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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My friend gets out of prison in 7 weeks and wants me in his life
Q. Help! I am very very confused I have a friend and he's in prison. He has been there for me in the past and I consider him a very good friend and a special person although he has done some major wrong things in his life. We have given each other su...
A. 26 December 2013: I agree with Serpico.
Have you ever thought that if he never used you BEFORE, it's because it was before jail and things were better for him ? He did not need to use you for sex- he did not WANT to, he got it from other women. ())Even now he is p... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 26 December 2013: It's easier than you think . You just decide you'll do X because you know it's the right thing , and you stick to it . Even if it may cause you , or others, psychological discomfort - you decide, and stay true to your decision.
So, you deci... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 25 December 2013: No, it does not make you look like a weirdo, it makes you look like a person who has changed her mind, or like a girl who does not want to flirt with married men.
Both very normal things. ... (read in full...)
My friend gets out of prison in 7 weeks and wants me in his life
Q. Help! I am very very confused I have a friend and he's in prison. He has been there for me in the past and I consider him a very good friend and a special person although he has done some major wrong things in his life. We have given each other su...
A. 25 December 2013: He wants from you what all people in jail want ! : a distraction from the mind numbing routine of prison life, a break from social isolation, someone who'd still give him the time of the day- and more- after he has done some major wrong things ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated on me years ago and my parents worry about my future with him
Q. I'm 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Our relationship was great until I knew he lied and cheat from me several times. That's about 2 years ago and since then I'm become a negative person and always worrying too much. However, I kno...
A. 25 December 2013: Of course your parents are worried and you should be worried too. Not so much about the bakery- who says that you MUST work in the family business ? Is that a prerequisite for your marriage - will he only marry you if you accept to work in the ... (read in full...)
A thank you to the aunts and uncles...
Q. Ok so not a question, but I just wanted to wish everyone here at DC a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I've had some great advice from you all this year and I know so many others have too - the time and effort you all put in really is ...
A. 25 December 2013: Thanks OP and Happy Holidays to you too !... (read in full...)
In a troubled relationship, and my boyfriend's mother is making things worse!
Q. My Boyfriend and I have been together just over a year and a half. We're both young professionals, independent and fairly busy in our lives. Our relationship has never been perfect, though we both fight through determined to be together. He ...
A. 25 December 2013: But why exactly are you two " determined to stay together " if you fight all the time ? Sheer stubborness ?...
It can't be the joy you get out of this.
You are arguing frequently, he is a stick in the mud, compatibility is low, sex life not... (read in full...)
Should I take two years off from my studies to pursue my dream of becoming an actor?
Q. Hey everyone, I am 24 years old and I have lived in a small city all my life due to which I couldn't pursue my dream to become an actor!education is a must so I dint want to quit studies and run after my dream so here I am,done with my studies ...
A. 25 December 2013: Sure, why not ? You are young , you haven't really started out in life yet, it's not like you are leaving a steady job or a family with kids behind you. You have completed your education, so if things do not pan out, you've got your degree to fall ... (read in full...)
Why do girls seem to prefer, and date, the guys who are cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types?
Q. Why oh why do girls prefer the cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types? Is it because they assume their children together will be born with a lightning bolt in their hands? Girls have done pretty skewed ways of finding guys thinking that they are bett...
A. 24 December 2013: Well, no wonder the bf hates you. He may be a pervert sadistic brute, .. but perhaps he is not totally stupid and he perceives that there's some guy who is sniffing around HIS gf under the pretense of an innocuous " friendship ", thereby ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting to this text message that went wrong?
Q. Okay aunts and uncles, I really need help with a text message gone really wrong. Here is a layout of our relationship okay. He lives 4 hours away. We met one time before but we were not alone together remember that. He is coming down to spend a ...
A. 24 December 2013: Yes, it definitely sounds like it was a text for another woman. Are you really surprised ? I doubt he can have been living for the last 6 years just with the confort and company .. of that one visit to you. You are not a couple yet, and apparently ... (read in full...)
Why do girls seem to prefer, and date, the guys who are cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types?
