A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Not really a question but just an odd situation i found myself in…?My friend invited me to join her and her 11 years old daughter to a trip to the zoo.Her daughter really wanted to do an animal encounter but it was ridiculously expensive so my friend told her she couldn’t afford it. The week or so leading up to it my friend kept mentioning this to me - I think she was hinting I offer to pay or maybe pay half so she could do it but I didn’t offer as I can’t really afford it. I sympathized with my friend and suggested her daughter save up her pocket money and do it on another occasion. My friend agreed and nothing more was said. Yesterday we went to the zoo- everything started off really well- we were having a nice time but then I noticed that as the day was going on her daughter was becoming more miserable and less engaging. On the way home I was trying to make conversation with her daughter but was getting one word answers… I had no idea what was going on.Later that evening I texted my friend asking if her daughter was ok.My friend responded that her daughter thought I was going to surprise her with the animal encounter so was upset when I didn’t. I asked my friend why she would have thought that as I in no way hinted I would get it for her and my friend responded that she assumed I would because on another occasion (a few years back) when we went out together I had surprised her with something that she wanted. Of course this shocked me a little and my friend assured me not to worry and that she had told her not to expect me to get her it but apparently her daughter was expecting this. I admit, in the past I’ve spoilt her but things have changed for me financially now (which my friend is aware of). I think my friend could have tried to convince her a bit more as it’s just going to be awkward next time we meet and i don’t want her daughter to think that each time I will get her what she wants.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2023): I agree with previous posters and there's just one thing I'd like to add: be very VERY careful with this friend.
You say that before, when you had the means, you spoilt your friend's daughter. Sorry to be this blunt, but no real friend would allow you to do that, unless they too were not in the financial position to do the same.
She was using you.
And her daughter has learned from her mother. Young as she pay be, let this not surprise you, she understood what is expected from you.
Yiour friend didn't make an effort to deal with this because she wants you to feel guilty and to "do better" next time.
You need to nip this in the bud. If the only reason they like you and are cordial to you is your money... well, you saw how the girl acted when you ran out of it.
As a sidenote, this doesn't have to be money. SOme people use other poeple for different reasons, and money is only one of them. They seek attention, support, connections... whatever. It's up to you to set the boundaries.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (1 August 2023):
 Wow I don't know if I would call the woman a friend. She set you up and now you look like the bad guy. I think I'd be backing away from this friendship. How horrible to do this to you and her daughter. Who knows wht she told her daughter! I think I would let this woman know that you absolutely do not appreciate being put in that situation and then just cut her off. Friends don't do this kind of thing!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 July 2023):
 Honestly, your friend set you up.
SHE should have told her daughter that the "special event" wasn't going to happen because SHE can't afford and she asked you, and YOU can't afford it either.
Her daughter being disappointed is NOT your fault, it is 100% her MOM's fault!
Personally, if this is how her daughter acts around you I'd limit time spend around this kid.
My guess is that YOU got invited on the Zoo trip to MAKE that "special event" happen. So "MOM" wouldn't be the "bad guy" for telling her no.
Your friend is an idiot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2023): I don't know what your own family situation is but I do know this. Your friend has a cheek. This little girl is her daughter, she is her responsibility not yours. If you wish to buy he things that is your choice but not an obligation. You must make it crystal clear that you cannot afford to buy this girl things - and also that you are not obliged to.
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