A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello I found out after being on a relationship for 3 years that my boyfriend has lied about his age by 4 years. When I confronted him he didn't even bother to give an explanation. Which has made matters worse. I'm questioning if he has told other lies also. I'm 6 years older than him which isn't alot. I don't understand his need to be dishonest about his age. I feel like this is a major red flag.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (16 April 2024):
 I agree with the other aunts here, its a big red flag. If he can lie about this then what else is he going to lie about.
Trust is the most important part of a relationship, without trust a relationship is doomed to fail.
If you feel the trust barrier has been broken and you will now be worrying about what else he is going to lie about then you need to walk away, delete, block, simple.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (16 April 2024):
 It makes you wonder if he lied about his age, did he lie about other things and if so what did he lie about? The fact that he didn't even try to explain is very worrisome. Bottom line is can you trust him? I doubt if I would. This would be a deal breaker for me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2024):
 Well, I agree it IS a major red flag. Here is why I think it's a red flag.
Like you said the AGE isn't the issue, the fact that he LIED is the issue.
Because WHAT ELSE relevant or irrelevant is he lying about?
"When I confronted him he didn't even bother to give an explanation. Which has made matters worse."
Well, yes.
That is another flag, if you will. Guess what he is going to do whenever you (eventually) find out other lies?
He is going to ignore you and not "bother". He might BE embarrassed that YOU remember his lie, but then he should just OWN up. How hard is that?!
" I don't understand his need to be dishonest about his age. "
It's NOT about his age. It about him thinking LYING to his partner is OK. Now I can get that he lied himself a little older (perhaps) when you initially met. Because it made him felt more "manly" (maybe) more "established" (maybe), a "better catch" (maybe). But ONCE you two started to be serious about dating, he should have at SOME point!!! remembered that he lied. I would think. And corrected his age. If you have been together 3!!!! years how did he not TELL you on his birthdays?! You made him a cake with YAY happy 28th Birthday or on his birthday card, and he could have corrected you, right there.
HE CHOSE not to.
It's such a weird think to lie about. And KEEP lying about.
You need to let him know why this bothers you so much. That he OWED you an explanation, because he does. It breaks down the TRUST you have in him, because how can you now TRUST that he isn't going to keep lying about stuff, that he hasn't lied about OTHER things too?
While it IS a somewhat "harmless" lie - not owning up to it is not harmless.
Does he lie (have you caught other lies) about other things? Big or small?
You have to decide with yourself is this is OK or not. And let him know what you think about this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2024): In a nutshell, it is a big red flag.
If he lied at the beginning for whatever reason, once he got to know you he should have told you the truth. I can understand that he could have messed up. But this is more than that. Who knows what else he's hiding, or lying about.
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