Q. Why oh why do girls prefer the cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types? Is it because they assume their children together will be born with a lightning bolt in their hands? Girls have done pretty skewed ways of finding guys thinking that they are bett...
A. 24 December 2013: If you are tempted to tell her " ..Why the hell haven't we gone on a date yet ? " then just do it. Tell her !
If you are the type who's always tempted to do and say things and then never does or syas them- then, OP, you may be a nice guy but you ... (read in full...)
He's recently gotten married but started contacting me again
Q. Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken. ...
A. 23 December 2013: Or maybe he has contacted some other girl from his little black book, got it on with her and got his fill of extramarital sex for the week.
OP, don't play dumb, you know what he wants, and you know you should not have accepted his friend's requ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend informed me he'll be spending New Year's Eve with his friends and their wives
Q. We have been dating for ten months, we had a fight last week that I was mad at him for not doing much with me. So we make up and have a great weekend together and I ask him what we are doing for new years and he said he is going out with his frie...
A. 23 December 2013: It is inconsiderated but have you thought where this lack of consideretion comes from ? it sounds like there's an imbalance here, he is your priority and your first choice of company to spend an important holiday with- while you for him are one ... (read in full...)
Do others have weird turn ons like mine?
Q. This is a strange question but is it weird that I get turned on by guitar solos? Or really anyone who knows how to play guitar very well..And also do you have any weird turn ons that will make me feel a bit more normal about mine? lol....
A. 23 December 2013: But that's not weird at all ! Apparently , it is a turn on shared by approx. 28% of women, according to two studies conducted one in France by Universite' de Bretagne and the other in Israel by Tel Aviv University.
It would add evidence to the ... (read in full...)
I wanted to celebrate, but he got drunk and fell asleep!
Q. It was mine and my boyfriend's second anniversary today ( the anniversary of our relationship, we aren't married ). He has Bipolar Disorder, and he sometimes drinks a lot. I was upset this morning , as I hadn't had a message from him saying happy ...
A. 22 December 2013: No, you should not be mad, you should be worried. He has Bipolar Disorder- unmedicated/ untreated I guess, since you say he's hyper and loud. And he drinks so much that he falls asleep during the day in mid conversation.
I'd think you have more... (read in full...)
I promised my girlfriend to never kiss or do anything sexual with her or masturbate, any comments?
Q. I have no idea what to do or dont do. I made a few promises to my girlfriend and two of them are to never do anything sexual to her (including kissing) and never masterbate. Since my girlfriend thinks sex is gross and painful, I respected her ...
A. 22 December 2013: That is ridicolous. At 16 , some girls are wary / afraid at the idea of sex- and that is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it will keep them out of trouble untile their body/mind/emotions will have matured and be ready, but your gf's case is ... (read in full...)
Change of heart or just looking for sex?
Q. I was involved with someone casually for a few months and he finished it. But recently he got in contact again to ask how I was. I finished the conversation by making it clear I did not want to stay in contact. My question is how can i be sure I ...
A. 21 December 2013: No, I don't think you were too cynical.
If you were only involved casually for a few months.. and you never made it to something more than "involved casually ".. plus he was the one to break up, I think that what he may be wanting is more of t... (read in full...)
Has anyone used a 'safe' option to reclaim self-esteem and then dumped 'safe' for 'hot'?
Q. Hello, Have any of you ladies on here suffered with some depression, low self esteem and insecurities to the point that while seeing a hot man, you can't enjoy it for the endless worrying that he will dump you for someone better? So, you end up d...
A. 20 December 2013: Heck no !
First, how on earth dating someone that I think of as an unattractive loser that no other woman would want, is going to fix my insexurities or low self esteem ? In fact, it would make me feel like I am scraping the bottom of the barr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is afraid of getting me pregnant so he wont have sex with me, what to do?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together for four months now, and he barely has sex with me anymore, nowadays most of the time when we're having sex it starts with me practically raping him. I had a fear of getting pregnant, but when I found my ...
