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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I still love this man. So be nice. But we've been separated 3 years. We have adult children. Yet he tells his Gfs that he can't divorce, due to our children. What's he playing at?
Q. We've been separated for 3 years! He is telling his so called girlfriend he hasn't sought a divorce because of our kids. Our kids are adults!! I don't think he doesn't want to divorce me, I caught him cheating, I was devastated he begged...
A. 4 December 2013: Probably it's not that he does not want to divorce you, it's more than he does not want to marry his current Gf or the next ones. If he is still legally married , his excuse for eskewing , at his age, some solid comittment is his marital status. If ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid this woman might out of jealousy try to turn my tutor against me
Q. I'm almost finished a PhD programme and have to meet regularly as part of this with a particular group of people, led by a couple of tutors, to debate various issues. I love attending the group and I know that most people at college like and ...
A. 4 December 2013: I think you are way overthinking this.
If this woman likes your tutor romantically, she might feel threatened or in competition if your tutor showed to like you as a woman, not just as a student. As long as the tutor is apreciating your cont... (read in full...)
People tell me she's fake because she had a nose job
Q. So I've started dating this girl who is so beautiful, funny and one of the sweetest girls i've met she's so down to earth and adorably innocent but daring if you understand that. She told me the other day on our second date she's had a nose job, ...
A. 3 December 2013: Laugh them in their face and tell them they are being ridicolous. What, do they belong to a sect or something ? One which says that you can't ever change or improve your looks once you are out of puberty ?
Because by their line of thinking, if y... (read in full...)
Was my reaction to his bad judgement over the top?
Q. Hey there! My boyfriend and 8 others grew moustaches to raise money for charity last month. When he first mentioned this he talked about what style he might have. He said he may grow a hitler style. I come from a background where i grew up in ...
A. 3 December 2013: Ok, I am going to stick my neck out and volunteer for a bashing here : yes, I think your reaction was definitely over the top.
We may debate that your bf's " joke " was not in good taste- same as lots of " pub " humour is, crass and inno... (read in full...)
Nasty comment has caused devastation and despair.
Q. I am seeking advice for a close friend. She is from Latin America, moved to Canada a few years back so English is her second language. She is hoping to work in Health Care, she now has her masters and was asked this evening to do a presentation. ...
A. 3 December 2013: Slughtly different view here.
I.e. : not that I disagree with the other posters. That mean WAS rude, intolerant, mean spirited, his attack was unwarranted, " if you can't say anything nice don't say enything " etc. etc..
But, rather , or in ad... (read in full...)
Would a guy think it's weird that I have no relationship experience?
Q. Hello all, my question is would a guy think it's weird that I have no experience? To clarify I am talking to a guy and I really like him and he has asked about my previous relationships but I have never been in a relationship before so I just say ...
A. 2 December 2013: No, he will not think you are a weirdo. He may think that your total lack of dating experienec is unusual... because unusual , it is. But unusual does not mean a weirdo- kooky- loco- loony - sociopath :).
There are actually a lot of very norm... (read in full...)
I wanted to be his girlfriend, not his mother
Q. Hello and thank you for any responses in advance, I appreciate all honest opinions. 6 years ago I met a man in the Caribbean, he fell on love with me but I didn't feel the same way, however we became great friends. This year I fell in love with...
A. 2 December 2013: No you are not wrong. And you aren't even stuck up snobby or what not. You are just a sensible practical hardworking single mother of twokids, one alas with special needs, who knows that life is tough, money does not grow on trees, and if you ... (read in full...)
I found a lipstick in my partner's car and my gut feeling is telling me there's more to this. What do I do?
Q. I don't know what to make of this situation so hoping someone can give me some advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We've had a great relationship and friendship. This morning I found a lipstick in his car. I have no r...
A. 2 December 2013: Absolutely. There must be something else going on.
As if any woman could be dumb enough to not know if a lipstick is from a brand she never bought, or in a shade she never used ! He was buying time until he could come up with some other acce... (read in full...)
