A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just told my boyfriend it bothers me that he is constantly either on his computer, his iPad (which I bought him) or watching TV. And his answer was that he's like that because he's constantly seeking knowledge and that I'm basically asking him to choose between me and knowledge. And those 3 things are what he wants to do. He said that if we get to a middle ground, I'm going to keep asking for more. I feel like I'm in a never ending argument. Am I being unreasonable? For the record we only see each other weekends because we live an hour away from each other so he stays with me Fri-Sun. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carpe-Diem  +, writes (6 November 2013):
My response to this summed up in one word is 'WOW.' He is definitely taking the piss and pushing the boundaries with his 'super human thirst for knowledge.' This argument sounds EXACTLY like a re-enactment of a typical argument my ex and I would have. I would get annoyed at the lack of attentiotn, he would respond in a really unjustified way, but with such defence and conviction that you're questioning whether or not you are being completely unreasonable. All the while, he was secretly gloating that he had managed to get away with acting a jack ass. If you both live an hour away and have little quality time together as it its, why wouldn't he want to actively show you more affection and have one-on-one time. Why not save that need to spend so much time on his technology on the journey to see each other or during the week when he's on his own. There's a limit!This response was a lot longer than I intended it to be, but, in short, he sounds like an immature prat and you deserve better from the information you provided.Best of luck.
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (4 November 2013):
 'Hes constantly seeking knowledge'?! He's constantly taking the piss more like!! If you aren't happy do something about it, moaning about him won't achieve much...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 November 2013):
 Dear OP,
I lived 2 hours away from my boyfriend the first year we were together. We had only weekends together.. and during that time early on we both gave up computers, and individual pursuits… if we watched TV it was together… Once we moved in together and we had more room in the bigger house we tended to spend LESS time together but we made time daily for a connection with each other. It seems to me your BF does not WANT that connection with you.
I personally would let him find his knowledge… by himself at home ALONE. AND I would not take any calls or contact from him while he seeks his knowledge. He can decide if his thirst for knowledge is stronger than his desire to be with you (sadly I’m betting it is)
Even he knows it’s uneven since he’s referred to your request as “middle ground”. He’s saying he is NOT willing to compromise his lifestyle and his needs and wants to please you.
FWIW I love to read news sites, and watch educational tv and news shows all the time. I’m always actually truly seeking knowledge.. and interestingly enough my husband is learning to occasionally enjoy it too.. it was not his idea to watch CBS Sunday Morning.. so now I tape it and watch it and half the time he says “rewind that and let me see it again”….
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (4 November 2013):
 I have spent quite a bit of thought on this question. I'm not going to answer it the way the other aunts have. Their answers are correct. He has created a straw man argument to distract you from the real issue, and no it is not a valid argument. Poking holes in it, on the other hand, will not get us to the resolution of the problem.
You relationship has reached a crisis. You are not satisfied and he is defensive. There may be more. First to prevent further damage and possible injury you need a separation. Next you need an intervention. You probably will need a mediator.
Your relationship has a built in separation. So physically you are both safe until next Friday. I'm going to suggest that the intervention needs more time than that. By intervention I mean that you both need to sit down and think about what happened and why. You need to think until you stop throwing around accusations like "If I come to a middle ground you will want more" and, "he only does three things". When you stop having those destructive and probably untrue thoughts you can start thinking about why you are together and where you want it to go. Next you will need a mediator to filter out any resentment or hatefulness as you communicate your findings and goals to each other. If you find that you both want to continue the relationship then you will have some common ground to restart from.
This advice makes several assumptions. Due to my lack of further knowledge I may be wrong, but at a minimum it is safe advice. More history of the relationship would be helpful.
FA
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 You are not being unreasonable and he is being impolite. He can get his "knowledge" learning more about YOU, not everyone else. What he is saying is: you are not that interesting to him. So maybe you and him should not be together, since he isnt interested in knowing more about YOU.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 November 2013):
 ... Friday to Sunday ? And in 3 days he is always seeking knowledge, and can't bother to suspend his quest to give some attention and keep some company to his gf ? You have to beg him to spend SOME time with you, but he won't compromise because to him it's more important staying glued to that fantastic source of knowledge and enlightenment which is... TV ?
If I were you, I'd send him and his thrst for " knowledge " packing With an one way ticket , courtesy of the house, for some Tibetan buddhist monastery where ,who knows, perhaps he'd get even better knowledge than that imparted by YouTube or Fox News.
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