, I have a healthy lifestyle, steady job, car, a cat, I am ...
A. 9 December 2013: There's a book titled " I could do anything if I only knew what it is " by Barbara Sher. Subtitle : " How to discover what you really want and how to get it ".
Who knows, you may find, if not inspiarion, some suggestions in it...
There's ... (read in full...)
How to be not intimidated around this younger manager at work? Everyone else loves her.
Q. How to be less intimidated or worry less about this person? I work with a much younger manager (early 20's) who is very good at her job, kind, nice to most, regarded as "sweet" by almost everyone, and is well liked, especially by the other manage...
A. 9 December 2013: OP, it's not that I want to be " nasty ", but- you have to help me understand what is actually the problem. I remember you having posted before about work situations - and tbh I still fail to see what is it exactly that bothers you.
You are a go... (read in full...)
I had a drunken one night stand when my fiance broke up with me!
Q. I have woken up feeling awful. I just need to vent. 3 months ago I was a normal , happy girl , engaged to my lovely partner, we had our problems but doesn't everyone. A classy, professional , quiet girl, but always laughed and smiled. We had ...
A. 9 December 2013: Uh, disgusting.. selfish... what big words.
You have been just dumb, OP ( said motherly, affectionately and with a smile ). Because " comfort " sex is a dumb idea- as you did not know before, but you know now having tried first hand. If you ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my housemate that his girlfriend cheated on him?
Q. Basically, I haven't known my housemate for a long time. Only about 3 months and he and his girlfriend have been together for about 7 months. This guy is a wonderful, decent and honest who absolutely adores her. Last night, I discovered from ...
A. 9 December 2013: You know OP, if I were you I'd change circle of friends. It's weird, there are so many important , exciting, interesting things going on in the world, and young people nowadays can be instantly connected to anything that's going on... they've got ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my housemate that his girlfriend cheated on him?
Q. Basically, I haven't known my housemate for a long time. Only about 3 months and he and his girlfriend have been together for about 7 months. This guy is a wonderful, decent and honest who absolutely adores her. Last night, I discovered from ...
A. 9 December 2013: No you should not say anything. Because you don't actually KNOW anything for sure, all you've got is hearsay and second hand gossip. Plus , the girl says nothing much happened and the guy says they slept together, you weren't there and you don't ... (read in full...)
He tried to stick me with the bill on our first meeting ...
Q. I met this guy who I thought really likes me. We exchanged phone numbers, and few days later he offered to meet. So we go for a walk in one of the cool areas of the city, and we walk and walk, walk and walk, talk and around 2 p.m. I felt naut...
A. 9 December 2013: Sorry, I meant " 20 euros... about 3 DAYS of groceries "... (read in full...)
He tried to stick me with the bill on our first meeting ...
Q. I met this guy who I thought really likes me. We exchanged phone numbers, and few days later he offered to meet. So we go for a walk in one of the cool areas of the city, and we walk and walk, walk and walk, talk and around 2 p.m. I felt naut...
A. 9 December 2013: To the 9th decenber anon who says some of us don't live in the same reality as she and the OP.
In that ,you may be right.
In my reality, people who work hard over 40 hours a week just to get by and pay bills, food , rent etc... are, unluckil... (read in full...)
Is my case of retroactive jealousy completely irrational?
Q. Hello. Ok, here it goes, I'll try to short down everything. I have relatively enough relationship experience in my past. Never had such RJ, even if it was the girl I fell for, and even if there was larger number of partners. Now it will...
A. 9 December 2013: I could not agree more with YouWish . If we have to accept as a premise ( as you seem to be doing ) that sex SHOULD necessarily be meaningful, emotionally connected, carefully selected and not just recreational .... ( btw, not saying that 's a bad ... (read in full...)
I just don't feel the love anymore.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. Three of those months were spent doing long distance. I'm a freshman in university and he's a senior in high school. At first, we were okay, we were making it work. But recently we've been ...
A. 9 December 2013: Honey,this is not working and you know it, I guess.
Six months should be the height of honeymoon and mutual enthrallment, and you have already spend half of these months bickering and arguing. It means that between you there's infatuation but no c... (read in full...)
Seven months full on flirting, and now he has just disappeared!
Q. This guy has been flirting with me for 7 months now, he is a nurse at the place where my gram lives. All his coworkers know he likes me they watch him watching me, my relatives know he likes me he would always ask them about me.months of talking, ...
A. 9 December 2013: He just wasn't THAT into you. In fact, for all you know, he might already be dating someone else. One thing is flirting on the job- for lots of people is a way to relieve stress and monotony and make work hours seem shorter, another actually ... (read in full...)
Which is more important in a partner: being physically attractive, or being good in bed?
Q. I have a general question for everyone. Do you prefer a partner who is good looking but boring in bed, or a partner who is average looking but good in bed?...
A. 8 December 2013: I would not know , I never had a partner who was not good looking IN MY EYES . Which does not mean they were all actually handsome , at least by fashion magazine or fitness magazine standards. Just that ,personally, I saw them as physically ... (read in full...)
He said he loved me while he was drunk, then took it back after sobering up!
