A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this guy at the end of November 2023. On our second date, he asked me about my dating history and he proceeded to tell him his. He told me he still talks daily to his most recent ex and that she is always asking him to get back together (she moved to another country which is why it didn't work out). I didn't think much of it but the other day, a friend of his posted a picture of all of us and he told me "my ex just asked me if i'm seeing you! She saw the picture someone else posted" and I felt super bothered by it but didn't say anything.That same day, he told me wanted to be transparent with me. He said he is seeing another woman and wanted to make sure I knew (they've been going out for 4 months now). I thought it was weird that he told me (I was assuming he was seeing other people anyway since we had just been on two dates so far) but sort of appreciated the honesty.Anyway, he's been showing signs of really wanting something serious ever since. We see each other about once a week and he constantly sends me flowers. He has also started calling me "my love" and other pet names. The other day, while I was sleeping, I was woken up to him kissing my back and tell me "i love you soooooo much" (he hasn't said it to my face). I pretended to continue sleeping and just thought maybe he was a bit tipsy and got caught up in the moment or something.Another key thing to point out is that he used to be super active posting stories on Instagram before we started seeing each other (we met at an event two months before but he never asked me out until November) but hasn't posted ANYTHING since. My friends (and I do too...) think he hid them from me because he may be hiding something.Anyway, I've definitely caught feelings but something just feels "off".I asked him if he is still seeing the other woman a week ago to see where things are going and he said he is. I asked him when he last saw her last and he said Saturday (he never sees me on weekends, just Tuesdays, Wednesdays and the odd Thursday).I don't know.... something feels off to me? I may be overthinking things but I feel that he is either seeing her seriously and I'm the other woman OR he just wants to keep seeing us both without deciding.Thoughts?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 January 2024):
 You are getting these "feelings" (we call them intuition) because you know something is off about him.
Are you OK to be part of a harem? Get STI's from other women through him?
Do you have so little self-respect?
He sounds like a dick.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (24 January 2024):
 Call it your womans intuition, if something inside you is telling you that something feels off then there is a good chance it is.
Its important to read the red flags, and he is certainly displaying quite a few of these.
The question is could you actually see yourself is a long term serious relationship with him, and trust him?.
I suspect not, i think to save yourself from future upset and heartache I would erase him from your life.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 January 2024):
 MY gut instinct is that he is actually married and pretending to his wife/SO that he works away during the week, when he pops round to see you. Telling you about "dating the other woman" gives him an alibi.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2024): He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I mean, at the end of the day, it's up to you on what kind of relationship you want. He is honest in telling you that he wants to see both you and the other woman. Would you be willing to accept an open relationship or would you prefer exclusivity? Him telling you he loves you or other sweet words mean nothing. A man who truly loves a woman or who is truly interested in a woman would show it with actions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2024): Why would you continue seeing someone once you learned that he has one more woman in his life? It really is irrelevant who's "the other woman" and if she herself knows or not.
He's leading you along. He's giving you crumbs, so that you can build a whole story in your head how "he wants something more" and keep playing his game.
I doubt that he'd "love you sooooo much" if you told him that if he didn't stop seeing that other woman, you'd walk.
Also, there's one more thing. He's making you believe that it's all your responsibility - being with someone who has someone else. It's 50/50. You cannot change things for everyone, but you have agency over your life. Don't waste your life on him.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (22 January 2024):
 He at least is honest that he is dating someone else. Its hard to say what his true intentions are. Do you like him enough to hang around and wait to see? Or do you want to be the only one he dates? It would be easy for me. I don't want to be a man's "well maybe.." I'd end things. There are too many men in the world to settle on one who wants his cake and to eat it to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2024): There's not much to think about, I guess. He is seeing the other woman on weekends , and you on Tuesday or Wednesdays. Generally speaking, weekends are for the official SO , but , regardless of who's more "important ", I'd say that most probably he is dating both , and I don't think he is going to choose - he does not have to !
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