A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back until I truly felt I was in love with him too. We have our ups and downs but overall we have a very happy and fun relationship. I have had some really bad relationships in the past, including one where I was emotionally and sexually abused and cheated on so it was very hard for me to trust my current boyfriend but he has earned my trust. I feel guilty about this, and I won't ever do it again, but one day I looked through his phone and saw texts from a girl, and I looked through them. In them, she was flirting with him and he said "I'm not interested in you, I have a girlfriend" and when the girl asked if he would ever date her in the future, he said "No I love her and I think we will last a really long time" and then they never spoke again. I'm his first real girlfriend and his longest relationship, and I've had several relationships before him but I've never felt like this for anyone else, and he's the first one I really want a future with. Since he said he loved me so early, you would think he was just saying that to get in my pants, but that's not the case because we've been together for 6 months and we still haven't gotten sexual yet and he hasn't pressured me or tried anything.So my questions are, why did he say "I love you" so early? When do guys know they are in love? Thanks for your answers.
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female
reader, citadel  +, writes (1 November 2013):
When you've been hurt in other relationships and someone comes along and proves himself to you. It says to you, Finally I can relax, I'm loved! The red flags are. Too young to understand. Too early to really know the real you. Too heart broken over the past to choose wisely. But, in the meanwhile, there is room for growth though it will be difficult. A man who says "I love you" too early and most of us know what too early is. Is an insecure man. It is one of the top 10 of an abusive relationship. Sorry, hate to burst any bubbles of pleasure and validation. But those are common facts. Above all.. way way way too young to put your worth into anyones ideals of who the "THINK" you are or how they "THINK" they feel. The highest of caution is to be negated. the highest of personal self worth is to be observed.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 October 2013):
 He said it when he felt it... It can happen...
even if he only THOUGHT he meant it at 2 weeks.. if he's still saying it at 6 months by now I"m pretty sure he's 100% sure...
I think you have a great guy there and should stop looking for bad things...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 FA, we are glad too that it worked out for you :) At least, I am, I promise. Only, that it worked out for you ,it only shows that you were a lucky guy, kissed on his forehead by Cupid ( the one with the bow, not the Dear one )- not that you had any security that yes, IT was the real thing.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 October 2013):
 I give up.
I am glad that it worked out for me.
To Cindy: May I return the song lyric that this brings to me.
I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer, I'll admit
Each time I say, "Darling, I love you"
She tells me that I'm full of ...
Shaving cream
FA
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 You can genuinely feel love (or infatuation might be a better word) after 2 weeks, but as Cindy writes, that can quickly fade when you get to know the other person better. Doesn't mean the sentiment wasn't or isn't true, but it doesn't guarantee compatibility.
OP, he didn't say it to get in your pants in my opinion, and he's still with you after 6 months. Sounds like a genuine guy to me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 October 2013):
No, FA, I think the question wasn't if the guy was genuine, the question is why he said it so early :
Because he was young, inexperienced, enthusiastic and overexcited ,because his emotions were impulsive, unfiltered and ebullient , because it was his first relationship and he felt this way cool new sensation, lust with romance with butterflies in the stomach, and on the wave of it he said " I love you !". It amounts, more or less,to Wow ! Awesome, dude ! Amazing ! It rocks,!
Only this time, instead of saying it about a new smartphone or new videogame, - it was a girl.
So was he genuine ? Yes,absolutely- he said what he felt in the moment , when he felt it.
How did he know ?... he did not know at all !, how could he know, how could he be certain to love you after 2 weeks, i.e. without even knowing you ?!
Will he still love you when you have a bad case of PMS, when you disappoint him or challenge him, when you gain weight or get a bad haircut , when you insist for dragging him to dinner at your boring parents ? Will he still love you when his best friend comments you ain't no great shakes, or when some hot babe indicates that, well, she would not mind to have a piece of him ? Will he still love you when you start having sex and maybe it turns out that your sex drives and sex needs do not match instantly and it takes much patience and ingenuity to find a compromise..?
