A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend asked me for space and time after we had a misunderstanding and it’s been a month now of no contact. When I see him at public events he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking but he makes no effort to come talk to me and doesn’t approach me. It already feels like a breakup because we don’t keep in touch at all. He just randomly sent me a text at 3 in the morning a week ago telling me to take care of and be kind to myself and that was it. I don’t even know where we stand. I feel lost because he’s not saying whether he wants to end thjngs but it looks that way so I don’t know if I should take the step and end things so that I can move on. I feel I really need some closure and I have no idea how long he plans to keep this up. He turned quite cold before all of this so even though I tried to be nice and fix things it didn’t work out so then I decided to leave him alone. Now I’m not sure what to do and this is annoying me.
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a break, move on, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2023): "If this is how he handles misunderstandings and/or disagreements WHAT is the point of dating him?"
The above quote ought to be the quintessential key to putting you well on your way to finding true closure, aka the kind that comes from within yourself.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (18 July 2023):
 I would say its over and he wasn't man enough to come right and tell you. Block him, delete him whatever you need to do. You deserve better. Don't spend too much time thinking about him. He isn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2023):
 I would presume if a BF treated me THAT way, that it was over. I'd block him and pack up all his stuff, drop it off at his house or a friend of his (even better), and work through the feelings of the breakup.
Needing space isn't the same as ignoring you for a month.
He literally DUMPED you in the most cowardly manner. By calling it a "break" and needing "space".
If this is how he handles misunderstandings and/or disagreements WHAT is the point of dating him? Is he going to run off EVERY time?
And you are supposed to just "sit on the shelf" and wait for him to come back and "date" you again?
Do you really think that is realistic? That it's OK?
You can't fix this guy. You can't be whomever it is HE wants you to be and he apparently can't treat you with respect.
Mentally wish him well, pack his shit up, give it back, and LET it go!
And next time you date someone, date a guy who can HANDLE disagreement without running away or without using the "silent treatment" or just plain "ignoring you".
Next time you see him in public look right through him like you don't know who he is.
Don't waste your time of that guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2023): When it walks like a duck , looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it’s a duck lol.
To answer your question if you should ask him: of course if that’s what you want ! I would definitely say something but that’s me . More wiser me wouldn’t say anything and just forget him .
I would ask him very straightforward why he is staring at me and never comes and talks to me. If he starts mumbling something again about him
Needing his time I would say : your time is over buddy. I am moving on and I would appreciate if you stopped staring at me because it’s plain weird .
Trust me on this .. you will gain your power again and will feel much better .
With that said I don’t see how he did anything wrong . He needs his time that’s fine. He is entitled to say and do whatever he wants.
It’s up to you now how to handle it. You have a choice of waiting and may be he will come back , if you want .. or just have this last talk with him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (17 July 2023):
 "Closure" is grossly over-rated. Make your own closure by deciding, right here, right now, that it's over, because it is. Don't get drawn into contacting him to "finish" with him. He didn't have the backbone to end things properly and cleanly. He's not worth your effort.
Head up, girl. You are worth better.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 July 2023):
 I am sorry to say but i feel that this relationship is well and truly over.
You have seen him at public events and he make no effort to talk to you or even approach you, this in itself says it all really.
The 3am text i would imagine was a drunk text after a night out, but he only said take care and be kind to yourself. Looking into that text its basically saying its over and he has moved on.
You need to accept this relationship is over and move on. Delete him off of everything you have and don't even contemplate contacting him. Time is the healer of all things and we will get over this.
Forget him and move on to the next chapter of your life.
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