Q. Been seeing a guy since August. Told him a few weeks back that I loved him. He said he wasn't there yet, which is fine. Last weekend when we were both really drunk he told me he loved me numerous times. The next day once he had sobered up he said ...
A. 8 December 2013: I don't think you should give much value to anything a person says when drunk. There are so many affectionate effusive drunks ,people who get all sentimental only when, or mostly when , they are in their cups- probably the guy is among them. Always ... (read in full...)
He tried to stick me with the bill on our first meeting ...
Q. I met this guy who I thought really likes me. We exchanged phone numbers, and few days later he offered to meet. So we go for a walk in one of the cool areas of the city, and we walk and walk, walk and walk, talk and around 2 p.m. I felt naut...
A. 7 December 2013: I am inclined too to think that probably it was not just a misunderstanding. The guy tried his luck- unsuccessfully. Supposing that you had said something like " Why don't we go to grab a bite ? ", which could be misconstrued as an invitation, ... (read in full...)
We broke up but she won't move out
Q. There's a woman who I've been in a relationship with for over a year and a half- and we've broken up in September of this year. She currently lives with me- though I want her out because we're not getting along at this point. This is primarily ...
A. 7 December 2013: Sigh... yes OP it sounds like you have your hands quite full with this ex partner/ roommate.
The bright side of this is ... you are in NY, as in NewYork City ? ( not just New Yorl State ). In NYC there are several organizations which provide pro ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty that I broke up with my boyfriend so close to Christmas!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, yesterday. He'd been emotionally abandoning me for quite some time and we'd been having problems the last few months that we couldn't get past. I told him time and time again that I wouldn't keep "waiting" ...
A. 7 December 2013: You have no reason to feel guilty, I remember your story, you had already given him plenty of " warning ", you had told him time and again which the issues were, and that you weren't happy, and what to do to fix things. He never did, at least not ... (read in full...)
Does pubic hair go grey?
Q. General query: I've been wondering what happens to the colour of pubic hair as you age? My concern is I like to keep things neat and trimmed down there, so when it grows back every couple of weeks I give it another trim. However, what happens whe...
A. 6 December 2013: Why do you think that if you stop trimming it your pubic haor won't go gray ?!
Do you also think that if you never cut your head's hair and let it goow knee length , it will never become gray ?...
Yes, pubic hair becomes gray . And if you stop tri... (read in full...)
We broke up but she won't move out
Q. There's a woman who I've been in a relationship with for over a year and a half- and we've broken up in September of this year. She currently lives with me- though I want her out because we're not getting along at this point. This is primarily ...
A. 6 December 2013: I think that you need specific legal advice from a professional more than the general words of support we coul
d provide.
But , if I were you, I'd just stiff upper lip and try to brace myself for JUST 6 more rough months. For some reason, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend to be with me and now I am having a hard time trusting him!
Q. Hello. How do you learn to trust someone? My boyfriend cheated on a girlfriend to be with me. He left her for me. Now we are a couple. We have been for about 6 months. He claims how much he cares about me and treats me well over all. Spea...
A. 5 December 2013: I like posters like you, OP. When they don't hear from us what they want to hear... they answer themselves their own question. Talk about being proactive.
Anyway, I don't think that we need to rediscover hot water by stating that not all chea... (read in full...)
Why is it that nice guys don't finish at all?
Q. Why is it that it used to be that nice guys finished last. But it seems like now nice guys don't finish last, they don't finish at all, and are prevented to do so? I'm really just looking for girls answers....
A. 5 December 2013: Yours is a very wide, vague generalizion and I think every Aunt on this site could pipe up " not true, I have personally met X number of nice guys who ended up in pole position ". But, let's take it as a factual truth and say that nice guys do ... (read in full...)
My guy friend acted liked a jealous boyfriend and now he won't speak to me!
Q. I had a really good guy friend who started out a perfect gentleman and he made it abundantly clear our relationship was strictly platonic, so it seemed. After a while he started to become jealous and possessive. Every time he'd hear me commenti...
A. 5 December 2013: You know, reading your question , and other similar questions, I just had a flash of insight:)- half of the questions on DC, or more, would have no more reason to be asked, if the posters gave up the effort to decode unsettling, unpleasant ... (read in full...)
I managed to get out of a toxic, abusive relationship but now my ex wants me back...
Q. I had been in a relationship for two years. From the moment we met our love was very passionate and intense. However, are fights were also very intense. From my opinion it appeared to me that he had a very bad temper. When we would get in fights he ...
A. 4 December 2013: The first person who should not want to see this relationship restart should be you !
OP, are you serious ? do you really think that in the generous offer of an open relationship , kept secret to the world, with an hysterical, ill tempered guy ... (read in full...)
I still love this man. So be nice. But we've been separated 3 years. We have adult children. Yet he tells his Gfs that he can't divorce, due to our children. What's he playing at?
Q. We've been separated for 3 years! He is telling his so called girlfriend he hasn't sought a divorce because of our kids. Our kids are adults!! I don't think he doesn't want to divorce me, I caught him cheating, I was devastated he begged...
A. 4 December 2013: Probably it's not that he does not want to divorce you, it's more than he does not want to marry his current Gf or the next ones. If he is still legally married , his excuse for eskewing , at his age, some solid comittment is his marital status. If ... (read in full...)
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