Paraphrasing an old song... " Will he still love you tomorrow " ?
In your case, hopefully yes. 6 months, so far so good. Probably his love has already gone through some tests , probably NOW he does love you because he does know you ,warts and all. But when he said it , it was not love, and he could not KNOW it was love.
I agree that , imo, there's a lot of people just throwing the L world around, just for the heck of it. I admit in part is a cultural thing, in my main language " ti amo " is something very serious, even solemn, while Americans LOVE girls and also LOVE a brand of beer , or LOVE a TV show, or LOVE their little nephews. It's a veritable love feast.
Maybe nothing wrong with that, after all is much better throwing around Iloveyous than Ihateyous. But, that one can be SURE he /she loves a person after a mere two weeks - no, I am just unable to believe it. Their hormons love you, their skin loves you, their romantic fantasies love you. But it can't be real if you don't actually really know the person well.
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A
male
reader, Overlay +, writes (30 October 2013):
I agree that it's possible (especially for those younger or less mature) to throw the word "love" around with no real appreciation of its full meaning, but I also believe that lasting love is fundamentally a matter of conscious choice (rather than just pure emotion) that can potentially be made at any age. When I was dating, I was in a situation where I had to move every couple years in connection with my job, and I thus did not have unlimited time to allow a relationship to slowly evolve. Also, it appeared to me that simply taking more time was not by itself an indicator or guarantee of permanence. (Nothing seemed more nonsensical to me than couples who could date each other for years, and yet still not be able to decide whether the other person was "the one".) More than one woman to whom I said, "I love you," asked me, "How can you be sure?" My answer was, "Because I choose to be." Unfortunately, that response apparently wasn't "romantic" enough in every case except one (twenty-seven years and two children ago).
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 October 2013):
I'm not sure why I keep coming back to this.
The question is not whether or not I am a pleaser. The question is is this guy genuine.
He has proven by his actions over the course of 6 months that not only is he in love, he is also faithful and not immature. What more can a girl ask for? Put your worries aside he is the real thing.
FA
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 October 2013):
A lot of people care about everybody's happiness above their own, they're called people pleasers. That doesn't mean they love everyone.
To your question:
Some people say "I love you" as soon as they feel anything. I like to wait until I really know someone, because it makes it more special, but the truth is, there's not an easy answer to the question.
But I definitely feel that in order to truly love someone you really do need to know them, otherwise you're just throwing the word around.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 October 2013):
Over the time that I have been involved in relationship advice I have seen many definitions of love. The definition I have chosen for my self is when another persons happiness is more important than your own then it is love. Trust and knowledge are not required to feel this. Perhaps it is time to find out what his definition of love is.
FA
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A
female
reader, Ladyhopeful +, writes (30 October 2013):
I disagree with fatherlyadvice.
I am not denying he may have strong feelings for you. But to love someone you have to know them inside and out...meaning knowing them along time. To say it only after 2 weeks is too soon, and very unlikely that he LOVES you.
I do think that he likes you alot from your post though, don't give up on the relationship....its just love is built up over time and trust.
Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 October 2013):
Nice story.
To answer your questions:
When do guys know they are in love? There is no schedule it's different every time. When the emotions are right they just are.
Why did he say "I love you" so early? Your guy is a straight shooter he believes in telling it like it is, no playing games. The text was good evidence of that.
At one point in my life I got very frustrated with all of the games and decided that the very next time I got interested in a girl I was going to let her know how I felt as soon as I felt it. Before the first date I told he that I thought I would be in love with her very soon. It worked out pretty good for me too.
FA
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A
male
reader, Makar  +, writes (30 October 2013):
 Well, he is just a good guy, yep. And he loves you as well.
I actually only started the relationship, when I felt I was in love with my female friend. But very early after that I could say "I love you" and it makes sense.
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