A. 20 December 2013: If I were your boyfriend I'd be afraid too ! I'd be terrorized. What kind of reasoning is " whatever happens happens " ?! Maybe, he does not want it to happen NOW. Maybe he has not got enough money to support a child, maybe he is too young to be a ... (read in full...)
Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home?
Q. Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home? I have a small wooden sign hanging up in my hallway saying "Please remove your shoes," and am wondering if this may appear rude. I wouldn't throw a tantrum ...
A. 19 December 2013: I guess it depends from where you live and the local habits. Where I live , yes it would be rude, mobody does unless they have to protect a bizantine mosaic or something. Then again in USA,for instance,it is a very common policy, to the point that ... (read in full...)
Would you romantically date a co worker even if it was against employer policy?
Q. I work at a school where most of the teachers are female and many are single. As a single male I'm attracted to a few of them but I never show interest or do or say anything to alert them to my interest. 1 of these teachers has invited me to her h...
A. 19 December 2013: Well, in theory not. If you do get found out, and punished or fired - then for some reason your love story goes bust , as it is far from ompossible, then you have jeopardized or lost your job.. and are also without the girl, so it was for nothing. ... (read in full...)
He seems to have pulled back -- what can I do to fix the relationship?
Q. I made an account on linked-in few months ago. This guy added me. And we started talking. He asked for my Whatsapp. And at first I did not give him my whats app number, but then, after few weeks, I asked him to message me. So, we started messaging. ...
A. 19 December 2013: It sounds like you did not pass the brothers' test with flying colours, after all... Since he was so obsessed with you impressing his brothers ... and then he distanced himself after the fateful meeting....
I don't even understand why you woul... (read in full...)
What do women in particular think of a guy who's 30 and never had a girlfriend?
Q. Anyway, I want to hear some opinions. Guys are welcome to comment, but I think that girls may be able to offer me some valuable insight as to what exactly my problem is, and whether or not anything can be done about it. I've always been rath...
A. 19 December 2013: Honestly ? If I read a profile of a guy that has never had, forget a r/ship, but a date in 30 years, yeah, I would think there's something wrong with him. Not wrong like being a weirdo or a monster or anything, mind you, but wrong in his level of ... (read in full...)
I'm disappointed my boyfriend's thoughtless Christmas gift to me!
Q. I accidentally stumbled across the Christmas gift my boyfriend got me (it was addressed to me). It was a very wide, hot pink watch with a heart-shaped face, from a mid-range brand. I'm a little confused, because we have been together for 1 year and ...
A. 18 December 2013: Pink heart shaped watch...? Sounds cute . Send it to me :)
You are disappointed because you assume that your bf would be hanging to your words any time you say Oh I like this oh I dislike that. He probably wasn't- maybe he did not pay atte... (read in full...)
I feel so used -- he dropped me as soon as we slept together
Q. Hello, I understand this is probably a trivial and common question, but it is really getting me down as this has never happened to me before. I met this guy and we got talking, we had a in depth conversation and he was really sweet. We changed ...
A. 18 December 2013: Yeah, rookie mistake :)
You text a bit with some guy, you go out with him on a date where you had this great connection for, what ? like tow hours, ? three? - then the very next date is...at his place. I wonder why - what he might want from you,... (read in full...)
Do you think he is "into me" beyond just the physical aspect?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half now, and we became intimate right away. At first I thought that, perhaps, I'd goofed and "gave it up" too soon, therefore ruining all chances of a real relationship, but this guy has continued ...
A. 18 December 2013: I have to disagree with your therapist. If you tell him " You know, I don't have sex with people I am not in a relationship with " he can answer you " But you just DID ".
Actions speak louder than words, as usual.
If really you don't want to have ... (read in full...)
Marriage being damaged by wife's male friend who has now stayed for more than 2 months
Q. I have been married for 2 years, I am 41 and my wife is 30. We have always been amazing together, and I thought we were happy. We recently started trying for kids, which was her idea, as I was never going to push her until she was ready. She has ...
A. 17 December 2013: So your wife says that it is not a big deal if he stays... ? It is kind of a big deal ,though. If nothing else because under the UK Immigration laws ,KNOWINGLY harboring an illegal immigrant carries the sanction of a fine up to £ 5000 or jail up ... (read in full...)
