A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if I should continue being "friends" with my ex. My hopes is of course to get back together. We dated only 3 months, he broke up with me due to still not over his ex who left him for another man. Said he was not ready for a relationship and I think he still loved her. We went no contact for 3 months, he reaches out to me apologizing for all that happened, how sorry he was and went on to say how great, beautiful, sexy, fun, ect. he thinks I am and asked to be a part of my life again. We live 2 hours apart so I don't see him often and we talk some and text here and there. He was one of the best guys I ever dated and I really fell for him. He chased and pursued me heavily during our courtship only to freak out and bail as it got more intense. We have a ton of chemistry so I don't see us ever being platonic friends. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to keep this so called friendship with him but then another part of me feels like I should cut all contact. He def. sends me mixed messages at times and I find myself overanalyzing things to death. I know he cares for me and likes me or he would not have reached out to me again BUT I just don't know what to do. I am dating others, so I am not waiting on him....but he is in the back of my mind. It is almost like he keeps popping up so I will not forget about him. What are your thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): Thank you for your answers. I am def. going to go no contact.
A
male
reader, deerhunter +, writes (7 November 2013):
As a guy, I can tell you unequivocally that what this guy THINKS he wants is not the same as he ACTUALLY wants.
He has convinced himself that he made a mistake by dumping you. Now it's true that sometimes breakups don't always have to stick, especially if it was done during an arguement or out of frustration. We've probably all been there before.
But he clearly thought about this as he weighed out his feelings between you and someone else. That's not an impulsive, gee-I-wish-I-didn't-say-that kind of thing that couples often are able to take back. Rather, that's a pre-meditated well-considered conclusion for which he HAD to know there was finality. Getting dumped for someone else, at least to me, is point of no return.
So he THINKS he made a mistake and has convinced himself of that since he dumped you. But what I suspect actually is going on is that the other girl turned him down, and now he's scared to be alone. He still does not ACTUALLY want to be a couple with you or else he'd say so (like Cindy cares said below). He is stringing you along with this half assed repproachment until he achieves FWB with you, a different girlfriend, or worse...you guys get back together. Why worse? Because he will do this again and again.
I'd resume no contact. Don't over-idealize this guy, and find someone more mature.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2013):
 I think you know what to do, it's just you don't want to do it :)
You know that there is too much chemistry for you to stay platonic friends - so, you won't stay platonic friends. What will you be then ? Most probably, FWB. Not bf / gf again ? No, I don't think so. Life is not SO complicated, if he had wanted you back as his partner, he would have just said : look, I made a big mistake, I want you back, give me another chance.
He would not be dillydallying with this " friendship " thing , which si not really " friendship ", do you call sexy and beautiful your male platonic friends ? I bet you don't, and if you do , unless it's in all out, unmistakable hahaha jest , - you are very wrong, because you are giving them mixed signals, throwing the rock then hiding the hand, exactly as you ex is doing.
So- do you want to have something just casual with him ? You are an adult, you can choose that- if you can handle it.
Do you want a committed relationship ? Then make it very clear, and tell him that if he is not interested, fine, he can let you be and no hard feelings, but no need for him beating around the bush and for you wasting time in something that's not what you want.
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