I'm 29. How can I have a grandfather in my life if my own have died? Am I asking too much? Or is there another way to fill this void?
Q. Hey guys, This is a question about a family relationship. I'm new to this site but I don't imagine it's ever been asked before. I know it sounds kinda crazy, but I need advice about this desire of mine. Is there any way to make my wish come tru...
A. 2 December 2013: No, I believe you. That's exactly what happened to writer Primo Levi ( 1919-1987 ). He was an Auschwitz survivor who described his experiences in the death camp in two books who won him, in Italy and Europe, fame, and huge critical and public ... (read in full...)
Made out with a coworker and he told people about it. Do I forgive him, avoid him, or resign?
Q. I don't know if I should forgive this guy named J. We sort of both liked each other, nothing official came from it and he ended up telling people we made out. That's not a lie but he promised he wouldn't kiss and tell considering we both voluntee...
A. 2 December 2013: Why would you have to resign , and stop offering a valuable service to your community, because of some personal silly stuff that in a few months everybody will have forgotten about ? You are a volunteer- it's not about YOU, it's about THEM; what you ... (read in full...)
Is my best friend flirting with me? She's married!
Q. I'm getting mixed signals from my very best friend. We work together and they live on site in an apartment. I'm not sure if she is flirting with me or if I am reading too much into it. She is married and in her late 50's, I'm a female as well and...
A. 1 December 2013: I think she's just got a boring husband... sad but true, there are a lot of marriages that , after many years together, have basically run out of fuel , people does not really know what to say to each other, how to intrigue, excite, or entertain ... (read in full...)
How do Atheist men date when most women are Christians or believers?
Q. Many women are believers or Christians etc. I'm not saying you can't date at all, that's absurd, all I'm trying to convey is that your dating pool is rather limited. Like at my college, most women seem to be believers. I know this because in ...
A. 1 December 2013: I guess it depends from where you live...
I , for instance, don't share your perceptions that many women are believers or Christians. Nominally, perhaps. Most people I know were regularly christened and everything, but , in practice, are unin... (read in full...)
We're not married but he put me on his life insurance. Is this a big deal?
Q. Just a simple question... my fiancee of 6 years has put me on his life insurance but we are not married. He keeps saying that no other man will do that to me and that im lucky to have him, he keep saying i wont find another man like him. But he...
A. 30 November 2013: ..If he is contemplating suicide, then he is cancelling any possible value or meaning that naming you as beneficiary of his life insurance policy might have had.
If he commits suicide, the insurance won't pay.
Sounds callous ? No more than his... (read in full...)
Sex life with fianceé is suffering. How important is sex to women in a relationship?
Q. I just want to know how important sex is to women in a relationship, and also if it is important to them to maintain a healthy relationship. My fiance and I just got engaged a few weeks ago and we've been together for a year and a half. The first ...
A. 30 November 2013: A permanent UTI infection sounds like some big serious deal, is she currently under treatment for that ? Did they tell you is she can expect healing , and when ?...
Sex life is very important to some women, somewhat less to others. But if havi... (read in full...)
Is he exaggerating or could a 15 year old really mean it?
Q. How serious is a fifteen year old boy when he says he would marry you in a heartbeat and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? We are really close friends so he knows what I am truly like and all my flaws and I don't know whether he ...
A. 30 November 2013: He is very serious NOW. He thinks he means it NOW, - same as he thinks that he wants to become a rock icon, or a Hollywood star. In 2 months, or 2 weeks, or 2 days he will have changed his mind and will swear his forever lasting loyalty to ... (read in full...)
My ex says he has no feelings for me but gets upset when I don't return his calls
Q. Hello everyone, so my ex broke up with me a couple of months ago and a lot of stuff had happened since then but recently he said it was best we didn't see each other for a while as we both need to move on etc. To cut a long story short, he has since ...
