A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so embarrassed, but I have been very sexually frustrated lately (21, virgin) and have unfortunately watched a bit of porn lately. I have only watched it like 5 times in my life, but I was raised that it is wrong (and I totally agree it is) and I always feel sick and gross afterwards. I feel awful about doing it, but sometimes the curiosity and frustration is hard to ignore. What can I do to feel better or stop this? Porn isn't realistic and I hope I am not desensitized by watching it those few times.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): You are curious so do not beat yourself up over watching porn or being interested as to what goes on. But i believe you know that women do not crave gang bangs and sexual brutality like on line porn indicates. Also most women do not wax their whole body and do not have a stitch of hair on their bodies, and this goes the same for men. Bottom line here is that porn is pushing self gratification or lust as normal activities. Reality is another chapter though. I am old fashioned that sex between two people who are in a loving relationship is the best kind of sex to have. Good-luck..
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 There's nothing wrong with being curious, in fact it's to be expected as your body and mind mature and your sexuality continues to develop. Watching porn involving consenting adults a handful of times doesn't make you a bad person. You're not in a relationship, so you have no partner to potentially upset or offend with the porn use, which is the primary "problem" that porn seems to cause in people's lives.I have a healthy sex drive and a boyfriend I don't get to see all that often. Guess what? I watch porn a few times a month. He knows about it and he doesn't mind, and I'm not up at night thinking I'm a bad person for watching it. It doesn't bother me at all, actually. I watch a video and I'm thinking of him and I doing that... there's no intention at all to be unfaithful. If anything it has made me a better and more adventurous partner in the bedroom. Sorry if this is TMI - the point that I'm trying to make is that not all porn use is going to ruin your perception of sex or your ability to have healthy and loving relationships.Obviously not everyone who uses porn does so in a way that is healthy or responsible. There are people, usually men, who do literally manage to rewire their brains through very heavy porn use to a point where they actually prefer the porn to real sex with a real woman. However it's pretty clear from your post that you are not addicted to porn; your use of it isn't going to desensitize you to anything if you're using it on an infrequent and intermittent basis. The ONLY down side I see to *you personally* using porn is that you have no experience with actual sex yet, and if your only impressions of sex come from porn you may wind up with a somewhat distorted idea of what "real" sex is going to be like. Most porn is aimed more at men and doesn't really focus on what the woman in the video enjoys or is feeling. Your first time will be (and should be) nothing like a porn film.In conclusion: I don't think the porn use you describe is at all abnormal or unhealthy, but if it really bothers you and goes against your values then using porn may not be worth the quick thrill it provides. That's a decision only you can make, but in the meantime, try not to beat yourself up about it.I hope this helps you. Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): it isn't that wrong if you're single and the stuff you're watching is legal.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 No, don't worry , 5 times can't have desensitized you. I must have seen about the same amount of porn in my entire life ( not a big fan, obviously, but some times you just want to go with other people's flow ) and I am still "sensitized" at my mature age . Imagine at your age, I guess it takes much ,much more to make you indifferent to real life sex.
As for porn being wrong- it's not important what we think or what your parents think, it's what you think that counts. And if you wholeheartedly agree that porn is bad in general and bad for you- then , well, just stay away from it.
Frustration and curiosity may make it hard to stay away from it. Same as some times it's very hard staying away from that extra slice of chocolate cake that will go right to your thighs, - or INCREDIBLY hard staying away from that " just one more " cigarette when you have quit smoking.
Not everything is easy in life , you know ? If people would always allow blind impulses to have the best,... we'd be even much worse off than we are now as a society. Probably nobody would go to work or accomplish anything useful, beautiful or important- everybody would just lay around drinkung, doing drugs, watching porn, and screwing their friend's sexy spouses. :)
Luckily, we can learn and develop self control- and learn to make better choices at the cost of a small ( or even big ) sacrifice.
Plus- you are a woman. You are lucky in that. Maybe it's not true that women are less visual than men- but it's true that they don't NEED any particular accessory or paraphernalia to get very turned on. All they need is their own brain- and some times not even that, just the mechanical action in the right points of pressure will bring the desired results :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): Don't feel shamed because you are just curious. You are young and maybe you want to be with someone which is normal. I too have watched porn and my family is religious so I always feel guilty about it. Maybe try to fill your life with other activities so you are not tempted to watch. Most of it is fake and those people have to present a certain image to those who watch. I just call it what it is extreme lust not love. The best kind of sex is between two people that are in a loving relationship.
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