History with two older men, but right now I want neither of them
Q. I am currently depressed and honestly, I deserve it. I created an incredible mess. I was 18 when I met 33yr old "Jack" and though I didn't mean for it to happen, he became my first lover but he wanted to commitment. I was hurt but stuck by because I ...
A. 17 December 2013: If you want neither of them, have neither of them. Tell them to leave you alone. Tell them to get lost. Don't worry about being cruel !, you can't be mean to yourself in order to be nice to them. " Cruel ", then- it is an exaggeration. They are ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my friends but don't want to lose the chance of getting my ex back either!
Q. Hi Everyone, I have had a pretty rough year, And now I'm in an even more messed up situation. Back at the start of the year i resigned from a job i hated doing to pursue some study and get into a real job i enjoy (Which i can now say has h...
A. 17 December 2013: Wow, your ex's middle name should be Entitled ! Not only she left you in a heartbeat to have " fun " and " new relationships " , she also expects that you should have kept yourself chaste, pure, and asocial for the duration, ... just in case she ... (read in full...)
Why does this get to me so much?
Q. I'm worried and don't know who to turn to for help. I am in love with a lovely, caring sensitive man. I think the world of him, he is everything I dreamed of yet there are these insistent doubts. I have suffered many abusive relationships, survived...
A. 16 December 2013: He sounds pretty normal to me... as a matter of fact, he sounds like a standard average American,is he from the States :?)
Just kidding, USA Aunts and Uncles, just kidding !
He may be perhaps a creature of habit, a bit uptight, set in his ways... (read in full...)
He wants to go "no contact" after our breakup but the pain is unbearable for me
Q. hello, I need some advise. I am in the in the mids of breaking up with my bf with whom I am with for 4 years. Is there anyone there who could help me lessen the pain a bit? I have read everywhere that the no contact rule should be applied but I do...
A. 16 December 2013: Aren't you being a bit selfish in your grief ?
He asked you to let him be and stop contacting him. You disobey, he is not strong enough to just ignore you so he answers back.. and that's not good for you or for HIM. It makes him cry. It make... (read in full...)
Friend acted out and hasn't apologized. Should I get her a Christmas gift anyway?
Q. On the 27th of November my friend tagged me in a status saying Nickelback was "f***ing awesome" and because I was tagged in it, my gran saw it and commented on it saying that the swearing is disgusting and that its not needed. My friend responded in ...
A. 16 December 2013: Tempest in a teapot.
And, while I understand, in fact commend, your reaction as a devoted granddaughter... Granny had it SO coming.
Sure, it's a public social network and Granny has the " right " to post her opinions. But , being an unsolici... (read in full...)
Do I make a big stink or just quietly end things with this guy?
Q. I've been seeing this guy kind of on and off for five months. We've both discussed that we do not want a relationship with each other, but enjoy each other's company and are attracted to each other. I told him that I loved him as a friend, because I ...
A. 16 December 2013: I guess he is signalling that he does not want to take on more boyfriend-like duties than it's strictly necessary, and that you expect more boyfriend -like behaviours than he feels it's reasonable.
He is fine with the situation : casual, rela... (read in full...)
I talked her into coming to the same school and I'm afraid it's backfired
Q. My issue is that I'm afraid talking my friend Ally (not real name) into coming to the same college with me was a bad idea. I've had her as a friend since my high school days, and when I graduated she still had one year left. So while I enjoyed my ...
A. 16 December 2013: Now, now OP : I never said " awful ", that's a word that I reserve to much bigger wrongdoings than yours...
I just think that you sound too... etero-directed is the word ? ( or maybe , I am just making it up ). I mean, you count too much on peop... (read in full...)
I talked her into coming to the same school and I'm afraid it's backfired
Q. My issue is that I'm afraid talking my friend Ally (not real name) into coming to the same college with me was a bad idea. I've had her as a friend since my high school days, and when I graduated she still had one year left. So while I enjoyed my ...