A. 29 November 2013: Stop keeping contacts with him ! how is he really be an ex, and how are you going to move on, of you keep being in each other pocket's and having tiffs etc. as if you were still dating ?1
why do you even care why he does or says something ? You ... (read in full...)
I feel like I am not part of my boyfriend's life. What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been dating a guy for around 6 months. During this time we have seen each other at weekends and once during the week. To begin with this was fine, but now I am starting to feel this relationship is stalling. We have a great sex...
A. 29 November 2013: I guess it's a matter of points of view ... personally I would have been very happy of NOT having been invited to move boxes around and lift heavy objects, not my idea of a romantic date ,lol !, and very glad to see that he does not see us ... (read in full...)
Why am I meeting so many black men who freeload off women?
Q. I am a recently divorced white woman who has been dating black men for about a year and a half. Why am I meeting so many black men who freeload off women? Now mind you, not all of them are. But the ones that do.... Not only do they have no shame in ...
A. 29 November 2013: I don't know many black people, then again I have known tons of freeloaders and wannabe freeloaders of any ethnicity , and I must say that whites were egregiously represented in the category !
So I think that yours is a very wide , and supe... (read in full...)
Should I sleep with my ex casually?
Q. My Ex, who I have not seen in about 7 years, recently invited me over to have a drink. He asked me if I wanted to have sex. I was shocked as he married since our breakup but apparently is splitting up. I told him I was looking for a relationship, ...
A. 28 November 2013: Heck no !
First, he is still married, for all intents and purposes, you only have his word that he is splitting up and , you know, people will bend the truth if that helps them to get a desired result. Like getting laid.
Second, you say you ... (read in full...)
Am I right to let go because of cultural and religious differences?
Q. I need some advise regarding a coming break-up that I am going to face. My bf and I have been together since 2010, starting off as friends. We both know we will not end together eventually as he is a Muslim and I am a Christian. At one point he ...
A. 28 November 2013: I don't know if this is going to make things better or worse, but I think that your ex was playing with a rigged deck since the beginning
Muslims CAN marry Christian or Jewish women without them having to convert. Conversion is welcome of cour... (read in full...)
I have an unhealthy relationship with both of my parents. How can I deal with this?
Q. Hey all, I've been dealing with this problem for a very long time and I would like some advice. This is going to be really long but I'm in desperate need for advice asap. Thank you all. I am 18 years old and my parents have been divorced since I...
A. 28 November 2013: Of course you are hurt, dear child. You've got every reason of being hurt- because you actually have been badly hurt.
I think what may compound your hurt is ... expectations.
We all grow up with this assumptions ( in part coming from our own basi... (read in full...)
Is this possible in this day and age for a guy to concentrate on one woman and be sexually obsessed with her? Because I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me...
Q. I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me... My ex boyfriend was a porn addict who told me I couldn't be a model as I'm just an ordinary person. These words haunt me, he's made me believe I'm a lesser. It's let to me having...
A. 27 November 2013: Ronald Reagan?... Oops. Memory lapse.
Still goes to show ,anyway, that being obsessed is not a good thing. ... (read in full...)
Is this possible in this day and age for a guy to concentrate on one woman and be sexually obsessed with her? Because I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me...
Q. I'd like the idea of someone being sexually obsessed with me... My ex boyfriend was a porn addict who told me I couldn't be a model as I'm just an ordinary person. These words haunt me, he's made me believe I'm a lesser. It's let to me having...
A. 27 November 2013: No that he would not have been happy with you being obseesed, even if you had looked like a model !
Being obsessed is a mental / behavioural disturbance, it does not pertain to the sphere of an healthy, happy, mutually fulfilling rela... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 27 November 2013: Thanks Treekeegirl for the clarification. Then.. it ain't THAT terrroble , is it ? Your fiance' says you are stressing out, but frankly, HE sounds like the one who's stressing out ( unnnecessarily ) about it.
I mean, NOW you don't have a plac... (read in full...)
Boyfiend Won't Spend Christmas with Me
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months now. We're very close, get along great, and he's met my family (extended family included) and seemed to like all of them. However, last week I asked him of he had plans for Christmas. He said no ...
A. 26 November 2013: No, I don't think you should. First of all, if he celebrated Xmas I doubt he would be spending it with you. The unwritten but prevailing rule ( with exceptions, of course ! ) is that Xmas is to be with family- birth family. So ,many , perhaps most, ... (read in full...)
1st date with this guy giving me mixed signals
Q. Hiya! Recently went on a date with a guy last Saturday via online dating. We had a good flow of conversation on the site, not obssessive, then we exchanged numbers. The date was great, I could tell he was a bit nervous but once he saw me I could t...
A. 26 November 2013: My take is slightly different. It does not really matter IMO if he is a bit shy, or confident, or something in between. The fact is, let's not forget it, you met him on a dating site. So, 99% of probabilities that he is seeing other candidates, ... (read in full...)
Is my B/f looking for his ideal woman? Or does he just see women with long platinum blond hair as some sort of porn object?
Q. If my boyfriend sees a woman with platinum blond hair, he just goes into a sort of trance-like state and fixates on her. The woman often is just average-looking, but because her hair is long and platinum blond, he just gets stirred inside. Why is ...
A. 26 November 2013: I know this is a very lame answer , but ... maybe he just likes long platonum blonde hair . He finds it attractive.
Which does not mean that he wants to marry- or date or even just shag a platinum blonde, and / or that his requirement for marr... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 26 November 2013: @Trekeegirl the OP's fiancee' : pustting aside for a sec the debate over epilepsy and the pill, which is very interesting but not really what this question was about.... you are in position to shed some light on the situation, if you don't ... (read in full...)
We know the relationship will end, so why would he take some of what time we have left for travel?
Q. My boyfriend is here as an exchange student. From the beginning, he made sure, that what he can certainly give is this one semester. After that, he has no idea what will happen. There was a chance he might stay here for internship, he might go to ...
A. 25 November 2013: To look at things in the harsh light of reality and not through the rose tinted glasses of romance / infatuation.
The reason he is taking some time to travel is PRECISELY because your relationship had an expiry date and no future. I mean, how ... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 25 November 2013: Do you mean that your fiancee' HAS already moved in with you and your parents ? Or is she going to do it in the next future ?...
Either way,- what's the problem then ? Maybe I am missing or misunderstanding something, but if she is already at your... (read in full...)
He just broke up with me and I don't think he gave any thought to my feelings
Q. Hello everyone. I hope you are alright. So I Had this situation where, my close cousins that grew up with me(almost like my brothers cause I call their mom "mom" too since mine died 13 y.a and she is my mother's sister). Obviously they have a cousin ...
A. 25 November 2013: Yeah well, temptation; the forbidden fruit:)- I think that's also why he always came back. If he got into his head that you are blood relatives ( again, if you have no common ancestor, and I don't mean Adam:)- you are not ) that must have added the ... (read in full...)
He just broke up with me and I don't think he gave any thought to my feelings
Q. Hello everyone. I hope you are alright. So I Had this situation where, my close cousins that grew up with me(almost like my brothers cause I call their mom "mom" too since mine died 13 y.a and she is my mother's sister). Obviously they have a cousin ...
A. 25 November 2013: You have to think.. that in future you have first think and then leap. You have to know what you want and where you want something to go, before ven starting.
If you want a relationship, or an official bf, you don't go around making out or touc... (read in full...)
Tiny sand-like scabs in my bed after sleeping with a guy...what is it?
Q. I've been sleeping with this guy for a while, and tonight he came over to visit me before he goes on a trip for 6 weeks. So we slept together. But after he left, I noticed my bed was full of what looked like sand at first. I picked up one of the ...