A. 15 December 2013: Well, I am afraid it DOES sound rather petty when it is put on paper.
Ally did not enroll in your college to keep you company, she did to pursue her education AND to live her college life and have fun as she thinks best. You knew she is more outg... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of divorcing my wife because she isn't pretty enough
Q. I will be as honest as I can, so i can have some honest responses.I need some suggestion from people who are on the same shoes or from anyone. I have been married for 3 years. I am 26 and my wife is 24. In my opinion i think my wife looks 6/10....
A. 15 December 2013: Excuse me , OP, but... how do YOU look ? How much would you be rated on a scale of 1 to 10 ?...
I am not trying to be mean here, just thinking that, if you never have succeeded in getting yourself a pretty lady, well maybe you aren't Brad Pitt... (read in full...)
Is it okay to date someone who teaches at my college?
Q. Okay I'm currently 17 and turning18 in about 2 months, about April last year I was seeing this guy who was 21 but cause we were both busy we sorta drifted apart, he recently started to speaking to me again and were getting on really well, only thing ...
A. 14 December 2013: I don't know about your school, because there always are exceptions to any rule, but in general relationships between teachers and students are against school policy for ethical reasons, it has got nothing to do with legal age. It's the same ... (read in full...)
Do you think she knows my intention? What should I do now?
Q. Hello guys, There is this girl in my class that I like and I've developed the courage to walk up to her one day and talk to her. The first time I spoke to her I made small talk with her about the class we are in together. The second time time...
A. 14 December 2013: Responded to what ? You texted her your NAME, what is she supposed to answer to that, her middle name ? her surname ?
Actually you want HER to take the initiative and , basically, text you first, but - she won't have it. Maybe she is shy, mayb... (read in full...)
I'm about to break up with my B/f and I feel nothing during sex..no physical or emotional connection. Does this mean that sex is all about how you feel for that person?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles. I am in the process of leaving a 3 year relationship,it been tough,and volitile,but I.m finding it a bit difficult to let go of the last bit. It.s literally on it.s last legs. My question is this. The last few times I had sex ...
A. 14 December 2013: It's not all about feelings, then again ,alas, human sexuality is not a mechanical engine, you push here, press there, switch on this and off that, and the machine does its job , punctually like clockwork. . ( I say " alas " because life would be ... (read in full...)
I feel I'm at my emotional limit with this relationship
Q. I need some help and advice with a relatively new relationship I'm in. The relationship started out complicated but that in itself is a very long story so I'm hoping I can escape going into that. Basically, we got together in September and ev...
A. 14 December 2013: This IS too much. When it leaves bruises and when you get physically restrained and grabbed by your neck it's too much, because it is physical abuse.
Which in a way makes things simpler and neater : you just leave him, regardless of hows... (read in full...)
Am I no longer a virgin?
Q. Hi I am in a new relationship. Yesterday my boyfriend and I had sex, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I didn't bleed and neither did my first time hurt. My question is my boyfriend inserted half of his cock inside me, does this mean I am n...
A. 14 December 2013: Yes, I guess I would say that :).
Good advice, Eyeswideopen.Half a cock is enough to make the hens hatch baby chicks. ... (read in full...)
At a crossroads, getting divorced, not a US citizen, with no friends or family in Europe
Q. I am in a process of a divorce and I am leaving to Europe. I was marriaged for 15 years to an american and now we decided to split up. I dont have anyone in the USA,only my husband´s friends and family which are not that much of my friends and ...
A. 14 December 2013: Appply for a re-entry permit before you leave.
Re-entry permits are for Green Card holders who know they may stay outside the USA for over one year . Under such circumstances USCIS can allow you to stay away for up to two years without losing your... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a girl whispers to her friend when you are around her ?
Q. What does it mean when a girl whispers to her friend when you are around her ? and?then when you look at her she laughs and smiles at me it happened to me I was talking to her female staff members at the gym this girls friend came in at the gym ...
A. 13 December 2013: I am tempted to say it means mainly she is very ill-mannered, you don't whisper in your friends'ears when there are other people right there ! if you are over 5 y.o., that is.
But,in the mellow season spirit, let's cut her some slack and focu... (read in full...)
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