A. 25 November 2013: It might be Morgellons Disease.
Let me tell you straight away that Morgellons is a very controversial disease, insofar half of the doctors do not even believe it's a disease, they call it " delusional parassitosis ", I.e. they consider it a ment... (read in full...)
We're having some problems in the bedroom and I'm afraid it's my fault
Q. Hello! I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months now, I was a virgin before him so I'm kind of lost regarding sex issues. The problem is he has problems getting an erection or sometimes he loses it half way through sex. He says it never ...
A. 25 November 2013: Just a thought... what about his masturbation/porn watching habits ? We get so many letters here where,lo and behold, it turns out that the problem is just that- that's almost uncanny. It's like entire countries are being swept up by a wanking ... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 24 November 2013: It seems to me that the only thing you could and should do is to convince the daughter, not the mom, that you two need to live together.
SHE ( the daughter ) is the one who's staying put. While, since she is over 30, and not a child, and since she ... (read in full...)
Should I stay at the job I'm at or try to get a job at the place I really want to work at after I get my degree?
Q. This isnt so much a relationship question, but more of a question thats definitely going to help my life out business wisr. Here is my dilemma. My man is a manager at WalMart, and I want to pursue the same thing. Please dont tell me hos my goals ar...
A. 24 November 2013: There's nothing wrong with Walmart ? :) Well well well, I am afraid that a lot of people ( not necessarily left wing activists - say, the UN reasearch commissions over exploitation of child labor ? ) would not agree with that,at all . Read ... (read in full...)
Booty call or blow off ?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about a month now and I have met one of his friends, but the other night he went to dinner with a large group of friends after a football game { which is fine } but he didn't invite me. It kinda hurt my feelings but I ...
A. 24 November 2013: I see it like llifton. Why should he have necessaryly invited you to dinner with his friends ? Maybe it was a boys only night. Maybe they were all work colleagues, or ex college classmates , stuff like that. Maybe the other people weren't bringing ... (read in full...)
He pushed me away but now he's behaving like the scorned lover
Q. Hi So I posted a few weeks ago about breaking up with my boyfriend. He was acting distant, not making much effort then decided to ignore me when i tried to talk to him about it so i ended it. Unfortunately we have to work together and he is ...
A. 23 November 2013: It figures. If he was not that bothered and he would not do effort to stay in touch timely before, when he was getting sex and money from you , imagine now. He could not care less.
That spills over in the work area too. You say that if he had ... (read in full...)
Why is fiancee's mother so against us living together?
Q. Due to my circumstances to save money for a wedding. Her mother doesn't care if we make it or not. Is that fair? My fiancée is afraid to come out of her room to be around her mom. Because her mother caresses her face behind her back like a baby. My ...
A. 23 November 2013: I agree with SVC. Her mother may have her own reasons for not wanting your gf to live with you before marriage, we don't know these reasons , the most we can do is to try and guess , and what's the point ? If you want to know for sure, you- or ... (read in full...)
How do I move on after a divorce which husband cheated and got married so quickly?
Q. I had been married 17 years when my (now ex) husband notified me of his intention to file for divorce through a solicitors email while I was overseas for a week. We had been having a bad time and I had tolerated emotional and some physical abuse ...
A. 23 November 2013: You move on by discovering the power of gratitude . You thank heartily your God, or your guardian angel, or just your lucky star, that a very very lucky twist of fate has done for you something that you haven't been able to do for yourself even if ... (read in full...)
I'm shy, and he's way friendlier than I'd like
Q. I guess I just want an opinion on my actions. Basically there's a teacher at my college who is extremely friendly. But sometimes it's just too much. Once he learns your name he will try to say "Hi" whenever he sees you. His department is in...
A. 22 November 2013: .. It does not sound "over " friendly to me. I think he is just being polite. He is, or was, your teacher after all, and- particularly in an American college where, from what I have seen, teachers know personally and not just by sight most of ... (read in full...)
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